14 years I feel Ive wasted,not sure how to cope

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  • my-user-name
    my-user-name Posts: 267 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Mojisola wrote: »
    Some alarm apps will wake you while you are in this stage. It means that sometimes you get woken up a bit earlier than the time you set but, because you're not deeply asleep, it's easier to wake up.

    Hi Mojisola,when I say I'm dead to the world I really do mean that.I know I have to do a major overhaul and change so many bad habits to ensure things get back to normal so I'm willing to try anything.
    Him waking me up and literally kicking me out of bed is probably the only thing I miss about him right now,he did serve his purposes sometimes lol
  • my-user-name
    my-user-name Posts: 267 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    calicocat wrote: »
    I would say having the wobbly days is perfectly normal , you won't be able to wipe out 14 yrs of your life and feelings in a few weeks. So don't beat yourself up about that, but the frequency, and intensity will lessen in time. Then one day , you will suddenly think ...hey....that doesn't happen anymore and you won't have any clear day when it happened, it just did.

    To the person who thinks it's only weirdos that post at 4.30 am..........I work night shift so am often up at stupid o'clock posting or reading......:p. Also I guess there are probably more people out there with insomnia than we reolise , or have physical problems with pain that would have someone awake at odd hours........ you never know.:p. :D

    I would deffo decorate before building the furniture. People are right about building it yourself, it gets very frustrating, you will swear a lot, want to cry if you haven't done it before, want to throw it off the balcony too............then hours later....you have done it. And everything in the world seems alright again. :rotfl: Once you have built one thing, it gets easier, so start off with something smaller you know you can physically manage on your own from a size point of view.

    I'll wager nice mr housing/council/ hugs guy would have a drill, he may be an excellent choice to ask for a bit of help with fixing to walls ? Another time if you shop there again and don't want to build, they do a building service, which costs obviously, but maybe worth it if you were doing a whole room full of stuff in one go...especially if big stuff as you will need decent amount of floor space to build.

    Can't remember my first Ikea build, but I did want to smash it up , but felt seriously smug once I'd done it. It may be time for you to buy your first power tool, chicks with power tools always rock. :D

    Sleeping...could you put an alarm under your pillow, would that work ?...or all of them under your pillow. I think you can also buy siren alarm clocks..that should wake you. Re : the anxiety / sickly feeling, if it is at night anxiety and sleep Hypnos apps may help a bit.

    A friend of mine has just been told by her bloke they will give it until the end of next month to see if they are working out, if not then it's over. ( to me that translates as.....it Is over and you have a month to sort what you are doing next). She is in a right pickle, went part time at work (mutual decision) a few months ago, it's his house, she has no savings or assets etc....a right mess. So you and I can at least think ourselves lucky that we have our own place that no-one can touch, we haven't been up-rooted, and are financially stable ( well in as much as anyone can be in these times, jobs disappear all the time). We can plan nice things like how to redecorate, and have our own little castle to feel safe in.

    When is the decorating starting ? :T.

    Who said "it's only weirdos that post at 4.30 am"?? cheeky !!!!!!s,thats when the best conversations come on to the forum board lol
    I really hope your right when you say once you've made the first flat pack then the rest is easier,oh I do hope your right lol

    I'm sure Mr Housing.Council,hugs guy could possibly help but stupidly I never ask for help,its my downfall :(
    So many times Ive needed help but end up doing it myself,why??I,ll never know?
    I have a pipe which is leaking,has done for about a week now so I asked on our residents page if anyone knows what is causing this as I need to get it sorted.
    A lovely resident suggested it could just be a new valve which is needed(think he said the toilet sistern) and he offered to come around in the morning to take a look.
    Did I say "oh yes please!!" hell no I just thanked him for his kindness and said I would have a go at fixing it myself.This man only offered his help and I turned him down,I bet he wont offer next time I ask a question.
    Sometimes I could kick myself for trying to do things on my own.:(I class it as my bad habit and I wish I could accept help when needed.Now if he would of said "I might be able to fix it but it will cost you my time in money" then I would of said yes I'm happy with that,Im screwed up arnt I ??:(
  • calicocat
    calicocat Posts: 5,698 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post Chutzpah Haggler
    my-user-name wrote: »
    Who said "it's only weirdos that post at 4.30 am"?? cheeky !!!!!!s,thats when the best conversations come on to the forum board lol
    I really hope your right when you say once you've made the first flat pack then the rest is easier,oh I do hope your right lol

    I'm sure Mr Housing.Council,hugs guy could possibly help but stupidly I never ask for help,its my downfall :(
    So many times Ive needed help but end up doing it myself,why??I,ll never know?
    I have a pipe which is leaking,has done for about a week now so I asked on our residents page if anyone knows what is causing this as I need to get it sorted.
    A lovely resident suggested it could just be a new valve which is needed(think he said the toilet sistern) and he offered to come around in the morning to take a look.
    Did I say "oh yes please!!" hell no I just thanked him for his kindness and said I would have a go at fixing it myself.This man only offered his help and I turned him down,I bet he wont offer next time I ask a question.
    Sometimes I could kick myself for trying to do things on my own.:(I class it as my bad habit and I wish I could accept help when needed.Now if he would of said "I might be able to fix it but it will cost you my time in money" then I would of said yes I'm happy with that,Im screwed up arnt I ??:(


    It's not screwed up, you just maybe need to change your reaction to help. Loads of us don't accept it, and it is silly really when offered. So that's easily fixed, next time someone offers, just do the opposite to what you would normally do and say yes. What you could do , is have a bottle of wine handy to give as a thank you, then it will feel more 'equal' if that makes sense .

    You could also ask envelope friend if she has ever done flat pack before, ask her if she would help you with it, and you cook a nice meal after.....and look at glitter. :D.

    Next time you see the bloke who said he would fix the leak, say you have had a look, and may as well be reading Chinese, and you would love him to come take a look at it..........see.....it's easy. Watch what he does don't just leave him to it, then another time you may be able to do it yourself.
    Yep...still at it, working out how to retire early.:D....... Going to have to rethink that scenario as have been screwed over by the company. A work in progress.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    my-user-name wrote: »
    Him waking me up and literally kicking me out of bed is probably the only thing I miss about him right now, he did serve his purposes sometimes lol

    He thought he had such a hold over you and now you're replacing him with an app!:rotfl:

    I once worked with a guy who also slept very soundly - he had three alarms clocks, set a few minutes apart. The first one was by his bed and the next on top of the wardrobe so that he had to get out of bed to turn it off.

    If he slept through both of those, the third one was an old-fashioned big clock with two bells on the top, kept in a metal bucket to amplify the sound on the other side of his room - if that didn't wake him up and get him out of bed, another family member made sure he was turfed out of bed because, by then, everyone else in the house was wide awake! :)
  • my-user-name
    my-user-name Posts: 267 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    calicocat wrote: »
    It's not screwed up, you just maybe need to change your reaction to help. Loads of us don't accept it, and it is silly really when offered. So that's easily fixed, next time someone offers, just do the opposite to what you would normally do and say yes. What you could do , is have a bottle of wine handy to give as a thank you, then it will feel more 'equal' if that makes sense .

    You could also ask envelope friend if she has ever done flat pack before, ask her if she would help you with it, and you cook a nice meal after.....and look at glitter. :D.

    Next time you see the bloke who said he would fix the leak, say you have had a look, and may as well be reading Chinese, and you would love him to come take a look at it..........see.....it's easy. Watch what he does don't just leave him to it, then another time you may be able to do it yourself.

    Its doing the opposite what I normally do which is the hardest thing to change calicocat,maybe it was all those years of bringing my daughter up on my own which has made me too bloody independent for my own good.
    Ive already mentioned the flat packs to Miss Envelope,she said she dosent have a clue how flat pack works but it would be fun to try............no it wouldn't be considering how much I paid for it lol I think I,ll be taking the phone off the hook and not have a trace of alcohol in my blood stream on the day it all comes out of the box lol
    I'm actually itching to have a go at them but will hang on until the painting and decorating has been done in the living room.As for this weekend .....I'm doing absolutely nothing and enjoying every second of it,yay!
  • my-user-name
    my-user-name Posts: 267 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Mojisola wrote: »
    He thought he had such a hold over you and now you're replacing him with an app!:rotfl:

    I once worked with a guy who also slept very soundly - he had three alarms clocks, set a few minutes apart. The first one was by his bed and the next on top of the wardrobe so that he had to get out of bed to turn it off.

    If he slept through both of those, the third one was an old-fashioned big clock with two bells on the top, kept in a metal bucket to amplify the sound on the other side of his room - if that didn't wake him up and get him out of bed, another family member made sure he was turfed out of bed because, by then, everyone else in the house was wide awake! :)

    Replacing him for a app,I never thought of that,brilliant Mojisola lol
    It used to annoy him so much when the alarms woke him up and I was still in my own little sleep world,to be honest I don't blame him getting annoyed with me on that count,I bet he has good sleeps now :(:(:(

    Maybe you should introduce me to this 3 alarms man,together with 6 clocks we might actually get up in time for work...or maybe not lol
  • Primrose
    Primrose Posts: 10,620 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary I've been Money Tipped!
    my-user-name wrote: »
    Ive already mentioned the flat packs to Miss Envelope,she said she dosent have a clue how flat pack works but it would be fun to try............no it wouldn't be considering how much I paid for it lol I think I,ll be taking the phone off the hook and not have a trace of alcohol in my blood stream on the day it all comes out of the box lol
    I'm actually itching to have a go at them but will hang on until the painting and decorating has been done in the living room.As for this weekend .....I'm doing absolutely nothing and enjoying every second of it,yay!

    Understand your desire not to build the flat packs until you've finished decorating but it might be wise to open them and check all the component part are there, especially small items like the appropriate number of screws, brackets, etc in case you need to make a complaint.

    We once left a flatpak kit unopened for so long (not from Ikea) that when we finally opened it and got round to trying to assemble it the supplying company would take no responsibility for missing parts.
  • my-user-name
    my-user-name Posts: 267 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Primrose wrote: »
    Understand your desire not to build the flat packs until you've finished decorating but it might be wise to open them and check all the component part are there, especially small items like the appropriate number of screws, brackets, etc in case you need to make a complaint.

    We once left a flatpak kit unopened for so long (not from Ikea) that when we finally opened it and got round to trying to assemble it the supplying company would take no responsibility for missing parts.
    Hells bells Primrose I didn't think of that.
    Into the spare room I go :(
  • Primrose
    Primrose Posts: 10,620 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary I've been Money Tipped!
    And check that the instructions are not written in Chinese or Korean !!
  • my-user-name
    my-user-name Posts: 267 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Primrose wrote: »
    And check that the instructions are not written in Chinese or Korean !!
    Its all there Primrose and its in English too,yay!!!!
    Looking at the amount of wood and the huge amount of stuff which has to be put together I'm not going to have a go myself,its way too daunting.I know many will say have a go at it but I'm not going to mess it up by trying to do it myself,Im going to get experts in.Considering the price I paid I don't want to mess it up.
    I'm not feeling disappointed about it though,I thought I would have a go but I'm not going to.Ive managed the painting and decorating myself so I should be proud of that achievement and I'm happy with that.
    However I will watch the expert very closely so that next time I buy flat packs I will have a better idea on what to do.
    I know if I did manage it myself I would be elated but to get it done properly will make me even happier.Theres tons of fiddly little bits :(
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