Finding the dating game so harsh!

poorlittlefish · 20 July 2016 at 8:32PM

To cut a very long story short I met a guy on a dating site last year, we had a wonderful few months then he almost became a different person overnight and messed me about for another few months until I finally decided I was worth more than the crumbs he was feeding me and ended it.

I joined Match on friends' advice and rejoined PoF. I don't know what's happened to online dating over the past year but boy, am I finding it harsh this time around! Men I find attractive and make contact with rarely reply, which makes me feel a bit rubbish. The two that did reply both asked me on dates, but one stood me up and the other blocked me before we finalised arrangements. Guys who contact me either abruptly disappear (presumably because they've had a better offer) or provisionally arrange dates then also disappear or just block me!

For instance, last Friday I'd agreed to go on a date on the Sunday. I asked if he had any suggestions for where to meet and offered one of my own. I turned my phone on the next morning to find he'd blocked me. I could understand if I'd said something offensive or was coming on strong, but I hadn't!

Am I just having a run of exceptionally bad luck or do others have this kind of experience?!

PeacefulWaters · 20 July 2016 at 9:16PM

It's not a game for the faint hearted in my recent experience.

Ignored messages don't bother me anymore - if she doesn't like the photo or profile fair enough. I think you just have to accept it and move on with a laugh and a smile.

I met one apparently amazing person, agreed to meet again, texted for days and then she just vanished. Married? Cold feet? Again, don't know!

Relationships can crumble at various stages and I'm convinced there's a subconscious three month review point in our heads!

I'll also admit to lining up multiple first dates with different women (as I realised others were doing this to me). Compare and contrast the experience I say. While I'll go ahead and meet all three others might think they've hit the jackpot with the first and ditch the other two before they meet.

So crack on with it. Ignore the failures, enjoy the dates you get and good luck!

If you're in the north and under 50 PM me!

[Deleted User] · 20 July 2016 at 9:18PM

Wish i'd never read this now, as a male who has just finalised his divorce i'm dreading the dating game again to the point where i think why bother...

Good luck...

PeacefulWaters · 20 July 2016 at 9:25PM

Deleted_User wrote: »

Wish i'd never read this now, as a male who has just finalised his divorce i'm dreading the dating game again to the point where i think why bother...

Good luck...

I've found it good fun! And I'm not exactly God's gift ...

anibell · 20 July 2016 at 9:33PM

Hi OP.
Please don't take it so personally...these things happen on any dating website. A lot of weeding is sometimes required :-) I am talking from personal experience.

There are lots of different dating sites other than the ones you mentioned. It's definately worth a look. Just bear in mind that not everybody on these sites are after a relationship.

KxMx · 20 July 2016 at 9:36PM

I got one measly date (excluding the one where I was stood up) in 9 months on PoF. I really can't afford Match so giving PoF another go after a break.

I'm clearly some kind of unattractive troll monster to men though!

kimplus8 · 20 July 2016 at 9:38PM

I met my ex online- 18 months after my husband and I split my friends encouraged me to 'give dating a go' so I did. I met who I thought was a lovely guy, turns out he really wasn't- over a year later and I'm weeks from giving birth and have discovered he's married, used a fake name and lied about everything. When I thought he was working long shifts as a manager he was really with his family, it's horrid.
My friend went on there recently and met a guy, a like me has discovered he is married and his wife has a 3 week old baby. It's shocking really.

poorlittlefish · 20 July 2016 at 9:54PM

I wonder sometimes if that's why they pull out of meeting up - their conscience catches up with them. I thought that paying £90 to join Match would mean only people serious about wanting to find someone would be on there, but that doesn't seem to be the case!

Mr.Generous · 20 July 2016 at 10:09PM

start a new section on here, the mse dating club.

Hermia · 20 July 2016 at 10:14PM

poorlittlefish wrote: »

To cut a very long story short I met a guy on a dating site last year, we had a wonderful few months then he almost became a different person overnight and messed me about for another few months until I finally decided I was worth more than the crumbs he was feeding me and ended it.

I joined Match on friends' advice and rejoined PoF. I don't know what's happened to online dating over the past year but boy, am I finding it harsh this time around! Men I find attractive and make contact with rarely reply, which makes me feel a bit rubbish. The two that did reply both asked me on dates, but one stood me up and the other blocked me before we finalised arrangements. Guys who contact me either abruptly disappear (presumably because they've had a better offer) or provisionally arrange dates then also disappear or just block me!

For instance, last Friday I'd agreed to go on a date on the Sunday. I asked if he had any suggestions for where to meet and offered one of my own. I turned my phone on the next morning to find he'd blocked me. I could understand if I'd said something offensive or was coming on strong, but I hadn't!

Am I just having a run of exceptionally bad luck or do others have this kind of experience?!

I think people forget that there is a real person behind the screen. Hence the reason they just block rather than send a quick 'sorry, I need to cancel, blah blah' message. Perhaps because they are so used to doing the whole swipe right/left thing they have forgotten they are looking at real people and they are not just perusing a shop window! My friend is internet dating at the moment and the amount of men who have just stood her up because they changed their mind or got a better offer is unbelievable. Could they really not have just texted her so didn't go to the waste of paying for a cab to get to the date?!

poorlittlefish · 20 July 2016 at 10:21PM

Exactly. I spend lots of time getting ready, trying to look my best and it's humiliating waiting around for nothing. With one guy who stood me up I messaged him in the morning to confirm everything was still OK my end and he was on the site at the time, so that was the perfect opportunity for him to say he'd changed his mind but no, he just stood me up anyway.

Another one messaged me, 10 minutes before we were due to meet, saying "Where are you?," which implied he was already there. I replied 4 minutes later to say I'd arrived, but there was no sign of him anywhere. Again he was online when I was saying I couldn't spot him. I reckon he must have seen me and taken off - how rude!

Finding the dating game so harsh!

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