Child custody when I work full time - advice needed

I was in error when I put 'child care' - I meant child maintenance. I think you'd agree that is correct, particularly if she goes to the CMS?

Regarding the mortgage, this appears to vary in every case - for example if you read the (very lengthy) thread above, if my memory serves me correctly, the OP there had to continue paying the mortgage.

I'm not saying it's morally right, I'm just saying this is what could happen, hence why sitting down and discussing things at least to start with may be a good place to start.

Child Arrangements (Custody is an extremely old-fashioned trem and isn't used today) are based on what is in the best interests of the children.
If you care currently working in a job which means you are unavailable a lot of the time, then shared care, with the children spending similar amounts of time with each of you, s not going to be a practical option in the shport to medium term. I understand that you cannot simply change your job or working pattern overnight but it may be sensible for you to start thinking abut what you might be able to change in the loner term, so that you can be more available, and also about what you may be a able to change short-term so that you can be available consistently and reliably.

(e.g so that you can commit to having the children at set times on a regular pattern, or at the very least so that you can give reasonable notice of your availability)

Longer term, in looking at the financial side of things, a court (if the two of you can't agree)have to try to be fair to you both. It is generally reasonable for both parties to be working to become financially independent, and long-term spousal maintenance is very uncommon these days. However, with a small baby, it's unlikely to be reasonable to expect your wife to go out and get a job immediately, although it would normally be reasonable to expect her to be working part time once both children and in school / pre-school.
Unless either your wife, or one of the children has disabilities or medical needs which require additional care i is unlikely that it would be considered reasonable to expect you to pay for child care if your wife is not working.

A court has to consider both parties needs as well as the needs of the children - this may mean downsizing to a smaller house so that a mortgage can be reduced or can become affordable.

Longer term, a court can look at both of your earning capacities, as well as current income, so while they are likely to accept with a child under 1 and with you working away a lot so not available to look after the children it is not realistic to expect your wife to start wrk now, that she iwll, within the next 3-4 years start to have some capacity to earn for herself.

https://www.entitledto is useful in working out waht benefits / tax credits she might be eligible for in different situations.

If you have not already done so, then do see a solicitor.

Also, although you are clearly unhappy with you wife, try to look at things from her perceptive as well. Being a lone parent is very hard, and caring for a 4 y.o and an infant is incredibly hard work, even if you have help. Does your baby sleep through the night yet? Is it you, or your wife, who gets up to care for it? Given how much travelling you do, how much are you able to do around the house? Or is your wife also doing all/most of the housework and cooking as well as caring for the children? What emotional support does she have? Being effectively a single parent can be very lonely and isolating.
Have you talked to her about how she feels? Is it possible that she may be suffering from Post Natal Depression (depression can look a lot like laziness)

those questions may not bring you to a point where you change your mid about ending the marriage but if you stop and think about the responsibilities she is taking on, as well as the ones you are carrying, you may be able to start any discussions with her with an open mind, both about where the relationship is going and hpow you manage the new situation if you split up.
What attracted you to wach other to start with, and when did things change? Think about whether thereare things either of you (or both of you) could do to improve the relationship, whether it turns out to be a continuing marriage or a split where you both continue as good parents to your children.
Also - consider your own health. Are you well? The type of job you have sounds quite stressful, and feeling that you are solely taking responsibility for all four of you must create a lot of pressure, too. If you are stressed or even depressed yourself, that will have an effect on how you behave and also on how you perceive your wife's behaviour, so do consider whether you might benefit from speaking to you Gp before you take any other steps.

I'm guessing that the OP will be looking to find a new partner. That will be easier without the children in tow ; but when he has a steady relationship, getting part-custody may be easier.

if the situation with the wife's lack of working is as the OP says it is,and not due to ill health or anything, then I fail to see why he should pay any spousal maintenance. Just pay for the children.

Mojisola wrote: »

That argument didn't hold on Jack's long thread.

It was the fact that his wife hadn't worked that meant he had to maintain her, even though there was nothing to stop her looking for work as their children were much older.

Oh dear. How enabling.