Natural Burial

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  • missbiggles1
    missbiggles1 Posts: 17,481
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    Our friend who died two years ago of a brain tumour found great comfort in his last weeks of choosing his hymns and readings, and deciding who he wanted to do them. He asked my husband and his friend to do three songs. They were happy to carry out his wishes.

    These are the words to one of them. Beautiful. Made me cry.

    http://www.grahamkendrick.co.uk/songs/item/331-in-your-way

    It's such a personal thing. Everyone must do what they feel to be best.

    If (God forbid), my husband goes before me, I am going to have 'Here Comes The Sun' by the Beatles, at his funeral. He loves the sun, his depression lifts every spring when the sun returns and both of us believe he will be going into the Sun that is eternal life.

    I found great comfort in arranging my husband's funeral so I'm glad he left that for me to do. I agree with Mumps that funerals are for those who are left.

    I'm glad my husband went first, he'd never have coped without me.:)
  • I found great comfort in arranging my husband's funeral so I'm glad he left that for me to do. I agree with Mumps that funerals are for those who are left.

    I'm glad my husband went first, he'd never have coped without me.:)

    I don't want either of us to be left behind. :(

    I understand though, you were your husband's carer, that makes a terrific difference.

    I've told my husband about 'Here comes the Sun', - he quite agrees :)
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
  • missbiggles1
    missbiggles1 Posts: 17,481
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    I don't want either of us to be left behind. :(

    I understand though, you were your husband's carer, that makes a terrific difference.

    I've told my husband about 'Here comes the Sun', - he quite agrees :)

    Not just because of his illness though.

    "Here comes the Sun" is a lovely choice - we had Fairport's "Meet on the Ledge" which I think he would've enjoyed, along with the Byrds' "Turn, Turn, Turn".

    Aging hippies to the last!:)
  • melanzana
    melanzana Posts: 3,953
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    It's all very fine to say what you want and even write it down.

    But in our family's case a member did not observe relative's wishes at all. Refused to discuss, and has done nothing since. (Cremation obv.).

    Was so destructive to the close family, as the deceased made it clear what she wanted as she lay in the hospice fully compos mentis and husband ( the non compliant one), and other family members were there.

    Just awful. But anyway.

    Good to get that out.
  • melanzana wrote: »
    It's all very fine to say what you want and even write it down.

    But in our family's case a member did not observe relative's wishes at all. Refused to discuss, and has done nothing since. (Cremation obv.).

    Was so destructive to the close family, as the deceased made it clear what she wanted as she lay in the hospice fully compos mentis and husband ( the non compliant one), and other family members were there.

    Just awful. But anyway.

    Good to get that out.

    How awful. Did the deceased know beforehand that he was not going to carry out her wishes?
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
  • melanzana
    melanzana Posts: 3,953
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    How awful. Did the deceased know beforehand that he was not going to carry out her wishes?

    No she didn't, there was no reason for her to think that at all.

    She was told that she had days to live, but was fully compos mentis, the hospice is a marvellous place have to say. They gently advised her to express her wishes re funeral. All done very professionally, I was with her, and my sister, her friend, and her husband.

    It was a unique arrangement that she wanted, but nothing difficult at all, and it was duly written down by hospice person, and signed. I know it has no legal standing.

    We were all gobsmacked that it was not observed. No discussion, nothing.

    But there we are. Horrible really horrible, but time has meant we have moved on. But we haven't. Her ashes are in their house and nothing has been done, and will not be now. Three years gone.

    So sad. My sister.
  • melanzana wrote: »
    No she didn't, there was no reason for her to think that at all.

    She was told that she had days to live, but was fully compos mentis, the hospice is a marvellous place have to say. They gently advised her to express her wishes re funeral. All done very professionally, I was with her, husband was not there, at work.

    It was a unique arrangement that she wanted, but nothing difficult at all, and it was duly written down by hospice person, and signed. I know it has no legal standing.

    We were all gobsmacked that it was not observed. No discussion, nothing.

    But there we are. Horrible really horrible, but time has meant we have moved on. But we haven't. Her ashes are in their house and nothing has been done, and will not be now. Three years gone.

    So sad. My sister.
    How sad. At least she died knowing she had stated her wishes :(
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
  • missbiggles1
    missbiggles1 Posts: 17,481
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    melanzana wrote: »
    No she didn't, there was no reason for her to think that at all.

    She was told that she had days to live, but was fully compos mentis, the hospice is a marvellous place have to say. They gently advised her to express her wishes re funeral. All done very professionally, I was with her, and my sister, her friend, and her husband.

    It was a unique arrangement that she wanted, but nothing difficult at all, and it was duly written down by hospice person, and signed. I know it has no legal standing.

    We were all gobsmacked that it was not observed. No discussion, nothing.

    But there we are. Horrible really horrible, but time has meant we have moved on. But we haven't. Her ashes are in their house and nothing has been done, and will not be now. Three years gone.

    So sad. My sister.

    Did your BIL not want what she wanted or did he just not care?

    I'm not sure what I would've done if my husband had wanted something I wouldn't have liked - talked him out of it, I'd expect.
  • melanzana
    melanzana Posts: 3,953
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    How sad. At least she died knowing she had stated her wishes :(

    Thanks.

    I hope I wasn't wallowing there, but sometimes you can't help yourself!

    Anyway, sister is in our hearts, and will be as long as we have life ourselves. That is the main thing.

    And yes, she was happy to put her wishes to paper.

    Thank you for commenting. It was very painful for us, but as I said, she is in our hearts, no matter where she is.
  • melanzana wrote: »
    Thanks.

    I hope I wasn't wallowing there, but sometimes you can't help yourself!

    Anyway, sister is in our hearts, and will be as long as we have life ourselves. That is the main thing.

    And yes, she was happy to put her wishes to paper.

    Thank you for commenting. It was very painful for us, but as I said, she is in our hearts, no matter where she is.

    You were not wallowing, and it's better out than in xx
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
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