Marriage over don't know where to start

Buffythedebtslayer · 25 July 2008 at 11:54PM

http://www.sfla.co.uk/divorcecost.htm
various links
http://www.sfla.co.uk/directory/

right most of what I found was all relationshippy and soppy. even the above is a bit sappy.

I think the best thing you can do is write down the ideal divorce situation. ie money you need, children- arrangements and visiting, house ownership etc and then ask you friends - well VERY trusted friends if they know any good solicitors. if you are uncomortable doing that - I would be, then get the solicitor who dealt with your house to recommand a few people instead.

do that tomorrow perhaps?

I am sorry this is happening my love. You have been so fab on here

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Night-owl_6 · 25 July 2008 at 11:54PM

Go and see your GP and ask for an urgent referal to Relate, this will come at a cost if you are working but they can save marriages, dont give up on 21 years please!!!!

For the sake of your children try and sort it!

kizzykizzywizzy · 25 July 2008 at 11:55PM

I feel the same cleosmum, we have been through so much together, good & bad, but he can't help how he feels, he's not a bad person & is a great dad, but he has hurt me so much.
The fact he won't even try has upset me & I have told him this & all he says is we are going around in circles

Night-owl_6 · 26 July 2008 at 12:00AM

This is a really sad story, Im really sorry I dont have more answers but you can over come hurt, there is never not away, there is always a way to resolve something no matter how bad.

Do at least try speaking to your GP

kizzykizzywizzy · 26 July 2008 at 12:00AM

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

http://www.sfla.co.uk/divorcecost.htm
various links
http://www.sfla.co.uk/directory/

right most of what I found was all relationshippy and soppy. even the above is a bit sappy.

I think the best thing you can do is write down the ideal divorce situation. ie money you need, children- arrangements and visiting, house ownership etc and then ask you friends - well VERY trusted friends if they know any good solicitors. if you are uncomortable doing that - I would be, then get the solicitor who dealt with your house to recommand a few people instead.

do that tomorrow perhaps?

I am sorry this is happening my love. You have been so fab on here

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks buffy, I will look all this up on Monday, when i'm alone, we are going on another day I planned whilst he was away, as life was on hold for then! to visit the Oceana ( cruise ship ) in Southampton, something I'd really been looking forward to, so still going.
Thank You for saying something nice about me, it's made me cry though as at the moment I feel like sh$t, he has said I'm stupid useless & pathetic, all in the heat of the argument, but it really hurts

ikkle87 · 26 July 2008 at 12:10AM

Nothing I wrote sounded right so just wanted to give you a huge hug x

Toto · 26 July 2008 at 12:16AM

Sending dodgy hugs your way kizzy.

Everything is going at 100 miles an hour for you at the moment. But do try to take a step back and see that the house/money/divorce/wills don't have to be dealt with now. it took 21 years for you guys to create this marriage and you will both need a lot of time to sort out the ins and outs of a possible split.

The important thing right now is for you to deal with the feelings and emotions. Letting your husband have a break from the responsibility of being married with kids will probably be enough for him to take stock of the real issue if depression is the problem. People don't fall out of love overnight and if there hasn't been a major event which has triggered this I would say that it is either depression or there is someone else who has shown him a bit of an interest. Maybe he thinks the grass is greener as a single guy and that somehow his life is passing him by. Mid life crisis? of course I don't know him so can't honestly say what's going on, but that's what springs to mind.

Divorce is a long way off from here though, so for now, try to focus on doing what you can to keep your home life stable for you and the kids. I do really feel for you, this is an awful situation and I truly hope it all works out for you.

mountainofdebt · 26 July 2008 at 12:19AM

Can I just add one other thing which may be abit contraversial.

I'm not sure playing 'happy families' and going on holiday is a good idea for you mentally.

Having been through situations (no where near on this scale as this) I know how draining it can be and how you spend all day giving oscar winning performances....sometimes its much more health (mentally) to be open and honest with your emotions.

Its early days as I said before but think seriously about going on holiday without your OH - might give you the space to think things out for yourself.

kizzykizzywizzy · 26 July 2008 at 12:22AM

I've asked him about wanting the single life again, as effectively he's had that whilst away, he says no, & probably he'll ned a second job to have any money anyway, so won't have much time to himself.
I do feel horrible, if I do have the house, after all we both worked for it, but I didn't want this.
He says he's felt like this for a while, but I haven't seen him since March, so I could've only annoyed him by email or telephone, when we were able to speak!
I do think he's depressed, but perhaps he's been so miserable, because he didn't really want to tell me.
He sort of blurted it out on my birthday Saturday, it wasn't planned, * I had no idea it was coming

Toto · 26 July 2008 at 12:28AM

Don't feel guilty about the house. You both worked for it and he's the one who has decided not to live in it, you haven't thrown him out. The kids need their home.

How does he seem now? I mean if he isn't depressed then he should be happier this week now he has got this off his chest. he should be raring to go with his new life. if not then it does sound as if there are deeper issues.

Marriage over don't know where to start

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