Home Ownership / Partner's Rights

Pixie5740 · 14 July 2017 at 11:34AM

If you're not a joint owner it's not reasonable to expect you to pay for refurbishments such as a new bathroom.

I can see why she doesn't want you as a joint owner. What on Earth do you spend all your money on? She could have jointly purchased the property with you using a declaration of trust to protect her deposit meaning you would have to contribute towards the mortgage payments. However, if I were in her shoes alarm bells would have been ringing that whilst living with her parents you managed to save diddly squat. You say having your own space was important to you but not important enough to prioritise saving a deposit over your other wants. It would be a different matter if you had been a stay-at-home parent and therefore unable to save but were still making a valuable contribution towards the household but that doesn't appear to be the case.

oystercatcher · 14 July 2017 at 11:36AM

So what have you contributed to the relationship OP ? It sounds very one sided to me . Do you work? Who earns the most ? Do you buy anything for your partner ? Sounds to me that you are a !!!!!!!!!!.

paddycharlie · 14 July 2017 at 12:21PM

This has to be a troll.

If it is real the girlfriend should be getting a sainthood for putting up with such a selfish !!!!

hazyjo · 14 July 2017 at 12:53PM

It makes no sense. Do you earn considerably less? How much do you each earn? Did you pay her parents rent for those two years?

Also suspecting a troll post due to the replies the OP has come back with.
Sounds like you want a mum/someone to support you rather than to be in a relationship. That might work if you weren't spending your money selfishly. Sounds like she's accepting the role of mum, but is now treating you like a child - which is fair enough really.

As above, don't split the cost of things. You buy one thing, she buys another. If you split, you take what you bought (TV? Fridge? Microwave? Whatever!).
Agree she deserves a sainthood.

Jx

Red-Squirrel_2 · 14 July 2017 at 1:39PM

It's sounds like your attitudes to money are do different you may as well call it a day now, because it can't last long term.

I'm guessing that while she was saving you were paying for all your meals out, holidays, gifts etc?

A stingy saver and a casual spender shouldn't really live together without a very clear agreement on finances that they both agree to and feel is fair.

Walk away. Best for both of you.

davemorton · 14 July 2017 at 2:00PM

Of course you should not pay for her new bathroom...She should just start charging you rent and she will manage to build up the money for a new bathroom in no time at all.

saajan_12 · 14 July 2017 at 2:13PM

I think there are two fair ways (say the house is 200k)

Option 1: Split mortgage in half
Partner’s share is 100k deposit (50%) + half of mortgaged portion (25%) = 75%.
OP’s share is 0k deposit (0%) + half of mortgage portion (25%) = 25%.
-> If you sell, you get those portions of the sale price, and from your respective shares you each pay half of the outstanding mortgage balance off. House should be in both names as tenants in common (registered with partner owns 75%, OP 25%)
-> Split 50/50: All mortgage payments, utility bills, regular repairs, purchase of furniture, TVs, white goods

Option 2: Partner owns house, split living costs
-> Partner pays: Capital repayments to mortgage, and capital improvements to house (i.e. which would add value to house like an extension)
-> Split 50/50: Mortgage interest (this is the cost of living in the house, like rent it is ‘lost’), utility bills, repairs (i.e. short term due to wear & tear), purchase of furniture, TVs, white goods etc.

In both cases, work out the 2nd hand value of any furniture etc bought jointly and the person who doesn’t keep it gets 50% of the second hand value. This is fair because then you both suffer the depreciation.. TVs, white goods etc don’t last forever.

Mojisola · 14 July 2017 at 2:14PM

koumas1 wrote: »

I should be a homeowner, we should share things

Is it fair that she should share the house bought with her savings with you whereas you haven't shared with her the money you have spent "enjoying life"?

Lurkingtoposting17 · 14 July 2017 at 2:24PM

PasturesNew wrote: »

You do come over as a bit of a whining financial liability who doesn't share her vision/aspirations though ... which is probably why she's got it all in her name as she's not entirely sure she can depend on you.

But, I bet, dipping your hand in your pocket will send a good message to her that you DO want to be part of the journey and not just as a passenger and you'll build some trust in the eyes of your long-suffering, financially aware, hard working, responsible partner

This.

:T

I don't want to put you down, as I get you want to balance lifestyle and security. We all do. But apparently your balance was not bringing anything to the table in two years, whilst she has proven herself to be able to provide without your assistance. Unless there is massive disparity in your incomes, you should have been able to offer a small portion of the deposit having been lucky enough to stay with her family for two years.

As a single female, currently buying her own home, if I was in your partners shoes I would likely not be as understanding. You absolutely cannot expect her to put your name on the mortgage if you have contributed zero (my darling parents and grandparents have told me, I am to, under no circumstances, put anyone elses name on my mortgage even if they financially contribute, I am sure her family may have advised her similarly.)

Asking you to pay for white goods/electricals which you can sell/take with you, should you leave, seems more than reasonable as you don't even pay rent to live in her home. If you expect more, and want more, I suggest you work hard and save, and prove you are capable of being financially responsible and not just expecting her to support you.

However, if you want the lifestyle, accept not owning a home and provide that for you and her. Pay for the meals/holidays etc that you believe you both deserve and understand it is YOUR choice to not have made yourself more financially secure by saving so that you can have a lifestyle.

Trade offs we all have to make.

leespot · 14 July 2017 at 2:51PM

You're not entitled to anything out of the house. If you want to feel like you own something, then save up and show her you are serious and buy somewhere together.

How you can sit back and watch her save 100k whilst you do nothing to help is beyond me.

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Home Ownership / Partner's Rights

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