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It's my fault, so it's my responsibility. Time to take it.

I've had a huge lightbulb moment today. After years of battling with debt, and thinking I've had many many lightbulb moment, I've suddenly realised something. My debt is no-one else's fault. Whilst that probably seems obvious (I always knew the money was being spent) I've realised it's not the kid's needs making me spend; it's not my husband going out on the !!!! and it's not necessary to keep up with the Jones's.

Two months ago, in an effort to start paying off the debt, I completely changed the way we organise our family finances. It involves me and hubby having £150 each spending money (clothes, haircuts, lunches, nights out, birthday pressies, workplace collections. everything). We get this in cash and the bank accounts don't get touched. My OH has stuck to it 100% and I've been secretly spending on CCs. None of the spending was on my - it was all on the kids or stuff I felt was obligatory, like wedding presents, birthday presents, travelling to an Italian wedding. But regardless, I've realised: It's me. It's my fault. I'm spending and I'm the reason we're in massive amounts of debt.

Today, it stops.

Today, I'm starting this diary in the hopes that I can start keeping tabs on myself (and I hope you'll all keep tabs on me too). Over time, I'm going to set some goals and a 5-year plan and share them all with you. I'll check in every once in a while to show how I'm getting on and what I'm doing to get DF.

I hope I might be able to support and share some stuff that'll help some of you too.

Debbie
HIGHEST DEBT £63,300 LBM 27/5/2020 DEBT FREE DATE 31.08.2022
«134567

Comments

  • Good luck Debbie! I look forward to reading about your success!
    House fund: ~£5000 / £10,000 :D_£1000 emergency fund #208 - £151.74/ 1000 _
  • So... here goes... my debt laid bare!

    We've no mortgage, no loans and (thankfully) no payday loans. But we have BIG credit card debt. As of today, it stands at:

    BARCLAYCARD £2845.82 (19.9%)
    MBNA £6432.35 (0%)
    VIRGIN 1 £12,233.84 (0%)
    VIRGIN 2 £9342.37 (0%)

    Total debt between me and my husband: £30,854.38

    I'm totally ashamed that it's got so bad and things have just snowballed over the last few years. Greed, a feeling of "deserving" a treat and obligation have brought us here and I'm trying to actively feel that in the hopes that it'll make me stop.

    I've printed a card off the computer with that total amount on it that I intend to look at every day and update each month. I hope by the end of the year the total is under £28k. That's my first small goal. I'll ideally have paid off the barclaycard first to make sure I'm not paying any interest.

    Here we go ladies and gents...

    Debbie
    HIGHEST DEBT £63,300 LBM 27/5/2020 DEBT FREE DATE 31.08.2022
  • Rosylee
    Rosylee Posts: 201 Forumite
    Good luck Debbie. Let us know how you get on.
  • Bobarella
    Bobarella Posts: 10,824
    Savvy Shopper! I've been Money Tipped!
    Forumite
    Good luck Debbie. It's one theme I hear time and again here though where women are secretly spending on their children. That doesn't ever seem right to me. It makes me think why isn't their more discussion between mum and dad. It never sits right with me when people say I pay for childcare he pays for the mortgage. What's the message?? It should be joint responsibility not just one of you. I am trying to make you feel better here by the way, hope it doesn't read a bit ranty. Yes you are right to take responsibility for your spending but if you've been buying their shoes and clothes on credit cards the budget isn't right.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe":D

    Debt neutral :) 27/03/17 from £40k:eek: in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
  • You are right in what you're saying Bobarella, but thankfully our house doesn't run like that. All income goes into one joint account (we don't split up accounts or income at all) and then we both now take £150 spends each per month. All childcare bills etc come out of the joint account. I was referring more to the big stuff. A few months ago my eldest son spilled milk all over his laptop = ruined laptop. I didn't have the heart to make him live without one; it was a genuine accident, but I knew my OH would say he needs to learn and can go without. So I bought him one on a CC to replace it. I know it was wrong and I should've had the honest conversation with my OH. Instead I took a sneaky easy way out and just did what I wanted to do. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing by my son, but now I realise this is how I shoot myself in the foot with the finances time and again.

    It's taking a lot of frank honesty for me to admit this kind of thing on here publicly so please, no rants about what a terrible wife I am!! I'm learning and changing!!!!!
    HIGHEST DEBT £63,300 LBM 27/5/2020 DEBT FREE DATE 31.08.2022
  • I've just opened a letter from the Council - an old property I used to own has had it's council tax rebanded! I'm due a £901 rebate :beer::j:T

    Straight into the debts...
    HIGHEST DEBT £63,300 LBM 27/5/2020 DEBT FREE DATE 31.08.2022
  • Welcome Debbie,

    a feeling of "deserving" a treat and obligation have brought us here and I'm trying to actively feel that in the hopes that it'll make me stop.

    This rang bells with me, as I feel that that is what led to a lot of our spending, we don't go out, don't drink, or smoke etc, so little treats, music, games etc I felt we "deserved" and the kids "deserved" and it well snowballed!!!

    Good luck on your journey, I will be subscribing xx
    Debt £30,823.48/£44,856.56 ~ 06/02/21 - 31.28% Paid Off
    Mortgage (01/04/09 - 01/07/39)
    £79,515.99/£104,409.00 (as of 05/02/21) ~ 23.84% Paid Off

    Lloyds (M) - £1196.93/£1296.93 ~ Next - £2653.79/£2700.46 ~ Mobile - £296.70/£323.78
    HSBC (H) -£5079.08/£5281.12 ~ HSBC (M) - £4512.19/£4714.23
    Barclays (H) - £4427.32/£4629.36 ~ Barclays (M) - £4013.78/£4215.82
    Halifax (H) - £4930.04/£5132.12 ~ Halifax (M) - £3708.65/£3911.20

    Asda Savings - £0

    POAMAYC 2021 #87 £1290.07 ~ 2020/£3669.48 ~ 2019/£10,615.18 ~ 2018/£13,912.57 ~ 2017/£10,380.18 ~ 2016/£7454.80

    ~ Emergency Savings: £0

    My Debt Free Diary (Link)
  • Bobarella
    Bobarella Posts: 10,824
    Savvy Shopper! I've been Money Tipped!
    Forumite
    I certainly don't think you are a terrible wife.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe":D

    Debt neutral :) 27/03/17 from £40k:eek: in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
  • Welcome Debbie,



    This rang bells with me, as I feel that that is what led to a lot of our spending, we don't go out, don't drink, or smoke etc, so little treats, music, games etc I felt we "deserved" and the kids "deserved" and it well snowballed!!!

    Good luck on your journey, I will be subscribing xx

    Thanks kindofagilr. It's nice to hear that you're not along in these weird ways of thinking! We go for a night out about every 3 months and never drink at home. Don't smoke. Never take any kind of drugs. My wardrobe is tiny so it's not all gone on clothes. I've literally nothing to show for the ridiculous amount of debt we're in. A lot of it has gone on experiences for these 'treats'; some are little things like a cinema trip (and even these tend to be paid for by clubcard vouchers), days out etc and some have just been stupid impulse decisions, like going to Florida. We justify it to ourselves, thinking "this is why we work hard all year", but actually we should be working hard all year to pay the debt off.

    My new matra is "you deserve it when you can actually afford it!"
    HIGHEST DEBT £63,300 LBM 27/5/2020 DEBT FREE DATE 31.08.2022
  • My Debt Diary Goals

    2016

    Debt under £30,000 by the end of 2016
    Pay off the Centre Parcs hols we’ve already booked for May 2017, by the end of 2016
    Don’t let my OH talk me into (or talk him into) any more holidays for 2017 except camping hols under £50
    Stick to my personal £150 per month ‘spends’
    Absolutely no CC spending
    £1,000 emergency fund by the end of 2016
    Write a list of local free activities we can do with our kids and individually by the end of October 2016.
    Write a calendar of all the free big events planned for 2017 locally.
    One NSD per week.
    Take picnics rather than eating out when we go on days out.
    Stop buying bottles of Diet Coke whenever I go to the shops!!! :rotfl:
    HIGHEST DEBT £63,300 LBM 27/5/2020 DEBT FREE DATE 31.08.2022
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