Separating, how to cope of the pain of not seeing my daughter as much.

[Deleted User] · 28 November 2015 at 11:09AM

Ok so my wife wants to separate, the thing that is killing me the most is how will I cope without having my little girl in my life as much?
My 4 year old daughter is my absolute world, I wanted to be there when she wakes, to get her ready for school, to help her with her homework, to play whenever we want, to tuck her in at night etc etc.
Now I'm going to be limited to these events maybe once a week or if I am lucky maybe 2 days.
How do fathers get over that, I am literally writing this with tears in my eyes...
If any dads out there have been through this please give me some inspiration because at the moment I cannot even beat thinking about it when the time comes to separate and tell her that her mummy and daddy will be living in separate houses...

HappyMJ · 28 November 2015 at 11:16AM

You don't. Although you enjoy every minute you have with them much more.

Actually some fathers (parents) see their children more after separation as they've probably been away from home avoiding being at home in a toxic relationship.

You need to negotiate a fair and reasonable visiting schedule. If you both work Mon-Fri jobs then every fortnight from end of school on Friday to beginning of school on Monday would be an excellent deal. You probably won't get that but it's something to aim for.

sammyjammy · 28 November 2015 at 11:34AM

Is joint custody not an option? I really feel for you, it must be so hard.

VfM4meplse · 28 November 2015 at 11:43AM

Its a similar answer to the one I gave to your previous thread.....is living amicably under the same roof not an option, until DS goes to school FT at least?

[Deleted User] · 28 November 2015 at 12:15PM

My little girl is already at school now full time. With regards to joint custody that won't be an option as I work away go weeks at a time and then return home due to my work.

Just hate the idea of it all tbh. It's killing me to think I am gong to have to make do with 1 day here maybe a couple of nights here etc etc.

I would never of brought a child into this world if I could of foreseen this...

missbiggles1 · 28 November 2015 at 12:17PM

Deleted_User wrote: »

My little girl is already at school now full time. With regards to joint custody that won't be an option as I work away go weeks at a time and then return home due to my work.

Just hate the idea of it all tbh. It's killing me to think I am gong to have to make do with 1 day here maybe a couple of nights here etc etc.

I would never of brought a child into this world if I could of foreseen this...

Perhaps you'll actually see more of her now? Can't you go for shared custody so that you can have her when you're not working away?

theoretica · 28 November 2015 at 1:18PM

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Perhaps you'll actually see more of her now? Can't you go for shared custody so that you can have her when you're not working away?

Joint custody doesn't need to be 3/4 days each a week - it needs to be what suits the family and could be several weeks mostly with mum and several weeks mostly with dad.

missbiggles1 · 28 November 2015 at 1:24PM

theoretica wrote: »

Joint custody doesn't need to be 3/4 days each a week - it needs to be what suits the family and could be several weeks mostly with mum and several weeks mostly with dad.

That would certainly seem to be a good option in this situation.

[Deleted User] · 28 November 2015 at 1:39PM

I would love joint custody, so when I come home she could stay with me then go back to her mums when I go back to work.
Only thing is I have read so many articles stating kids are unsettled constantly swapping between parents that my head spins with the possibility it could disrupte and confuse her.

Somehow as much as my wife says she will let me see my daughter as much as possible I think she would object to that.

If I did that then I would have to remain in the area I am in now where it's pretty much my wife's town where she grew up and I moved there from my home town and I'm not sure I want that.

System · 28 November 2015 at 4:16PM

I know this is completely off topic and no help at all for which i apologise but when i saw your username, the first thing that came to mind was the song splish splash i was taking a bath :rotfl:

Petra_70 · 28 November 2015 at 4:35PM

Awwww Splish splash, what a shame for you.

I think this is very common, for people to not think about how men are going to be affected by not seeing the kiddies so much.

However, I know many couples who split up, and the men ended up seeing the kids just as much. One friend of my son's actually spends Monday morn -Thursday afternoon with mum, and Thursday afternoon to Monday morn with dad. It works really well, and both parents get to see him and spend time with him.

I am sure you be fine, and will adapt, and find a routine, and your daughter will cherish every moment with you.

You sound like a lovely man, and a great dad! What a lucky girl your daughter is!

I wish I could say something more constructive and helpful.

As some people have suggested... maybe joint custody?

Separating, how to cope of the pain of not seeing my daughter as much.

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