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  • FIRST POST
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    • 5,101Posts
    • 21,526Thanks
    Waves and Smiles
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3 17th Mar 16 at 5:23 PM
    This thread is a continuation of The Mental Health thread “Here we can all be heard for a little while Part 2”. The previous thread can be found here-

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5320917&page=501

    I started the original thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk (we call them humming birds because they hover!) if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

    Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!


    Hugs and warm handshakes, or finger squishes, whichever you prefer.

    Also, please take a look at the following links which offer great advice written by the lovely people at MSE!

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/family/2016/03/martin-lewis-launches-new-money--mental-health-policy-institute

    http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2016/05/16/the-money-and-mental-health-policy-institute-whatll-it-really-do

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 17-05-2016 at 10:29 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
Page 418
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 19th Mar 17, 9:39 PM
    • 8,624 Posts
    • 15,459 Thanks
    calleyw
    faerie,

    You are not alone. Massive hugs.

    I know its a shock and you need to take a massive deep breath before you can start to take it in.

    You don't have to deal with anyone you don't want to. If you don't want to attend the funeral you don't have to.

    Her estate will distributed according to the will, if none then per rules of the law.

    At the moment all you have to deal with are your feelings.

    Massive hugs again. Please try and get some rest.

    You take care.

    Yours

    Calley X
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 19th Mar 17, 11:23 PM
    • 1,611 Posts
    • 2,989 Thanks
    faerielight
    jobbing and calley thank you so much for your kind and wise words.it means a lot I always knew that her death would inevitably be so complex far more complex than when my dad died , but it is excruciating . I know I will get through this but it's going to be a very hard grief ahead, not for who she was but who she would never be, the sorry that I will never have. I do believe that we are here to learn lessons and evolve our souls, to remember who we are and to b become love and light , or enlightened.and that possible we have other lifetimes to work out unfinished karma. I believe in a god and angels, which definitely helps
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 20th Mar 17, 10:24 AM
    • 8,624 Posts
    • 15,459 Thanks
    calleyw
    faerie,

    Massive hugs again.

    You have a lot of feelings and thoughts that you need to deal with. And at the moment you are your own number one priority.

    I hope that you will be able at some stage to move forward. You don't have to grieve if you don't want to. Nor forgive either. You know what has happened. And you don't have to explain your thoughts or feelings to anyone at all.

    You take care and get as much rest as you can.

    Yours

    Calley X
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 20th Mar 17, 11:23 AM
    • 1,300 Posts
    • 3,723 Thanks
    Izadora
    ((( Faerie )))

    I know you've got a lot to process but try not to think about the disinheritance part of things. If it is what she chose to do then please don't see it as any kind of reflection on you or your worth, it's nothing to do with you and everything to do with her.
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 20th Mar 17, 11:58 AM
    • 7,997 Posts
    • 35,695 Thanks
    tea lover
    Totally agree with the others faerie. It's completely natural for you to be feeling all sorts of conflicting emotions right now - there's no right or wrong way to feel so please don't beat yourself up. It's perfectly normal for you to feel robbed of the chance to get answers, and everything else that will be spinning through your head right now.

    I hope you manage to get some rest. Take care x.
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 20th Mar 17, 11:16 PM
    • 1,611 Posts
    • 2,989 Thanks
    faerielight
    penguin
    3

    2

    1



    aww thanks guys so much for your kind replies.. grief is so wired, it's so changeable, today, I don't feel any anger, only enormous sorrow, it's so painful when my dad died, i took drugs and alcohol to numb it but the grief got stuck and never healed. I dont ever expect to be free from the legacy of her trauma, but I'm sober and I am trying to be brave and be with it, because I so desperately want some healing, and to not feel like she haunts me all the time. I really need closure. My friend is coming with me to the funeral and poss my female bestie,so I won't be alone, thank goodness, I presume it will be sometime next week.
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 21st Mar 17, 10:11 AM
    • 3,072 Posts
    • 6,809 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    Hang in there faerie, grieving is a journey and as everyone has said, it's completely natural for you to feel all sorts of different emotions as you deal with it.


    I was away last week, visiting family for birthdays and going to some art exhibitions and a concert in London. Also saw my friend who lives there, she is really struggling though she has a diagnosis now (EUPD) and after some group CBT in the autumn and then three individual sessions for assessment, has now been referred to a therapist for DBT which should start in a couple of months. So I have my fingers crossed for her.


    I did a scary thing last night and joined a D&D group. I haven't played since I graduated, 25 years ago, but started looking around for one a few months ago, found one starting a new campaign and last night was the first meeting. Everyone seems nice, though I'm the oldest (when did that happen?) and like always in a group I didn't say very much!
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 21st Mar 17, 10:24 AM
    • 18,568 Posts
    • 18,832 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    elsien, how are you and how is ER? Thinking of you at this time xxxxx

    Also missing pyxis - pyxis, if you are reading, lots of love and hugs to you. (I almost wasn't sure whether to write this or not!)
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

    The good folk of the matched betting board are now (I hope!) supporting Macmillan, in memory of Fifigrace. Visit
    https://www.gofundme.com/running-the-leeds-10k-for-macmillan
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 21st Mar 17, 10:40 AM
    • 7,492 Posts
    • 16,446 Thanks
    heartbreak_star
    Ono, D&D is soooooo good!!

    HBS x
    I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.

    #JC4PM
    • elsien
    • By elsien 21st Mar 17, 8:23 PM
    • 14,754 Posts
    • 36,680 Thanks
    elsien
    ER penguin.

    ER is unlikely to last the night, currently occupied in trying to support parent. I'm rubbish at this sort of thing. Foot in mouth syndrome a speciality.

    End penguin

    Having similar thoughts about all our missing person's JM - hope things are Ok for you all, even if posting isn't right for you right now.

    And in a complete change of topic, just found this link about access to BPD services which may be of interest to some.

    https://www.nationalelfservice.net/mental-health/personality-disorder/the-state-of-personality-disorder-services-in-england/
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • mellymoo74
    • By mellymoo74 21st Mar 17, 9:06 PM
    • 5,655 Posts
    • 12,936 Thanks
    mellymoo74
    Being there will be enough elsien
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 22nd Mar 17, 8:31 AM
    • 7,997 Posts
    • 35,695 Thanks
    tea lover
    Thinking of you elsien x.
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 22nd Mar 17, 9:32 AM
    • 18,568 Posts
    • 18,832 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    Wishing you inner strength and peace, elsien, to nurture yourself first with some to spare for parent. xxxxxx
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

    The good folk of the matched betting board are now (I hope!) supporting Macmillan, in memory of Fifigrace. Visit
    https://www.gofundme.com/running-the-leeds-10k-for-macmillan
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 22nd Mar 17, 10:34 AM
    • 1,300 Posts
    • 3,723 Thanks
    Izadora
    Elsien, as Melly said, just being there will be enough so don't worry about your foot-in-mouth syndrome. I hope all's as well as can be expected for you and parent.
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 22nd Mar 17, 11:11 AM
    • 7,492 Posts
    • 16,446 Thanks
    heartbreak_star
    Much love elsien. We're here for you.

    HBS x
    I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.

    #JC4PM
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 22nd Mar 17, 2:10 PM
    • 11,501 Posts
    • 48,159 Thanks
    whitewing
    My good wishes are with all of you going through your own struggles right now.

    I am trying to do some more creative stuff with littlewing so that she can learn to sooth herself with art and crafts when people are bothering her too much. Her costume is coming on slowly. She also announced that she needs some kind of costume for a birthday tea party at some point soon. I told her we'd worry about that when we get the invitation.

    Bought 3 red noses today but I haven't opened them yet. We'll see which ones we got later with littlewing. School is having a dressing up day on Friday.

    The blood I donated recently has ended up in a Bristol hospital.

    This Sunday:

    I think littlewing is on a roll for this Sunday. She has made cards at school, brownies and at home. Plus bought one. And both set of grannies will probably sort something out with her. So it'll be a busy Sunday with seeing everyone. (Sorry if this is painful for anyone reading).
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • surveyqueenuk
    • By surveyqueenuk 22nd Mar 17, 4:03 PM
    • 505 Posts
    • 1,628 Thanks
    surveyqueenuk
    Oh my god. Is everyone OK? I feel a bit...affected by the news, which I realise is rather selfish and "ME ME ME" but I honestly feel as though I'm in shock. could someone hand me a grip please?
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 22nd Mar 17, 4:19 PM
    • 7,997 Posts
    • 35,695 Thanks
    tea lover
    surveyqueen - come and snuggle up in our fort. We have unlimited blankets, cushions, tea, cake...... any definitely no news coverage. Anyone welcome, especially if they're feeling a bit shaken (understandably) by recent events.
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 22nd Mar 17, 4:42 PM
    • 1,300 Posts
    • 3,723 Thanks
    Izadora
    Oh my god. Is everyone OK? I feel a bit...affected by the news
    Originally posted by surveyqueenuk
    I didn't know what you were referring to and had to check BBC news...

    Penguin about terrorism
    Spoiler (highlight below to view):
    I don't know if it's an incredibly blase way to look at things but, as awful an incident as it is, I find it strangely reassuring how quickly things were dealt with and that relatively few people were affected.
    It's kind of like the tube bombings about 10 years ago. Rather than focusing on how many people were dead or injured I figured that it was a really small percentage of the number of people who would've been on the tube network at the time. I know it would be no help or comfort to people who were affected by it but it made me feel that I would have to be so incredibly unfortunate to be in the wrong place during a terrorist attack that there's no point worrying about it.
    There was a spoiler thing on a film thread and I figured it would be as easy a way to penguin as changing to white text. Apparently it has the added bonus of not showing up if you quote it too.

    [ spoiler ] whatever you want hidden [ / spoiler ] - just leave out the spaces.
    • codemonkey
    • By codemonkey 22nd Mar 17, 6:27 PM
    • 6,513 Posts
    • 23,329 Thanks
    codemonkey
    Penguin
    Spoiler (highlight below to view):
    I am worried about my reaction to it all. If this had happened a few years ago, I'd have been utterly horrified. Now, because of recent events it all seems...well, not normal, but not unexpected either. I'm still very upset by it and so glad more people weren't hurt but I'm no longer as affected by it. I hate that the world has become so messed up that horrible things like aren't shocking anymore.


    End penguin

    Today was my last day in the rubbish job. They didn't get me a card, hardly anyone bothered to say goodbye to me and none of the paperwork was done. It all cements my decision to leave as a good choice. Selfishly, especially given the events of today, I'm a bit upset because they were passing around a card for someone who is leaving next week and she hasn't been there much longer than me.

    Extra special Fort space for those dealing with losses and grief at the moment.
    Last edited by codemonkey; 22-03-2017 at 6:36 PM.
    Eu não sou uma tartaruga. Eu sou um codigopombo.
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