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  • FIRST POST
    • Outsider_83
    • By Outsider_83 20th Mar 17, 8:09 AM
    • 12Posts
    • 1Thanks
    Outsider_83
    Developing Feelings in a Relationship
    • #1
    • 20th Mar 17, 8:09 AM
    Developing Feelings in a Relationship 20th Mar 17 at 8:09 AM
    Hi All,

    I recently posted on here looking for some early dating advice and got some good feedback.

    I've been out of the dating/relationship scene for a long time so much of this is new and a little but scary for me. The girl I'm seeing said that after three weeks everything was going good, her mind says yes but she's unsure if she could fall in love. Apparently in the past it's been instant albeit ending in disaster for her.

    I suggested three weeks was too soon to have such genuine emotions for either of us but things were going well and we could build on that. She then wondered if by the time she had such feelings I might be gone.

    I'm not sure if this is a normal conversation to be having after three weeks or if I should be running for the hills, what are your thoughts?
    Last edited by Outsider_83; 20-03-2017 at 8:30 AM.
Page 2
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 20th Mar 17, 5:29 PM
    • 15,067 Posts
    • 37,968 Thanks
    FBaby
    I know some people believe in "love at first sight" but I think its utter rubbish - only happens in the movies
    Well....I met my OH online, exchange some emails, talked on the phone a few times, and then met after 2 or 3 weeks, and after two hours in his company, I went home, called my friend and told her I'd just met my future husband! We married 3 years later and have been happily married since!

    However, I do agree with you, it's not that meeting that person means you know instantly that they are perfect for you because you just don't know them long enough to know everything about them, but... I think some people can get a feeling already if there are things that they don't like that means they are unlikely to fall in love with them, even as they get to know them better.

    Before I met my OH, I went on dates with a few guys whose company I appreciated, but kind of new that things wouldn't developed further. It is rarely just about physical attraction because to me physical attraction is not just about the appearance of the person, but more how their body express their personality, but I've never managed to fall in love with a man who lacks some level of confidence, who is too laidback (ie. slow!), who lacks ambition and who doesn't have a sense of humour. Nothing wrong with them, it just kills the chemistry for me, and getting to know them further, even if it is to discover other qualities is not going to overcome these traits.
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 20th Mar 17, 5:31 PM
    • 15,067 Posts
    • 37,968 Thanks
    FBaby
    Perhaps I'm being hasty, I took the conversation as a negative but she may have been looking reassurance.
    It sounds like it might still be too premature to give it up yet. Meet a few more times, discuss things more, get a feel as to why she is holding back and go from there.
    • Cloth of Gold
    • By Cloth of Gold 20th Mar 17, 5:44 PM
    • 22 Posts
    • 37 Thanks
    Cloth of Gold
    Perhaps I'm being hasty, I took the conversation as a negative but she may have been looking reassurance.
    Originally posted by Outsider_83
    I think that is probably the case but after three weeks obviously you don't know each other very well so it's hard to interpret such things. Over the coming weeks/months you can gradually get to know each other and I'm sure things will become clearer. I think that when one is in a new relationship it is easy to try and analyse what the other person says and end up over interpreting things. Anyway, I hope it goes well for you both.
    • Cotta
    • By Cotta 20th Mar 17, 7:57 PM
    • 2,228 Posts
    • 932 Thanks
    Cotta
    3 weeks is unusually early to discuss such feelings, but if she has said this to you directly in my humble opinion it's a good sign. Her guard is up but she want to bring it down - good luck to you both.
    • Outsider_83
    • By Outsider_83 20th Mar 17, 9:45 PM
    • 12 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Outsider_83
    Interesting Cotta but not sure this makes sense?
    • indiepanda
    • By indiepanda 21st Mar 17, 6:27 AM
    • 845 Posts
    • 5,581 Thanks
    indiepanda
    Well....I met my OH online, exchange some emails, talked on the phone a few times, and then met after 2 or 3 weeks, and after two hours in his company, I went home, called my friend and told her I'd just met my future husband! We married 3 years later and have been happily married since!

    However, I do agree with you, it's not that meeting that person means you know instantly that they are perfect for you because you just don't know them long enough to know everything about them, but... I think some people can get a feeling already if there are things that they don't like that means they are unlikely to fall in love with them, even as they get to know them better.

    Before I met my OH, I went on dates with a few guys whose company I appreciated, but kind of new that things wouldn't developed further. It is rarely just about physical attraction because to me physical attraction is not just about the appearance of the person, but more how their body express their personality, but I've never managed to fall in love with a man who lacks some level of confidence, who is too laidback (ie. slow!), who lacks ambition and who doesn't have a sense of humour. Nothing wrong with them, it just kills the chemistry for me, and getting to know them further, even if it is to discover other qualities is not going to overcome these traits.
    Originally posted by FBaby
    Oh, I totally agree that you can get a gut feel very quickly that someone won't be the right guy. I did a bit of internet dating a few years ago and of 12 guys I met only three got a second date, the final one of which I ended up going out with for a couple of years, all of the others revealed things I wasn't at all keen on during the first date.
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