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  • FIRST POST
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 17th Mar 16, 4:23 PM
    • 5,072Posts
    • 21,325Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 16, 4:23 PM
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3 17th Mar 16 at 4:23 PM
    This thread is a continuation of The Mental Health thread “Here we can all be heard for a little while Part 2”. The previous thread can be found here-

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5320917&page=501

    I started the original thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk (we call them humming birds because they hover!) if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

    Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!


    Hugs and warm handshakes, or finger squishes, whichever you prefer.

    Also, please take a look at the following links which offer great advice written by the lovely people at MSE!

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/family/2016/03/martin-lewis-launches-new-money--mental-health-policy-institute

    http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2016/05/16/the-money-and-mental-health-policy-institute-whatll-it-really-do

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 17-05-2016 at 9:29 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
Page 426
    • Lambyr
    • By Lambyr 17th Mar 17, 1:14 PM
    • 484 Posts
    • 1,386 Thanks
    Lambyr
    Lambyr, what was that bookwriting software you spoke about ages ago? I want to recommend it to someone.
    Originally posted by whitewing
    Sorry, I can't remember. I've been using a bunch. I remember mentioning Final Draft but that's for script writing.

    Book writing... Scrivener, maybe? I use that a lot. Did also use Novlr for a bit but it's $10 a month and makes more sense to use Scrivener cos it's a one-off payment (and I had a discount code!).

    Also been using some editing tool things... can't remember if I mentioned them.
    She would always like to say,
    Why change the past when you can own this day?
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 17th Mar 17, 2:37 PM
    • 1,199 Posts
    • 3,343 Thanks
    Izadora
    Good luck HBS!!
    • Lambyr
    • By Lambyr 17th Mar 17, 5:53 PM
    • 484 Posts
    • 1,386 Thanks
    Lambyr
    My budgeting has been going well - so well, I can afford to pre-order Mass Effect: Andromeda!

    So I've just done that. Already exhausted the ten-hour trial. Now I have to wait until 11pm on Wednesday to play it!
    She would always like to say,
    Why change the past when you can own this day?
    • elsien
    • By elsien 18th Mar 17, 9:33 AM
    • 14,237 Posts
    • 35,086 Thanks
    elsien
    Today's learning curve is never to take idiot Gitdogs to the local park when Park Run is on. I'm now traumatised.
    Although I had to laugh at the runner who ended up carrying her reluctant dog to the finish line.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 18th Mar 17, 10:26 AM
    • 8,564 Posts
    • 15,192 Thanks
    calleyw
    Good Morning my lovelies,

    Hugs and squishes and hugs all around.

    HBS fingers crossed.

    Well completed our first week of couch to 5k yesterday morning yay!!!!

    Anyway yesterday turned in to a mare. Car battery light came on yesterday. Thought that will be ok I can get it checked out later. Went to a town about 20 miles away to meet up with step daughter and grand daughter as husbands birthday.

    Ended up with the battery failing as the alternator is dead as a dodo. So no power steering. Managed to pull in to a side street and two hrs and 15 mins later recovery arrived. And that was a priority with a disabled person in the car. I needed the toilet and I knew there was no point knocking on anyone's door. So ended up walking about 15 mins to nearest place I knew had public access loos. On the way back, recovery had turned up. And as I was taking so long to get back, he was coming to find me LOL!!!

    We had a choice put on a new battery and drive home with the recovery people following us or wait another hour and 15 mins for a tow truck!! Guess which one I choose

    The AM was stuck at work 7 miles from home. And no one even offered to take him to the bus stop or even to the local bus station so he could catch a bus. I know that he is big lad and can look after himself. I would not allow that to happen. I once had a colleague go 7 miles out of there way to take me home one evening when I was stuck with out car.

    As you can imagine we where both shattered and I still had to get husband home and dog walked. Oh such fun

    But hey its totally messed up the weekends plans of going back to AMs place and finishing off the work we need to do.

    Car gone in this morning. So that will nearly £400 but at least AM has not more rent or council tax to pay. Not sure what he is going to do about work next week.

    One thing guys. If you ever go out for the day please make sure your phone is fully charged and keep a powerbank in your bag or the car. I got a cheapy one from a pound shop. As by the end of day my phone was failing!!!! So could not keep everyone up to do date with what was happening.

    Everyone have a relaxing day if you can.

    Yours

    Calley X
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • elsien
    • By elsien 19th Mar 17, 5:08 PM
    • 14,237 Posts
    • 35,086 Thanks
    elsien
    Penguin about death.

    ER is dying. It may be in the next day or so, it may be longer. I am not upset for myself but I am sad for the person he used to be before his health preoccupation took over his life. But it is hard for parent to lose two younger siblings comparatively closely.
    I am also surprisingly bothered by ERs children posting sentimental images on FB when they'd not visited him in hospital. I know FB can be people's idealised versions of themselves but it seems a tad hypocritical.


    End penguin.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 19th Mar 17, 6:32 PM
    • 1,547 Posts
    • 2,884 Thanks
    faerielight
    hi guys,trigger mother death
    4
    4
    3
    2
    1





    I dfidnt know where else to turn. I just found out that my mum died, the shock was that she had cancer for 9 months and dint want me to know. I'm so cut up with such complex grief. I never got the appology I so desperatley needed and i never will. and i now have to deal with her side of the family that hate me and thought i was the evil one, from years of gaslighting and lies. And i have to brace myself for the inevitable disinheritance of her estate. I'm in hell, and so seriously ill from my cortisol levels dropping so low recently. i don't know how im going to find the strength to cope with what's ahead.I feel so profoundly alone.
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 19th Mar 17, 7:19 PM
    • 18,224 Posts
    • 18,338 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    faerie, you aren't alone. We are here. Very sorry to hear that you have lost your mum before you'd sorted things out with her. I don't know what your beliefs are about after death things, but she can't hurt you any more, and with any luck is in the process of sorting out her own life and now understands that she has hurt you. Our thoughts are with you. xxxxx
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

    The good folk of the matched betting board are now (I hope!) supporting Macmillan, in memory of Fifigrace. Visit
    https://www.gofundme.com/running-the-leeds-10k-for-macmillan
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 19th Mar 17, 8:39 PM
    • 8,564 Posts
    • 15,192 Thanks
    calleyw
    faerie,

    You are not alone. Massive hugs.

    I know its a shock and you need to take a massive deep breath before you can start to take it in.

    You don't have to deal with anyone you don't want to. If you don't want to attend the funeral you don't have to.

    Her estate will distributed according to the will, if none then per rules of the law.

    At the moment all you have to deal with are your feelings.

    Massive hugs again. Please try and get some rest.

    You take care.

    Yours

    Calley X
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 19th Mar 17, 10:23 PM
    • 1,547 Posts
    • 2,884 Thanks
    faerielight
    jobbing and calley thank you so much for your kind and wise words.it means a lot I always knew that her death would inevitably be so complex far more complex than when my dad died , but it is excruciating . I know I will get through this but it's going to be a very hard grief ahead, not for who she was but who she would never be, the sorry that I will never have. I do believe that we are here to learn lessons and evolve our souls, to remember who we are and to b become love and light , or enlightened.and that possible we have other lifetimes to work out unfinished karma. I believe in a god and angels, which definitely helps
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 20th Mar 17, 9:24 AM
    • 8,564 Posts
    • 15,192 Thanks
    calleyw
    faerie,

    Massive hugs again.

    You have a lot of feelings and thoughts that you need to deal with. And at the moment you are your own number one priority.

    I hope that you will be able at some stage to move forward. You don't have to grieve if you don't want to. Nor forgive either. You know what has happened. And you don't have to explain your thoughts or feelings to anyone at all.

    You take care and get as much rest as you can.

    Yours

    Calley X
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 20th Mar 17, 10:23 AM
    • 1,199 Posts
    • 3,343 Thanks
    Izadora
    ((( Faerie )))

    I know you've got a lot to process but try not to think about the disinheritance part of things. If it is what she chose to do then please don't see it as any kind of reflection on you or your worth, it's nothing to do with you and everything to do with her.
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 20th Mar 17, 10:58 AM
    • 7,918 Posts
    • 35,267 Thanks
    tea lover
    Totally agree with the others faerie. It's completely natural for you to be feeling all sorts of conflicting emotions right now - there's no right or wrong way to feel so please don't beat yourself up. It's perfectly normal for you to feel robbed of the chance to get answers, and everything else that will be spinning through your head right now.

    I hope you manage to get some rest. Take care x.
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 20th Mar 17, 10:16 PM
    • 1,547 Posts
    • 2,884 Thanks
    faerielight
    penguin
    3

    2

    1



    aww thanks guys so much for your kind replies.. grief is so wired, it's so changeable, today, I don't feel any anger, only enormous sorrow, it's so painful when my dad died, i took drugs and alcohol to numb it but the grief got stuck and never healed. I dont ever expect to be free from the legacy of her trauma, but I'm sober and I am trying to be brave and be with it, because I so desperately want some healing, and to not feel like she haunts me all the time. I really need closure. My friend is coming with me to the funeral and poss my female bestie,so I won't be alone, thank goodness, I presume it will be sometime next week.
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 21st Mar 17, 9:11 AM
    • 2,705 Posts
    • 5,907 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    Hang in there faerie, grieving is a journey and as everyone has said, it's completely natural for you to feel all sorts of different emotions as you deal with it.


    I was away last week, visiting family for birthdays and going to some art exhibitions and a concert in London. Also saw my friend who lives there, she is really struggling though she has a diagnosis now (EUPD) and after some group CBT in the autumn and then three individual sessions for assessment, has now been referred to a therapist for DBT which should start in a couple of months. So I have my fingers crossed for her.


    I did a scary thing last night and joined a D&D group. I haven't played since I graduated, 25 years ago, but started looking around for one a few months ago, found one starting a new campaign and last night was the first meeting. Everyone seems nice, though I'm the oldest (when did that happen?) and like always in a group I didn't say very much!
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 21st Mar 17, 9:24 AM
    • 18,224 Posts
    • 18,338 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    elsien, how are you and how is ER? Thinking of you at this time xxxxx

    Also missing pyxis - pyxis, if you are reading, lots of love and hugs to you. (I almost wasn't sure whether to write this or not!)
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

    The good folk of the matched betting board are now (I hope!) supporting Macmillan, in memory of Fifigrace. Visit
    https://www.gofundme.com/running-the-leeds-10k-for-macmillan
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 21st Mar 17, 9:40 AM
    • 7,316 Posts
    • 16,028 Thanks
    heartbreak_star
    Ono, D&D is soooooo good!!

    HBS x
    I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 21st Mar 17, 7:23 PM
    • 14,237 Posts
    • 35,086 Thanks
    elsien
    ER penguin.

    ER is unlikely to last the night, currently occupied in trying to support parent. I'm rubbish at this sort of thing. Foot in mouth syndrome a speciality.

    End penguin

    Having similar thoughts about all our missing person's JM - hope things are Ok for you all, even if posting isn't right for you right now.

    And in a complete change of topic, just found this link about access to BPD services which may be of interest to some.

    https://www.nationalelfservice.net/mental-health/personality-disorder/the-state-of-personality-disorder-services-in-england/
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • mellymoo74
    • By mellymoo74 21st Mar 17, 8:06 PM
    • 5,539 Posts
    • 12,453 Thanks
    mellymoo74
    Being there will be enough elsien
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 22nd Mar 17, 7:31 AM
    • 7,918 Posts
    • 35,267 Thanks
    tea lover
    Thinking of you elsien x.
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