Hoarding...not just on TV

hermum · 10 June 2012 at 4:23PM

Have you spoken to the council if they're going to evict her they have to give her housing advice. Their role is to prevent homelessness.
They should be able to refer her to an outside agency who can provide support to maintain her tenancy. She may take it from someone else better than she will from you.

short_bird · 10 June 2012 at 4:46PM

From what I've read in books and online and seen on TV, whoever is cleaning up needs to make sure that whatever goes out stays out. So if there's a person with a vehicle to hand, locking the discarded stuff in the vehicle and taking it to a tip or charity shop seems to be a good idea.

Byatt · 10 June 2012 at 5:19PM

JoJo, just wanted to say I feel for you and your mother. I'm a borderline hoarder, never used to be but after the traumatic breakdown of my marriage 7 years ago and having to move several times since, I now just seem to collect things. I do try and clear when I'm feeling better in myself, but it's such a huge emotional issue, I already feel the flicker of panic when I think of clearing my clutter. I don't know how you can help your mother without her having psychological support and worry you may be dragged down by it all. Such an awful dilemma for you.

huge hugs. xx

Justamum · 10 June 2012 at 6:17PM

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I don't want this thread to be all about me, I think it should be for tips on getting an inch of grease off the cooker that star drops can't touch, support for all of us.

It sounds like quite an unpleasant upbringing.

No wonder you have an abhorrence of untidiness and dirt in your own home.

Anyway, have you tried soda crystals for shifting the grease? You can get it in a spray bottle. It's the best thing I know for cutting through grease.

I know it's not much good, but I'm sending out hugs to you :A

cherie1122 · 10 June 2012 at 6:59PM

You're brave Jo Jo. I was asked to feed birds belonging to an old friend while he was on holiday and his flat was so full of stuff and smelled so awful that I haven't been over there since. I'm sure it's a mental illness. It had definitely got worse since I had last been on feeding duty.

He keeps inviting me over there for coffee and I keep coming up with excuses not to visit. He doesn't let many people into his flat but I suppose as I've known him for 30+ years he trusts me enough to let me in.

Good luck with clearing up your Mum's home - I haven't got the stomach to clear up other people's mess so I think you're amazing.:T

whitewing · 10 June 2012 at 7:20PM

JoJo,

If it is such a health hazard, and has been going on for so long, you should be able to get some outside help with this. Perhaps the GP could make a house call and see the situation for himself.

flippin36 · 10 June 2012 at 8:08PM

Good luck JoJo, I feel for you and you are not alone.

My mum has always had a problem not only with hoarding but uncleanliness (beyond normal family mess). I left home when I was very young because I just wanted to have a nice house and a normal life, but I remember going back to visit every day because I was the only person who did any kind of cleaning. Not even washing up. I had this terrible anxiety that things would go rather squalid if I didn't keep on top of it. My sister urged me to stop cleaning for them as that is why they didn't bother. Sure enough as soon as I stopped going back to clean, things began to deteriorate. My mum never, ever throws anything away. However, I was lucky in that both my dad and aunty seem to have got it back into some kind of control. Their kitchen and living room are pretty tidy now, though the kitchen isn't to my standards by any means, its liveable. The three spare bedrooms are where her stuff is "contained". Basically she is allowed to hoard but it has to be kept within those rooms. Though she can't throw anything out, she seems to have stopped buying stuff. I think this is about as good as it will get and what my dad sees as a workable compromise. I think the difference between my mum and yours is that she knows that she has a problem and is aware of how it effects other people. People with true addictions/compulsions are usually incapable of seeing how their actions effect the people around them.

Good luck with it all. I don't feel like I've been much help and was in two minds whether to post as there is no simple solution.

gtx · 10 June 2012 at 8:13PM

Jojo

My aunt is the same and my disabled cousin still lives at home and we don't know what to do either - she is also very verbally aggressive about the whole situation and has been like it for the whole of my life(39 yrs) and was like it long before I was born apparently - she has multiple multiples of everything she owns, doesn't seem able to throw a single thing that comes through the door out and never cleans. i don't visit often and now the kids are in their teens they refuse point blank to go but eveytime I do go it's worse. my mum on the other hand is the complete opposite and actually decorates right through her house every year! I sit somewhere inbetween, closer to my mum thankfully.

And like another poster I have looked after a neighbours house for the first time this year while she went on holiday and discovered that she is a major hoarder also - I was stunned, the outside of her house is immaculate and she's a nurse! but inside there is only one walkway from the front of the house to the back, the rest is piled above head height with 'stuff' - mainly papers, i didn't stay long enough to have a proper look - just moved her post so it couldn't be seen if someone looked through her door. but if she ever had a fire her and the kids would be goners!

i also have a friend who is just very dirty and cba to clear up - she doesn't hoard, by this I mean she doesn't collect things or buy multiples but everything is just left where it's dropped, never thrown out and never cleaned - she knows it's bad but doesn't care. in a few years she could be in the same position just because nothing gets thrown out.

I'm actually quite anti-social and don't mix well, so I think the fact that I personally know 3 and know of another woman who used to hoard(but has now passed away- the council cleared her house 3 times, she used to live a few doors down from the people I baby sat for) could mean this is an increasing problem and something that needs resources to support the people and their families - for all the advances we have, we do seem to struggle these days just to cope with daily life.

I don't know what practical help I can offer other than; little and often - don't wear yourself out; ask the council for help - they must have some sort of support available; involve your mum in every step otherwise she'll just undo whatever you do as soon as you're gone.

take care

gtx

Justamum · 10 June 2012 at 8:24PM

gtx wrote: »

but inside there is only one walkway from the front of the house to the back, the rest is piled above head height with 'stuff' - mainly papers,

It can get quite dangerous. There was a case in the papers quite recently of a woman who got lost in all the rubbish in her house and died, and it took a couple of weeks to find her body!

gtx · 10 June 2012 at 8:30PM

Jojo - i don't know how to do links, so I've 'told' the flyladies about your thread and hopefully some of them will be able to share some real heavy duty practical tips for cleaning and clearing your mums place.

Justamum - I seen something on our local news recently about a woman who died in a house fire because the fire brigade couldn't get to her because of her hoarding, which scared me for across the road.

gtx

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Hoarding...not just on TV

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