Ashamed but relieved

I have just returned home after spending the evening at my brothers house, We have always been extremely close but I really wasn't prepared for the gut wrenching conversation I've just had.
His fiance had gone out for the night and he rang to ask if I would like to go for a meal as my DD is away for the night and he was on his own for the evening.
I arrived at his house and gave him the usual "I can't afford to go out" line, and then it happened. He came straight out and asked me what was the extent of my debt!!:eek:

I was so taken by surprise that I just blurted it out, the credit cards, loan, DMP and all the gory details. I have spent the last 3 hours in tears and feeling totally pathetic.
He is my little brother, he asked if it would help if he took out some money on his house for me, I felt so !!!!!! he thought maybe it might be 10k but had no idea of the huge debt I have.

Part of me is so hugely relieved that someone else knows, I have sworn him to secrecy (apart from his partner because obviously I know he will discuss it with her - but thats ok!) But the other half of me is totally ashamed and I feel completely worthless all over again.
It has been such a huge burden carrying this all alone. I am a single parent and my mum and dad would be hearbroken if they ever found out. They would be sick with worry and I could never explain how it happened to them.
My brother was fantastic, gave me a big cuddle and told me how brave he thought I was, but he was also really angry that i didn't confide in him about it.

How could I???
I'm the big sister, I'm the strong independant woman that has always seemed so together, no-one would ever guess that inside I'm frightened of my own shadow

I got into debt after a broken relationship, and borrowing money to pay off my EX and keep my home oh and spending money on carp to make me feel better.

Don't know why i'm writing this I think I just needed to get it out, I can't stop crying. I'm so relieved I have someone I love dearly to talk to now but I'm such an idiot and so ashamed!!

Sorry this is so long, think I just needed to write it down.

teecee xx
DEBTS @ :idea: 1/1/07 - £25,800:eek: DEBT @ 04/05/11 - NIL
FINALLY DEBT FREE - 4TH MAY 2011:j:j:j:j:j
"PROUD TO HAVE DEALT WITH MY DEBTS"
Official DMP mutal support club member no 2 *DFW NERD 351* :D
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Comments

  • Triker
    Triker Posts: 7,247
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker Debt-free and Proud!
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    Hey, I think by the sounds of it your brother had a suspician that something wasn't right with you. No matter how hard you try to put on a brave face people do notice.

    So stop being ashamed, I get the impression that you are loved very much and its that bit that I reckon is worth dwelling on.

    So have a :grouphug: and think on that tomorrow, well today now, is the first day of the rest of your life. XX
    DFW Nerd 267. DEBT FREE 11.06.08
    Stick to It by R.B. Stanfield
    It matters not if you try and fail,
    And fail, and try again; But it matters much if you try and fail, And fail to try again.
  • teecee152
    teecee152 Posts: 782
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    Thanks for that Triker, I know you are right, My brother is so lovely and words cannot express how lucky i am to have him!
    Going to bed now.............Thanks again!!even though your words made me cry they were good tears this time.

    xx
    DEBTS @ :idea: 1/1/07 - £25,800:eek: DEBT @ 04/05/11 - NIL
    FINALLY DEBT FREE - 4TH MAY 2011:j:j:j:j:j
    "PROUD TO HAVE DEALT WITH MY DEBTS"
    Official DMP mutal support club member no 2 *DFW NERD 351* :D
  • smilealot
    smilealot Posts: 586
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    Oh teecee - I am so annoyed with myself, I've been up all night, if only I'd logged on earlier. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you.

    I think what's happened is fantastic. Horrible at the time, but it's the long run that counts. You know we are all here for you, but sometimes a virtual hug just doesn't do the job - now you've got your brother who can help you get through the bad times.

    You already know how fantastic I think you are. You are such an inspiration to me, especially given all we've talked about. It may not seem like it for now, but you have so so much to feel proud about (including how much brilliant advice and support you give the rest of us).

    Once the shock of getting it out in the open subsides a little you'll be able to face the reality, which is that your financial situation is on it's way to being resolved. You've come so far already. All/most(?) of your creditors are on board. It's now a case of paying out that monthly payment. Think of it as an extra bit of tax, rather than debt repayments. Remember my theory - you are no longer bad with money (not that you were in the first place considering how your debt came about), you are now a knowledgeable money expert who helps so many people with their concerns. Yes, it will still be on your mind, budgeting will be tough at times, just don't overstretch yourself, even if it means paying it for longer, make sure you have a comfortable amount to live on.

    And anyway, I'm gonna be on here counting down my payments to my DFD for at least the next 15 years, so think of all the fun we'll have :j :j :j

    Take care pumpkin. Much love,

    smilealot :rolleyes2
    x x x


    P.S. I know what will cheer you up... I'll try to get hold of Joek and set up another session :rotfl:
    Member #4 of the DMP Mutual Support Club - DFW Nerd #335
    Debt at March 2007: £26,728.32
    Current debt: £0
  • steve700
    steve700 Posts: 312 Forumite
    Hi,

    Your brother sounds like a fantastic guy.

    To offer to take out that money himself, knowing that he still has to explain it to his fiance - He does obviously think the world of you.

    I'm sure that once he has taken it in as well, he'll begin to understand why you haven't confided in him before now.

    When I compare this, to the reaction of a husband in a post that I've read recently, the differences in attitude are worlds apart.

    Good luck with everything

    Steve
  • yellowmonkey
    yellowmonkey Posts: 7,052
    Photogenic First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
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    Hi

    I agree with smilealot.

    As the old saying goes a problem shared is a problem halved. I know i felt better when i told my parents. They are one of a select few (apart from everybody on here) that know about my situation and although it was difficult and the debt is still there it definatly helps to share with those close to you.

    I think that your brother will be a great help to you

    All the best :grouphug:

    ym
  • hypno06
    hypno06 Posts: 32,296
    Combo Breaker First Post
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    The best bit that I read was in your title. That word "relieved" speaks volumes.

    OK so you still have the debt, but you are no longer dealing with it on your own. You have fantastic support there.

    I hope you continue to feel the relief now that you have told him. It will make things that little bit easier for you every day x
    Successful women can still have their feet on the ground. They just wear better shoes. (Maud Van de Venne)
    Life begins at the end of your comfort zone (Neale Donald Walsch)
  • lizzie12_2
    lizzie12_2 Posts: 409 Forumite
    WEll done for telling him. He probably wondered why you had little money for a while. Family tend to pick up on all sorts of things, mood, habits, etc which we not aware of.
    He sounds a great brother and good for him in askin you - better still he knows now. Were you allways there for your brother whilst you grew up?
  • HardleyLisa
    HardleyLisa Posts: 64 Forumite
    Hi Teecee, I am new to this but just wanted to say glad you are feeling relieved (a problem shared etc .....) and hope you will be feeling much more positive today (but probably a little tired after all that crying).

    Take care. x
    :j PROUD TO BE DEALING WITH MY DEBTS :j
    Piggy points - 155

    £2 Savings = £4
    :D Official DMP Mutual Support Club Member No. 66 :D
  • amani_2
    amani_2 Posts: 604 Forumite
    Hi teecee,

    sending you big hugs, your little bro is lovely I wish my family would be as understanding. only me and my hubby know about our debt, but at least we can talk to each other about it. I could never tell my parents. Now you have your bro to talk too. I know what you mean about the big sister thing, Im also the big sis.


    AMANI XXX
  • GirlRacer_2
    GirlRacer_2 Posts: 3,026 Forumite
    Well done on telling your brother the extent of your debts teecee, he sounds fantastic and offering to help you out just shows how much he cares for you.

    At least you have someone you can trust to confide in. Good luck hun x
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