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    • Lostformoney
    • By Lostformoney 25th Feb 17, 2:00 AM
    • 13Posts
    • 2Thanks
    Lostformoney
    Can't afford to stay in a relationship
    • #1
    • 25th Feb 17, 2:00 AM
    Can't afford to stay in a relationship 25th Feb 17 at 2:00 AM
    This is a long post so please bare with me. I'd also like to point out I suffer anxiety and depression, please be kind as I am under immense pressure.

    Basically....I cannot afford to stay in a relationship with my partner due to benefit cuts and I need help.

    I used to get higher care and mobility DLA. This paid for my home help to keep me living at home and helped me get around, I also had a Motability car. During assesment for PIP I was awarded standard for mobility and care. I lost my Motability car, because of that I was left unable to get my kids to school, unable to get to doctors or hospital appointments. I also lost my homehelp, the situation became terrible as with my partner away often with work - I had no support and social work are over run and unable to see me anytime soon.

    I spoke to a benefits advisor and they realised the mobility side of PIP was wrong and appealed to get this fixed. By the time this happened I'd used the transitional package to pay for my home help and taxis, the rest I put towards finance deposit for a car that could fit my family, but I can't drive as it doesn't have my adaptations - I therefore couldn't get a mobility car. The care assesment is correct, but under the PIP system, I don't get enough points to cover the costs of my care needs.

    Because care has went down I have been told I am no longer eligible for certain tax credits benefits and to top it off, tax credits have been overpaid as a result.

    To this end, what is coming in from OHs wage and my benefits isn't even covering the basics. We live in a wheelchair accessible home and the rent is just over half my partners wage, council tax has been reduced due to disability but it's due to go up for everyone, the cost of where we live is high but due to OH work we have no option, we are tied into phone/broadband contracts from when we were financially stable and can't reduce or get out of them. We get tax credits, but due to my PIP care being reduced, unbeknown to me I stopped being eligible for a disabled element and I've been told we have been overpaid and the amounts will stop until next year then be significantly reduced.

    We have just worked out that because of all of this, we are in the negative of over £600 a month now and that's without my homehelp. We will have absolutely nothing left over for savings or car repairs.

    CAB looked at our income and explained we are not entitled to anymore help and tax credits have said no to Paying back over payments in smaller amounts. The bottom line is, we can't afford to be in a relationship together.

    We have just worked out our only current options are to split up (because our system says I'll get all sorts of benefits!), go homeless or wait for the debt collectors when we don't pay anything.

    Can anyone come up with some ideas?

    We can't switch providers due to the special meter & boiler we have
    We can't move as there are no suitable properties for cheaper
    We are paying the minimum to our debts that we can
    We can't get out our phone and broadband contracts
    I am very good with food budget, I normally cook most things from scratch when I can (though this is less now I don't have home help)
    We do not socialise or do anything now we could cut back on :-(
    We have tried selling things to make up the gap but we have ran out
    As our daughter is two weeks old, I can't go to work but even if I could, I need my home help to help me get kids to nursery to go

    Any suggestions would be gratefully welcomed and again, please be kind and consider the mental health issues I suffer from
Page 2
    • Lostformoney
    • By Lostformoney 25th Feb 17, 7:57 PM
    • 13 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Lostformoney
    The only costs left is council tax, rent (which is almost half his income due to requiring a wheelchair adapted home), electricity, mobiles and internet (which we are stuck into contract with and rely on living rurally) school lunches/taxis and food
    • Lostformoney
    • By Lostformoney 25th Feb 17, 8:03 PM
    • 13 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Lostformoney
    They wouldn't be living without a father, their parents just wouldn't be in a relationship anymore, they would still see him of course - I wouldn't cut their relationship with him
    • w06
    • By w06 25th Feb 17, 8:10 PM
    • 267 Posts
    • 385 Thanks
    w06
    I don't understand how you'd be better off seperated, you'd then have all of the child care, two lots of rent and utilities and only a fraction of their dad's income.

    It doesn't add up.

    2K plus 400 ish PIP is a decent income, it sounds as though it's budgeting that's needed
    • Bogalot
    • By Bogalot 25th Feb 17, 8:22 PM
    • 1,000 Posts
    • 2,575 Thanks
    Bogalot
    They wouldn't be living without a father, their parents just wouldn't be in a relationship anymore, they would still see him of course - I wouldn't cut their relationship with him
    Originally posted by Lostformoney
    So you'll be a full time parent, as well as trying to manage your disability, and he'll pop in once or twice a week.

    Please think about your other options before going down this path. It's not healthy for you or for the children, added to which there is always the possibility that the DWP etc will refuse your single claim.
    • catz1ct
    • By catz1ct 25th Feb 17, 9:04 PM
    • 732 Posts
    • 453 Thanks
    catz1ct
    I would take the advice and post a statement of affairs.

    • Ames
    • By Ames 25th Feb 17, 9:17 PM
    • 16,170 Posts
    • 28,214 Thanks
    Ames



    What's a statement of affairs? Yes we pay the minimum, other than the car finance and wheelchair & equipment finance (they get taken away if in arrears)
    Originally posted by Lostformoney
    A statement of affairs (SOA) is a full budget, a breakdown of income and outgoings. If you post on the debt free wannabe board here they people there will be able to see if you can cut your outgoings any more, or suggest ways of rejigging things to help. They're really friendly and helpful over there.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.

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    • Lostformoney
    • By Lostformoney 25th Feb 17, 9:20 PM
    • 13 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Lostformoney
    It is a good income, the problem lies in our outgoings cannot be reduced any further and we are £600 short each month.

    If we split up, CAB worked out I'd get Income support and full tax credits as well as housing benefit. He would be able to afford a property for him and I would be able to support the children with benefits and child maintenance from him.

    I don't want to have to do it though which is why I've asked here for ideas on reducing the outgoings. Debts are already reduced to the maximum, rent can't really change unless the council can provide a wheelchair accessible one?

    Any other ideas?
    • Darksparkle
    • By Darksparkle 25th Feb 17, 9:23 PM
    • 4,427 Posts
    • 2,778 Thanks
    Darksparkle
    Is £2100 gross or net?

    You didn't answer how many children you had?
    • kingfisherblue
    • By kingfisherblue 25th Feb 17, 9:32 PM
    • 7,167 Posts
    • 15,449 Thanks
    kingfisherblue
    Income Support, tax credits and housing benefit may not cover all of your costs. IS isn't a great deal of money. Housing benefit has a limit on the amount paid I think, so might not pay the full amount of rent.

    I'll ask again, do you currently receive child tax credits? If you do, then your income is salary+PIP+CTC+CB.
    • just trying
    • By just trying 25th Feb 17, 9:37 PM
    • 740 Posts
    • 2,697 Thanks
    just trying
    It's not benefit fraud, we are talking about ending our relationship because we can't afford to be in it. I have four children and we will do anything to stop them being on the street, so long as it falls within the law.
    Originally posted by Lostformoney
    Is £2100 gross or net?

    You didn't answer how many children you had?
    Originally posted by Darksparkle
    Think she said 4.
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    • NYM
    • By NYM 25th Feb 17, 9:37 PM
    • 3,352 Posts
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    NYM
    Is £2100 gross or net?

    You didn't answer how many children you had?
    Originally posted by Darksparkle

    I'm almost sure that I read she has four...
    (I'll read back....)
    • just trying
    • By just trying 25th Feb 17, 9:45 PM
    • 740 Posts
    • 2,697 Thanks
    just trying
    It's not benefit fraud, we are talking about ending our relationship because we can't afford to be in it. I have four children and we will do anything to stop them being on the street, so long as it falls within the law.
    Originally posted by Lostformoney
    No you said living separately. So as said you could be committing benefit fraud so the government helps you out more. You have a wage of £2100, pip, child benefit and tax credits for 4 children. Would the benefit cap apply to you, if so you could be worse off. You've got a 2 week old baby with this person, shouldn't he/she come first instead of thinking how to get more.
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    • KxMx
    • By KxMx 25th Feb 17, 9:46 PM
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    KxMx
    It seems crazy that you're paying £35 per week to get the kids to school.

    Is there no school transport?
    Can the taxi firm knock down the cost as you're going to be doing this regularly?

    Appreciate you need a wheelchair property, but would moving nearer to school be possible? Somewhere with better transport might benefit you too.

    Also have you posted on MSE under another name as your post today really rang a bell?
    • NYM
    • By NYM 25th Feb 17, 9:49 PM
    • 3,352 Posts
    • 5,863 Thanks
    NYM
    Think she said 4.
    Originally posted by just trying

    *snap*
    • Alice Holt
    • By Alice Holt 25th Feb 17, 9:51 PM
    • 1,285 Posts
    • 1,403 Thanks
    Alice Holt
    Income support (with the loan parent premium) is c.£90 pw.
    Maximum Child Tax credits are £53 pw for each child (plus the £10pw family element)
    Housing Benefit would be limited to your local LHA (so for a decent property may not cover the rent).

    As kingfisherblue says, it's not a great deal of money.
    Plus HMRC may decide you and you partner are still a couple.
    Just living on benefits is unlikely to be good for you, or your children long-term.
    • just trying
    • By just trying 25th Feb 17, 9:53 PM
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    just trying
    *snap*
    Originally posted by NYM
    Ha,ha. Was reading back after last reply and laughed, we both must have replied at same time..snap.
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    • Darksparkle
    • By Darksparkle 25th Feb 17, 10:06 PM
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    Darksparkle
    Ha,ha. Was reading back after last reply and laughed, we both must have replied at same time..snap.
    Originally posted by just trying
    Apologies, I only read her reply to me, missed the answer on another post.

    Based on 4 kids I can't understand why she isn't receiving CTC on a household income of £25,200. Even with an overpayment they wouldn't be on 100% recovery. It should be around £168 per week plus £62 per week child benefit so nearly £1000 per month plus PIP and his salary.
    • GlasweJen
    • By GlasweJen 25th Feb 17, 10:07 PM
    • 6,169 Posts
    • 11,151 Thanks
    GlasweJen
    Think of the damage you'll cause your kids splitting up with their dad so you can play the benefits system.

    You shouldn't be in huge debts as this benefits issue seems fairly recent so you and your partner have been living out with your means for a while and now you're going to make your kids suffer in an attempt to not face up to your responsibilities.

    The best thing you can do is a statement of affairs. Then diary every penny you spend for a month. Then phone a debt management company, preferably one like stepchange who are a charity and won't charge fees. They will help by giving you solutions to your debt. I'm not going to say those solutions will be easy but it will be a hell of a lot easier on your kids mental health.
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    • Lioness Twinkletoes
    • By Lioness Twinkletoes 25th Feb 17, 10:16 PM
    • 1,055 Posts
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    Lioness Twinkletoes
    Got to be honest, I am starting to doubt the OP. Her reluctance to post her income and expenditure and contact a debt organisation leaves me thinking she just wants to our approval to commit benefit fraud (and yes, this is what it would be) instead of looking for a sensible solution.

    It's a shame that money comes before the needs of her children.
    • just trying
    • By just trying 25th Feb 17, 10:16 PM
    • 740 Posts
    • 2,697 Thanks
    just trying
    Apologies, I only read her reply to me, missed the answer on another post.

    Based on 4 kids I can't understand why she isn't receiving CTC on a household income of £25,200. Even with an overpayment they wouldn't be on 100% recovery. It should be around £168 per week plus £62 per week child benefit so nearly £1000 per month plus PIP and his salary.
    Originally posted by Darksparkle
    You don't need to apologise, you know what she should be entitled to roughly. You're a great help. 😀. It's just confirmed she has a good income !!.
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