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  • FIRST POST
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 9th May 17, 12:47 PM
    • 5,314Posts
    • 26,053Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up...
    • #1
    • 9th May 17, 12:47 PM
    When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up... 9th May 17 at 12:47 PM
    I'm back again, worse than ever to be honest. Things all hit a head in March and along with help being needed in other areas than financial I realised that the money side of things are a big issue in fixing things elsewhere.

    Although not posting I have been reading the diaries I have followed, so many who helped along when I first started are happily debt free now. I want to join them one day, both in being debt free and in happiness.

    Our finances on paper while tight look okay. However we both smoke and my OH is not very responsible. At all. I fell into a gambling issue which I've sought help for and not a penny has gone on gambling since March.

    Our household is me (Not working, our youngest has complicated health issues), My OH he works full time with over time, and 3 delightful children

    I will make a seperate post for my debts/goals and then one with our SOA when I've completed it.

    Hope I can stay around to sort myself, the debt and the happiness thing out.
    DFW £1783.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £571.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
Page 146
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 14th Nov 17, 1:32 PM
    • 5,314 Posts
    • 26,053 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    I know, stepping back seems so easy but the grass is never greener

    I think it wouldn't be the best for any of us even if it would mean short term 'happiness' Need to move on I guess
    DFW £1783.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £571.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • UncannyScot
    • By UncannyScot 14th Nov 17, 1:56 PM
    • 816 Posts
    • 4,090 Thanks
    UncannyScot
    A very, very wise man said,
    "Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom"

    Move forward luv, don't go or look back...
    (((((HUGS)))))
    BUGGRITMILLENIUMHANDANDSHRIMP I TOLD EM! - Foul Ole Ron
    It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you do not know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you are going. If you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong.
    R.I.P. T.P.
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 14th Nov 17, 1:57 PM
    • 5,314 Posts
    • 26,053 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

    Household Information

    Number of adults in household........... 1
    Number of children in household......... 3
    Number of cars owned....................

    Monthly Income Details

    Monthly income after tax................ 816 Average
    Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
    Benefits................................ 784.8 Tax credits/Child benefit
    Other income............................ 564.4 DLA
    Total monthly income.................... 2165.2


    Monthly Expense Details

    Mortgage................................ 0
    Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
    Rent.................................... 490
    Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
    Council tax............................. 81 Single discount over 12 months
    Electricity............................. 30 What we use
    Gas..................................... 25 This is a little bit over what we currently use but I'm expecting it to even out over winter
    Oil..................................... 0
    Water rates............................. 39 Not metered.
    They don't think a meter will be any cheaper

    Telephone (land line)................... 0
    Mobile phone............................ 5 Pay & go
    TV Licence.............................. 12.2 Weekly payment card
    Satellite/Cable TV...................... 39 Probably shouldn't have done this
    Internet Services....................... 0
    Groceries etc. ......................... 180 Never spend this but will need to build stores up again
    Clothing................................ 25 Growing kids Need to stop
    Petrol/diesel........................... 0
    Road tax................................ 0
    Car Insurance........................... 0
    Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
    Car parking............................. 0
    Other travel............................ 60 Bus pass
    Childcare/nursery....................... 60 Always something on, along with nursery fees/snacks
    Other child related expenses............ 564.4 DLA
    Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0 Exemption card
    Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
    Buildings insurance..................... 0
    Contents insurance...................... 8 Cheapest I could find
    Life assurance ......................... 0
    Other insurance......................... 0
    Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 20 Maybe not enough? Don't know never saved before
    Haircuts................................ 0
    Entertainment........................... 20 Used mainly on topping activity boxes up etc
    Holiday................................. 0 Maybe one day
    Emergency fund.......................... 0
    Total monthly expenses.................. 1658.6



    Assets

    Cash.................................... 0
    House value (Gross)..................... 0
    Shares and bonds........................ 0
    Car(s).................................. 0
    Other assets............................ 0
    Total Assets............................ 0


    No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts


    Unsecured Debts
    Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
    Council tax ...................1350......50........0
    Rent...........................2785......60....... .0
    Fine 1 ........................825.......100.......0
    Stepdad........................1000......50....... .0
    Mum............................275.......50....... .0
    Friend.........................1360......50....... .0
    Aunt...........................1000......50....... .0
    Total unsecured debts..........8595......410.......-



    Monthly Budget Summary

    Total monthly income.................... 2,165.2
    Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,658.6
    Available for debt repayments........... 506.6
    Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 410
    Amount left after debt repayments....... 96.6


    Personal Balance Sheet Summary
    Total assets (things you own)........... 0
    Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
    Total Unsecured debt.................... -8,595
    Net Assets.............................. -8,595


    Created using the SOA calculator at www.stoozing.com.
    Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.


    New SOA I've checked my bank statement and notes in my diary and this seems realistic. Other than the fact school and uniform replacements have cost a fortune in recent weeks.
    DFW £1783.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £571.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 14th Nov 17, 1:58 PM
    • 5,314 Posts
    • 26,053 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    A very, very wise man said,
    "Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom"

    Move forward luv, don't go or look back...
    (((((HUGS)))))
    Originally posted by UncannyScot
    You're always so right even if I really wanted everyone to say take the easy way out and go back
    DFW £1783.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £571.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 14th Nov 17, 3:04 PM
    • 884 Posts
    • 3,564 Thanks
    Cherryfudge
    You're always so right even if I really wanted everyone to say take the easy way out and go back
    Originally posted by Hiddenidenity
    Big hug

    It only looks like the easy way out. I suspect it's fraught with compounding difficulties. (Ooh, big words, think I need to go and lie down and get over it).

    As someone sensibly remembered a few posts ago, things feel worse when you're tired. Maybe also worse when you're on your own, have concerns, it's November etc. What's real is you have the kids to collect any minute now and you are building a better future for them and you.
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 14th Nov 17, 3:50 PM
    • 5,314 Posts
    • 26,053 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    Thank you

    You're right, collected the kids, caught up with texts on my phone and decided to stop with the self pity I made my choices and I have to deal with it. Kick up the rear

    Smalls home from school. Uniforms in washer and smalls doing spellings. Curry for dinner for smalls. Will dish up after they've done messing spellings etc.

    Might do the gloss painting in the living room once they head off to bed. I have gloss and white for the ceilings I can get on with. Will go and pick up a tub of paint for walls at weekend.

    I should finish DS room first but I want living room done before EX's family visit
    DFW £1783.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £571.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • in need of direction
    • By in need of direction 14th Nov 17, 3:50 PM
    • 4,695 Posts
    • 26,462 Thanks
    in need of direction
    i've read your entire diary and am so impressed. you've achieved so much already. you just need to focus on that. I do think though that you've undersold yourself as I don't think that you'd included your fuel arrears figure in your original debt. I know that it was cleared but that wouldn't have happened but for your efforts. Hang in there
    Mortgage at 01.01.14 £119,481.83 today £79,389.12, target £75,000 by 31/12/17 Offset fund today £4,055.43 target £5,500 by 31/12/17
    Emergency fund £5k/5.5k & £90/200 cash.
    Current weight loss 8/34 by 28 feb 2018
    determined to stop defining myself by my mistakes.
    Progress not perfection.
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 14th Nov 17, 4:04 PM
    • 931 Posts
    • 8,652 Thanks
    Toni'sfriend
    Hello Hidden
    I worry because I don't have anything to worry about and think I've forgotten something!
    Seriously, though, it all seems worse when you're awake all night and you start thinking about things that have happened in the past, wondering if you've made the right decision. I think everyone here will agree that you've definitely made the right decisions and some of them must have been very difficult and painful. Walking in the fresh air will lift your mood and reading a book will send you off to sleep eventually. You are doing so well both financially (look at the difference in your SOA) and as a person (so much stronger). You'll have setbacks, we all do, but stay strong and you'll get there. xxx
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 14th Nov 17, 4:32 PM
    • 8,192 Posts
    • 42,570 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    Curry for dinner for smalls sounds lovely - what's for dinner for Hidden, then?

    And get you - saving for presents AND with a surplus in your SOA!
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    Sainsbugs 0% card: 22/12/16 £1229.00/£544.67 (17/10/17)
    SOA Calculator for DFW newbies: Stoozing.com SOA Calculator
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 14th Nov 17, 6:32 PM
    • 5,314 Posts
    • 26,053 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    I've fallen back into the habit of no real dinner or breakfast or lunch Smalls well fed though

    Visit from EXoh means smalls only just got in the bath Shouldn't even be here! He mopped up leftover curry too so none for the freezer DS wasn't impressed

    Will still get them into bed on time and then iron the uniforms. Nothing much else to do.

    I've finished my December activity list and finished getting everything together. Each day has it's own wallet with the things needed for that day (Except oats for reindeer food and the marshmallows. Will look in Home bargains tomorrow)

    Need to finish the t-shirts for Children in need and bake cakes for the cake sale (always me that gets roped into this!)
    DFW £1783.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £571.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 14th Nov 17, 9:17 PM
    • 4,604 Posts
    • 26,278 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    We all keep,saying it, but it seems to fall on deaf ears - please take care of yourself. You must eat and sleep to remain well for the smalls if nothing else.

    Keep looking forward not back, you've been doing so well it would be a shame to go back to square one.

    I feel concerned as to why ex OH has been around when he shouldn't be. I realise he needs to see his kids but feel uneasy about it and how it affects you.

    Sorry for nagging but like everyone else I worry about you xx
    Virtual Sealed Pot £671.22
    November NSD 4/12
    Weight loss 1/7lbs
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 14th Nov 17, 9:58 PM
    • 1,842 Posts
    • 6,987 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    SA is right that you seem to be neglecting yourself. You can't look after your kids properly unless you look after yourself.

    Timetable a routine for yourself like you do with the kids, with regular bed times, eating proper meals at set times, and time set aside for chores and relaxation.

    A walk in the fresh air followed by some escapist reading before bed time always helps me to sleep. I also write down my worries as this helps me to get them into perspective.
    My Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5716867
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 October 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build an Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund
    Emergency Fund 1 = £638/Emergency Fund 2 = £120
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 14th Nov 17, 11:16 PM
    • 5,314 Posts
    • 26,053 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    We all keep,saying it, but it seems to fall on deaf ears - please take care of yourself. You must eat and sleep to remain well for the smalls if nothing else.

    Keep looking forward not back, you've been doing so well it would be a shame to go back to square one.

    I feel concerned as to why ex OH has been around when he shouldn't be. I realise he needs to see his kids but feel uneasy about it and how it affects you.

    Sorry for nagging but like everyone else I worry about you xx
    Originally posted by Sun Addict
    It is stressful. Worse than a toddler.
    I suspect taking advantage just because
    DFW £1783.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £571.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 14th Nov 17, 11:48 PM
    • 5,314 Posts
    • 26,053 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    Smalls finally all settled into bed

    Will go back and catch up with replies I've missed sorry x
    DFW £1783.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £571.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 14th Nov 17, 11:49 PM
    • 884 Posts
    • 3,564 Thanks
    Cherryfudge
    "Other child related expenses............ 564.4 DLA'

    I'm not much good at SOAs so someone correct me if I've got the wrong end of the stick but... if I understand this rightly, it means that you have DLA of £564.40 and you have set this aside for those extra expenses, right?

    Could you spend some of your' worrying time' looking at what could legitimately be covered by this? For instance, if you have to go to hospital, taxi fares, care for the other children, emergency supplies from the vending machines. If you have a day out and have to get transport although the older children can walk - can you set the whole family's fares against the DLA? I think I mentioned before about the cost of food: where you have to buy something more expensive rather than risk exposure to allergens - set the difference against the DLA.

    I suspect that you have absorbed a lot of the extra costs because they just needed to be covered before you had DLA, and it's hard to separate out one from the others.
    Last edited by Cherryfudge; 14-11-2017 at 11:52 PM.
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 15th Nov 17, 12:01 AM
    • 5,314 Posts
    • 26,053 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    For now the DLA just goes into my 'spare' account.

    I've taken out of it for the carseat, the boots and a seat for at home.

    I should probably take some out for the extra things she needs (IE weekly uniform expense, my others have never needed uniform that often or 10 pairs of pjs that holes are cut into for wires that now look 10 years old!. Washing/allergy food etc) But tbh I just haven't even thought to separate what would be classed as normal or not? This is where funds would come from now if she needed to be admitted/a taxi at 3am/food in hospital etc.

    I really don't know what to do I'd hate to use it for something its not intended for and be 'wrong'
    DFW £1783.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £571.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 15th Nov 17, 12:17 AM
    • 884 Posts
    • 3,564 Thanks
    Cherryfudge
    I found this which is about foster children I know, but still gives an idea. The relevant bit is:

    If a child is awarded the highest rate of DLA, the child will not be eligible for consideration of additional fostering allowances, unless exceptional expenditure is indicated. Additional costs, arising from a child's dietary and clothing needs, household expenses, and excessive wear and tear on the home, medical/health needs, play/learning needs, social needs and educational needs should be met from the DLA.
    6.3
    If a child is awarded the middle or lower rate of DLA, the child's social worker and foster carer should determine the amount of weekly expenditure required to meet the child's additional needs. If a shortfall is identified between the DLA and projected costs, the difference should be considered for payment from an additional fostering allowance.


    So the PJs are certainly included. If I find any more I'll add it here later.

    ETA: Also some info in this thread: http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=900995
    and this page says you can spend it on treats and holidays too! That's not a mis-use of funds by the way. Having a break is sometimes what makes the difference between coping and not coping. (I see this through work). In other words, you getting a way for a bit saves the government money they would have spent on care.
    Last edited by Cherryfudge; 15-11-2017 at 12:26 AM.
    • Chrystal
    • By Chrystal 15th Nov 17, 3:21 AM
    • 109 Posts
    • 616 Thanks
    Chrystal
    The only other thing I'd say HI is be careful about too much money accumulating in your 'spare' account. If you are on benefits it may affect them if you have over a certain amount in savings. 'They' will expect you to be using the ,money - it's called 'living allowance' for a reason and you are entitled to use it to pay for things like extra heating, bedding, clothes, special food (and this would really be all of you as you eat what she is allowed to eat)trips out etc etc.

    I suppose what I'm trying to say is stop knocking yourself out. There is a web site: carersUK that has a forum, brilliant people on it, ask on there what other people with children that get DLA do with it, I think you'll find it may set your mind at rest.
    (((hugs))) Xx
    GC. Oct.17 = £261.18/ £300 = + £38.82 NSDs 20/31
    GC. Sept.17 = £354.89/£300 = - £54.39

    • Eager_Elephant
    • By Eager_Elephant 15th Nov 17, 5:55 AM
    • 4,130 Posts
    • 22,395 Thanks
    Eager_Elephant
    DLA do not ask people where it is spent - it is up to you what you spend the money on. Most families I work with use it as normal income and it gets used day to day for everything for the whole family which obviously includes things for the child who gets DLA.

    As Chrystal says it is a living allowance and should be used to make living easier.

    I believe you are also entitled to help with your rent and council tax - I just did a quick benefit calculation and it says you should get at least half, if not more paid.
    Please apply this week as it will really help the budget and free up more money to pay down your debts (I was going to say to treat yourself but I know you wouldn't do that!!!).
    Some councils allow you to apply online so check your local authority website, if not pop along to their building taking all the evidence they will need (ID for you, 3mths bank statements, wageslips, child benefit letter if you have it, tax credit letter and DLA letter plus proof of rent)
    Ninja Saving Turtle No. 15 for November
    NSD - 1/15
    (up to 01/11/17)
    My Diary is here - http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=2175629 (Eager Elephants Effective Everyday Excursion)
    • cocalls
    • By cocalls 15th Nov 17, 6:18 AM
    • 827 Posts
    • 1,951 Thanks
    cocalls
    hello

    i think you mentioned you were with giff gaff i found the 5/mth deal wasnt enough but the 7.50 is fine with unlimited texts 1GB of data and 250mins so looking at your SOA thats the only thing id suggest.

    keep up the great work
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