Saw more messages between BF and ex. He told her he wants them to be together...

[Deleted User] · 19 March 2017 at 11:29PM

Get rid... When you have a gut feeling its normally right i find. You need someone who doesn't cause you all this stress! life is too short!!

tea_lover · 20 March 2017 at 10:04AM

He's with you until she gives him the green light, and then you won't see him for dust. It's horrible when you realise you're just a back-up for someone, but the plus side of finding out is you can now walk away with your head held high.

Ozzuk · 20 March 2017 at 4:23PM

Sadly you are the rebound. He may even be confusing feelings for you with feelings for her and actually mourning the lost relationship. It is highly unlikely your relationship will last long term - not impossible but the odds are stacked against you given your insecurity (justified in this case) and his continued contact/reliance.

I'd say sit down and have a proper discussion - one option could be to stop seeing each other, leave it 6-months maybe even a year and see what happens. It gives him time to get over his past relationship and will help give you perspective so you know if you ever got back together it was for the right reasons.

Good luck, sounds like you have tough times ahead but you will get through it.

beautiful_ravens · 20 March 2017 at 8:13PM

lobbyludd wrote: »

what scenario would make this better for you? If he confessed to having feelings for her would that make everything alright? if he said there was nothing there would you trust him? I can't imagine an outcome where you would feel that everything is good.

Indeed.
Also, if you have to confess to looking through his phone, then can he trust you? And could you 'put all this behind you' in practice? People often keep events like this in a little corner of their mind, unable to completely forget.
Unfortunately, I think the only way is out.

trey101 · 21 March 2017 at 12:59AM

Some of you are right that have trust issues and need to stop snooping. I'm going to try as hard as I can to overcome it.

Now I've calmed down I feel a little better. I'm holding on to the fact that "he's happy with me" and think that's a good sign and does make me feel better. I'm not sure what he meant by "but it isn't that simple" after he told her he's happy with me as it's a very vague and confusing statement...

System · 21 March 2017 at 1:16AM

I've only snooped once, and that was with my ex, i suspected he was cheating and i was right. Never dared say anything though cos i was in the wrong for looking and it would have been another excuse for him to kick off at me. It kiled me knowing he was cheating but being unable to confront him.

Honestly get out whilst you can. I agree with others, as soon as he gets the green light he;s going to go back to her. I had that with another ex, thankfully on the end i ended it myself, thought he went straight back to his ex which pretty much conformed my suspicions that i was just a rebound. Thankfully after i left him i met someone much much better for me.

FBaby · 21 March 2017 at 8:16AM

So your plan is to keep going in denial and hoping that everything will be ok, even though deep inside, it is unlikely you will shake the feelings that you might be taken for a fool. You are doing that because you can't bear to lose him and go through the pain of a break-up, even though as most have said, this relationship is unlikely to evolve positively and all you are doing is delaying it, with each weeks going by meaning that it will become more painful.

Your relationship is built on a lie as it stands. He is not being honest about his feelings for his ex, not that he is in regular contact with her, and you are keeping away from him the fact that you know. How is this for the start of a healthy relationship? If you want to give it a chance, at least confront him, admit that you shouldn't have been snooping, that you know it is wrong, but the circumstances have led you to it and that you need to know where you stand.

Ultimately, he will either be annoyed/angry, but understand where you are coming from and be honest with you, or he will go beserk and break up with you, in which case, at least you are not wasting more time with him.

Pollycat · 21 March 2017 at 8:50AM

trey101 wrote: »

Some of you are right that have trust issues and need to stop snooping. I'm going to try as hard as I can to overcome it.

I don't think you'll be able to, trey.
It will eat you up inside.

trey101 wrote: »

Now I've calmed down I feel a little better. I'm holding on to the fact that "he's happy with me" and think that's a good sign and does make me feel better. I'm not sure what he meant by "but it isn't that simple" after he told her he's happy with me as it's a very vague and confusing statement...

But you're ignoring the fact that he also said this:

trey101 wrote: »

But he said he wants to be with her...

Surely that's a bad sign?

"None so blind....." and all that.

I wish you luck - I think you're going to need it.

emmatthews · 21 March 2017 at 9:50AM

By ignoring it you are just delaying the inevitable.

In a healthy loving relationship, people don't go telling their exes that they want to be with them.

You are allowing yourself to be taken for a mug.

seven-day-weekend · 21 March 2017 at 10:17AM

I don't think you are his first choice. Sorry. I think he's only 'happy with you' because he can't be with her. That's why it's 'not that simple'.

Saw more messages between BF and ex. He told her he wants them to be together...

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