Husband is leaving me
DollyDay
Posts: 20 Forumite
Hello, I am hoping for some advice please. My husband has told me he is leaving me after more than 20 years together. It was a complete shock and he says he has fallen out of love with me, and has now found someone he thinks he wants to be with.
Financially, we have £50k in ISA's, a house worth £400K with a £50K mortgage on it, and an endowment maturing next month for £36k (which we were going to put into the house and reduce our mortgage to £14k).
He has already told me he wants half of the house so I figure he means £200k. I cannot get/afford a mortgage for this much, and also do not feel that I want to commit myself to a new large mortgage at this point in my life, when I was expecting to be mortgage free in 3 years time. I also feel strongly that I do not want to sell the house at the moment - it's my home and because the rest of my life feels as though its falling apart, I feel that the house is the only bit of stability I have at the moment.
So, my question is, although I initially assumed/thought we would both be entitled to 50/50, as it is he who is leaving me, does that make any difference as far as who is entitled to what? At the moment we are both saying we would like to sort finances etc out amicably.
We have shared all of our income ever since we have been together. I always looked after the finances, I don't think he would even know exactly how much money we have in the bank and in savings. He has earned more than me for most of the earlier years we were together, but since the recession I have earned slightly more than him. I inherited £10k when we were younger which we used as a deposit on a flat purchase, neither of us has put in any other large sums as we were only young when we met.
If anyone can offer any advise I would be very grateful, I don't really know where to start just now...
Financially, we have £50k in ISA's, a house worth £400K with a £50K mortgage on it, and an endowment maturing next month for £36k (which we were going to put into the house and reduce our mortgage to £14k).
He has already told me he wants half of the house so I figure he means £200k. I cannot get/afford a mortgage for this much, and also do not feel that I want to commit myself to a new large mortgage at this point in my life, when I was expecting to be mortgage free in 3 years time. I also feel strongly that I do not want to sell the house at the moment - it's my home and because the rest of my life feels as though its falling apart, I feel that the house is the only bit of stability I have at the moment.
So, my question is, although I initially assumed/thought we would both be entitled to 50/50, as it is he who is leaving me, does that make any difference as far as who is entitled to what? At the moment we are both saying we would like to sort finances etc out amicably.
We have shared all of our income ever since we have been together. I always looked after the finances, I don't think he would even know exactly how much money we have in the bank and in savings. He has earned more than me for most of the earlier years we were together, but since the recession I have earned slightly more than him. I inherited £10k when we were younger which we used as a deposit on a flat purchase, neither of us has put in any other large sums as we were only young when we met.
If anyone can offer any advise I would be very grateful, I don't really know where to start just now...
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Comments
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Any children involved?0
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No children.0
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Firstly find yourself a good solicitor to advise you. Secondly accept the fact that divorce is life changing. While life will be stressful for a period of time you'll eventually reach the end of the tunnel.
Pension assets will also come into the equation. When division is made. Starting point is a 50/50 split. Unless there's reasons to the contrary. Little point in dragging matters through the court and wasting huge sums on legal fees. As no one wins.0 -
im sorry to here your story, i really cant offer any sound advice as im not qualified. i know it must be a shock but i think you need to obtain proffesional advice on whats best for you. personally i think yes when a split happens its goes 50/50. is it worth talking to husband perhaps hes going through a bit of midlife crisis. I had something similar happen a few years ago and start questioning everything in your life and where its heading, i know things seem just normal and mundane. I know this doesnt just affect men but women aswell. I wonder what he thinks he will do when everythings split up 50/50 in a rising market. just want to wish you all the best, you seem to be in a similar stage of life as me with regards to mortgage and obviously looking forward to the future being mortgage free. best if you can to do everything with courts if you can because it just eats all your money up, depends on how amicable it can be. wishing you all the bestListen to what people say, but watch what people what people do!!0
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Entirely understandable as to why you would want to hold onto the house if you can.
However, what would £200,000 buy in your part of the country? Would it be a flatlet, flat, starter house, reasonable house? What level of housing could be got there for that amount of money?0 -
Odds are he has a pension you are entitled to half of (and vice versa).
You'll be 50 with £200k, a pension and a 25k ISA plus whatever savings you have. Not a terrible place to be even if worse than you expected.
You will have to start again from that point, so sorry if that means the house has to be sold but that will be the reality. Perhaps a new place with no embedded memories will make it easier?0 -
Financially, we have £50k in ISA's, a house worth £400K with a £50K mortgage on it, and an endowment maturing next month for £36k.
He has already told me he wants half of the house so I figure he means £200k. I cannot get/afford a mortgage for this much
A 50/50 division doesn't mean everything has to divided up equally - it's the final amount that matters.
If he took the £50k and the £36k (or maybe a bit less so that you keep some emergency money), then you can keep a larger percentage of the house.
If his pension is better than yours, you can offer to let him keep it all and further reduce his share of the house.
Life is going to change and the house might hold too many memories but I can understand you not wanting to move out immediately.0 -
If I was in this situation - I would split everything 50/50, sell up. Then use the 250k etc to buy a home by myself with a small 50k mortgage if needs be....so I could get something decent for 300k etc0
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My husband has just become a total stranger. We have spoken about me buying him out and he has told me that if he gets half of what the house is worth now, and then I sell the house in 5/10 years time - he wants half of the equity that has accumulated during that time as well. He has also told me that he wants more than £225k, that he doesn't have to move out if he doesn't want to (he was going to move out at the end of the month), and he might want to stay here for a few years, then sell the house and retire.
It doesn't sound very amicable any more somehow...0 -
We have spoken about me buying him out and he has told me that if he gets half of what the house is worth now, and then I sell the house in 5/10 years time - he wants half of the equity that has accumulated during that time as well.
You will need to do a financial settlement that draws a line under your connection to each other so that this can't happen.
If you haven't found it already, this site http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/ has a lot of information and there's a helpful forum as well.0
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