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    • Chris P
    • By Chris P 29th Aug 16, 6:33 PM
    • 166Posts
    • 38Thanks
    Chris P
    Advice on child maintenance payment to ex-wife
    • #1
    • 29th Aug 16, 6:33 PM
    Advice on child maintenance payment to ex-wife 29th Aug 16 at 6:33 PM
    Hi all. We're trying to agree on a court order for the finances. I earn twice what she earns. Initially we agreed that I would pay £650pm, but i now think thats far too much.

    Daughter 1 is starting school in a week. Daughter 2 goes to nursery, and after our child care vouchers I pay circa £350pm to Nursery.

    We are going to have the kids 50/50. According to the child support calculators all i would have to pay is £66pw.

    If i did pay her £650pm then I would have (after paying maintenance and nursery) £2,000. She would have £2,300.

    Just looking for peoples thoughts please
    Thanks
Page 4
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 20th Mar 17, 8:36 AM
    • 36,045 Posts
    • 152,244 Thanks
    silvercar
    its not private school, just breakfast and after school club at her local. And i could afford it but dont she why i should, especially if she wants to use the "legally I can claim more maintenace each year" argument
    Originally posted by Chris P
    Understood. I raised a red herring.

    Logically, if you have 50/50 care, you should each be paying the costs of clubs on the days you have the children.

    If you refuse to pay it, will she manage child care and getting to and from work without it? Or will she pay it. If she genuinely can't afford it, what happens? I'm assuming you both will have one contract with the club provider, so if she doesn't pay her share, your joint bill will be in arrears.
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    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 20th Mar 17, 8:57 AM
    • 19,633 Posts
    • 31,715 Thanks
    Spendless
    It's not for the nrp to subsidise the rp and give them equal spending power. It's for the rp to stand on their own 2 feet and pay their own way in life from the point of divorce with the help of some child maintenance.

    There's nothing to stop the resident parent from going out and getting a more responsible job with higher earning power. You often hear the excuse that they have stayed at home and their careers have suffered but more often than not they never had much of a career to begin with.

    Women who have worked hard to do well in their careers rarely throw it away the minute they have children or get married. ( not in the last 20/30 years anyway.)
    Originally posted by Jamiehelsinki
    Actually there is and that's childcare availabilty. Frequently all you can find is cover 8-5.30/6 Monday to Friday and often higher paid jobs have working hours outside these times.

    There is no way my husband could have got to the position he has when we had children, without me being able to provide the 'outside office hours' childcare required for him to do so.

    I could have looked for more higher paid work, but ift would have required him working the office 9-5 hours in the same way.

    So, yes one of his could have progressed but not both of us. Not when children were young.
    • tensandunits
    • By tensandunits 20th Mar 17, 7:41 PM
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    tensandunits
    Many people have a misconception of what before and after school clubs are about. The one my kids went to offered an environment supposed to replicate as much as possible that of children at home/with parents. It offered both quiet and full-on activities to suit all the kids. They had a TV room, they had a room where they could lay down and rest, they did craft activities as much as sporting activities, they also helped with homework in addition to them sitting to have a healthy breakfast.

    My kids had no problems attending breakfast/after school clubs. Besides brushing their teeth and getting dressed, they did everything they would have done at home there, and by the time I picked them up after school, they would have played, did their homework, watched a bit of TV as they would have done at home.
    Originally posted by FBaby
    Oh I've no doubt they're a popular choice for women who don't want to cut down on or give up their working hours. I was pointing out that a 10 hour day is a long time for an adult, let alone a small child.
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 20th Mar 17, 9:32 PM
    • 19,633 Posts
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    Spendless
    Oh I've no doubt they're a popular choice for women who don't want to cut down on or give up their working hours. I was pointing out that a 10 hour day is a long time for an adult, let alone a small child.
    Originally posted by tensandunits
    Children don't notice the time in the same way as adults. When I put my DD into nursery for me to gain some qualifications in order to return to the workplace, I felt bad about it but I asked her what her day consisted of and the reply was something like this, first we sing songs, then I draw a picture, then we eat, then play outside, then you pick me up.

    You've also missed out people who aren't able to cut their working hours which include people who work at places that only have full-time positions and no part time workers, which is very common where I live and work.
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 21st Mar 17, 7:24 AM
    • 16,065 Posts
    • 39,930 Thanks
    FBaby
    Oh I've no doubt they're a popular choice for women who don't want to cut down on or give up their working hours. I was pointing out that a 10 hour day is a long time for an adult, let alone a small child.
    Or mothers who don't want to raise their children on benefits or with the stress of living in debt (as so many families do nowadays).

    I asked my teenager children once if they ever wished I had been at home with them more. They looked at me horrified and said that they enjoyed going to clubs for the most part, but most importantly, they appreciated all the opportunities they were given because I could afford them.

    As already said, all kids will keep busy for 10 hours each day, whether it is at home or elsewhere, with the opportunity to do the same at clubs then they would do at home.
    • Loz01
    • By Loz01 21st Mar 17, 11:34 AM
    • 1,451 Posts
    • 3,163 Thanks
    Loz01
    Surely "breakfast club" isn't exactly a long time anyway is it? At my nephews school it starts from 8:20 and at 8:45 the bell goes and they go in the have the register and start the first lesson at 9 so its not like you rock up to the school at 6:30am or something, its 25 mins max (at his school anyway)
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    • tensandunits
    • By tensandunits 21st Mar 17, 2:45 PM
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    tensandunits
    Surely "breakfast club" isn't exactly a long time anyway is it? At my nephews school it starts from 8:20 and at 8:45 the bell goes and they go in the have the register and start the first lesson at 9 so its not like you rock up to the school at 6:30am or something, its 25 mins max (at his school anyway)
    Originally posted by Loz01
    I think it varies, Loz01. Some start as early as 7, I think 8am is the norm. Add to that the after school 'club' which will babysit the child until the parent finishes work at 5 or 6 and it is a long day for a little one.
    • Oakdene
    • By Oakdene 21st Mar 17, 2:48 PM
    • 1,347 Posts
    • 3,864 Thanks
    Oakdene
    I think it varies, Loz01. Some start as early as 7, I think 8am is the norm. Add to that the after school 'club' which will babysit the child until the parent finishes work at 5 or 6 and it is a long day for a little one.
    Originally posted by tensandunits
    My sons BC start at 8am, but its free as the Local Authority make a payment to the school of 50p per pupil who attends.
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 21st Mar 17, 2:51 PM
    • 16,065 Posts
    • 39,930 Thanks
    FBaby
    Most kids who go to breakfast club at 7am will not go the afterschool or only for a short time. It is rare that kids will go from 7am to 6pm Monday to Friday.
    • JReacher1
    • By JReacher1 21st Mar 17, 3:11 PM
    • 2,633 Posts
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    JReacher1
    I think it varies, Loz01. Some start as early as 7, I think 8am is the norm. Add to that the after school 'club' which will babysit the child until the parent finishes work at 5 or 6 and it is a long day for a little one.
    Originally posted by tensandunits
    I don't really see what your point is. The OP has explained that they have no choice, but to use a breakfast club and an after school club, plus many people raise children and hold full time work, so your continued posts that try to make the OP feel his child is suffering is frankly unhelpful!

    Where do you think single parents who work 9-5 send their children all day?
    • tensandunits
    • By tensandunits 21st Mar 17, 3:44 PM
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    tensandunits
    I don't really see what your point is. The OP has explained that they have no choice, but to use a breakfast club and an after school club, plus many people raise children and hold full time work, so your continued posts that try to make the OP feel his child is suffering is frankly unhelpful!
    Originally posted by JReacher1
    I was rightly challenging the fact that here we have two parents of very young children, who are squabbling over who gets what and who has to pay what, while the children are being shunted about between the two of them. It is not the money that they should be prioritising, but the children's welfare. I am shocked, but not surprised, I suppose, that this is controversial.
    • JReacher1
    • By JReacher1 21st Mar 17, 5:19 PM
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    JReacher1
    I was rightly challenging the fact that here we have two parents of very young children, who are squabbling over who gets what and who has to pay what, while the children are being shunted about between the two of them. It is not the money that they should be prioritising, but the children's welfare. I am shocked, but not surprised, I suppose, that this is controversial.
    Originally posted by tensandunits
    That is not what you wrote and even if it was it would be factually incorrect...

    You have been complaining about the breakfast club and afterschool club as you claim that is cruel to the child as it is a long day. Whether or not the couple were together if they both work full time then they would have no option but to do this. In addition many parents have to put their kids in childcare between 8-6pm.
    • tensandunits
    • By tensandunits 21st Mar 17, 6:39 PM
    • 813 Posts
    • 1,224 Thanks
    tensandunits
    That is not what you wrote and even if it was it would be factually incorrect...

    You have been complaining about the breakfast club and afterschool club as you claim that is cruel to the child as it is a long day. Whether or not the couple were together if they both work full time then they would have no option but to do this. In addition many parents have to put their kids in childcare between 8-6pm.
    Originally posted by JReacher1
    I can understand it's ruffled a few feathers among women who choose to put their child into childcare all day, but that's not what I was talking about in the context of this thread, which is now becoming derailed, so if we can get back to answering the question asked..?

    Namely, how to split their finances fairly while taking the best possible care of two very young children who are now finding themselves going back and forth between two warring parents.

    Money is important, naturally, but more important is the children's welfare.
    • JReacher1
    • By JReacher1 21st Mar 17, 7:28 PM
    • 2,633 Posts
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    JReacher1
    I can understand it's ruffled a few feathers among women who choose to put their child into childcare all day, but that's not what I was talking about in the context of this thread, which is now becoming derailed, so if we can get back to answering the question asked..?

    Namely, how to split their finances fairly while taking the best possible care of two very young children who are now finding themselves going back and forth between two warring parents.

    Money is important, naturally, but more important is the children's welfare.
    Originally posted by tensandunits
    You're a very confusing poster.

    As far as I can see you've not posted a single reply to the question asked. All you have posted are criticisms of the OP's childcare arrangements, you are now trying to make out it is other posters who have derailed this thread.

    I am very confused about what your end goal is here
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