Money Moral Dilemma: Should I buy an engagement gift for my fiance?
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Tigsteroonie wrote: »Is it a modern thing? When I got engaged in the early 90s, I received a ring - and bought my fiance a new amp for his music system!
I got engaged in the 1960s when I was 17 (never married him! Married my wonderful husband in 1971 without getting engaged first) and we each bought each other an inexpensive ring.
But that was a mutual decision. I think if the fiance expected a gift it should have been discussed beforehand.(AKA HRH_MUngo)
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I got engaged in 1998 at 17 and bought my husband a watch as an engagement present, not because I was asked or expected to but because I wanted to! It was infact more expensive than my ring which was about £40, far too much emphasis is out on the value of things instead of the sentiment, i would be quite put off if he's have asked me for a gift and even more so if he had specified how much I was to spend0
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LOL SO not (in any way) a "Moral Dilemma".
For what it's worth, he sounds crazy to me - Women get an engagement ring & men get nothing is the accepted norm & totally fine in my opinion.
But that's not to say other people can't / shouldn't want or expect something different - that's up to them of course.
In any event, for the man to apparently specify he wants a particular thing "of equal value" sounds very off to me - in that case surely you might as well just have chosen & bought your own ring & he should have done exactly the same with his watch? Especially considering the forthcoming moving expenses.
As I see no moral dilemma I can't give any "yes / no" answer.
However, (from the very limited info. given) a lot about this situation seems very off to me so maybe use it as a reason to take stock of your relationship & really assess whether or not you guys are right for each other!0 -
This is nothing to do with gender equality – it’s about basic manners! And I agree with the point about symbolism too.
My fiance spent more on my ring than I’d have expected him to, but it’s still within his means, and I love it – for me, it demonstrates how serious he is about the engagement. And incidentally I’ll be contributing about 80% of the wedding budget, simply because I’ve been working for longer and have more savings. We choose to spend our (shared) resources on these things because they mean something to us both.
Thinking about it, we don’t even see it as ‘my’ ring – he loves it too and seeing me wearing it makes him happy, and builds the excitement for our marriage. If we didn’t share values like these, why would we get married?0 -
I have to disagree with the bit in bold.This is nothing to do with gender equality – it’s about basic manners! And I agree with the point about symbolism too.
My fiance spent more on my ring than I’d have expected him to, but it’s still within his means, and I love it – for me, it demonstrates how serious he is about the engagement. And incidentally I’ll be contributing about 80% of the wedding budget, simply because I’ve been working for longer and have more savings. We choose to spend our (shared) resources on these things because they mean something to us both.
Thinking about it, we don’t even see it as ‘my’ ring – he loves it too and seeing me wearing it makes him happy, and builds the excitement for our marriage. If we didn’t share values like these, why would we get married?
How much someone spends on an engagement ring is in no way a demonstration of how serious they are.
So a chap who is earning NMW and can only afford to buy a ring from Argos or Warren James is less serious about his relationship than someone who takes a trip to Hatton Garden and buys a 1 carat internally flawless diamond for his fiancee?
No way!0 -
I don't think your being a scrooge, I think he's being selfish and unromantic!0
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I agree with warehouse. He is the wrong man for you.0
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I have to disagree with the bit in bold.
How much someone spends on an engagement ring is in no way a demonstration of how serious they are.
So a chap who is earning NMW and can only afford to buy a ring from Argos or Warren James is less serious about his relationship than someone who takes a trip to Hatton Garden and buys a 1 carat internally flawless diamond for his fiancee?
Ah, but if two men earn the same six-figure salary but one goes to Hatton Garden and the other goes to Elizabeth Duke, and probably hands over his Amazon wishlist five seconds after the ring, you'd be hard-pressed to convince me that they are both equally serious or deserving of the lady's hand.
How much someone spends on an engagement ring relative to their income does demonstrate a) how serious they are b) whether they are financially mature enough to be able to spend a decent proportion of earnings on a ring.0 -
Malthusian wrote: »How much someone spends on an engagement ring relative to their income does demonstrate a) how serious they are b) whether they are financially mature enough to be able to spend a decent proportion of earnings on a ring.
We've been married for over 30 years and my OH didn't spend anything on an engagement ring! I think he's still serious about our relationship.
With all the other changes that have happened to even up the inequalities between the sexes, I don't understand why a man is expected to prove his commitment to a relationship by buying a bit of bling.0 -
You don't give to receive. "He would like you to buy him"? What a selfish individual. Its like me going up to a friend and asking them to buy me a gift. The two gifts are separate and distinct.
Of course if you want to buy him something, then that is up to you.0
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