Advice needed - House or Wedding?

Hi - first post :) - sorry if this is in the wrong place.

My GF and I are locked in a bit of a dispute at the moment. She wants to get married, and knows exactly what she wants in a wedding (and wants a big-ish wedding and there's little room for negotiation)

I also want to get married, and make her happy and give her what she wants, but I want us to save for and buy a house first. I think it's sensible to get a permanent roof over our heads and to not be paying rent for longer than we need before spending thousands on a wedding.

I was just curious as to people's opinions on this? I appreciate that there's no right answer - but I'm always made to feel like I'm in the wrong about it, which has left me wondering perhaps I am.

Thanks!
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Comments

  • midnightraven3
    midnightraven3 Posts: 2,720
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    I couldn't pay thousands for a wedding without having a secure roof over my head. It wouldnt even be a question. If I wanted to get married before buying a house, it would be a simple small affair and every penny towards the house as possible
  • Gloomendoom
    Gloomendoom Posts: 16,550
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    I couldn't pay thousands for a wedding without having a secure roof over my head. It wouldnt even be a question. If I wanted to get married before buying a house, it would be a simple small affair and every penny towards the house as possible

    Plenty of married couples live in rented accommodation.
  • I personally wouldn't marry anyone who had such fixed ideas about weddings that there was no room for "negotiation." Newsflash: married life mainly consists of negotiation and compromise.
    They are an EYESORES!!!!
  • tanith
    tanith Posts: 8,091
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    House over wedding any day.
    #6 of the SKI-ers Club :j

    "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing" Edmund Burke
  • ripplyuk
    ripplyuk Posts: 2,885
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    I'd prefer to be married before buying a house. It just feels more secure legally if a break up happens.

    Is your GF happy to keep renting instead? Lots of girls dream of a big wedding, but does she accept that she can't have both the fancy wedding and a house that you both own as well? It's a bit worrying that she won't compromise at all. Sounds like her priorities are very different to yours.
  • Voyager2002
    Voyager2002 Posts: 15,244
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    I personally wouldn't marry anyone who had such fixed ideas about weddings that there was no room for "negotiation." Newsflash: married life mainly consists of negotiation and compromise.

    Agreed.

    And I have to say that a wedding can be a joyous occasion and a good party for family and friends for a few hundred pounds. The desire to have a large and elaborate ceremony that one really cannot afford is immature in the extreme, and makes me think that she is just not ready for marriage to anyone.
  • ceb1995
    ceb1995 Posts: 388
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    Marriage should be about compromise and so you could work together to try to have both if you can afford it. It's taken a bit of budgeting and bargain hunting but we're getting married in october this year and should have a house deposit together for around a year later.

    Sure, our wedding isnt going to be tiny but it's not big either, i did personally want to be married around the time of buying a house together but if we couldn't have saved for both in a timescale we were both happy with i'd have happily gone down to the registry office just us two as the house is more important than one day.

    Perhaps you need to sit down and have a serious conversation about what you need to save for a house and see if she's willing to compromise on a wedding, it's not a good start to a marriage if she can't compromise on this and would have me wondering if it was the wedding that is important to her rather than being married to you.
  • House.

    Don't be one of the idiots out there competing to outdo their friends wedding last year by spending far too much on what is basically one day.

    The wedding day is not important. It won't mean the marriage will be more or less successful. What matters is the relationship.
  • SunnyCyprus
    SunnyCyprus Posts: 103
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    Maybe draw up a "needs & wants" list, my fianc! and I did this yesterday, big bit of paper, any "needs" get written down and highlighted in pink, "wants" become yellow, also write any known costs next to each thing. (And add your debts to it as well! No hidden credit cards!)

    So everything went on there, from our wedding in 3 years time, to the next MOT, to the passport renewals and costs. Then highlighted each thing in the assigned colour, and number prioritised each item.
    From that we could see that 1 car needs MOT next week, 1 passport needs renewing by end of March..cat needs a checkup in a few weeks ...and finally the wedding Wants to be saved for.

    Upshot of it all, there is a certain amount of money we Need to save each month if we Want these things. If you and your girlfriend take 10 minutes to draw this up, you'll both see each thing you are planning to do and how important each thing is for you personally.

    Negotiate, and a bit of compromise and you both might see that your finances show which thing can be done first.. maybe you get a home together so you can pool your savings for the wedding which might happen a couple of years from now? Both things happen, just one comes before the other.

    Good luck x
    :cool:
    If you want to do something, you will find a way.
    If you don't, then you will find an excuse...
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  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,551
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    Vault101 wrote: »
    I also want to get married, and make her happy and give her what she wants, but I want us to save for and buy a house first.

    And does she want to make you happy and give you what you want?

    When you both want very different things, you have to reach a compromise - if you can't, don't get married.
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