Is this a lousy comment or am I overthinking it?

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swingaloo
swingaloo Posts: 2,746 Forumite
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in Marriage, relationships & families
Feeling quite niggled! Hubby and I have ha a mutual friend for a few years, lovely bloke and we think the world of him. He met a woman about 3 years ago and she moved in with him.

Lets just say that if she was not his girlfriend we would not bother with her at all. He has regretted letting her move in but thats another story!
Last week it was her birthday and as it was a 'special' one we decided to send her flowers. Then I decided to do them myself as I am a qualified florist so I went out and bought flowers and also a vase thinking hat when the flowers were gone the vase would still be a pressie. I made a gorgeous spring bouquet and on her birthday she called at our house on her way home from her morning job so I gave them to her. We got an 'Oh thanks' but nothing more, no 'they are lovely' or anything like that but that didnt really matter.

Today she calls again and I asked if she had enjoyed her birthday. She told me her son had got her a handbag, her daughter has got her some leather gloves and some flowers and the company she works for had given her a voucher and some flowers.

I said 'Ah thats nice' and got back 'Huh, not really, Im sick of the sight of flaming flowers'.

Now is it me or was that a horrible thoughtless thing to say? Hubby didnt hear it as we were in the kitchen and when I told him he said I should have said something but as we go away for weekends with them as a couple I dont want to spoil hubbys friendship with his mate.
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Comments

  • tensandunits_2
    tensandunits_2 Posts: 919 Forumite
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    I think it was a bit tactless, given that she knew you'd bought her flowers, but I can understand the sentiment if the world and his mother have all decided to buy her flowers for her birthday. The house must be full of them.
    It is not because things are difficult that we dare not venture
    It is because we dare not venture that they are difficult

    SENECA
  • mai_taylor
    mai_taylor Posts: 220 Forumite
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    She probably just wasn't thinking, maybe flowers aren't her thing and she not very good at being tactful. I wouldn't dwell over it just don't put the effort in next time.
  • PasturesNew
    PasturesNew Posts: 70,698 Forumite
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    Some people aren't any good at being "put on the spot" with conversation over a phone. I could easily say the same thing myself - I bet that's how I "upset" a lot of people without even realising.

    You're overthinking it.
  • martinthebandit
    martinthebandit Posts: 4,422 Forumite
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    Your over thinking it, what you need to do is make sure you remember to buy her a huge bouquet for her birthday next year.
  • AylesburyDuck
    AylesburyDuck Posts: 939 Forumite
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    Nope, i'd have thought it a horrible thing to say as well, wether you like flowers or not is not the point, it's the thought behind the flowers.
    If i knew someone didnt like flowers i wouldnt get them again for them, but rude is rude.
    :(
    ,
    Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.
    If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.
  • rach_k
    rach_k Posts: 2,236 Forumite
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    Don't take it to heart. Either she went home and felt awful when she realised what she'd said or she hasn't even realised it might have been hurtful/tactless. Either way, it's pointless to think much about it.

    Your post is a bit confusing. You say you wouldn't bother with her if not for your friend but she seems to drop in quite regularly. Perhaps she feels that you're good friends, whereas you don't seem to feel like that at all. That could explain why she said what she did (thinking you're good friends so she can be more honest with you without you taking it badly), but of course you don't like her so you did take it badly! Maybe you need to cool the 'friendship' a bit if you don't like her.
  • fairy_lights
    fairy_lights Posts: 9,220 Forumite
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    Pretty tactless of her, but flowers can be a bit of a burden as a gift, (unless they already come in a vase/waterbubble) because you have to find something to put them in, arrange them, possibly trim the stems and so on. So I can see why she would be sick of flowers after receiving a few bunches, but that doesn't mean she didn't like or appreciate your bunch.
  • Gloomendoom
    Gloomendoom Posts: 16,550 Forumite
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    Maybe she suffers from Aspergers.
  • POPPYOSCAR
    POPPYOSCAR Posts: 14,897 Forumite
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    I would have said something like

    'sorry I got you flowers then, I did not realise you did not like them'

    It would of been interesting to see how she would have responded to that.
  • System
    System Posts: 178,094 Community Admin
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    Tactless and ungrateful. A card will do next year.
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