Money Moral Dilemma: Should we stop splitting the bill?
Comments
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If you split the bill then surely it's only fair to split the 'leftovers'.
Insist on it with all the conviction of righting an injustice and watch these !!!!!!!!!!s retreat.
If you lose their friendship, was it one that was worth keeping if it was so fragile it was only held together by their greed and avarice and your reticence?0 -
next time you could still order the same quantity but both get something obviously more expensive than you usually would
When it comes to paying the bill, you could say something like "Well, we splashed out a bit more than usual this time [anniversary/parrot's birthday/etc] so I really want to make sure we pay for all of our share" and proceed to work it out.
bzd
They'd probably say "don't worry about it, you can treat us next time"0 -
You are the best judge of what will work in this friendship without ruining it, and obviously you don't want to fall out over what could just be inconsideration (and we've all failed to put ourselves in other people's shoes at times - or, had eyes that are hungrier than our stomachs).
How about, when you next arrange to go out, saying that you have started a monthly savings plan (for a holiday / retirement / kids / new car / savings cushion given the age of austerity / whatever ) & are tightening your belts a bit, so you'd love to go out, but would like to get two separate bills?
If you're arranging things by mobile phone you might even get away with sending this message as a PS by text. Then any nerves you have about saying it wouldn't be betrayed in your voice.
If you ever have contact by email that could also work.
Face to face is clearly trickier - but not impossible.
Failing this, I like the idea of, when the bill comes, putting down on the table money for what you guys have eaten plus tip (no calculators please!) - but if it's a tradition you split the bill you'd need to acknowledge the change by saying something about tightening the belts etc.
Good luck!0 -
:T
to all people here who think they are being taken for a ride, YOU ARE and your so called friends know exactly what they are doing, so tell them before you start 'im a bit skint lets pay for our own meals OK' and I think you will find those extravigant meals a thing of the past. :T[/QUOTE]
I'd ditch people like that. I agree, they aren't thoughtless, they are deliberately taking you for a ride.0 -
brokeinwales wrote: »
The easiest and least confrontational way around this is to choose a set meal type restaurant (like an all you can eat buffet or lunch-for-£7 type affair) - that way the bill will split itself fairly automatically. If drinks are included you can quite politely say when you first order "shall we just get our own drinks at the bar as we want them so we don't waste anything?"
This is a really good idea but the friends may not go for it - especially if their main purpose in eating out is to get 'doggy bags'. They maybe can't cook for themselves and get leftovers to do further meals but it's probably worth suggesting!0 -
YES stop splitting the bill!!!
I have a similar problem - i don't drink alcohol and everyone else does so i have spent maybe £10 on my meal and the bill ends up being split at about £30 each... I'm sure you arent surprised to read that I always pay separately! and so should you!0 -
When they order sides, ask the barman for a bottle of champagne.
When they wonder what is the celebration, just say "you fancy some, and we're splitting the bill right!!"
See if they want to split the bill then...0 -
Phew this is making me feel lucky to have the friends I do!
We normally do a sort of informal, ours came to £22 so we'll put down £25 sort of split, we each have a quick tot up of what ours comes to (whether just the girls or as couples) round it up and add on a tip. Hopefully this comes to enough to cover the bill plus a tip. If it is a few quid out in anyone's favour then it evens out eventually. We tend to do it this way because at times there have been quite big differences in our circumstances and also because some do not drink. If I have had wine and the others soft drinks I will always put in extra.
For the OP I think they should give the friends the benefit of the doubt and work on the basis that they don't realise the problem and always order too much. On that basis I would say before you order, either when arranging the meal in advance or when you arrive that you need to split the bill differently. Blame the economy, belt tightening, a new saving regime, a diet, up coming holiday, whatever you are comfortable with.
They would have to be real a-holes to argue if you just say, we're a bit short at the moment so can we each pay for what we order, we'll be ordering on the cheap but we don't want to cramp your style/miss out on going out with you.
I suspect that they will probably continue ordering lots as it it there habit and they probably don't think too much about what it costs, but they may start to notice and change things when they see how much less you are spending!
I wouldn't do anything to cause an arguement or embarrass them as they probably don't realise how uncomfortable you are and you don't want to lose a friendship.0 -
Brightness has a good idea but it falls down when you share things like wine or water, etc. We know a number of such free-loaders, and even more when a corporate card is in sight. We took the view that a meal out with friends should be an enjoyable affair which is not the case if you are focussed on just how excessive your companions are. We have dealt with this 2 ways in the past. The first is a quite word with the leader of the other party. The second is to use the current downturn to suggest that we alternate dining at each other's houses (we are both reasonable cooks) as this would be cheaper and healthier. Neither party takes wine so the host provides everything. Straight free-loaders evaporated into the mist, and people who enjoyed time together found a balance that overcame any such problems.
We now do not engage in split the bill dinners, and the host is clearly defined before the booking on a reciprocal basis, and the host chooses sundries such as wine.0 -
You should definitely only pay for what you order unless you are in a set price restaurant.
We my husband and I go out with friends , I always make a rough mental note on how much the food costs, and then adjust for drinks.
We had this situation with some good friends, and I just started asking the waiter after we ordered, if we could have seperate bills to make life easier.
The friends were fine, and we almost always do that now.0
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