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  • FIRST POST
    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 13th Mar 17, 6:31 AM
    • 29,695Posts
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    seven-day-weekend
    I Stand Quietly....
    • #1
    • 13th Mar 17, 6:31 AM
    I Stand Quietly.... 13th Mar 17 at 6:31 AM
    https://istandquietly.wordpress.com/2015/03/03/i-stand-quietly-istandquietly/

    Written by the parent of an autistic child.

    My son, now in his thirties, was 'odd' as a child. It wasn't until he was grown up that we realised that he has Aspergers Syndrome (a mild type of autism that wasn't really known about in the 1980s).. He has learned coping strategies and on the whole manages well. But I do remember feeling a little bit like the mum in the poem when he was young, and although his 'quirks' were different to the girl in the poem, I often had to 'stand quietly'. I also had the same remarks about him being an only child, and 'advice' about my parenting from the school.

    Just hope it might help someone.

    Discussion welcomed.
    Last edited by seven-day-weekend; 13-03-2017 at 6:33 AM.
    To love someone is to learn the song in their heart and to sing it to them when they have forgotten it
    'I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because I see everything by it': C.S. Lewis
    St. Augustine — 'In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.'
Page 3
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 18th Mar 17, 11:50 PM
    • 37,823 Posts
    • 34,215 Thanks
    Savvy_Sue
    3 - He plays Multi-Player games with others and has done since he was 13. He wins a lot, but does not make winning the aim, he likes to teach other players how he won. He also has a few loyal friends, a loving younger sister and loving cousins, but finds socialising a torture with someone he has not met and got to know several times.
    Originally posted by Robisere
    I think this is one of the loveliest things we see in our eldest - when he was younger he was so much of a perfectionist, got very frustrated when things weren't the way he wanted them to be, completely NOT a team player, and not very interested in sharing - anything!

    He now LOVES encouraging other people to make / design games. He LOVES seeing other people play his games. He LOVES playing games with other people: not necessarily competitive ones, but board games, puzzle games, video games. He'll even play Circle Rules Football!

    And he's very aware of things he definitely didn't learn at home: particularly of how difficult it can be to be anything other than a white man in a predominantly white man's world. He's taken things he knows or learns intellectually, and uses them to change the way he behaves, in a way I find very surprising in someone who really didn't 'get' 'feelings' or 'emotions' ...
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 2 shawls, 3 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 1 seaman's hat ...
    Current projects: 1 shawl, another seaman's hat
    • dirtynakedandhappy
    • By dirtynakedandhappy 19th Mar 17, 1:41 AM
    • 1 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    dirtynakedandhappy
    Hello all from the author and her daughter!
    Just noticed that there's a lot of traffic to "I Stand Quietly" from this site and thought I would pop by and say hi.

    Thoughts from my experiences over the last two years since writing the poem and having the privilege to meet and spend time with many autistic people across a range of talents and abilities...

    - no two autistic people are the same, albeit they have some similar traits... as do humans

    - no autistic person wants to be cured and fundamentally no autistic person is unhappy provided they are respected and their needs considered... like all humans

    - us "neurotypicals" happen to have a brain type that is the majority but not better or worse, minorities should all be respected for who they are, no need to try and change them but an absolute imperative to try to accommodate and protect them, listening and believing goes a long way

    - most autistic people would subscribe to the social model of disability... e.g. they only have a problem with the way things are set up, not with themselves; no different to how wheelchair users only have a problem if we only put steps everywhere.

    - and the one thing I have learned is that toooo many parents bleat on about their autistic kids rather than going out of their way to support and add volume to their kids' own words... even non-verbal autistics have plenty to say given the right tools and time...

    the poem was not meant to evoke sadness or a need to change autistic people xxx

    so I would ask you to focus on my lovely wonderful daughter's words, not mine - she rocks - neither of us are unhappy or need changing or curing, just respect and support...

    I can't post links but if you go back to the original poster's link and then read "Too Much Information" - that's my gal
    • tensandunits
    • By tensandunits 19th Mar 17, 12:34 PM
    • 813 Posts
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    tensandunits
    - us "neurotypicals" happen to have a brain type that is the majority but not better or worse
    Originally posted by dirtynakedandhappy
    I would think that depends on the extent of the autism.
    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 19th Mar 17, 12:35 PM
    • 29,695 Posts
    • 55,498 Thanks
    seven-day-weekend
    I would think that depends on the extent of the autism.
    Originally posted by tensandunits
    Absolutely agree. Depending where you are on the spectrum it can be a quirky, individualistic difference or a huge, life-limiting handicap.

    I agree with the author (welcome!) that we must accept and work with the differences rather than trying to change them.
    Last edited by seven-day-weekend; 19-03-2017 at 12:43 PM.
    To love someone is to learn the song in their heart and to sing it to them when they have forgotten it
    'I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because I see everything by it': C.S. Lewis
    St. Augustine — 'In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.'
    • happyandcontented
    • By happyandcontented 19th Mar 17, 1:12 PM
    • 827 Posts
    • 1,667 Thanks
    happyandcontented
    I agree, it is very easy to believe that your own experiences of dealing with a child/person with ASD are the norm. You may be dealing with someone at F on the spectrum and others may be at A, J or X to use a simplistic alphabticised example of designation. It can be a series of quirky, often amusing, traits or it can be the "umbrella element" of a range of serious mental and physical "conditions" which require round the clock care.

    I also think it is wrong to say "no autistic person wants.....it is a generalisation and we can't know if it is universally true.
    Last edited by happyandcontented; 19-03-2017 at 1:17 PM.
    • kingfisherblue
    • By kingfisherblue 19th Mar 17, 4:48 PM
    • 7,343 Posts
    • 15,754 Thanks
    kingfisherblue
    - no two autistic people are the same, albeit they have some similar traits... as do humans

    - no autistic person wants to be cured and fundamentally no autistic person is unhappy provided they are respected and their needs considered... like all humans
    Originally posted by dirtynakedandhappy
    Autistic people are human!

    Also, there are some autistic people who want to be cured and who are unhappy even when respected. My son has suffered deep depression for several years, making him very unhappy at times. According to www.autism.co.uk up to 40% of people with autism have an anxiety disorder at any time, compared to 15% of the general population, often leading to sadness or depression.

    http://www.autism.org.uk/about/health/mental-health.aspx

    Your poem is very good, but you cannot make blanket statements about people who happen to share the same condition. I know several people with autism and depression and/or anxiety are common. I also know that a number of them have often said that they wish they were 'normal' and not autistic.
    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 19th Mar 17, 5:10 PM
    • 29,695 Posts
    • 55,498 Thanks
    seven-day-weekend
    Autistic people are human!

    Also, there are some autistic people who want to be cured and who are unhappy even when respected. My son has suffered deep depression for several years, making him very unhappy at times. According to www.autism.co.uk up to 40% of people with autism have an anxiety disorder at any time, compared to 15% of the general population, often leading to sadness or depression.

    http://www.autism.org.uk/about/health/mental-health.aspx

    Your poem is very good, but you cannot make blanket statements about people who happen to share the same condition. I know several people with autism and depression and/or anxiety are common. I also know that a number of them have often said that they wish they were 'normal' and not autistic.
    Originally posted by kingfisherblue
    My son suffers from anxiety and has suffered from depression and I know one autistic girl who gets very angry about her condition and cries about it.
    To love someone is to learn the song in their heart and to sing it to them when they have forgotten it
    'I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because I see everything by it': C.S. Lewis
    St. Augustine — 'In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.'
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