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  • FIRST POST
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    • 5,101Posts
    • 21,526Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3 17th Mar 16 at 5:23 PM
    This thread is a continuation of The Mental Health thread “Here we can all be heard for a little while Part 2”. The previous thread can be found here-

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5320917&page=501

    I started the original thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk (we call them humming birds because they hover!) if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

    Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!


    Hugs and warm handshakes, or finger squishes, whichever you prefer.

    Also, please take a look at the following links which offer great advice written by the lovely people at MSE!

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/family/2016/03/martin-lewis-launches-new-money--mental-health-policy-institute

    http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2016/05/16/the-money-and-mental-health-policy-institute-whatll-it-really-do

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 17-05-2016 at 10:29 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
Page 426
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 9th Apr 17, 7:10 PM
    • 18,598 Posts
    • 18,859 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    Penitent - what you are saying sounds terribly terribly like the experience of a friend of mine who has just been diagnosed as on the autistic spectrum. Whether or not you have any elements of this, have you tried lying under a weighted blanket? I know my friend finds this very comforting.

    If anyone is interested in reading her blog, it is at https://finallyknowingme.wordpress.com/ (I may have already said this, in which case apologies.)
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

    The good folk of the matched betting board are now (I hope!) supporting Macmillan, in memory of Fifigrace. Visit
    https://www.gofundme.com/running-the-leeds-10k-for-macmillan
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 9th Apr 17, 7:56 PM
    • 5,101 Posts
    • 21,526 Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    Thank you for the link JM! I have saved it and will check it daily. I read a few posts and found it really inspiring and wonderfully human, please tell your friend that from me.

    Hello SDW! We miss you!
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 9th Apr 17, 10:13 PM
    • 18,598 Posts
    • 18,859 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    Oops, I hadn't thought about the heat aspect A small dark space does sound nice though <3
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

    The good folk of the matched betting board are now (I hope!) supporting Macmillan, in memory of Fifigrace. Visit
    https://www.gofundme.com/running-the-leeds-10k-for-macmillan
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 10th Apr 17, 9:51 AM
    • 7,495 Posts
    • 16,460 Thanks
    heartbreak_star
    I have had a very exciting weekend, I have been driven around in a tank and shot some clay pigeons - apparently they are actually made out of tarmac not clay!

    Let's just ignore the hangover

    HBS x
    I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.

    #JC4PM
    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 10th Apr 17, 11:11 AM
    • 29,064 Posts
    • 54,106 Thanks
    seven-day-weekend
    Thank you for the link JM! I have saved it and will check it daily. I read a few posts and found it really inspiring and wonderfully human, please tell your friend that from me.

    Hello SDW! We miss you!
    Originally posted by Waves and Smiles
    I am lurking a lot But thanks for the kind words!
    To love someone is to learn the song in their heart and to sing it to them when they have forgotten it
    'I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because I see everything by it': C.S. Lewis
    St. Augustine — 'In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.'
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 10th Apr 17, 2:18 PM
    • 11,502 Posts
    • 48,161 Thanks
    whitewing
    I am watching the news. My thoughts are with the police and the family - keep them safe - and I hope the beautiful ceremony brings peace to all.

    So sad that we all understand the enormous pain, but we also understand that there is joy and laughter in the future too, although it can't feel like that.

    Hope you all are okay, thread friends.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 10th Apr 17, 6:01 PM
    • 5,101 Posts
    • 21,526 Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    I hate reoccuring bad dreams and practically every dream I have is one of them. I am sick of reliving my past every night with new twists on it, I wake up every morning shaking and feeling horrible. It is frustrating to say the least. The high antipsychotic dose before bed is supposed to help control it, I hate to imagine what it would be like without them. It takes until the afternoon every day to feel better.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 10th Apr 17, 8:53 PM
    • 5,101 Posts
    • 21,526 Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    I haven't done a long post for while but here is one about disordered thinking in Schizophrenia. I am struggling with it today and it might help someone, it will help me by writing it out.

    Schizophrenia is characterised by disorganised thinking. The best way I can describe this is imagine 10 tvs on 10 different channels playing all at once. Your task is then to make sense of the information each channel is giving you. It is relentless and like this from the moment you wake until the moment you sleep. The programmes change on the channels too sometimes within minutes so they can be about many different things throughout the day.

    There are constant thoughts about all kinds of things flooding your brain, one thing this does is make completing tasks very hard because you try to concentrate on one while there is all of this other input. I can manage at the most two tasks at once on a good day, if I try more than that my mind freezes and I become locked up. This means I cannot physically move, I cannot formulate a clear thought to raise my arm or take a step, in fact if I try to take a step I will likely fall over because there are so many other thoughts that my brain cannot complete the task. Although Catatonic Schizophrenia looks very still it is incredibly busy in your brain, you have thoughts firing constantly with utter confusion and you are unable to pick a clear thought out of it even to tell you to move a finger.

    Because I am high functioning I am able to use thought-blocking techniques to combat some of this. For example, I can imagine the thought I want to follow physically growing larger in my brain while the others shrink (I see the thoughts as words on a piece of paper and imagine the paper growing larger). Another technique I use is to raise my arm rigidly in the air and I shout stop, the action and the word allow a reset in my brain which momentarily blocks the thoughts and allows me to start again. I was lucky enough to have a wonderful psychiatrist who taught me these methods of control.

    However, there are still things I cannot do. I cannot have a tv on often because the voices add to the thoughts and they start swirling around my brain too, I usually sit in silence. The same goes for audio books or music with lyrics. Following conversation can be very hard face to face. I cannot walk and talk at the same time, I will simply forget the conversation or fall straight over my feet because there is so much else filling up my brain. I can usually only manage to do one thing at a time, I can only bring one task into focus, anything else gets lost in amongst all the other thoughts. This severely limits what I can achieve and can be dangerous if it involves things like remembering to both turn off an oven and remove food, There have been many occasions where I will turn off the oven then take the dish out with my bare hands because using an oven glove gets lost in all of the other thoughts. My mind says take the food out but use an oven glove gets lost somewhere under cats are cute, the sky is blue today, I have an itch, I need to brush my teeth, umbrellas keep you dry, my t shirt is green,etc. These random thoughts are with me all the time all pushing to be heard.

    It is exhausting physically and mentally and it never stops. It is never quiet. Some days are better than others, I hope for the thoughts at least to be linking to each other so that there is a pattern I can follow. Today is particularly hard.
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 10-04-2017 at 9:05 PM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 10th Apr 17, 8:56 PM
    • 11,502 Posts
    • 48,161 Thanks
    whitewing
    Incredibly well-explained, WaS.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 10th Apr 17, 9:15 PM
    • 7,997 Posts
    • 35,696 Thanks
    tea lover
    Thank you so much for that WaS. Your explanations are some of the clearest writing I've ever seen, it's so informative.
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 10th Apr 17, 9:37 PM
    • 5,101 Posts
    • 21,526 Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    Aww, thank you. It helped me to write it, it is a relief to focus on one thing. I suddenly thought that people probably think schizophrenics in a catatonic episode are 'missing' or just not there and in an empty part of the brain. It couldn't be further from the truth. When a freeze is triggered there are an incredible amount of thoughts rushing through your brain and utter panic because you cant hold one of them for long enough to make yourself even lift your hand. It is anything but still inside your mind and you are still very much there, just completely lost in chaos. It feels very frightening and very active.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 10th Apr 17, 9:53 PM
    • 18,598 Posts
    • 18,859 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    I do love your explanatory posts, WaS - I learn LOADS from them! Thank you xxxx
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

    The good folk of the matched betting board are now (I hope!) supporting Macmillan, in memory of Fifigrace. Visit
    https://www.gofundme.com/running-the-leeds-10k-for-macmillan
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 10th Apr 17, 10:03 PM
    • 5,101 Posts
    • 21,526 Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    Aw, you are welcome, JM. Writing it out helps me focus on a single thought so that the background thoughts fade so it helps me too. I watched a programme about Catatonic Schizophrenia a while ago and was horrified that they were leaving people quietly in their frozen state to come out if naturally, it is the worse thing to do. We need something to ground us so we can focus on that rather than the rushing thoughts, even things as simple as giving us an ice cube to hold or holding our hands and loudly saying stop can be enough to halt the thoughts. Our bodies are frozen but our minds certainly are not.
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 10-04-2017 at 10:08 PM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 11th Apr 17, 12:44 AM
    • 16,953 Posts
    • 44,531 Thanks
    xXMessedUpXx
    quietly freaking out slightly

    haven't been in MH services for 4 years.

    [penguin]i remember even back then they said they might not take me on, they only did as i'd just attempted suicide and from that i got 3 years of psychiatrist and cpn. [/penguin] I'm scared. I'm scared they won't take me on, i'm scared that they will take me on. I need more support but i don't know what support i need. I know long term wise they want me off my mood stabaliser as it can cause serious heart problems (lol i asked the doctor of anything else worked as well, he said no but it has cardiac problems). I'm scared of being off my meds cos even with support my mood will crash/raise dramatically with catastrophic results. I'm scared they might get me off my meds then leave me on my own.


    On top of that anxiety above anything i feel like a failure for going back to them. My ex made a massive deal of how good it was that i'd been discharged but he never stuck around to see me struggle on my own over the next 4 years. Eurgh.

    Sorry i needed a little rant

    hugs and warm handshakes for all, i'm off to hide in the fort till my appointment comes through
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
    To see the rainbow you need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear
    weight lost: 0lbs
    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 11th Apr 17, 7:33 AM
    • 29,064 Posts
    • 54,106 Thanks
    seven-day-weekend
    I haven't done a long post for while but here is one about disordered thinking in Schizophrenia. I am struggling with it today and it might help someone, it will help me by writing it out.

    Schizophrenia is characterised by disorganised thinking. The best way I can describe this is imagine 10 tvs on 10 different channels playing all at once. Your task is then to make sense of the information each channel is giving you. It is relentless and like this from the moment you wake until the moment you sleep. The programmes change on the channels too sometimes within minutes so they can be about many different things throughout the day.

    There are constant thoughts about all kinds of things flooding your brain, one thing this does is make completing tasks very hard because you try to concentrate on one while there is all of this other input. I can manage at the most two tasks at once on a good day, if I try more than that my mind freezes and I become locked up. This means I cannot physically move, I cannot formulate a clear thought to raise my arm or take a step, in fact if I try to take a step I will likely fall over because there are so many other thoughts that my brain cannot complete the task. Although Catatonic Schizophrenia looks very still it is incredibly busy in your brain, you have thoughts firing constantly with utter confusion and you are unable to pick a clear thought out of it even to tell you to move a finger.

    Because I am high functioning I am able to use thought-blocking techniques to combat some of this. For example, I can imagine the thought I want to follow physically growing larger in my brain while the others shrink (I see the thoughts as words on a piece of paper and imagine the paper growing larger). Another technique I use is to raise my arm rigidly in the air and I shout stop, the action and the word allow a reset in my brain which momentarily blocks the thoughts and allows me to start again. I was lucky enough to have a wonderful psychiatrist who taught me these methods of control.

    However, there are still things I cannot do. I cannot have a tv on often because the voices add to the thoughts and they start swirling around my brain too, I usually sit in silence. The same goes for audio books or music with lyrics. Following conversation can be very hard face to face. I cannot walk and talk at the same time, I will simply forget the conversation or fall straight over my feet because there is so much else filling up my brain. I can usually only manage to do one thing at a time, I can only bring one task into focus, anything else gets lost in amongst all the other thoughts. This severely limits what I can achieve and can be dangerous if it involves things like remembering to both turn off an oven and remove food, There have been many occasions where I will turn off the oven then take the dish out with my bare hands because using an oven glove gets lost in all of the other thoughts. My mind says take the food out but use an oven glove gets lost somewhere under cats are cute, the sky is blue today, I have an itch, I need to brush my teeth, umbrellas keep you dry, my t shirt is green,etc. These random thoughts are with me all the time all pushing to be heard.

    It is exhausting physically and mentally and it never stops. It is never quiet. Some days are better than others, I hope for the thoughts at least to be linking to each other so that there is a pattern I can follow. Today is particularly hard.
    Originally posted by Waves and Smiles

    Once again an eloquent and insightful post, you can help others so much, WaS xxxxx
    To love someone is to learn the song in their heart and to sing it to them when they have forgotten it
    'I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because I see everything by it': C.S. Lewis
    St. Augustine — 'In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.'
    • elsien
    • By elsien 11th Apr 17, 8:15 AM
    • 14,799 Posts
    • 36,852 Thanks
    elsien
    MU, you wouldn't feel a failure for ongoing support for a physical problem would you, so this is no different.
    Remember the appointment is a two way process with you as the important one. Would it help to write some of your anxieties down - then you can wave them at people or not depending on how you feel. Try not to do the brace face routine with them though - it doesn't help at times like this, and it is impacting on your job and day to day life at the moment.
    Sending positive thoughts your way.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 11th Apr 17, 8:51 AM
    • 18,598 Posts
    • 18,859 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    I looove this thread - people say such helpful and sensible things. All I can say is that SDW, it sounds like I feel sometimes at 3 o'clock in the morning. I worry and worry about things, and then in the morning I realise I was worrying FAR too much. Same thing with you - you are worrying BECAUSE you're not so well at the moment. Once you start talking things through, and hopefully get some decent help, your worries will begin to melt away. In the mean time, what would you like delivered to the fort? I thought a haystack sized pyramid of candy floss might be a nice start.....
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

    The good folk of the matched betting board are now (I hope!) supporting Macmillan, in memory of Fifigrace. Visit
    https://www.gofundme.com/running-the-leeds-10k-for-macmillan
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 11th Apr 17, 10:04 AM
    • 1,301 Posts
    • 3,735 Thanks
    Izadora
    WaS, thank you, as always, for your fantastically clear explanations.

    MU, I hope you manage to get all of the support you need (even if you're not currently sure what it is) and that things calm down a bit soon.
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 11th Apr 17, 10:34 AM
    • 11,502 Posts
    • 48,161 Thanks
    whitewing
    I am slightly fed up. Sent a list of available times/dates to someone for a meeting and he has confirmed the day but an hour earlier than I said. Which means getting into work earlier, changing childcare etc etc.

    Littlewing makes me laugh though. I went out yesterday, leaving her to make the Easter cards. We were going to do 'Some bunny loves you' cards. I get home and there are beautiful homemade cards but after the 'Some bunny loves you' she has written to everyone 'and also I love you'.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 11th Apr 17, 11:17 AM
    • 7,997 Posts
    • 35,696 Thanks
    tea lover
    Awww WW, that is so cute!
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