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  • FIRST POST
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 1st Jan 17, 2:18 PM
    • 9,187Posts
    • 44,789Thanks
    Mooloo
    Mooloo's Joining up the dots in 2017
    • #1
    • 1st Jan 17, 2:18 PM
    Mooloo's Joining up the dots in 2017 1st Jan 17 at 2:18 PM
    Welcome to another year in the life of Mooloo.
    I have been posting for many years now and have shared all the ins and outs of life, love, families and work.
    I started when I was struggling to bring up my children and their new babies under quite difficult circumstances.
    I am happy to say that I am in a much better stage of my life than all those years ago.
    I live with my 9 year old granddaughter with a Guardianship order for the past seven years.
    I have my own business running a sewing shop, and I have a rather tenuous relationship with my chap for 12 years plus.
    We are moving into 2017 with the new challenges of joining up the dots and hopefully moving forward to a single home in a couple of years.

    So while I attempt to get things done I will continue to keep my life on track by being accountable for my actions by committing what is going on here.
    I will see if I can remember how to post a link from one thread to another.
    Last edited by Mooloo; 02-01-2017 at 6:54 PM. Reason: Change title
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
Page 2
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 3rd Jan 17, 11:24 PM
    • 9,187 Posts
    • 44,789 Thanks
    Mooloo
    Sons GF is mentally unstable.
    Apparently I am supposed to have reported them to Social and I am now Villan of the century.
    DGDs mum and I have both been on the end of the deranged woman's tongue tonight.
    Happy family not!
    I am currently no longer allowed to be in my grandsons life.
    The woman is totally off her rocker.
    Oh yes I disagree with the way that they live, the less said about it than the better.
    But what bugs me is that I have taken on £2000 of their debt.
    I get up every Saturday and Sunday at 6.30 to get my son to work and I pay for their food shopping every time I take him.
    So why do they believe someone else?
    I would also like to know who that person is that has told them I am to blame.?
    My daughter has also been dragged into it, because I had been honest and said I had told her not to take her baby there as it was a hazard.
    Between us we are now the devil incarnate.
    I can't say who said what, I admitted to telling twin that the place was not very good when she came here two weeks ago and had wanted to go to her brothers. But I don't think that she would ever think of calling social after her asking for help meant she lost dgd.
    I know I am not happy with the mess but I don't think social are the right people to call. Home start, save the children, mencap
    But social services are broken and would not be the first port of call.
    How ever I am feeling betrayed by my son who rang initially to shout at me that some one told them I was initiating the call in the first place.
    I have currently lost my son to this
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 4th Jan 17, 9:52 AM
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    Mooloo
    Well I am not feeling brilliant today after late night arguments with DS and twin1, etc
    I am lucky that I have not got to go to work today .
    I won't be taking DS shopping unless he backs down and calls. I hope that he makes contingency plans for getting to work at the weekend as I have had enough at the moment.
    As I feared the family from hell were the instigator yet again of causing chaos in my family.
    I am sure it will all calm down eventually but today I feel pretty raw.
    I have been looking at my SOA and my budget for January.
    I am trying to see what is the best way forward to juggle the debt and the savings etc so that I can take back control of the debt and get it cleared faster.
    I certainly don't want to be paying high interest rates for longer than necessary and I don't want to be in debt by the time I make the move to Oxford.
    I have £6,179.62 worth of debt which is double this time last year and that doesn't include the wedding dress or other wedding related costs.
    I have been re-reading MSE advice etc and will be looking for a credit card 0% or card shuffling if necessary.
    I made a huge mistake of paying for the holiday on the card and paying the cash across before the statement arrived so they took the payment off the 0% deal first and now I am paying interest on the holiday instead.
    I am planning to call my bank today and see if I can get a card from them and shift the debt to them for a lesser charge.
    I have also still got to go to Mum's and run errands and I also want to take the decorations down and put the tree away today
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • ivyleaf
    • By ivyleaf 4th Jan 17, 10:15 AM
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    • 50,856 Thanks
    ivyleaf
    Oh Mooloo So very sorry that you have yet more upset in your life ((HUGS))
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 4th Jan 17, 10:35 AM
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    • 44,789 Thanks
    Mooloo
    Oh Mooloo So very sorry that you have yet more upset in your life ((HUGS))
    Originally posted by ivyleaf
    Thanks Ivyleaf, I will rise above it for the rest of the day and let them get on with it.
    Just heard that the new windows will be coming on Wednesday so some preparation required to clear the furniture away from under the windows etc. That will cause some issues as beds, bunk beds, sofas and drawers are all in front of the windows and all rooms need access on the same day! Erm..... this will be tricky.
    But I will have new windows and doors finally and then I can get decorated yeah!

    I wonder if it will help with the mould that has come back everywhere with avengence
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 4th Jan 17, 4:33 PM
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    Mooloo
    The day certainly didn't go as planned, but does it ever?
    I did the budget for January this morning, and mid morning went to see Mum and do her chores and then I went to see Biggest of Mooloo. I used my savings ( some of them), to pay for the Wedding Dress so that I didn't add debt to the cards. I babysat while she went food shopping and while kids were playing I applied via MSE link for the Barclays card and 0% over 42 months.
    I was accepted and given a large limit. When the card arrives and is activated I will be able to move all my card debt onto the new card. Which I will then cut up and not use. I have set up a DD for starting in February paying £200 a month.
    That is actually £100 a month less then the current cards payments add up to.
    I will then only keep one of my old cards, to only use for things like holidays and car hire payments that will be cleared every month.

    I can then use the £100 a month in my expenses to pay for the extra fuel that going to Oxford will create, and hopefully I will not have to struggle to make ends meet.
    I will still be aiming to up my wage and reduce my benefit claims over time as well.
    I have come home and put away the Christmas tree and decorations and the neighbour's been visited and a natter catching up on the last two weeks.
    My post has arrived and my newest Self Helps book has arrived from America. So some night reading when I am not working on the business!
    Dinner tonight is sausage, mash and baked beans.
    I will have a look to see if I have a menu template somewhere to print off and get that done for the month ahead.

    So not a bad day really.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 5th Jan 17, 7:06 AM
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    • 44,789 Thanks
    Mooloo
    I have spent an hour with my mobile phone reading the emails etc. Used my SAD lamp and have had my first cup of tea. Now I have a few minutes left to update and get up. The new Hamster is using the wheel in his cage and its squeaking like mad, will need to find wd40 or similar I think!
    Dgd lost a tooth last night and I didn't know it was loose. Mad scramble for the pound from the fairy! At 2.30 in the morning trying to find a tiny tooth and not wake her up was not fun. Eventually found it between two pillows!
    The year begins properly for us today with back to school and work.
    I have two evening gowns and a jacket sleeves to shorten today. So unless I am inundated with new work I will be working on the next lot of lessons today.
    I need to get back on track with them.
    Email from Brownies tells me the Pantomime is next Friday and I had forgotten. I won't be here and biggest was going to be having dgd for the weekend collecting her from after school club. But Brownies say dgd has to have a meal and be at the meeting point at 5.15 and won't be back until 10.30pm which will be far to late for biggest as she has very little ones.
    I can see me having to try to make frantic changes to DGDs care or she will have to miss the Pantomime which will be a waste of money, a disappointment and probably mean that I will have to try to make time to take her if I can get tickets!
    Slight disaster then.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Almost-free
    • By Almost-free 5th Jan 17, 9:59 AM
    • 106 Posts
    • 288 Thanks
    Almost-free
    I haven't been on for a while so I'm way behind Mooloo . Forgive me if I've missed something , but why are you having to pay for biggest's wedding ? You clearly aren't in any position to be doing so . I wouldn't be taking holidays if in debt either, as it would worry me to death, I know life is for living, but I would rather do without for a couple of years and get myself straight .

    I'm horrified with what has happened with your son- you must be incredibly hurt to have been accused like that when you do so much for them . 'No good deed goes unpunished ' comes to mind! It's not even as if there isn't cause for concern,from what you have said . They should save indignation for when they have clean hands really!

    I don't think you will ever be straight financially or that your children will be truly independent unless you consistently say no and make it clear they have to work things out for themselves . It's interesting that the current burdens you are taking are from the two who don't have special needs. If biggest can't afford things then surely a budget wedding should be on the cards - one that she pays for herself ?

    I know it's in our nature to want to help our children - I have three myself , one of whom has become a daddy at the young age of 21. I offer help with nappies etc and they can come and eat here any time they want ( although they don't that often ) but I've felt it was important they learn to stand on their own two feet and so far they are, despite us living in one of the most expensive places to live. They are learning life skills that will help them for the rest of their lives and I don't want to interfere with that .

    I expect to be thoroughly flamed for my post by your regulars and that's ok . I mean no offence Mooloo but hate to see these constant cycles you go through with your children, your finances and your partner. I think that's been more obvious to me because I haven't been keeping up with your diary and it was like reading one from a couple of years ago with nothing changing . You are a lovely, hardworking and loving lady and I so wish things could be easier for you .
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 5th Jan 17, 1:01 PM
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    Mooloo
    I didn't pay for the holiday, and the shop would have been closed anyway.
    I agree that I am gutted about my son.
    I am helping biggest because her father is not in a position to.
    I am only paying for the dresses. She will be paying me back for the transportation if I have to help with that. The problem was that the wedding was all booked up and she thought her partner was financially secure except it came out that he had 12 years of debt behind him that he was ignoring so she is tackling the debt and juggling the payments on their deadlines. He is earning good money and now that the debt is acknowledged he is doing something to sort it. But I know that it is not ideal.
    I believe that I am always the type of person to help others not only my family and I am proud that I have that philosophy rather than not.
    I know I frustrate myself and you.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • dktreesea
    • By dktreesea 5th Jan 17, 1:39 PM
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    dktreesea
    Hi Mooloo, I'm sorry to hear about the ruckus with your son and his family. Maybe for their debt it might be better to get them in touch with someone like Stepchange, rather than just pay things off for them? But hey, everybody does what they think is best at the time, i.e. when the crisis emerges.


    Their neighbours don't surprise me, i.e. if they are the ones who told DS and his family you had reported them to the social. My DD tells me tales of exploitation between poor people that just makes me think the relentless grind of poverty makes people do whatever they can to get their hands on resources for themselves and other people's, if they can get away with it. Of course they would want to interfere in your relationship with your DS and his family if it was influencing their grip on that family. I hope your DS comes to his senses.


    I do find his reaction surprising though. What exactly are his neighbours doing for him compared to everything you do for him? And why would he trust what someone else is saying over you? Does he really think so badly of you that you would involve the social?
    • LKRDN_Morgan
    • By LKRDN_Morgan 5th Jan 17, 2:29 PM
    • 272 Posts
    • 815 Thanks
    LKRDN_Morgan
    I didn't pay for the holiday, and the shop would have been closed anyway.
    I agree that I am gutted about my son.
    I am helping biggest because her father is not in a position to.
    I am only paying for the dresses. She will be paying me back for the transportation if I have to help with that. The problem was that the wedding was all booked up and she thought her partner was financially secure except it came out that he had 12 years of debt behind him that he was ignoring so she is tackling the debt and juggling the payments on their deadlines. He is earning good money and now that the debt is acknowledged he is doing something to sort it. But I know that it is not ideal.
    I believe that I am always the type of person to help others not only my family and I am proud that I have that philosophy rather than not.
    I know I frustrate myself and you.
    Originally posted by Mooloo
    To be blunt that is excuse after excuse. You said in another post you made the mistake of paying for the holiday on a card but are now saying you didn't pay for it? Did you mean a different holiday? More than 1 holiday when you're in debt with a low income and benefit top-ups is a luxury.

    Read the DFW section. Consolidating debt onto a card or taking out a loan is the worst thing you can do unless you have the willpower to not accumulate further debt. With all due respect you don't see to have any. It's a disaster waiting to happen

    As for helping your daughter because her father isn't in a position to is crazy. Its 2017. It's no longer the norm for the father of the bride to cough up and you shouldn't feel obliged to either. Surely your daughter should be refusing your offer instead of pilling more onto it? The dresses and now possibly the transport. You're being taken advantage of left right and centre but you continue to make excuses.

    Mooloo until you see the light this won't change.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 5th Jan 17, 7:29 PM
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    Mooloo
    I booked the holiday using my credit card, and Mum gave me a cheque to pay for it. Unfortunately I used the credit card that had a 0% balance transfer still on it. Budgeted to be paid off well before the deal was due to end. However I made the mistake of paying the holiday amount before the statement was created and so Halifax took it odd of the 0% deal and leaving the holiday deal as a transaction that now is not on a 0% meaning that it is accruing interest that I had not expected.
    My mother gave me £1,000 for Christmas and I have used £800 of that to pay for the dress. That is not adding to my debt.
    I have addressed the rest of the debts by following MSE advice and getting a new 0% deal where I will pay all debt across so I don't pay interest.
    I am then only paying one card instead of 3.
    I do have savings that are increased each month, after having the new car and the drive done last year. I am keeping the cash until my dental work has been paid for, then I will put all but my Emergency funds towards the debts if necessary.
    I will be cutting up the new card so I don't make the mistake of using it again and I will close two of the other cards.
    Looking at the budget I worked on for this year I will be able to afford the card repayment and I will have £100 a month for emergency fund and £100 for Holiday funds.
    I don't think that that is bad.
    I don't see why I have to not have holidays. The weekend away for BF is paid for and I have Euros already for any extra spending.
    The holiday that I take dgd on at Easter was paid for last year, and I have £600 in the holiday fund for spending etc.
    I think that I am pretty organised.
    the emergency fund is back up to £500.
    So I think I am very much back in control after rescuing my daughter's wedding and stopping bailiff for my son ( even though he doesn't deserve it at the moment).
    I have every confidence that I will manage.

    At work I had a good meeting with the accountant and I had a positive day with work coming in all day.
    I only took £75 today but that's not bad for my first day back, and I have every confidence I will get more work each day.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Feral Moon
    • By Feral Moon 6th Jan 17, 1:05 AM
    • 2,697 Posts
    • 3,925 Thanks
    Feral Moon
    You don't need to explain yourself or detail your finances to anyone here Mooloo xx
    • Redlady.....
    • By Redlady..... 6th Jan 17, 1:06 AM
    • 68 Posts
    • 470 Thanks
    Redlady.....
    I read your diary most days Mooloo and love reading about you and your life. I'd hate to think your frank openness would be stunted because some people think you should do things differently.

    You live your life how you want to, you're doing ok. Most of us think we could live other peoples lives better than they can themselves, it's easy really, just take out all the emotions, feelings and worries.

    I hope things work out with your son, that your daughter has a fantastic wedding and your twins get wiser as they get older.

    Oh......and keep up the honesty in your diary.....it's a great read.
    • Almost-free
    • By Almost-free 6th Jan 17, 2:13 AM
    • 106 Posts
    • 288 Thanks
    Almost-free
    In your position I would be very worried that my daughter was marrying someone with 12 yrs of undisclosed debt,and I would have been encouraging her to delay the wedding until it was clear he has changed his ways -I've lived with someone that lied constantly about money and I honestly think it's so ingrained they are unlikely to change .

    I also agree that you do have an answer for any sort of negative comment & are very defensive .

    i cannot however imagine the stress of juggling debt and bills the way you do. I was left in a horrible financial situation 8 yrs ago because of my dishonest financial nightmare of an ex . I took advice at the time and the one thing I took to heart was - no credit cards .At all. Having seen my own parents never use credit (apart from their mortgage )and save for everything they wanted, it was easy fir me to stick to that .

    I now only have my mortgage , and it has been boring - no holidays etc but the knowledge that I don't have debt is worth more to me than any holiday ( a few days away from the stress is always followed by months of dealing with it again)plus I think it has been a good example to my kids.

    I don't love my kids any less than you do ( nor they me) because I don't choose to try to solve any short term problem that they can solve themselves with maybe a slightly less fun alternative - i.e. Postponing a wedding that they clearly cannot afford . A wedding can cost virtually nothing if it's that important to do right now, and have a blessing/party when funds allow. Plus a lesson learned that we would all benefit from trying to live within our means .

    I don't doubt you have a heart of gold but I think you have to consider if you are enabling poor decision-making in your children .
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 6th Jan 17, 6:14 AM
    • 5,449 Posts
    • 24,800 Thanks
    thorsoak
    (Text removed by MSE Forum Team)

    If, like some of us, you have followed Mooloo's very honest diaries over what - 7 or 8 years - you would know that Mooloo tells us - very honestly - about what goes on in her life. It's all very well criticising her choices and giving her spurious advice but don't you think that she already knows all this? She does. Life knocks her down and she gets up again and carries on.

    Mooloo isn't asking for advice, she comes here to let us know how things are going.
    Last edited by MSE ForumTeam5; 07-01-2017 at 8:10 AM.
    • mellymoo74
    • By mellymoo74 6th Jan 17, 6:20 AM
    • 5,670 Posts
    • 13,013 Thanks
    mellymoo74
    I agree with thorsoak
    Don't feel disheatend MooLoo a few of us realise your doing your best.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 6th Jan 17, 6:58 AM
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    Mooloo
    Biggest's partner only lied by omission I believe, as he was on a good wage he believed that he was able to handle the debts, but he never did a budget and was not honest with himself. I agree that it is not very good way to start a marriage, but cancelling the wedding is not going to happen as his Mum has Luikemia and Dad died of cancer last year. So it may be for the wrong reasons in some people's views but for them, it is what they want to do.
    Biggest now has control of his money, is dealing with the debts and I believe that they will get there. Yes I am soft and have helped (or hindered in some opinion), my children, as they have grown into adulthood and I am not very good at saying no. Yes in some people's eyes they are using me.
    I don't expect everyone to understand me, or agree with me, yes I may come over as defensive, as a Cat with her kittens, and in some eyes I am full of excuses.
    In my eyes I am telling it as it is because when I needed help a lot of you were there, I have got used to diarising my life and I suppose although I don't like criticism I have to expect it and run with it.
    I don't have a loan. Just the credit cards.
    I am not in overdraft, and there is money in the various accounts that if I had to pay off the credit cards I would have only £1200 worth of debt and if I really had to I have that in the business savings accounts.
    I could go back to scratch and start with 0 debt if the worst befalls me.
    However I would rather divide my funds into the little pots, make use of the system ( granted I made a mistake and took my eyes off the ball in November), but I am aware of every single penny and where it is. ( or isn't).
    I am not perfect, I do overspend occasionally but I am good at reining it in again and I am so used to juggling that it doesn't worry me, I am just challenged by it occasionally.
    I don't bury my head in the sand and ignore debt, and yes I have taken on DSs debt, and didn't have to. Yes I was niece to think that he would buck up his ideas and grow into a man.
    No I don't have a magic wand that will sort them out and I am frustrated with them all at times. I get exasperated at times, but I am going with my motherly instincts and I am not going to apologise for that.
    I have helped others less fortunate than me, not just my children, and I will probably do that again.
    When I die, I will be able to say that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference. Be it only a small one.
    I do need to reduce my debt and increase my savings etc, and I have a plan and a budget worked out. I have a date in 2019 to be debt free by.
    At the same time my savings will be growing at £100 a month and so there should be no need to use the credit card except for the rights it gives, the convenience and in some cases like car hire, the only card they accept.
    Considering that I was only able to start to pay my self a wage since last spring/summer, and I have achieved what I have, I am confident that I can budget well enough.
    I may not do it, but I am sure that I will.

    You may not agree with my methods but I understand where you are coming from.
    I don't expect every posting here to be in agreement with me. I don't expect everyone to be nice, kind, or sympathetic when the need arises. I do expect challenges.
    I don't like criticism naturally but I chose to put my life and thoughts here, so I have to go with the flow.
    I have made many friends from here, helped many deal with Social Services, adoption, fostering, have produced budget plans for people that have approached me, and produced a menu plan for a food bank, to give ideas to those who have a random bag of tins and dried goods to survive off when they have nothing.
    I think that that is a good reason for me to carry on telling you how it is in my world.
    Thousands of you have regularly read my story over 9 years and those who met me in real life know what a turn around I have made of my life and health and how far I have come.
    I am on a journey that is moving forward ever nearer to my goals and I will continue to strive to make it happen.
    I don't expect everyone to agree with me, to always follow me, and occasionally some comments upset me, but that is just how it is.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Dansmam
    • By Dansmam 6th Jan 17, 7:24 AM
    • 525 Posts
    • 1,793 Thanks
    Dansmam
    Hi Mooloo hope you don't mind another lurker jumping in just to say I dip into your diaries from time to time and follow your ups and downs because you seem such a resilient person and I never know what's happening next. I love that you weave the fun things in with the boring and take holidays with your mum. Yes there are patterns in what you do but that's how humans are and at the end of the day you have a plan for debt freedom and you're following it. If a(nother) blip happens you will sort it and move on. Because that's what you do ������
    Last edited by Dansmam; 06-01-2017 at 7:27 AM. Reason: Sorry emojis not not working - should be winky face + thumbs up x
    • dktreesea
    • By dktreesea 6th Jan 17, 2:48 PM
    • 5,552 Posts
    • 8,675 Thanks
    dktreesea
    .......
    When I die, I will be able to say that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference. Be it only a small one.
    .....
    Originally posted by Mooloo

    What a beautiful aspiration. I think you should put this in your signature.
    • dreaming
    • By dreaming 6th Jan 17, 3:23 PM
    • 642 Posts
    • 2,768 Thanks
    dreaming
    I have been reading for a long time Mooloo and really admire how open you have been. It is very easy for others to criticise/comment on how you live your life but as someone who has faced major family upheaval in the last few years I also know that sometimes you find yourself doing things to support family members which you never thought you would. There have been some people who have felt it necessary to give me (unasked for) advice about my situation, often saying "if I were you I would .....". I did say to one person "No, if you were me you would do exactly the same thing, but maybe you as you would do something differently". I'm not sure that comes across as I mean it but I have done what I have felt was the right thing at times (although I have since thought I could have done some of it differently). But sometimes you don't have the benefit of time to seek advice from friends or professionals (and that has been sadly lacking) in a given situation - you just have to make a decision in that moment and hope that it all works out.
    I wish you all the best in 2017 and will be reading along and cheering you from the sidelines. May even pop into your shop one day as I in the same county.
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