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  • FIRST POST
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 1st Jan 17, 2:18 PM
    • 8,826Posts
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    Mooloo
    Mooloo's Joining up the dots in 2017
    • #1
    • 1st Jan 17, 2:18 PM
    Mooloo's Joining up the dots in 2017 1st Jan 17 at 2:18 PM
    Welcome to another year in the life of Mooloo.
    I have been posting for many years now and have shared all the ins and outs of life, love, families and work.
    I started when I was struggling to bring up my children and their new babies under quite difficult circumstances.
    I am happy to say that I am in a much better stage of my life than all those years ago.
    I live with my 9 year old granddaughter with a Guardianship order for the past seven years.
    I have my own business running a sewing shop, and I have a rather tenuous relationship with my chap for 12 years plus.
    We are moving into 2017 with the new challenges of joining up the dots and hopefully moving forward to a single home in a couple of years.

    So while I attempt to get things done I will continue to keep my life on track by being accountable for my actions by committing what is going on here.
    I will see if I can remember how to post a link from one thread to another.
    Last edited by Mooloo; 02-01-2017 at 6:54 PM. Reason: Change title
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
Page 3
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 6th Jan 17, 4:38 PM
    • 8,826 Posts
    • 43,584 Thanks
    Mooloo
    Just seen the last customer of the day.
    Wow it has been a great day!
    We have taken some £254!!
    I have enough work in from today to keep me sewing for about three days.
    I am really happy that I am not going to be sitting twiddling my fingers at this rate.
    People are coming in with 3,4 and even 5 items to be done.
    Long may it continue.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 7th Jan 17, 8:17 AM
    • 8,826 Posts
    • 43,584 Thanks
    Mooloo
    I am sitting up in bed when I should be up and getting ready for work.
    BF has gone home this morning to hopefully get his central heating sorted out.
    I was due to take dgd with me to his tonight but he has just said that he will come here to save disruption to dgd until after his birthday trip next weekend.
    One of the other Mum's is going to make sure dgd gets to the Pantomime with her Brownie so that has solved my dilemma there and Biggests going to collect her from her for me on Saturday.
    I like it when a plan comes together.
    I better get dressed and get ready for work. I open the shop in an hour!
    Have a good weekend everyone.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • tiredmum2
    • By tiredmum2 7th Jan 17, 8:24 AM
    • 172 Posts
    • 2,147 Thanks
    tiredmum2
    I am not sure how to start this reply but i will start by saying good morning and I hope you are all well.
    I aam a very long term reader of your thread Mooloo but yesterday their were some posts on here which made me feel uncomfortable the nasty comment by one poster to another regarding their signature was uncalled for because they questioned some of your posts as you know if you put your life out there on the internet you leave your self open to questions and criticisms as well as helpful suggestions.
    I was a little concerned over your statement regarding DS partner you may well think she is unwell but you are not medically trained to give that diagnosis she obviously needs help and if i remember rightly she has not had much of a supportive life until now by putting statements like that online people may well recognise who she is and there will be a stigma and gossip which if she is suffering from a mental illness will not help. I do get you were angry at the time.
    I also do understand other posters questioning your financial posts in one breath stating you need the landlord to lower the rent as you are struggling and in the next breath saying you are taking three holidays per year one holiday a year is enough for most and for some working families they cannot afford one. You must see that the benefits you are given to help you have a reasonable standard of living not a luxurious one and that is why people question this.
    The question posed by the other poster was regarding biggest they have major debt and 2 small children she already had a wedding dress and just because she no longer likes it or her father cannot afford to help don't really detract from this you need the money you have for yourself and DG not wedding dresses, our two DDs will not have their weddings paid for by us as we decided to pay for their uni fees and lodgings so that they started their working lives debt free we are not unusual and most young couples pay for their own weddings now .
    Before I am slated i would just like to say I think you do a wonderful job and i have followed your story from the very start your life is your own and like any normal person when you read something you have questions or things you want to reply to thats what makes this forum what it is .
    • Almost-free
    • By Almost-free 7th Jan 17, 2:03 PM
    • 105 Posts
    • 284 Thanks
    Almost-free
    "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got "
    I think you should recognise that there are different ways of showing love - sometimes a response that doesn't remove short term pain may instead result in long term gain.
    I aim to 'live and love' as well but I want my kids to learn from their mistakes and to problem solve for themselves .

    As a bankrupt I don't understand that you are comfortable being in debt and clearly your mum often gives you large ( in my eyes) sums of money which stop you hitting rock bottom, so maybe it's a family trait.
    Your daughters fianc! didn't ' lie by omission '- he lied! And if she just takes over his debts and finances - he learns nothing from that. Plus I agree with the tiredmum- paying for a wedding dress because she didn't like the first is ridiculous. It could have been altered or she could have done the sensible thing and put up with it,as she would have had to, had you not jumped in with money your mother gave you.
    I have always felt your son was neglected in amongst the chaos of the twins when they were young ( and got severely flamed for saying so back then) and I think he has learnt that going off the rails will get him attention - which it has. Learnt behaviour patterns in a family are very strong.
    I also think that you have a need to be the person that everyone turns to in times of trouble and get a lot of satisfaction in solving their problems - whether it's the right thing for them or not . Many psychologists say we teach people how to treat us.

    I won't comment again because I am not trying to cause hurt or discord , and in any case ,I think you are blind to what I have said ( and what tiredmum2 said more eloquently than I did ).

    I also agree with another comment ( sorry I can't credit but I'm on my phone) who said it's easy to look into someone else's life and feel you could do better . I've certainly made enough of my own mistakes, but I have been very grateful when friends have pointed out something to me, so I can try to avoid the same mistake in future . I appreciate the same words from a stranger wouldn't be as well accepted !

    I wish you well in 2017 Mooloo .
    • grey_lady
    • By grey_lady 7th Jan 17, 3:03 PM
    • 1,012 Posts
    • 1,166 Thanks
    grey_lady
    I can see where some posters are coming from, however there is nothing wrong with Mooloo claiming everything that she is entitled to and spending her money how she sees fit, having a couple of holidays might be very important to her own well being, its not easy raising a small child single handedly whilst working full-time and having the responsibility of paying other peoples wages.

    I do hope Mooloo that you are scrupulous in declaring your changing income levels /cash gifts/living with partner situation to the benefits people as i would hate to think of something coming to bite you in the future e.g. overpayments needing to be repaid.
    Last edited by grey_lady; 07-01-2017 at 3:06 PM.
    Snootchie Bootchies!
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 7th Jan 17, 3:15 PM
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    Mooloo
    I am not going to disect all the comments be they what I agree or don't agree with.
    I will say that DSs GF is diagnosed by the doctors not me.
    I have had some large amounts of money in the last 12 months from my mother, and I am eternally grateful. I wasn't so luck growing up as my parents didn't have money all the time Dad was in the RAF the wages were poor and the accommodation was not always up to standard.
    I don't get the satisfaction that you think I do from solving my children's money problems. I tried to teach them budgeting and have sat down with all of them every time there has been an issue and tried to get them to understand it.
    Maybe I am just a terrible mother. We aren't taught parenting, we aren't taught budgeting or many life skills in modern schools so we do what we think is best.
    Yes I went bankrupt in 2006 after a stroke, a hysterectomy and thriving staff and an insurance policy that would not pay out.
    Yes I have a small debt. I have explained the ins and outs of the financial situation.
    I am entitled to live how I see fit. Having my holidays on a budget and split into single weeks or long weekends with regular intervals is the way I cope and manage my Health and my SAD problems.
    I am lucky enough to have been my mothers companion for the Christmas holidays and I only booked the holiday as She paid for it. She doesn't have a credit card. If she had taken any of my siblings or a companion she employed she would have paid for them.
    I "worked" hard to make it a memorable holiday for her and we went where she wanted and did what she wanted,. She is 81 next month and practically blind. I don't know how long she will have her limited vision for sonif she wants me to take her I will.
    Being Self employed means that I can plan my work around my family and my life choices.
    The business etc has still to be viable for the landlord to put up more. I don't think that I have ever mentioned asking for a rent reduction though. Maybe I am mistaken as I don't always remember what I have told you, but I only think that I have said that it will depend on the rent terms whether it is viable to renew the lease or not.
    I could go on, but I don't think that it is worth it.
    Each to their own.

    I am fortunate enough that the work is coming in thick and fast these last few days and that if it continues to, in the new financial year my claims for help will be reduced and eventually I will have no need for them. That is why I work so hard for not a lot now.
    It is also why I have a debt free date ahead of me, and why I know exactly how much money I have and don't have.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • annandale
    • By annandale 7th Jan 17, 3:21 PM
    • 625 Posts
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    annandale
    Cash gifts don't count as income. For it to affect tax credits or housing benefit it would have to be a large sum of money.

    Re the living with bf situation I was always under the impression that if you lived with a partner 2-3 nights a week that could count as living together for housing benefit purposes. I can't post the link as I'm on my phone but apparently you would need to be living with a partner full time before you would have to declare it.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 7th Jan 17, 3:37 PM
    • 8,826 Posts
    • 43,584 Thanks
    Mooloo
    Cash gifts don't count as income. For it to affect tax credits or housing benefit it would have to be a large sum of money.

    Re the living with bf situation I was always under the impression that if you lived with a partner 2-3 nights a week that could count as living together for housing benefit purposes. I can't post the link as I'm on my phone but apparently you would need to be living with a partner full time before you would have to declare it.
    Originally posted by annandale
    Thanks I will investigate.
    I don't get full housing benefit but I will check. This will be the first time he has been here 3 times in a week. But if it looks like he might be here more often than I will budget accordingly. I don't think that he would be though. Although I may go there for a night or two. We will see.
    I don't think we are planning to move in together until 2019.
    When I am debt free, aim to be off of benefits by then completely and dgd is ready for big school.
    The way we have been it will remain to be seen. But I am trying to be positive that we will finally get it sorted.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • surveyqueenuk
    • By surveyqueenuk 7th Jan 17, 3:47 PM
    • 491 Posts
    • 1,588 Thanks
    surveyqueenuk
    I do hope Mooloo that you are scrupulous in declaring your changing income levels /cash gifts/living with partner situation to the benefits people as i would hate to think of something coming to bite you in the future e.g. overpayments needing to be repaid.
    Originally posted by grey_lady
    This, a thousand times over. Mooloo, you are by far, the most identifiable poster on this forum and, as you know, there is always someone ready to stick the knife in.

    Please don't feel any guilt about the holidays. In order to remain a fit guardian to DGD, you need to look after your emotional wellbeing. Let's face it, you get precious little opportunity to do this at home, what with work and family. I suspect that at times, it's only the thought of Portugal in the near future that keeps you from a full-on nervous breakdown.

    Finger pointers may want to consider what the cost to society would be if Mooloo wasn't mentally fit to look after DGD.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 7th Jan 17, 4:56 PM
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    Mooloo
    I admit I am feeling very defensive about this today. I am always trying to do my best, and although some things have become cyclable in my actions I do feel that I am doing better and I don't feel as if I am a victim of circumstances anymore. I feel more positive and I do feel more able then I did.
    I notice the worst posts have been removed now.
    I have always been honest with housing and tax credits so I don't have to fear huge bills but I will call then and change the claim accordingly as the financial situation changes and if the living situation changes etc.
    I may not be the best Mum in the world but I am honest.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • tiredmum2
    • By tiredmum2 7th Jan 17, 5:38 PM
    • 172 Posts
    • 2,147 Thanks
    tiredmum2
    Nobody has suggested you are not a good mother , Daughter or grandmother so I do not understand your rationale
    I am also not a finger pointer I am a SAHM with an 84 yer old mother and 3 children one of whom has Aspergers all be it mildly so I do have some knowledge of the situation oh and I am an adopted child
    I also believe that the benefit system is a god send and unfortunately necessity for some but it is for basics not sports cars or foreign holidays this is my opinion
    I also do not agree with is making people fully aware of an easily identifiable vulnerable persons illness being made public .
    As for someone pointing out the pitfalls of BF staying over they are trying to help before there is a problem and large financial gifts do not affect the receiver but will affect the giver if HMRC decide to look into there affairs as you can only give a set amount of money to family members per year
    I am afraid if you put your life in print you cannot expect people to read and not pass comment be it fawning or otherwise .
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 7th Jan 17, 6:49 PM
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    • 43,584 Thanks
    Mooloo
    Nobody has suggested you are not a good mother , Daughter or grandmother so I do not understand your rationale
    I am also not a finger pointer I am a SAHM with an 84 yer old mother and 3 children one of whom has Aspergers all be it mildly so I do have some knowledge of the situation oh and I am an adopted child
    I also believe that the benefit system is a god send and unfortunately necessity for some but it is for basics not sports cars or foreign holidays this is my opinion
    I also do not agree with is making people fully aware of an easily identifiable vulnerable persons illness being made public .
    As for someone pointing out the pitfalls of BF staying over they are trying to help before there is a problem and large financial gifts do not affect the receiver but will affect the giver if HMRC decide to look into there affairs as you can only give a set amount of money to family members per year
    I am afraid if you put your life in print you cannot expect people to read and not pass comment be it fawning or otherwise .
    Originally posted by tiredmum2
    I wasn't referring to just your post.
    I understand that you don't agree with me and the way I live.
    A car is a car. I saved my money for that car and it is 11 years old. I use holiday offers, and save up from my benefits. I have chosen to budget holidays at £100 a month, many people on benefits ( or not), spend more money than that on cigarettes.
    I choose to have lower food bills, and buy cheap meat deals and AF food. Allowing us to have holidays.
    I have low fuel bills at only £47 a month for gas and electricity. My water is only £27 a month as I am on a meter.
    Because of these low bills I can save for things.
    Yes I have debt on credit cards, as I was building my credit rating back up, and using 0% deals to do it.
    I have savings as I have told you all about and could clear the debts including the children's debt I took on. I would be back to £0 but I could do it.
    I referred to being a bad Mum as in not letting my children learn the hard way, and for spoiling my daughter by letting her have her fairytale wedding dress.
    The wedding is mostly being paid by the couple. I was taken by surprise on the bridesmaids dresses as I didn't expect to be getting them until the spring but she found all of the dresses in the sale in the sizes she needed. So I juggled my money.

    I don't claim anything that I am not entitled to, my accounts are reviewed every 6 months by the council.
    Yes I had a problem with them in the summer but I am entitled to the same as anyone else in my situation.

    I understand that I tell my story here and I will get opinions but you can't expect me not to read and reply from my point of view.

    In the end, I am living my life the way I am. If you don't like my story then "you " I.e. Anybody reading this, not you personally, don't have to follow me anyway.

    I realise that my stressed emotions about certain members of my family may not be referenced to in glowing terms, but as I have always written in the moment and how I am feeling at the moment I post then I am not going to change it.

    I am sorry but if I did then my thread would not be honest anymore
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • dktreesea
    • By dktreesea 7th Jan 17, 7:27 PM
    • 5,533 Posts
    • 8,592 Thanks
    dktreesea
    Nobody has suggested you are not a good mother , Daughter or grandmother so I do not understand your rationale
    I am also not a finger pointer I am a SAHM with an 84 yer old mother and 3 children one of whom has Aspergers all be it mildly so I do have some knowledge of the situation oh and I am an adopted child
    I also believe that the benefit system is a god send and unfortunately necessity for some but it is for basics not sports cars or foreign holidays this is my opinion
    I also do not agree with is making people fully aware of an easily identifiable vulnerable persons illness being made public .
    As for someone pointing out the pitfalls of BF staying over they are trying to help before there is a problem and large financial gifts do not affect the receiver but will affect the giver if HMRC decide to look into there affairs as you can only give a set amount of money to family members per year
    I am afraid if you put your life in print you cannot expect people to read and not pass comment be it fawning or otherwise .
    Originally posted by tiredmum2

    So people who are working and get tax credits shouldn't go on holidays or spend thier money on luxuries, because they receive tax credits and that's not what tax credits are for? Have you any idea how many millions of families this applies to?


    Or how about housing benefit? That goes on nothing else but the rent. Yes, receiving in may free up other funds for low income earners to be able to us it for holidays and the like. But why shouldn't people who are entitled take advantage of the benefits system if it is being offered to them?


    I would agree, our social welfare system is a bit mad. When Polish people first started coming here we had a market stall as one of our businesses. I can remember someone coming to my OH to ask if he could approach me to look at their claim because there was "something wrong with it". You know what that "something" was? The benefits payments they received, including help with their rent, was more than he earned on a building site.


    But even if it's a bit mad, it is what it is. Better anything extra spent on a holiday and a bit of sun than the booze and cigarettes plenty of Brits squander it on. I'm sure the NHS would prefer Mooloo's choices.
    • dktreesea
    • By dktreesea 7th Jan 17, 7:32 PM
    • 5,533 Posts
    • 8,592 Thanks
    dktreesea
    Imho, if people receiving benefits can spend it on anything that enhances their health, be it a gym membership, getting a dog or cat to live with them, going for a holiday in the sun if you like the sun (I hate the sun but recognise it does have some good, vitamin D, qualities), buying better quality food (OMG, processed food or food out of a can - is there anything worse for health?), going on a course to learn how to budget and to cook, spending time with loved ones instead of working yourself into the ground.....I could go on, but you get the picture....every bit of benefits money spent on that sort of thing is money well spent. And I am sure the NHS thanks you.
    • annandale
    • By annandale 7th Jan 17, 7:48 PM
    • 625 Posts
    • 1,520 Thanks
    annandale
    Working tax credits aren't a fortune. I don't know what the OP gets but I get 49 pounds a week. I also get some help with rent but that goes straight to my landlord. I work but I'm on minimum wage and when I was self employed I got working tax credits as my income fluctuated.

    Millions of working people claim WTC and I'm sure many of them go on holiday now and then. I do. But I'll make sacrifices elsewhere to be able to afford it.

    Any time I've ever claimed benefit. Not working tax but Jsa I've always had someone ready to tell me what I should and shouldn't be spending my money on.

    I wouldn't dream of telling anyone what to do with their cash. I've paid far more into the system in tax than I've ever claimed in benefits and if the OP didn't employ staff I dare say that she'd have more money for a wage, she'd probably claim less benefits and she'd have money in her hand but she can't run the shop on her own.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 7th Jan 17, 8:41 PM
    • 8,826 Posts
    • 43,584 Thanks
    Mooloo
    I think I will just say that I am not doing anything wrong or breaking any rules.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • just trying
    • By just trying 7th Jan 17, 9:19 PM
    • 770 Posts
    • 2,674 Thanks
    just trying
    Mooloo well done on your takings may it continue

    Tired mum, she saves for holidays, she works and employs . She's claiming what's she's entitled to. Do you claim nothing.

    She might have some debts but she has said she's in control of them. This diary isn't for critism she try's her best. Keep going mooloo Xx.

    Edit, there's so many people in this country with mental health issues, it would have to be someone who knew the family to know who she's talking about, some know mooloo, but it's nothing to be ashamed about. It's a horrible illness.
    Last edited by just trying; 07-01-2017 at 9:25 PM.
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    • tiredmum2
    • By tiredmum2 7th Jan 17, 11:24 PM
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    tiredmum2
    Ok so I really can't be bothered with this I will say again that I do not begrudge benefits to those who need them for basics that what was the system was started for so people had a safety net but 3 holidays are not a safety net as for her DIL the internet makes finding people very easy I know what town Mooloo lives in, I know the name of her shop all posted by Mooloo on this thread available to the general public so if i search the internet I could probably tell you her address and her children addresses within an hour all for free it is not just children who need to learn internet safety .
    Just Trying I claim no benefits at all I once claimed unemployment benefit for a few weeks but none of my family receive government assistance at all as i said my husband works to support us .
    • just trying
    • By just trying 7th Jan 17, 11:38 PM
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    • 2,674 Thanks
    just trying
    So does mine, but I still claim child benefit and have claimed child tax credits. All benefits. Lucky you only claiming for a few weeks( if it's only jsa you've claimed). It means nothing anyway, she claims what she's entitled to.

    As for looking for her family on the internet who cares, she is nothing but honest. she has been upfront what she claims and what she saves for, yikes. She only has what she deserves.

    Why try to hurt someone who is trying, your mentality hurts people.
    Last edited by just trying; 07-01-2017 at 11:58 PM.
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    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 7th Jan 17, 11:59 PM
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    Mooloo
    It's okay.

    Let's just leave it as is.

    Each to their own
    I don't have a husband to support me and haven't for 24 years
    End of
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
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