Daughter going to uni - so.upset

ibizafan wrote: »

I must be the most awful mum, because I loved it when my youngest son left for uni. I had the house to myself at last, and it was the last of his terrible untidiness, as he never really lived at home for any length of time again. I just felt very proud of both sons for doing well and they have both got good careers, one in London and one in Australia. I suppose I've never lived through my children. My main aim when they were young was to live somewhere where the schools were excellent, and the rest was up to them. I have my own life to live, and lots of travelling to do, including regular trips to Australia to see my grand daughter and soon to be born grandson. Is it different with sons maybe?

Not at all, you have it spot on imo. It totally baffles me how some parents become totally encompassed by the children at the expense of their own life

OP, you sound like an extremely loving mum and your daughter is lucky to have you . I think the greatest gift any parent can give their child is their independence - so let her fly and she will be back .

The way I look at it is , they are happy, settled and enjoying life(you hope) This is what you have given them the wings for. I have two sons, number 1 son had a gap year straight after school and it was a full year. Going all over the world backpacking, this was before Skype, whats app. We only got e mails when it wasn't too remote. Then came home straight to Uni for 3 years, then after Uni went to Hong Kong where he has been for the last 10 years, and married a chinese girl!
Son number 2, no gap year, straight to Uni for 6 years to do medicine. Now working at a London Hospital as a Registrar. Hardly ever see him as when he is off his first priority is to his wife who hardly ever sees him, unsociable hours, night shifts, 18 hour days etc.
You learn to live with it, they have happy fulfilled lives and a little bit of me thinks I must have done a reasonable job for them to be so independent of us.
Will never forget the gap year son saying when he left at the airport that he was so pleased I was the only mum NOT crying. The last thing he wanted to see was tears.
Try to embrace it as the next part of their lives and wave her off with a smile......however difficult

I'm in the same boat, my daughter was meant to be attending a local uni and therefore staying at home but fast forward from Thursday and she is now going across the water to Scotland Saturday next.
It has come as a HUGE shock, she has the perfect part time job here, which financed her own car (which is proving a pain to sort) everything was extremely cosy and in place and now it's not.
I've no worries about her, she is extremely sensible and good with money, it's what could happen to her that's a big concern. She has sorted out change of uni, student finance, accommodation all herself and I'm happy that she's starting to feel excitement now it's beginning to take shape but my God, I'm heartbroken.
I cried on and off all day Saturday, I had her when I was very young and we are extremely close. It comes in waves, I'm thrilled for her and the opportunities and life experiences she's going to have and when I go to bed, I feel desperately sad.
I can't even leave her over as her younger brother is starting first year the same week but I actually think it's for the best as I would disgrace her!
Her dad is taking her over and he is dreading it too, so it's not just us mums.

Oh my god how I sympathise my youngest left home 31/2 years ago to move to London she /I new nobody to support /help her I cried myself to sleep for weeks before and many months after I miss her so much! Her older brother shipped out 4 weeks after her I miss him but not the same ! You will come through it your relationship will be the same maybe even better we speak either by text/email / phone minimum twice a day every day ,she has a nice circle of friends a good job and a happy life what more could we ask for she comes home every 4-6 weeks and I get so excited then cry like a baby when she leaves again !!! Yes maybe hormones but it could also be unconditional love you have for them ,you will be fine no magic cure just remember you are and always will be MUM x