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  • FIRST POST
    • Lostformoney
    • By Lostformoney 25th Feb 17, 2:00 AM
    • 13Posts
    • 2Thanks
    Lostformoney
    Can't afford to stay in a relationship
    • #1
    • 25th Feb 17, 2:00 AM
    Can't afford to stay in a relationship 25th Feb 17 at 2:00 AM
    This is a long post so please bare with me. I'd also like to point out I suffer anxiety and depression, please be kind as I am under immense pressure.

    Basically....I cannot afford to stay in a relationship with my partner due to benefit cuts and I need help.

    I used to get higher care and mobility DLA. This paid for my home help to keep me living at home and helped me get around, I also had a Motability car. During assesment for PIP I was awarded standard for mobility and care. I lost my Motability car, because of that I was left unable to get my kids to school, unable to get to doctors or hospital appointments. I also lost my homehelp, the situation became terrible as with my partner away often with work - I had no support and social work are over run and unable to see me anytime soon.

    I spoke to a benefits advisor and they realised the mobility side of PIP was wrong and appealed to get this fixed. By the time this happened I'd used the transitional package to pay for my home help and taxis, the rest I put towards finance deposit for a car that could fit my family, but I can't drive as it doesn't have my adaptations - I therefore couldn't get a mobility car. The care assesment is correct, but under the PIP system, I don't get enough points to cover the costs of my care needs.

    Because care has went down I have been told I am no longer eligible for certain tax credits benefits and to top it off, tax credits have been overpaid as a result.

    To this end, what is coming in from OHs wage and my benefits isn't even covering the basics. We live in a wheelchair accessible home and the rent is just over half my partners wage, council tax has been reduced due to disability but it's due to go up for everyone, the cost of where we live is high but due to OH work we have no option, we are tied into phone/broadband contracts from when we were financially stable and can't reduce or get out of them. We get tax credits, but due to my PIP care being reduced, unbeknown to me I stopped being eligible for a disabled element and I've been told we have been overpaid and the amounts will stop until next year then be significantly reduced.

    We have just worked out that because of all of this, we are in the negative of over £600 a month now and that's without my homehelp. We will have absolutely nothing left over for savings or car repairs.

    CAB looked at our income and explained we are not entitled to anymore help and tax credits have said no to Paying back over payments in smaller amounts. The bottom line is, we can't afford to be in a relationship together.

    We have just worked out our only current options are to split up (because our system says I'll get all sorts of benefits!), go homeless or wait for the debt collectors when we don't pay anything.

    Can anyone come up with some ideas?

    We can't switch providers due to the special meter & boiler we have
    We can't move as there are no suitable properties for cheaper
    We are paying the minimum to our debts that we can
    We can't get out our phone and broadband contracts
    I am very good with food budget, I normally cook most things from scratch when I can (though this is less now I don't have home help)
    We do not socialise or do anything now we could cut back on :-(
    We have tried selling things to make up the gap but we have ran out
    As our daughter is two weeks old, I can't go to work but even if I could, I need my home help to help me get kids to nursery to go

    Any suggestions would be gratefully welcomed and again, please be kind and consider the mental health issues I suffer from
Page 1
    • Darksparkle
    • By Darksparkle 25th Feb 17, 7:06 AM
    • 4,654 Posts
    • 2,940 Thanks
    Darksparkle
    • #2
    • 25th Feb 17, 7:06 AM
    • #2
    • 25th Feb 17, 7:06 AM
    How many hours does your partner work?

    What does he earn?

    How many children do you have? Have tax credits been informed of new baby?
    • sammyjammy
    • By sammyjammy 25th Feb 17, 8:11 AM
    • 4,218 Posts
    • 4,573 Thanks
    sammyjammy
    • #3
    • 25th Feb 17, 8:11 AM
    • #3
    • 25th Feb 17, 8:11 AM
    Why not try a Statement of Affairs on the debt free wannabe board? You say you are paying the minimum on your debts possible, I assume that means a token payment of £1 if not thats what you need to do.
    "You've been reading SOS when it's just your clock reading 5:05 "
    • kazwookie
    • By kazwookie 25th Feb 17, 8:16 AM
    • 9,349 Posts
    • 118,547 Thanks
    kazwookie
    • #4
    • 25th Feb 17, 8:16 AM
    • #4
    • 25th Feb 17, 8:16 AM
    Move to a completly different area, you state your OH works away from home a lot, and also you need to live where your OH works, it is one or the other.
    Sun, Sea
    • Lioness Twinkletoes
    • By Lioness Twinkletoes 25th Feb 17, 8:16 AM
    • 1,085 Posts
    • 3,513 Thanks
    Lioness Twinkletoes
    • #5
    • 25th Feb 17, 8:16 AM
    • #5
    • 25th Feb 17, 8:16 AM
    Have you contacted a debt charity, such as StepChange? I appreciate you state that you're paying the minimum towards your debts but they may have other suggestions.

    Splittin up is clearly not an option - you chose to have (another) child together and now you both have a commitment to that child.

    If you post an SOA we might be able to suggest ways that you can make things stretch - at the moment it is unclear what your incoming and outgoings are. For all we know you might be getting a very healthy yearly amount but need some additional help budgeting.
    • kingfisherblue
    • By kingfisherblue 25th Feb 17, 8:56 AM
    • 7,345 Posts
    • 15,756 Thanks
    kingfisherblue
    • #6
    • 25th Feb 17, 8:56 AM
    • #6
    • 25th Feb 17, 8:56 AM
    This is a long post so please bare with me. I'd also like to point out I suffer anxiety and depression, please be kind as I am under immense pressure.

    Basically....I cannot afford to stay in a relationship with my partner due to benefit cuts and I need help.

    I used to get higher care and mobility DLA. This paid for my home help to keep me living at home and helped me get around, I also had a Motability car. During assesment for PIP I was awarded standard for mobility and care. I lost my Motability car, because of that I was left unable to get my kids to school, unable to get to doctors or hospital appointments. I also lost my homehelp, the situation became terrible as with my partner away often with work - I had no support and social work are over run and unable to see me anytime soon.

    I spoke to a benefits advisor and they realised the mobility side of PIP was wrong and appealed to get this fixed. By the time this happened I'd used the transitional package to pay for my home help and taxis, the rest I put towards finance deposit for a car that could fit my family, but I can't drive as it doesn't have my adaptations - I therefore couldn't get a mobility car. The care assesment is correct, but under the PIP system, I don't get enough points to cover the costs of my care needs.

    Because care has went down I have been told I am no longer eligible for certain tax credits benefits and to top it off, tax credits have been overpaid as a result.

    To this end, what is coming in from OHs wage and my benefits isn't even covering the basics. We live in a wheelchair accessible home and the rent is just over half my partners wage, council tax has been reduced due to disability but it's due to go up for everyone, the cost of where we live is high but due to OH work we have no option, we are tied into phone/broadband contracts from when we were financially stable and can't reduce or get out of them. We get tax credits, but due to my PIP care being reduced, unbeknown to me I stopped being eligible for a disabled element and I've been told we have been overpaid and the amounts will stop until next year then be significantly reduced.

    We have just worked out that because of all of this, we are in the negative of over £600 a month now and that's without my homehelp. We will have absolutely nothing left over for savings or car repairs.

    CAB looked at our income and explained we are not entitled to anymore help and tax credits have said no to Paying back over payments in smaller amounts. The bottom line is, we can't afford to be in a relationship together.

    We have just worked out our only current options are to split up (because our system says I'll get all sorts of benefits!), go homeless or wait for the debt collectors when we don't pay anything.

    Can anyone come up with some ideas?

    We can't switch providers due to the special meter & boiler we have
    We can't move as there are no suitable properties for cheaper
    We are paying the minimum to our debts that we can
    We can't get out our phone and broadband contracts
    I am very good with food budget, I normally cook most things from scratch when I can (though this is less now I don't have home help)
    We do not socialise or do anything now we could cut back on :-(
    We have tried selling things to make up the gap but we have ran out
    As our daughter is two weeks old, I can't go to work but even if I could, I need my home help to help me get kids to nursery to go

    Any suggestions would be gratefully welcomed and again, please be kind and consider the mental health issues I suffer from
    Originally posted by Lostformoney
    If you need additional help at home, is it for personal care or housework? If it is personal care, Social Services might be able to send in a carer to help you get ready in a morning or at bedtime. some areas charge for this, so that might nto help your financial situation, but some areas don't, so it's probably worth checking.

    Do you need care for 35 hours or more per week? If someone becomes your carer, they could claim Carer's Allowance (assuming they fulfil the criteria), helping you each day with your needs. They could also take your children to school, batch cook to make meals easier for you, and take you to appointments - but obviously it depends on knowing someone who is willing to do that. Another school parent who does not currently work might be the answer, though, as they could take your children when taking their own, and your kids could play together in school holidays when your carer is at your house.

    If your children are nursery age or over, they can help make life easier by putting their washing in the basket, clearing their toys, setting the table, and carrying dishes into the kitchen after eating. My two year old granddaughter loves to be given a damp cloth to 'clean' like mummy.

    Batch cooked meals that can be microwaved are useful for when your husband is away. If you don't have a carer to help, maybe your husband (or both of you) could do this when he is at home. It works out cheaper too, especially if you fill out meas such as cottage pie or spag bol with veg and pulses.
    • Lostformoney
    • By Lostformoney 25th Feb 17, 1:37 PM
    • 13 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Lostformoney
    • #7
    • 25th Feb 17, 1:37 PM
    • #7
    • 25th Feb 17, 1:37 PM
    Move to a completly different area, you state your OH works away from home a lot, and also you need to live where your OH works, it is one or the other.
    Originally posted by kazwookie
    This would result in him needing a property near his work too, therefor we would both have properties. Which is one of the options we are looking at, living separately and me getting more support from the government as we simply can't afford to live under my partners wage.

    Have you contacted a debt charity, such as StepChange? I appreciate you state that you're paying the minimum towards your debts but they may have other suggestions.

    Splittin up is clearly not an option - you chose to have (another) child together and now you both have a commitment to that child.

    If you post an SOA we might be able to suggest ways that you can make things stretch - at the moment it is unclear what your incoming and outgoings are. For all we know you might be getting a very healthy yearly amount but need some additional help budgeting.
    Originally posted by Lioness Twinkletoes
    We have been in touch with CAB. We pay minimum to debts that we can which is nominal payments. We have reduced payments on everything possible. Unless we can reduce council tax, rent or electricity, there isn't much else I can think of.

    What is a SOA?

    If you need additional help at home, is it for personal care or housework? If it is personal care, Social Services might be able to send in a carer to help you get ready in a morning or at bedtime. some areas charge for this, so that might nto help your financial situation, but some areas don't, so it's probably worth checking.

    Do you need care for 35 hours or more per week? If someone becomes your carer, they could claim Carer's Allowance (assuming they fulfil the criteria), helping you each day with your needs. They could also take your children to school, batch cook to make meals easier for you, and take you to appointments - but obviously it depends on knowing someone who is willing to do that. Another school parent who does not currently work might be the answer, though, as they could take your children when taking their own, and your kids could play together in school holidays when your carer is at your house.

    If your children are nursery age or over, they can help make life easier by putting their washing in the basket, clearing their toys, setting the table, and carrying dishes into the kitchen after eating. My two year old granddaughter loves to be given a damp cloth to 'clean' like mummy.

    Batch cooked meals that can be microwaved are useful for when your husband is away. If you don't have a carer to help, maybe your husband (or both of you) could do this when he is at home. It works out cheaper too, especially if you fill out meas such as cottage pie or spag bol with veg and pulses.
    Originally posted by kingfisherblue
    Thanks for your post and ideas.

    My children do help a lot and are of great support to me, they do so much on their own like bringing washing, tidying their room, folding and taking their washing to their room, tidying toys and putting things out to the bin etc - they do as much as possible before it impacts homework.

    I already do so much with food to make it stretch, when other half is home we try to batch make foods that can be frozen and reheated more easily for me in the oven (a dish big enough for all of us won't fit in a microwave even if we had one). We are very healthy eaters and a lot of our dishes are veg & pulses and no meat so very cheap to make and kids love them. The only problem is it's getting harder for me to use the oven and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to cope on my own cooking, but my kids are too young to help with that.

    The help I need is with lifting and bending exercises along with some personal care. Tasks around the house like taking bins out, help with cooking, getting to appointments, getting in and out the bath, bathing/washing the younger children etc social work have been contacted but they are overrun and I've been advised it will be months before I see anyone, though they advised because my PIP care is standard it's unlikely I'll qualify for help from direct pay. There is no one nearby that could be my carer through carers allowance. I currently pay for a taxi to take my kids to school, which is £7 return per day. We have asked if other parents can help but they either have a car that's too small or don't have space. No one walks to school from near us either.
    • Lostformoney
    • By Lostformoney 25th Feb 17, 1:48 PM
    • 13 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Lostformoney
    • #8
    • 25th Feb 17, 1:48 PM
    • #8
    • 25th Feb 17, 1:48 PM
    How many hours does your partner work?

    What does he earn?

    How many children do you have? Have tax credits been informed of new baby?
    Originally posted by Darksparkle
    45+ hours a week, he earns 2100 per month, after rent, council tax, electricity debt (as we can't pay in full), wheelchair loan, fuel for car and a nominal payment to all our debtors, he has £5.50 left. We then relied on my income from tax credits & child benefit to cover food, clothes and school taxi/lunches fees. My PIP pays car finance & insurance. I am normally left with nothing in my account each week, so losing tax credits means we have no food money unless we don't pay something.

    tax credits have been informed of the baby

    Why not try a Statement of Affairs on the debt free wannabe board? You say you are paying the minimum on your debts possible, I assume that means a token payment of £1 if not thats what you need to do.
    Originally posted by sammyjammy
    What's a statement of affairs? Yes we pay the minimum, other than the car finance and wheelchair & equipment finance (they get taken away if in arrears)
    • Diary
    • By Diary 25th Feb 17, 2:00 PM
    • 573 Posts
    • 751 Thanks
    Diary
    • #9
    • 25th Feb 17, 2:00 PM
    • #9
    • 25th Feb 17, 2:00 PM
    45+ hours a week, he earns 2100 per month, after rent, council tax, electricity debt (as we can't pay in full), wheelchair loan, fuel for car and a nominal payment to all our debtors, he has £5.50 left. We then relied on my income from tax credits & child benefit to cover food, clothes and school taxi/lunches fees. My PIP pays car finance & insurance. I am normally left with nothing in my account each week, so losing tax credits means we have no food money unless we don't pay something.

    tax credits have been informed of the baby



    What's a statement of affairs? Yes we pay the minimum, other than the car finance and wheelchair & equipment finance (they get taken away if in arrears)
    Originally posted by Lostformoney
    If you have a medical need for a wheelchair , did you know you get one free from the NHS?
    I don't know your circumstances but having a 2 week old baby might mean you're not as disabled as the NHS think you should be to qualify for a wheelchair on NHS. Unless you have to have help with all your children.
    This would save on your wheelchair hire fee. I have a fully adapted electric wheelchair paid for by NHS, not a scooter, because I can't walk.
    Master Apothecary Faranell replied, “I assure you, overseer, the Royal Apothecary Society dearly wishes to make up for the tragic misguidance which ended so many lives. We will cause you no trouble. We seek only to continue our research in peace".
    • Bogalot
    • By Bogalot 25th Feb 17, 2:17 PM
    • 999 Posts
    • 2,584 Thanks
    Bogalot
    I think the suggestion was that you all move closer to his work, not to split households. Your husband was part of the decision to have children, so he needs to be there to help you with them.

    Even if you move into two households, don't be surprised if the DWP still treats you as one if you are still in a relationship with him.
    • GwylimT
    • By GwylimT 25th Feb 17, 2:21 PM
    • 5,878 Posts
    • 10,903 Thanks
    GwylimT
    If you have a medical need for a wheelchair , did you know you get one free from the NHS?
    I don't know your circumstances but having a 2 week old baby might mean you're not as disabled as the NHS think you should be to qualify for a wheelchair on NHS. Unless you have to have help with all your children.
    This would save on your wheelchair hire fee. I have a fully adapted electric wheelchair paid for by NHS, not a scooter, because I can't walk.
    Originally posted by Diary
    Sadly it isn't always that easy. My wife is paralysed from the waist down, she also has limited use of her arms, she cannot for example lift a mug of tea. So despite the fact that she can only use a powered chair the NHS will only fund a manual chair for her, so we have to buy them ourselves.
    • Lioness Twinkletoes
    • By Lioness Twinkletoes 25th Feb 17, 4:21 PM
    • 1,085 Posts
    • 3,513 Thanks
    Lioness Twinkletoes
    Which is one of the options we are looking at, living separately and me getting more support from the government as we simply can't afford to live under my partners wage.
    Originally posted by Lostformoney
    That would be benefit fraud and should not be an option. Contact a debt company - your partner earns a good salary and you should be able to manage on this.
    • kingfisherblue
    • By kingfisherblue 25th Feb 17, 4:23 PM
    • 7,345 Posts
    • 15,756 Thanks
    kingfisherblue
    Do you get child tax credits OP?
    • Lostformoney
    • By Lostformoney 25th Feb 17, 7:28 PM
    • 13 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Lostformoney
    I think the suggestion was that you all move closer to his work, not to split households. Your husband was part of the decision to have children, so he needs to be there to help you with them.

    Even if you move into two households, don't be surprised if the DWP still treats you as one if you are still in a relationship with him.
    Originally posted by Bogalot
    I don't think that was the suggestion unless I've got it wrong? We live very close to his work.
    • Bogalot
    • By Bogalot 25th Feb 17, 7:36 PM
    • 999 Posts
    • 2,584 Thanks
    Bogalot
    I don't think that was the suggestion unless I've got it wrong? We live very close to his work.
    Originally posted by Lostformoney
    You indicated your husband was away a lot, the suggestion was that you lived closer to wherever away is.

    Why is your husband not helping you more at home? If he is working at different sites, then he needs to look for work where he can be home more to support you and your children. That has to be preferable to going it alone as a single parent.
    Last edited by Bogalot; 25-02-2017 at 7:38 PM.
    • Lostformoney
    • By Lostformoney 25th Feb 17, 7:41 PM
    • 13 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Lostformoney
    That would be benefit fraud and should not be an option. Contact a debt company - your partner earns a good salary and you should be able to manage on this.
    Originally posted by Lioness Twinkletoes
    It's not benefit fraud, we are talking about ending our relationship because we can't afford to be in it. I have four children and we will do anything to stop them being on the street, so long as it falls within the law.
    • Lostformoney
    • By Lostformoney 25th Feb 17, 7:48 PM
    • 13 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Lostformoney
    You indicated your husband was away a lot, the suggestion was that you lived closer to wherever away is.

    Why is your husband not helping you more at home? If he is working at different sites, then he needs to look for work where he can be home more to support you and your children. That has to be preferable to going it alone as a single parent.
    Originally posted by Bogalot
    No sorry if it's been confusing, we live where his work base is and where he is majority of the time. However he is away from his work base 5-6 times a year and it's not possible for us to follow. He cannot just leave his job, he would need to give a years notice.
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 25th Feb 17, 7:48 PM
    • 19,634 Posts
    • 31,715 Thanks
    Spendless
    Other than your 2 week old, how many children and what ages are they? It might help with some suggestions given.
    • Lostformoney
    • By Lostformoney 25th Feb 17, 7:53 PM
    • 13 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Lostformoney
    Just to clarify, we have looked at all our debtors and have reduced the payments to the very minimum (£1) on them all except the finance plans which we can't reduce without losing the car or equipment.

    In regards to the wheelchair, I had an NHS prescription however it only covers a percentage of my chair and doesn't cover equipment. The NHS only provides certain equipment and I've been given everything they can, we took out finance on the remaining cost of the chair and equipment. We cannot reduce this payment, or the equipment goes back
    • Bogalot
    • By Bogalot 25th Feb 17, 7:53 PM
    • 999 Posts
    • 2,584 Thanks
    Bogalot
    No sorry if it's been confusing, we live where his work base is and where he is majority of the time. However he is away from his work base 5-6 times a year and it's not possible for us to follow. He cannot just leave his job, he would need to give a years notice.
    Originally posted by Lostformoney
    Then that's a year to sort your living situation out. It has to be a better solution than bringing up your children without a father.

    Post a statement of affairs on the Debtfree Wannabe board. They'll help you get your budget sorted. You may think you've cut everything as much as you can, but they'll be able to find more ways to help.
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