What is the real cost of having kids?

sgtivypie · 14 March 2014 at 4:14PM

Hi,

CONGRATULATIONS!!

I've got a boy aged 4 and am due another boy anytime now. I can honestly say that the biggest mistake that I ever made when my Son was younger was to put too much pressure on myself to give him everything and to make it all 'perfect'.
I bought everything new and bought in excess, toys, clothes, shoes, books etc.. EVERYTHING!
I have since learnt to relax and to try to save money where possible.
The best tips I could give are to:
1. Look for cheap but good condition second hand clothes from charity shops, carboots, facebook, ebay etc.
2. At that age they won't notice if you buy them second hand toys, books, dvds etc for birthdays, christmas etc
3. If you can afford it then stock up on sale items that you will need e.g clothes, shoes, presents, craft items, toiletries
4. Sell on anything that they have outgrown or no longer use/play with and put that money to one side for when they need something else
5. There's loads of sites on the internet that will give you ideas about cheap/free activities to do with the boys
6. Join the Netmums website. It's fab for advice, ideas, local info, and sometimes just a good whinge on the forums

I tend to stock up on toiletries whenever they are on sale. For instance, there was a really good offer on wipes at Boots recently and I've now got approx 70 packs of wipes stored ready for the baby.
I always used Tesco nappies for my Son and never had a problem with them. I'm going to use them for this baby but probably only because Tesco is where I do my usual shopping.
I have always had 2 sets of bedding for my Son so that I can still put one on the bed when one is in the wash.
It's easy to go overboard with clothes. I'd start with the basics and then buy more if you feel that you need to. A few items of each would be sufficient including 2 coats (again one to wash and one to wear), and then plenty of underpants and socks.

mrsscattercushion · 14 March 2014 at 8:21PM

Congratulations on this, working in the field I do, it is fantastic that 2 young boys are being given this wonderful opportunity.

When you planning the introductions and getting to know the foster parents, it is worth talking with them (or your adoption social worker can help) about what clothes, toys and other items will be coming with the children ~ I know where I work, our carers ensure that all the children's clothes, toys, photos/memory boxes go with the children to the new parents, as well as sometimes the children's bedding (familiar smells to start with to help the children settle)...as others have said, it is a good time to ask about routines, favourite toys, activities etc, also whether you qualify for any adoption support or allowance from the boys' LA. Can be worth initially using the same washing powder as the carer does, both in case of allergies but again familiarity of smell...

Echo everyone else's suggestions re using ebay, Facebook groups to pick up second-hand, look out for sales and planning ahead re possible presents/toys...also look to use vouchers/points for planning family trips out etc.

I'd have 2 or 3 sets of bedding to hand, in case of accidents, especially as the children settle as some children's behaviour/development can regress slightly on a move, before improving again as they settle, so always handy to be prepared so to have another set ready when one is in the washing machine!
definitely worth in investing in good car seats/boosters that fit properly in your car.

Wishing you the best of luck

kboss2010 · 14 March 2014 at 9:09PM

Congrats.

IMO there are two things you should never scrimp on - shoes and beds. If you're not in one, you're in the other.

As a child I had terrible trouble getting shoes to fit and at age 15 I was diagnosed as flat footed. I'm glad my mum always invested in Clarks shoes for me as cheaper ones would have totally ruined my feet. Again, when my parents separated aged 7, my Dad was given this second hand bed for me which had such an uncomfortable mattress and I found it really hard to sleep on (it was promptly replaced!)

Whenever I've moved house (I'd lived in 7 houses before the age of 15) it was always important for me to have a cosy, warm, comfortable bedroom.

It's funny how it's the little things you remember most as a kid, especially when circumstances change suddenly.

Fruball · 14 March 2014 at 9:47PM

Congratulations!!!

You will probably find that they bring their own clothes when they come home. Some toys too. My friend adopted and they nearly didn't get all her daughter's belongings in the car!!! In fact I think the foster carers brought more when they visited

Having familiar things will be nice for them too so maybe speak to the foster carers about that.

Regarding bedding, 2 of each is enough unless they get a tummy bug in which case you can't have enough

Above all, don't worry... When necessary, children can manage with very little... think holidays etc when we all manage with fewer things. As long as you have a washing machine (a dryer helps too) then you will be fine

Within a couple of weeks you will know exactly what you need.

ENJOY!!! Got goosebumps at the thought of you bringing home your little family

xx

SJG123 · 15 March 2014 at 3:40PM

Hi, I just want to say thank you to everyone for all of the information!

Much appreciated

savingqueen · 15 March 2014 at 11:19PM

Many congratulations on your new family. I definitely overbought with our 1st child, far better with the 2nd! As long as you have the basics to begin with you will be fine.

Check what they use at mealtimes ie. they are probably used to plastic cups and plates and children's sized cutlery. The 2 year old may need a high chair or booster to add to a kitchen or dining chair. I*ea do good cheap things for young children.

Make sure you know where their favourite/comfort soft toy or blanket is especially for night times and when they are settling into their new home with you.

Re food: to begin with I would play it safe with foods you have been told they like and you can of course ask the children themselves when they are with you. The more food you can prepare yourself, the cheaper and generally healthier it will be. You can buy lots of prepacked and ready made foods, some with children's favourite characters on - these are usually far more expensive eg. a plastic tub with a few mini breadsticks and some soft cheese or cheese "shapes" - you can easily do your own far cheaper. A good habit we got our boys into was drinking water and I carried about cups/bottles of water wherever we went to save buying drinks when we were out. That saved a fortune.

The very best thing you can do for your children is to spend time with them rather than money. Things like washing the car together or baking cakes for example will be lots of fun and moneysaving at the same time.

sq

MummyBobble · 16 March 2014 at 12:56AM

More congratulations! Lots of good advice already.

I guess they will bring some clothing/toys with them (having familiar things will help them settle, especially if they have a particular teddy that they sleep with or a routine that they are used to) so it might be worth checking what they will already have and do. Then you can build on that with little surprises (like new PJs or a small toy) or baby step changes to routine as needed. I'm sure you will be able to get advice as to what they enjoy doing, stick with that to begin with while they settle then slowly introduce things they may not have done before. xx

So much for you all to look forward to!

Spendless · 16 March 2014 at 9:21AM

The most expensive part of us having kids was losing my income. I earned the same as the childcare bill would have been, and no help for me with the costs 14 years ago.

I once read an article that said *roughly* these were the areas where parents spent the most money according to childs age.

Upto 12 months - equipment

1- school age - childcare

5 - 11 - out of school activities

11 - 18 food and clothes.

I would say my experience was similar, (Kids now 14 and 11) apart from the out of school activities as mine tended to do one per week, and not expensive ones. I was once sat with another mum during my dd's swimming lessons and she was spending £50 per week on all the things her kids were doing after school.

[Deleted User] · 16 March 2014 at 9:42AM

The most priceless thing you can give to your new little family is love by the bucketful.They have had some turmoil in their young lives, so lots of hugs and cuddles which cost very little, but mean so much to two small children.Making them feel loved and wanted and above all the most important thing in you and your OH's lives is the best thing you can give them.In return hopefully you will too be loved and cherished for the rest of your lives.Toys,clothes are nice, but warmth,and a feeling of being cared for because they are loved is the best feeling in the world.

I was brought up during and after the last war and things were tight for millions of folk.My Dad had a reasonable job luckily, but because of rationing and restrictions there were few toys around.We certainly were a make-do-and-mend family, yet my abiding memory is of my lovely tiny Scots Mum who would have walked through fire for her three children.She was strict, in as much she expected, and received respect and politeness from her children.We were brought up to be polite,honest, and above all polite to our elders.But her cuddles made you feel 10 feet tall.If you had a mishap or things didn't go as planned her ability to make you feel the most important person in the world was priceless.She cared for her family,neighbours and above all my late Dad with such a fierce love it was almost tangible.So put yourself in the little ones shoes and try to see how you would feel coming to somewhere that you hope will be permanant.You may have tears and tantrums, but a cuddle goes further than a sharp word.Good luck with your new little family and I hope you have many happy days ahead.
JackieO xxx

Fruball · 27 March 2014 at 9:40PM

Just wondered how you are getting on SJB? x

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What is the real cost of having kids?

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