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  • FIRST POST
    • sarahevie1
    • By sarahevie1 10th Apr 15, 12:36 AM
    • 456Posts
    • 2,400Thanks
    sarahevie1
    sarahevie's single quest to mortgage freedom
    • #1
    • 10th Apr 15, 12:36 AM
    sarahevie's single quest to mortgage freedom 10th Apr 15 at 12:36 AM
    I had a diary a while ago but I let it slip, my circumstances have changed massively in the last six months, so I am back aiming for one thing mortgage freedom.

    So about me, single mummy of three beautiful girls. Full time primary school teacher, I also have a Saturday job at a well known supermarket.

    About six months ago oh walked out on me after 12 years, I found myself 30, single and struggling. A few weeks later he was back, and we see each other most days, although he rents a flat in a nearby town. I've had to use literally all my savings to get the joint mortgage into my sole name, £20,000.

    My mum and dad paid oh his equity share of the house £10,000, will have to pay this back. Oh is now in the process of buying his own house, he's asked me to move into it with him, as he never felt like my house was his, although it was in joint names, I'm undecided about moving into ohs new house. All I know for certain is my house is my responsibility and the £58000 mortgage has to go.
Page 29
    • sarahevie1
    • By sarahevie1 16th Mar 17, 11:51 PM
    • 456 Posts
    • 2,400 Thanks
    sarahevie1
    Extra 6 hrs at the supermarket this evening. House looks ace. Love my new double glazing.
    Mortgage 1 - £44000 Value £283000 (Mortgage val survey Sept 15.) 24 years 3 monthsOPs 71670Without OPs balance 119000
    Mortgage 2 - £109000 Value £185000 (Purchase price 2007.) 15 years 11 months
    Original Mortgage debt £300,000 - Now £150000
    • sarahevie1
    • By sarahevie1 17th Mar 17, 9:44 PM
    • 456 Posts
    • 2,400 Thanks
    sarahevie1
    Feeling well and truly stuffed after pub tea with ex and kids. Ex paid but did get a round of drinks £6. Used my monthly play pass. Not quite sure how to tell ex that this hanging out and helping reconcile with kids is not a green light for getting back together. He stayed over last night as I didn't get in til half 11. He's currently in my bed watching tv with two of the kids fast asleep whilst Im in dd3s bedroom.

    We had a massive row tue as he forgot to pick kids up again, school had a huge go at me about it. Keep telling myself mental health problems are as serious as physical and to think compassionately but it's hard!

    A local gym, spa country club has offered teachers at my school unlimited free access over easter hols so will defo be taking advantage!

    The accountant came over Wednesday just sat talking and drinking tea. Less awkward this time when he left he just Said see you soon, think he's getting the same vibe as me, friends only.
    Mortgage 1 - £44000 Value £283000 (Mortgage val survey Sept 15.) 24 years 3 monthsOPs 71670Without OPs balance 119000
    Mortgage 2 - £109000 Value £185000 (Purchase price 2007.) 15 years 11 months
    Original Mortgage debt £300,000 - Now £150000
    • sarahevie1
    • By sarahevie1 19th Mar 17, 9:37 PM
    • 456 Posts
    • 2,400 Thanks
    sarahevie1
    Spending last seven days

    £11.50 new light bulbs
    £65 food shop
    £10 white t shirts and cardigan for school.
    £30 social spends.

    This weeks food shop was £55 which wasn't bad because it included two pairs of black leggings for DD2 and two work blouses for me.
    Mortgage 1 - £44000 Value £283000 (Mortgage val survey Sept 15.) 24 years 3 monthsOPs 71670Without OPs balance 119000
    Mortgage 2 - £109000 Value £185000 (Purchase price 2007.) 15 years 11 months
    Original Mortgage debt £300,000 - Now £150000
    • armchairexpert
    • By armchairexpert 20th Mar 17, 8:31 AM
    • 250 Posts
    • 1,744 Thanks
    armchairexpert
    Hi Sarahevie, I've just read your entire diary, what a lovely person you are.

    I know this is super cheeky from a complete stranger, but please do consider the counselling your Head suggested. Especially if you've been with your now-ex since you were a teenager, it's very very hard for you to see what is normal and acceptable in a relationship. I don't mean that in a condescending way, but if you've not had other relationships, you don't have the blueprint for one. It seems to me that you're both excusing vile behaviour from the ex AND starting to excuse behaviour from your new dates that just isn't okay, you know?

    You're clearly a very smart, very kind, very thoughtful person, and a wonderful mother who's made every decision to ensure her daughters' future. They're lucky to have you, and a good man will one day be lucky to have you as well. But these guys aren't them.

    Totally understand if you just think Who The Heck Is This Strange Poster and ignore me, but having just read through three years of your life I feel like I know you!
    MFW

    Feb 17 -$229,371
    March 17 -$230,023
    • sarahevie1
    • By sarahevie1 20th Mar 17, 10:20 PM
    • 456 Posts
    • 2,400 Thanks
    sarahevie1
    I've just been outed for my diary, but I'm not going anywhere I've always known anyone who knows me in real life would be able to spot me a mile as I disclose absolutely everything. From area where I live, home improvements, dates, job, the girls, church etc but I'm proud of my diary and as my friend said well its certainly accurate Well how did they know it was me? It was the two jobs, relationship with ex and home improvements of all things.

    Might have to start reading back though, as tend to post meaningfully in the moment, then with hindsight do something completely not what I'd planned.

    December 2010 I started on here, with £140,000 of mortgage debt, tiny home and a noose of a BTL. My mortgage on my own, much larger, home is now less than £44,000 so I'm sticking around I wouldn't have done it without the board keeping me on track.
    Mortgage 1 - £44000 Value £283000 (Mortgage val survey Sept 15.) 24 years 3 monthsOPs 71670Without OPs balance 119000
    Mortgage 2 - £109000 Value £185000 (Purchase price 2007.) 15 years 11 months
    Original Mortgage debt £300,000 - Now £150000
    • sarahevie1
    • By sarahevie1 20th Mar 17, 10:35 PM
    • 456 Posts
    • 2,400 Thanks
    sarahevie1
    Hi Sarahevie, I've just read your entire diary, what a lovely person you are.

    Thank you, and well done for getting to the end. I'm not surprised you feel you know me, I feel the same when I read other diaries too - especially when I'm fb friends with them and can see what they look like.


    I know this is super cheeky from a complete stranger, but please do consider the counselling your Head suggested.

    When I had two dependent days off last term we were doing the return to work and she said I don't think you need occupational health. I think that there's much bigger mental health problems at school a couple on long term sick etc. I just plod on. Will definitely take it if offered though


    Especially if you've been with your now-ex since you were a teenager, it's very very hard for you to see what is normal and acceptable in a relationship.

    Starting to realise this more and more. I got together with ex at 18 so wasn't a young teenager was actually first year at uni. Relationship history is pretty scant though. First boyfriend was in the army I was absolutely besotted he dropped me like a stone when I thought we'd marry. Dated a millionaire after that but he was considerably older and I couldn't face sleeping with him as he was overweight and balding. He was only 28 but I was 18. Didn't last long but I always feel he was the one that got away. He used to stand outside halls with flowers. Still in social media contact with him and he's nice



    I don't mean that in a condescending way, but if you've not had other relationships, you don't have the blueprint for one. It seems to me that you're both excusing vile behaviour from the ex AND starting to excuse behaviour from your new dates that just isn't okay, you know?I know ex is volatile but he's messed up and really does need support. He's not nasty he's just been going through a bad time.At the end of the day I'm not helping ex for completely selfless reasons I'm doing it because he is the father of my kids and they deserve somebody stable.They also feel incredibly abandoned by him.

    You're clearly a very smart, very kind, very thoughtful person, and a wonderful mother who's made every decision to ensure her daughters' future. They're lucky to have you, and a good man will one day be lucky to have you as well. But these guys aren't them.

    Thank you.


    Totally understand if you just think Who The Heck Is This Strange Poster and ignore me, but having just read through three years of your life I feel like I know you!

    Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, lovely to hear from you. I feel like I know Alex LK as well, for the same reasons
    Originally posted by armchairexpert
    Responses in purple
    Mortgage 1 - £44000 Value £283000 (Mortgage val survey Sept 15.) 24 years 3 monthsOPs 71670Without OPs balance 119000
    Mortgage 2 - £109000 Value £185000 (Purchase price 2007.) 15 years 11 months
    Original Mortgage debt £300,000 - Now £150000
    • armchairexpert
    • By armchairexpert 21st Mar 17, 5:17 AM
    • 250 Posts
    • 1,744 Thanks
    armchairexpert
    Oh, no, I get that you're maintaining the good relationship with the ex for the kids, and it's admirable. How heartbreaking that he considers time with his own kids 'babysitting' and 'helping you out' and using that as a power trip over you - I imagine that hurts a lot. It's not so much him, as whether counselling would help you to step back and consider what you actually deserve before you plunge into the world of internet dating.

    But you're obviously very clear headed and very smart and perfectly capable of running your own life!
    MFW

    Feb 17 -$229,371
    March 17 -$230,023
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