Would you marry again if you were widowed?

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  • My stepmum is remarrying next year nearly 6 years after losing my Dad. Although their marriage was relatively short they had been together for years before they tied the knot. My dad was very anti marriage after him and mum divorced, but once he did it again he said it was the best thing he'd done, so when he knew his time was up he told my step mum to re marry (he actually set her up with a dating profile!) She is still in her 50ies and I would hate to see her alone for the next 30 odd years. I think life is like a book and its not a case of replacing someone but starting a new chapter.

    Personally I would think I would remarry if I fell in love again, but right now I'd just be happy to find someone to marry for the first time lol.
  • I suppose you should never say never - but it would be extremely unlikely for me to ever marry again.
  • It's always worth remembering that not all first marriages are happy or this 'ideal' we imagine. I always remember a friend at uni telling me about her Dad remarrying when she was a teenager and how pleased his daughters were to see him so happy. Her mum had died quite suddenly a few years before he remarried but they hadn't been very happy. She said some people commented about him 'moving on' quickly but she thought her parents would have likely divorced anyway, so his daughters didn't have any objections. And her step-mum was a wonderful lady.

    I'm not married, but in a long term relationship and pregnant. If I were to die I'd definitely want my partner to move on. I'm sure he wouldn't 'replace' me, but he is a wonderful loving partner who enjoys being in a relationship, so I wouldn't want to stop him from having a second chance.
  • onlyroz
    onlyroz Posts: 17,661
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    It's always worth remembering that not all first marriages are happy or this 'ideal' we imagine. I always remember a friend at uni telling me about her Dad remarrying when she was a teenager and how pleased his daughters were to see him so happy. Her mum had died quite suddenly a few years before he remarried but they hadn't been very happy. She said some people commented about him 'moving on' quickly but she thought her parents would have likely divorced anyway, so his daughters didn't have any objections. And her step-mum was a wonderful lady.
    I know of a few people who were widowed after being in miserable marriages and had much better luck second time round.
  • TBagpuss
    TBagpuss Posts: 11,198
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    bugslet wrote: »
    A friend of mine used to run a dating agency in pre-Internet times and interviewed the prospective clients. Had a chap come by and she asked him about his history and he said his wife had died and she asked when she had died. Two weeks ago came the reply. My friend suggested that maybe it was a little too quick, to which the chap asked when she thought might be a more appropriate time. She suggested 6 months. Lo and behold, 6 months to the day he turned up.

    He did go on to marry again and pretty quickly!

    It can also depend on the circumstances of the 1st spouse's death - one of my great-uncles remarried pretty quickly after his wife, died - but both his wife, and the husband of his second wife had been suffering from dementia for some time before their respective deaths, so in many respects the people they loved had been gone for a while before they died. And the two couples had been close friends for decades.
    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
  • Peter333
    Peter333 Posts: 2,035 Forumite
    It's always worth remembering that not all first marriages are happy or this 'ideal' we imagine. I always remember a friend at uni telling me about her Dad remarrying when she was a teenager and how pleased his daughters were to see him so happy. Her mum had died quite suddenly a few years before he remarried but they hadn't been very happy. She said some people commented about him 'moving on' quickly but she thought her parents would have likely divorced anyway, so his daughters didn't have any objections. And her step-mum was a wonderful lady.
    .

    Very good point.

    I guess what the OP (seven day weekend) is basing her views on, is her own marriage that is full and rich and happy, and long lasting. Many people who have been with the same partner for 30 plus years, (and are fairly happy,) and are over 50, would recoil at the thought of being with someone else, especially intimately!

    However, if it was a not-very-happy marriage, then they would probably happily get together with someone else, if they met someone who suited them.

    Also, people are much more likely to believe they wouldn't want a new partner if they are older. (Say 50-55 plus.) People divorced or widowed under 40 would be highly unlikely to never ever have another partner.
    TBagpuss wrote: »
    It can also depend on the circumstances of the 1st spouse's death - one of my great-uncles remarried pretty quickly after his wife, died - but both his wife, and the husband of his second wife had been suffering from dementia for some time before their respective deaths, so in many respects the people they loved had been gone for a while before they died. And the two couples had been close friends for decades.

    Yes indeed. I knew a man many years ago whose wife had dementia, and he nursed and nurtured her for 7-8 years, and with each passing month she got worse. The last 5 years she was very bad, and didn't know who he was. During the last 2 years, he spent some time with a lady he met at an art class he joined to get a bit of 'me time' whilst a carer looked after his wife.

    Just a few weeks after his wife died, he began a relationship with this lady - although everyone suspected it had been going on for at least a year. The son and his wife didn't speak to him for a while, as they found it abhorrent that he was disrespecting his wife in such a fashion. They came round after a few months, and 10 years later, he is still with this woman. (They never got married, though they live together, and do almost everything together...)
    You didn't, did you? :rotfl::rotfl:
  • My dad died nearly 20 years ago and my mum still lives on her own. She never had any intention of remarrying or meeting any one else when my dad died. They were married for over 40 years and had known each other since childhood.

    I'm on my own - I was in a relationship for nearly 19 years up until about 4 years ago. Happy being on my own now.
    Debt 30k in 2008.:eek::o Cleared all my debt in 2013 and loving being debt free :)
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  • Peter333 wrote: »
    Very good point.

    I guess what the OP (seven day weekend) is basing her views on, is her own marriage that is full and rich and happy, and long lasting. Many people who have been with the same partner for 30 plus years, (and are fairly happy,) and are over 50, would recoil at the thought of being with someone else, especially intimately!

    However, if it was a not-very-happy marriage, then they would probably happily get together with someone else, if they met someone who suited them.
    ........................

    Plesase forgive me for truncating your post. It is only the first bit I wnt to comment on.

    Yes, in my own case I was basing it on my own long and happy marriage. But that's why I asked the original question, as I was sure the answer varied with differing circumstances. I wasn't saying it was wrong to marry again.

    I cannot imagine anyone else in my husband's place. Absolutely no way. I wouldn't even want to cohabit, although as I have said, I might have a lodger to keep me company.

    But the thought of putting someone else in his place is abhorrent to me, I absolutely could not do it, no way.

    Thanks all for an interesting discussion.
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
  • This old cynic is wiping away a tear. How lovely to have had 56 years together though. I hope that is some comfort to you.
    iris wrote: »
    My husband died 3 weeks ago and his funeral was Tuesday. We had been together 56 years and would have been married for 53 years next week. He was my soulmate and I loved him so much, there are not words to express how I am feeling at the moment. I am finding being without him very hard. He is everywhere in our bungalow.


    I just couldn't imagine anyone else in my life, although before my husband's death he said that if the right person came along, that I should consider remarrying. He wanted me to be happy.
  • I've long held the view that relationships (not necessarily marriage per se) are a bit like funfair rides.

    If you enjoyed it the first time, you'll probably be happy to buy a second ticket and have another go.

    It you hated it and it made you feel nauseous, you'd never go on that ride again as long as you lived.
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