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  • FIRST POST
    • Eve2928
    • By Eve2928 6th Aug 17, 5:34 PM
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    Eve2928
    Can boyfriends ex take money from my wage as child matinence?
    • #1
    • 6th Aug 17, 5:34 PM
    Can boyfriends ex take money from my wage as child matinence? 6th Aug 17 at 5:34 PM
    Hello.

    I'm really confused at the moment. Boyfriend currently works, but is getting made redundant.

    He will be able to claim contributions based job seekers for 6 months, by then our baby will have been born and he is becoming a stay at home dad.

    I work in a school as a teaching assistant, very low wage, don't even come out with £1000 a month. He is going to look for part time work, but finding one around my hours is going to prove difficult when we have stepson every weekend and his ex won't change that! So if he worked weekends, we wouldn't see stepson. That's another issue altogether.

    Anyways, stepsons mum has said I will have to pay child matience out of my wage. I said no way! I have no legal duty towards stepson. And if the government say boyfriend is only entitled to 6 months benefits, he's going to have no wage.

    I only get 6 weeks at 90% pay, we struggle enough so I can't take anymore maternity and I will be retuning to work after these 6 weeks. Boyfriend will be looking after baby. He can't claim income support because I work too many hours.

    Anyways, legally, can the child matience count my wage and will I be made to pay for stepson out of my wage??

    i have no legal duty towards stepson, how could they possibly take my wage?

    Apparently stepsons mum has looked into this and it's possible. Not sure if she's just saying that to make me pay, but it doesn't seem right to me..

    Thanks
Page 1
    • swingaloo
    • By swingaloo 6th Aug 17, 6:12 PM
    • 1,733 Posts
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    swingaloo
    • #2
    • 6th Aug 17, 6:12 PM
    • #2
    • 6th Aug 17, 6:12 PM
    Not sure how its worked out now but wouldn't it be better, if you are on a low wage for your boyfriend to find a job even if part time so you can work around the childcare.

    How do you feel about having a child with a man who is happy to quit working knowing he already has a child to support? If you were the ex with a child how would you feel about his plans to abandon paying for his first child because he has another?
    • Eve2928
    • By Eve2928 6th Aug 17, 6:22 PM
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    Eve2928
    • #3
    • 6th Aug 17, 6:22 PM
    • #3
    • 6th Aug 17, 6:22 PM
    We can't afford childcare, I work term time so get all of the school holidays off. it makes more sense for me to go back to work and boyfriend to stay at home.

    It's not my problem boyfriend isn't entitled to anything, so stepsons mum won't get anything! That's not the issue I'm asking advice for, it's the fact why should I pay money out of my wage for stepson when it's boyfriends wage that should count.

    We have struggled our whole relationship and boyfriend had to pay £7000 court fees because she suddenly stopped contact, so no, I have zero empathy for her. Debt boyfriend and I are still paying off! All because she suddenly decided for stepson not to see his dad anymore.
    • Eve2928
    • By Eve2928 6th Aug 17, 6:29 PM
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    Eve2928
    • #4
    • 6th Aug 17, 6:29 PM
    • #4
    • 6th Aug 17, 6:29 PM
    How do I feel? You make it sound like boyfriend doesn't provide for his son. He stays every weekend, which will still happen. Stepson comes comes for tea 2 days after school ontop of us having him every week. It's not like boyfriend is not providing for his son. Even then, that's not the point. If his mum wanted to give up work (she doesn't work anyways) you wouldn't be sat here saying those things, but because my boyfriend is becoming a stay at home dad it's different is it?
    • nannytone
    • By nannytone 6th Aug 17, 6:31 PM
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    nannytone
    • #5
    • 6th Aug 17, 6:31 PM
    • #5
    • 6th Aug 17, 6:31 PM
    they can't take your wage, but any tax credits can be considered as it is joint income.

    you only work term time, so it is obviously better for you to look after the baby and your boyfriend to get a job where he can work all year.

    the first child didn't ask to be born and deserves to have a father that helps to support him
    • Eve2928
    • By Eve2928 6th Aug 17, 6:38 PM
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    Eve2928
    • #6
    • 6th Aug 17, 6:38 PM
    • #6
    • 6th Aug 17, 6:38 PM
    We can't afford childcare when I'm at work. That's the point I'm making. Boyfriend would be working for nothing, and I told him when I met him I wasn't giving up my job when we have children, but as if happens he's been made redundant so is in the position to be a stay at home dad, as the childcare would be so much.

    We tried to arrange different days with stepsons mum, I.e. not every weekend so boyfriend could work 2 weekends of the month, but stepsons mum said no. This was what his job currently offered us. But he declined and took redundancy as that meant we wouldn't see stepson if boyfriend worked those hours. Also his mum wouldn't agree to change days we get stepson for tea. So that leaves boyfriend in a very difficult position to find another job anyways!
    • swingaloo
    • By swingaloo 6th Aug 17, 6:39 PM
    • 1,733 Posts
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    swingaloo
    • #7
    • 6th Aug 17, 6:39 PM
    • #7
    • 6th Aug 17, 6:39 PM
    We had to sell our home to pay the court fees for exactly the same reason so I have been there but my partner never ever missed a payment.

    If his ex works or not is irrelevant. It takes 2 people to make a child so 2 should provide for it. In our case we worked as a couple and many times I contributed to his payments.

    Its not about having no sympathy for his ex, its about paying towards his child. To be quite blunt- if he cant afford to support the child he has then its irresponsible to be having another. In a couple of years time you may be posting on here that 'my ex wont help support his child'.
    • nannytone
    • By nannytone 6th Aug 17, 6:47 PM
    • 12,203 Posts
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    nannytone
    • #8
    • 6th Aug 17, 6:47 PM
    • #8
    • 6th Aug 17, 6:47 PM
    so even though your job is part time and low paid .... you WONT give it up in order for your boyfriend yo get a full time job to support you and both of his children?

    you say the step sons mother is unreasonable ...
    i suggest you take a look at yourself.

    you are deliberately depriving both your child and your boyfriends son of financial support because of what YOU want.

    ud suggest its time to grow up a little. parents have to do what they need to do, rather than just what suits them
    • Topcat1982
    • By Topcat1982 6th Aug 17, 6:50 PM
    • 349 Posts
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    Topcat1982
    • #9
    • 6th Aug 17, 6:50 PM
    • #9
    • 6th Aug 17, 6:50 PM
    Anyways, legally, can the child matience count my wage and will I be made to pay for stepson out of my wage??
    No. But they will take it out of his JSA and any other benefits you get
    • zagfles
    • By zagfles 6th Aug 17, 6:56 PM
    • 12,361 Posts
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    zagfles
    they can't take your wage, but any tax credits can be considered as it is joint income.

    you only work term time, so it is obviously better for you to look after the baby and your boyfriend to get a job where he can work all year.

    the first child didn't ask to be born and deserves to have a father that helps to support him
    Originally posted by nannytone
    He could offer to look after his first child together with his new child, and his ex could get a job. It's the 21st century, why should his ex get to be a SAHP without all the moralising, but not him?

    A friend of mine did the exact same thing, he became a SAHP and loved it, he paid his ex only a trivial amount in child maintenance but offered to share care 50/50 or even become the main carer if she wanted to get a job. She wasn't keen at first but after a while she got a job and he became the main carer.

    But for some reason he felt bad about claiming child maintenance off her, so he didn't Some sexist attitiudes die hard!
    • zagfles
    • By zagfles 6th Aug 17, 6:59 PM
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    zagfles
    No. But they will take it out of his JSA and any other benefits you get
    Originally posted by Topcat1982
    But it'll only be a trivial amount.
    • Eve2928
    • By Eve2928 6th Aug 17, 7:37 PM
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    Eve2928
    You clearly dont understand what term time is. I work FULL TIME but it's term time. I work 37 hours a week, but my pay is averaged out because I don't work the school holidays. So, yes, it's easier for me work because when my child is older, we won't have to worry about childcare in the school holidays.

    You have no right to make judgements on MY life. I came here asking about my wage being taking into account for child matitence.

    My boyfriend isn't getting made redundant to up to sit around doing nothing, he's going to be looking after his child. I like how you have t commented on how his mum can not work and that doesn't bother you?

    And as I've previously said, boyfriend DOES provide for his son. It's not like he has no contact.

    I'm selfish for wanting to carry on with my career, that i gained qualifications in, and have the chance to progress in. Yet boyfriend has an unskilled job, doesn't get much more money than me, works awful hours and doesn't get school holidays off. Whatever! Like another poster has said, men have just as much right to stay at home as a woman.
    • Eve2928
    • By Eve2928 6th Aug 17, 7:39 PM
    • 10 Posts
    • 27 Thanks
    Eve2928
    Boyfriend has offered to have stepson more, but his mum said no.

    Just like she said no about changing the days we have him. So I guess there's just no pleasing some folk.
    • Eve2928
    • By Eve2928 6th Aug 17, 7:41 PM
    • 10 Posts
    • 27 Thanks
    Eve2928
    Thanks for the actual replies about my wage being taken into account and not the comments about me not giving up my job.

    At least I know my wage won't be deducted. Thanks
    • MoaningMyrtle
    • By MoaningMyrtle 6th Aug 17, 7:47 PM
    • 1,919 Posts
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    MoaningMyrtle
    he could get a job on the evenings he doesnt have his son, he may be able to do overtime in the school holidays. something like a supermarket would offer these shifts.
    A minute at the till, a lifetime on the bill.

    Nothing tastes as good as being slim feels.

    one life, live it!
    • zagfles
    • By zagfles 6th Aug 17, 8:04 PM
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    zagfles
    You clearly dont understand what term time is. I work FULL TIME but it's term time. I work 37 hours a week, but my pay is averaged out because I don't work the school holidays. So, yes, it's easier for me work because when my child is older, we won't have to worry about childcare in the school holidays.

    You have no right to make judgements on MY life. I came here asking about my wage being taking into account for child matitence.

    My boyfriend isn't getting made redundant to up to sit around doing nothing, he's going to be looking after his child. I like how you have t commented on how his mum can not work and that doesn't bother you?

    And as I've previously said, boyfriend DOES provide for his son. It's not like he has no contact.

    I'm selfish for wanting to carry on with my career, that i gained qualifications in, and have the chance to progress in. Yet boyfriend has an unskilled job, doesn't get much more money than me, works awful hours and doesn't get school holidays off. Whatever! Like another poster has said, men have just as much right to stay at home as a woman.
    Originally posted by Eve2928
    Ignore all the sexist hypocritical moralising in this thread. The answer to your question is that your income won't be taken into account. He'll just have to pay £5 pw out of his JSA, and when you get CTC that would count as income, but CTC for one child is around £55pw so if his JSA has stopped by then he should still only need to pay £5pw as the income he'll be assessed on is less than £100. Your WTC would not count if he remains a SAHP, or if earns less than you.

    More info here: https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/319134/how-is-child-maintenance-worked-out.pdf

    Good luck!
    • swingaloo
    • By swingaloo 6th Aug 17, 8:11 PM
    • 1,733 Posts
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    swingaloo
    You clearly dont understand what term time is. I work FULL TIME but it's term time. I work 37 hours a week, but my pay is averaged out because I don't work the school holidays. So, yes, it's easier for me work because when my child is older, we won't have to worry about childcare in the school holidays.


    It may be easier for you to work but that is a choice you are making and that choice means not paying maintenance for his first child.


    You have no right to make judgements on MY life. I came here asking about my wage being taking into account for child matitence.

    My boyfriend isn't getting made redundant to up to sit around doing nothing, he's going to be looking after his child.

    But he has 2 children to consider so why is he only considering one?


    I like how you have t commented on how his mum can not work and that doesn't bother you?



    Even if the childs mother was married to a millionaire your partner would still have a responsibility to his child. Perhaps she dosent work because she cant sort childcare, maybe she is just lazy! Whether that's fair or not is not relevant, what is relevant is that your boyfriend should support his child and if that means you helping then tough. If you are a couple then you share responsibility and help each other.
    Surely you knew that he had a child before you decided to get pregnant and as adults you would have considered the fact that your boyfriend would have to support 2 children or did you just think that your child would be ok and its just 'tough' for the other.


    [B]And as I've previously said, boyfriend DOES provide for his son. It's not like he has no contact.


    No, he does not pay maintenance, looking after him at weekends and giving him his tea a couple of times a week is not providing for him. Paying to help keep a roof over his head, helping to feed him, keep him warm and clothed is providing for him.


    I'm selfish for wanting to carry on with my career,
    that i gained qualifications in, and have the chance to progress in.
    [/B]

    Yes if its a luxury you cant afford now that you are having a child. there are 2 children not just the one you are expecting.


    Yet boyfriend has an unskilled job, doesn't get much more money than me, works awful hours and doesn't get school holidays off.

    Part and parcel of being a father of 2 children. He needs to find a better job or do overtime.


    Whatever! Like another poster has said, men have just as much right to stay at home as a woman.
    Originally posted by Eve2928

    Yes they have - if they can afford it and still support their children. Whatever!
    • zagfles
    • By zagfles 6th Aug 17, 8:13 PM
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    zagfles
    Boyfriend has offered to have stepson more, but his mum said no.

    Just like she said no about changing the days we have him. So I guess there's just no pleasing some folk.
    Originally posted by Eve2928
    Well if she won't consider any flexibility then she'll end up with less money. Her own fault. Pity she's making her child suffer.
    • swingaloo
    • By swingaloo 6th Aug 17, 8:13 PM
    • 1,733 Posts
    • 3,081 Thanks
    swingaloo
    Ignore all the sexist hypocritical moralising in this thread. The answer to your question is that your income won't be taken into account. He'll just have to pay £5 pw out of his JSA, and when you get CTC that would count as income, but CTC for one child is around £55pw so if his JSA has stopped by then he should still only need to pay £5pw as the income he'll be assessed on is less than £100. Your WTC would not count if he remains a SAHP, or if earns less than you.

    More info here: https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/319134/how-is-child-maintenance-worked-out.pdf

    Good luck!
    Originally posted by zagfles





    Good luck avoiding your responsibilities! Really?
    • societys child
    • By societys child 6th Aug 17, 8:19 PM
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    societys child
    I told him when I met him I wasn't giving up my job when we have children
    Some people might wonder why . . .

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