Teens and holidays

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  • kelpie35
    kelpie35 Posts: 1,781
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    OP you are the parent, and I am sorry if this sound harsh, but he lives by your rules as he is the child.

    I would be more concerned about the amount of time he is on his Xbox than a holiday.

    You, as the parent, are allowing him to control your life. Take responsibility and show him there are more important things in life than an Xbox.
  • CRANKY40
    CRANKY40 Posts: 5,708
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    Incidentally, if mine had tried to avoid a family funeral I'd have changed the wifi password. I have my limits....
  • mutley74
    mutley74 Posts: 4,020
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    edited 18 June 2017 at 5:41PM
    Thanks for the replies. Last time we went on holiday together we did lots of activities and try do what we both enjoy.
    I did not want him churning through flights for hours, but take an interest in how to at least enquire on flight bookings, what to see and where is best areas to stay etc. Otherwise if its booked may way and he is unhappy with one thing, he will be miserable as anything.
    I did tell him again, as not heard anything for 3 weeks from him, but he insists he is still interested! So I gave him a deadline of this week to discuss with me.
    As with gaming and xboy - this is a battle I have lost. He and both of us have taken professional help, he has seen therapists, but wont listen to any help offered. It has affected his health, our relationship, but I have decided to move on. He let me down on father's day (said he would go for lunch today, then he got up late, his "homework" was on xbox all afternoon!)
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,367
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    Why does it have to be him or you organising it? Why not doing it together? You've agreed on a destination, so you now need to go through hotels/camp etc... and then flights are easy.
  • clairec79
    clairec79 Posts: 2,512 Forumite
    So from age 12 you've allowed him to dictate whether or not you go on holiday

    Don't get me wrong my teens have moaned beforehand when I've taken them somewhere with no electricity and wifi (we stayed in a yurt it was fab), to hear the girls talk I was going to cut their arm off. But you know what when they were actually there they enjoyed it and had fun (and didn't moan about the lack of wifi till in the car going home.

    Last two years they've gone to Disney and no moaning with that one, mentioned about next year - and the request was can we go to disney Paris again.

    Not sure where we will go next year (I don't think it'll be Paris again - though it may be) but the kids will be 17, 16, 15 and 7 and will all be coming. I do let them have some freedom to go off alone (well together alone) while on holiday but they aren't staying home - year after the eldest will be 18 and can choose if she comes or not, but it won't be a 'where would you like to go, it'll be this is where we are going do you want to come?'
  • unholyangel
    unholyangel Posts: 16,863
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    mutley74 wrote: »
    Thanks for the replies. Last time we went on holiday together we did lots of activities and try do what we both enjoy.
    I did not want him churning through flights for hours, but take an interest in how to at least enquire on flight bookings, what to see and where is best areas to stay etc. Otherwise if its booked may way and he is unhappy with one thing, he will be miserable as anything.
    I did tell him again, as not heard anything for 3 weeks from him, but he insists he is still interested! So I gave him a deadline of this week to discuss with me.
    As with gaming and xboy - this is a battle I have lost. He and both of us thought professional help, he has seen therapists, but wont listen to any professional help. It has affected his health, our relationship, but I have decided to move on. He let me down on father's day (said he would go for lunch today, then he got up late, his "homework" was on xbox all afternoon!)

    By all means give your son the chance to have his opinions heard & counted, but don't bend over backwards to accommodate him. If he doesn't contribute and give you some input on where he'd like to visit, go ahead and book somewhere you'll love even if he wont. If he complains then you tell him he had his chance to be part of the decision making process and turned it down.

    And I'm sorry but I agree with the others regarding the funeral and how long he's spending gaming. I'd have been absolutely mortified and most likely would have either cut them off from the wifi and/or confiscated their xbox.


    As for the holiday....if you have the cash, why not suggest he brings a friend with him (if the friends parents give the friend spending money)? It encourages him to interact in person with his friends and perhaps might give him more a vested interest in where you will be holidaying!
    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means - Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride
  • mutley74
    mutley74 Posts: 4,020
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    Thanks for so many replies and suggestions.
    Unfortunately I lost the battle since he turned 13 with regards to gaming. A story for another day! (although the past 1-2 months he has cut down usage a little bit.
    If I switch off wifi or remove his console pad, I get subject to a teenage tantrums which are just crazy and worse for us both. He has had professional help on this but just blames the NHS teenage care service for "not fixing him".

    I was very unhappy he did not attend the funeral, most gutted. But I never expected him to make any effort/interest to be frank, based on his attitude and nature.

    Let clarify I did not expect him to book the holiday on his own. But had hoped a teen would be able to use Google and search out what to see and do in a place such as Barcelona. Even offered him an open opportunity to anywhere in the World to enjoy life!
    Think I am the only person in the office not to have had a family holiday in recent years, get fed up listening to others telling when they are off :(

    But is it unreasonable to ask a teenager to take interest in a family holiday research? Or would other parents just book and say you are coming with me.
    I don't want to lose out if he changes mind at last minute (he does that a lot with family things). A friend at work said his 15yr told his folks he will not go on family holidays any more - is this common for teens?

    (when I was a teenager we never had a family holiday until I was 16! We used to hassle my folks to take us abroad and see the World!).
  • Shelldean
    Shelldean Posts: 2,389
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    Like clairec79, ours were.given no choice whilst under eighteen. Once eighteen we gave them the choice. But again like clairec79, we said we're going to.....do you fancy going??
    Last summer was the youngest son's last yr and rather than have him bored, we asked one of the older ones to come too, for company.
    Worked well.

    Youngest turned 18 last Sept, we went off on our own in Oct and will be again soon.
    However we've had short breaks uk where all the kids and the dog has.come along!!! And one in France that two of the boys fancied.
  • Rosemary7391
    Rosemary7391 Posts: 2,879
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    At 15 (until I left home at 18) my parents told me where I was going on holiday and I went whether I liked it or not. Ditto computer use - and yes, my Dad did block the internet, and I did sulk, but I thank him for it now. Even at 25 I have to watch myself spending too much time online/reading. I dread to think what I'd be like if I'd been allowed to continue as I had been! Certainly I wouldn't be doing a PhD. It wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't impacting on his life, but the funeral thing and not finding the time to look into something he's interested in suggests to me that it is. He needs to fix him - and you can help him.
  • thorsoak
    thorsoak Posts: 7,166
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    mutley74 wrote: »
    Thanks for so many replies and suggestions.
    Unfortunately I lost the battle since he turned 13 with regards to gaming. A story for another day! (although the past 1-2 months he has cut down usage a little bit.
    If I switch off wifi or remove his console pad, I get subject to a teenage tantrums which are just crazy and worse for us both. He has had professional help on this but just blames the NHS teenage care service for "not fixing him".

    I was very unhappy he did not attend the funeral, most gutted. But I never expected him to make any effort/interest to be frank, based on his attitude and nature.

    Let clarify I did not expect him to book the holiday on his own. But had hoped a teen would be able to use Google and search out what to see and do in a place such as Barcelona. Even offered him an open opportunity to anywhere in the World to enjoy life!
    Think I am the only person in the office not to have had a family holiday in recent years, get fed up listening to others telling when they are off :(

    But is it unreasonable to ask a teenager to take interest in a family holiday research? Or would other parents just book and say you are coming with me.
    I don't want to lose out if he changes mind at last minute (he does that a lot with family things). A friend at work said his 15yr told his folks he will not go on family holidays any more - is this common for teens?

    (when I was a teenager we never had a family holiday until I was 16! We used to hassle my folks to take us abroad and see the World!).

    Do you remember how much it hurt when you gave birth to him? You thought that you wouldn't be able to take much more,but you did - and it didn't stop until he was born.

    Now, you are giving birth to an adult - and this too will hurt - and will until he is an adult. So you have to put up with the pain and hurt of refusing him any internet connection unless he earns it - and you have to be the adult.
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