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Sick with worry

Okay...deep breath!! I feel absolutely sick with worry and have not been sleeping. My health is starting to suffer quite badly. I don't even know my total debt but I do know I owe one credit card £8k and I've got another three. I've got my head in the sand to be honest. This isn't my first time of being in debt and I got out of it - no fool like an old fool. My other half was raging the last time it happened and told me in no uncertain terms it had better not happen again. So..I've been hiding this from him and he thinks everything is wonderful. I just simply cannot tell him and to be honest, feel like taking the coward's way out and just disappearing. I have so let him down and myself. I do want to get out of this mess and I will be 65 in three years time so won't have access to anything but state pension. I've been crying all morning - my husband is out - so I finally could let it all out and just broke down. We do have a joint account but it's only for bills and my husband expects me to save every month...it's all just getting too much for me to be honest.
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  • sourcrates
    sourcrates Posts: 28,711
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    Hi,


    Ok, well done for posting !!


    There are a few options for dealing with debts, first we really need to know your circumstances a little better, maybe if you fill this SOE in, we can get a better idea of how you could make changes, or choose options to deal with this :


    http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php


    There are ways and means of dealing with this, but it does depend on how much money you have left.


    You will need to get hubby on board as well unfortunately !!
    I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Debt free wannabe, Credit file and ratings, and Bankruptcy and living with it boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.For free non-judgemental debt advice, contact either Stepchange, National Debtline, or CitizensAdviceBureaux.Link to SOA Calculator- https://www.stoozing.com/soa.php The "provit letter" is here-https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2607247/letter-when-you-know-nothing-about-about-the-debt-aka-prove-it-letter
  • jazza6
    jazza6 Posts: 47 Forumite
    Ho sourcrates...thanks so much for coming back to me. I'll need to go online and check balances etc before I can do the SOE so that will take me some time. Also, it's not an option of getting my hubby on board. I'm being perfectly honest and not over-exaggerating when I say I would rather just walk out and never come back than do this to him.
  • sourcrates
    sourcrates Posts: 28,711
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    jazza6 wrote: »
    Ho sourcrates...thanks so much for coming back to me. I'll need to go online and check balances etc before I can do the SOE so that will take me some time. Also, it's not an option of getting my hubby on board. I'm being perfectly honest and not over-exaggerating when I say I would rather just walk out and never come back than do this to him.



    That must be a difficult situation for you.


    We may be able to help with the debt side of things,
    but no good at relationship advice unfortunately,


    that's why I`m divorced lol !!!:o
    I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Debt free wannabe, Credit file and ratings, and Bankruptcy and living with it boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.For free non-judgemental debt advice, contact either Stepchange, National Debtline, or CitizensAdviceBureaux.Link to SOA Calculator- https://www.stoozing.com/soa.php The "provit letter" is here-https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2607247/letter-when-you-know-nothing-about-about-the-debt-aka-prove-it-letter
  • What did you spend the money on- do you have any addictions that you may need seeking help with?


    Do you work? can you take on more hours or another job?


    Have you the means to find out exactly what you owe, to whom and at what interest rate?
    Any high value assets to sell? Anything else you could sell/ebay etc?


    Please don't just walk out on your OH, that is so cruel. Yes, I suppose he will be angry for a while maybe, but things will be better if you can tell him you have a problem but you have a. b. and c. in place to deal with it. That you want his emotional support but you have made every effort to address the problem.


    keep posting on here,there are loads of people who will help you. Good luck.
    LIVE SIMPLY * GIVE MORE * EXPECT LESS * BE THANKFUL

  • jazza6
    jazza6 Posts: 47 Forumite
    sourcrates - thanks again.

    asparagus1968....I have been spending the money on food, clothes - anything - I truly think I do have an addiction and my husband said that to me the last time - I'm going to see my GP as I'm feeling so, so low. I do work full time....we don't have any overtime in place and there's no jobs out there at the moment that pay what I get - not that I get a lot - but for the job I do most jobs are paying less. No assets...loads of things I could sell on ebay though.

    I know it's so cruel to do that to my OH but he's seriously been through so much and I do feel he would be better off without me. If I can get something in place then I may be able to approach him with it after it's done.

    I feel I can't actually go on much longer and wonder what the hell is wrong with me that I've gotten into this state....I know my mindset is all over the place as I type this and I'm struggling really badly. I have no-one to confide in and feel quite alone. I put on a face when I'm at work and when I'm at home and when my husband talks about saving for a holiday or doing this or that to the house I am slowly dying inside. Thanks for listening to me.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,551
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    jazza6 wrote: »
    I just simply cannot tell him and to be honest, feel like taking the coward's way out and just disappearing.
    jazza6 wrote: »
    I do feel he would be better off without me.

    Can you imagine the hell you would put him through if you just disappeared?

    Admit to him what been happening, recoup what you can from selling things, talk to someone like http://www.stepchange.org/ and get an appointment with your GP.

    There are also groups and forums for compulsive spenders - join one of those.
  • Hi, first post here.

    Mojisola (and anyone else), would you be able to advise of groups/forums for compulsive spenders that you know of?

    Many thanks

    Jess
  • BP1ME
    BP1ME Posts: 21
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    I just wanted to send you a big hug. I wish I could give you a real hug. You sound like you need it.

    Martin Lewis always says there isn't a debt problem that can't be solved. Remember that. It's only money. You can sort this. It's great that you have things to sell. That should make a dent in it.

    I've been in your exact place when I was 30 and my now ex husband bailed me out. I had no friends and ended up on antidepressants which really helped. Please see your GP and remember, you haven't committed any crime, it's just money and you can sort this . Big hugs xx
  • Have a read through some of the threads here and you'll see the scale of problems people have managed to come back from. Tens of thousands of pounds of debt paid off by individuals. Amazing really.
  • jazza6
    jazza6 Posts: 47 Forumite
    Thank you for your support and hugs BP1ME and Tyrone Black.....I've got a lot of work to do but I'm struggling today with terrible tummy problems and headache although it's prob linked to worry I presume. I need to log into all my credit card accounts and get balances and APR before I can do an SOE but actually even thinking about it makes me sick. My biggest fear is that I will be 65 in three years time and will only have state pension and not sure how I can carry on paying a DMP out of that and survive at the same time. I've just been so, so stupid.
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