how to talk to dh about budgeting

SmlSave · 12 November 2014 at 4:19PM

after two wage rises we should be in plus figures each month but it keeps getting frittered away. So i want to sit down and talk to him about where it goes and how if he controls his spending we can save up to do the house up.

Any suggestions on how to go about it without his eyes glazing over or feeling like im having a go?

I feel like im working my socks off to keep our food bill down and to be as os as poss and he just doesnt see how saving a few pounds is worth it.

january_23 · 12 November 2014 at 4:43PM

SmlSave wrote: »

I feel like im working my socks off to keep our food bill down and to be as os as poss and he just doesnt see how saving a few pounds is worth it.

Not sure how you can have the talk with your OH as only you really know how he will react but you know you need to or you wouldn't be posting here.

As for him not seeing how a few pounds is worth it my OH had this view when I met him.
I explained how the £3 he was spending on lunch at least three times a week at Uni and/or work cost him over the month and year. Suddenly that £3 was turned into at least £39/month or at least £468 over a year.
We then did the same with his magazines, take out coffees etc. The amount of money it all came to made him wake up to what a waste it was.
He still buys lunch for work as well as the odd magazine, coffee while out etc but it's no where near as often as it's out of money budgeted for these - £10 a month for lunches, £5 a month for magazines, £10 a month for coffees etc.

[Deleted User] · 12 November 2014 at 4:43PM

I'm not sure there are 'right' words to use SmlSave but what I would do if I was in your situation would be to start with something small that did affect him and make little changes that save you small amounts and keep the savings in a jam jar until the end of the month then actually physically show him the amount you have accumulated. I say small, I would look at the food outlay each week, now He Who Knows likes his grub!!! he likes nice things to eat and while he's not fussy, there are things he just doesn't like.... bones in meat for instance, he hates with a vengance even complained once that a Tbone steak had a bone in it!!! I stopped buying premium brands and dropped things a price band using own brands and saving the difference in price between those and the ones I usually got. If he passed comment and didn't like the resulting dish then I didn't buy that brand again but in the main he didn't notice. At the end of the first month I'd quite a decent jar of coins in the cupboard and I opened a savings account with it at the local post office and by the end of the year I had enough in that to pay for all of Christmas. This left us with quite a decent sum not spent and he was a willing convert. I think you have to 'show' men the benefits before they climb on to the band wagon. He's a complete OS convert now and has been for lots of years. Hope that helps, Lyn xxx.

Angry_Bear · 12 November 2014 at 5:39PM

I have a spreadsheet (well I have several, but I don't want to come across as too much of a nerd).

Basically, it has a list of all the "luxury" big one-off spends I'd like to make over the next 5 years. Some items of furniture, redecoration, replacing my car, holidays.

I then have this split over 60 months to work out what we'd have to save each month to be "on track". Then I track this and have a graph showing whether we're ahead/behind etc. It means if we miss a month of savings I can see what we have to do to catch up. You might find that this sort of visual represenation would work for your OH.

If you twinned this with a budget showing how much you have left to add to savings, maybe he'd see the benefit more clearly. Sometimes as long as your meeting your day to day costs, it's hard to see that you still need to budget carefully to be able to add some extras.

maman · 12 November 2014 at 6:56PM

Angry_Bear wrote: »

Basically, it has a list of all the "luxury" big one-off spends I'd like to make over the next 5 years. Some items of furniture, redecoration, replacing my car, holidays.

I like this idea. Personally I'd go out for a meal and a few drinks and then have a chat about your spending hopes/dreams/priorities as a couple.

I find if we're out we give each other our full attention without domestic distraction (deliberate or otherwise).

Once you've done the 'wish list' then you could move on to how much each you can contribute to the savings pot to achieve it. I'd suggest a separate account and a DD from each of you every month. You can always put more in if you have any spare but only take it out for your priority stuff.

I'd also make sure you each have some 'pocket money' as well otherwise you might get fed up if its all about 'jam tomorrow'.

youngie · 12 November 2014 at 7:03PM

my oh was a bit like yours until I pointed out the long term advantages of saving abit here and there now he is as keen as me just point out that £10 a week =£520 a year and then let him know how much difference that can make to a thought becoming a reality ie re decorating a room and a couple of meals out as an insentive
hope this helps alternatively introduce him to this site could be a real eye opener

Bobarella · 12 November 2014 at 8:05PM

Hi SML

without getting all psychological on him, do you know much about his financial upbringing? Was he involved in family desicion making or kept in the dark? Do his parents talk about money, have they achieved a good lifestyle? All these things will feed into him as he is today & it might help you to manage him more if you can identify his triggers such as spending to feel important, man of the house etc.
I am the oldest of 3 in my family & knew everything about my parents finances. For better or worse. I am in charge of our household budget, have been since we met. Oh is the youngest of 3 and complains he was kept in the dark financially & feels people in his family have used money as a substitute for love (his father worked away & provided very well financially, but emotionally was distant) OH overspent in his early days after leaving home & again wonders if this is due to having no financial advice from his family.

Anyway rambling a bit but it's kinda relevant

hoglet121 · 12 November 2014 at 8:06PM

My DH is on plan now, but it did take some work to ge there - he never even thought about any of the money he was spending - or checked his bank balance but that's another story....

One thing I know he doesn't like is feeling that he's being completely restricted - so we agreed that we would buy lunch one day per week but that was it. Our money would be frittered away if we did it every day, but once a week is OK for us. I'm just using that as an example - asking him him to cut out everything he likes buying might be too much, but limiting it to a frequency that fits your budget will still enable him to have a treat, and he might find he enjoys it more because he's not having it everyday.

foreverclockwatching · 12 November 2014 at 8:29PM

Angry_Bear wrote: »

I have a spreadsheet (well I have several, but I don't want to come across as too much of a nerd).

Basically, it has a list of all the "luxury" big one-off spends I'd like to make over the next 5 years. Some items of furniture, redecoration, replacing my car, holidays.

I then have this split over 60 months to work out what we'd have to save each month to be "on track". Then I track this and have a graph showing whether we're ahead/behind etc. It means if we miss a month of savings I can see what we have to do to catch up. You might find that this sort of visual represenation would work for your OH.

If you twinned this with a budget showing how much you have left to add to savings, maybe he'd see the benefit more clearly. Sometimes as long as your meeting your day to day costs, it's hard to see that you still need to budget carefully to be able to add some extras.

I think this is amazing and not nerdy. In fact I think I will try this!. My OH is lovely but unrealistic about how far money will stretch! I think it is due to his upbringing as his father was (is) terrible with money and made ridiculous decisions that negatively affected the whole family, e.g. buying a run down house when they already had a run down house and never doing up either as he had no money!

Lizling · 12 November 2014 at 10:38PM

I'd just say that we needed a budget, grab pen and paper/laptop, sit down next to him and start asking if he reckons x would be about right for food or y would be about right for going out etc.

I'm not subtle, but I doubt that'd cause any arguments, the way that going straight in with 'I want you to stop buying lunches/coffees/etc could.

JIL · 13 November 2014 at 1:51AM

Marginal gains. Is he a sporty person? Relate it back to the British cycling team and how they fixed the little things that led to such success in the Olympics.
So by cutting back on one coffee a week how much this saved in a year, by not buying high end brands how much did that save? Turning the heating down may only save £1 per week but added to the other savings and you will soon be into the hundreds.
For me its not about scrimping and saving all the time, its about if we go out to eat is there a promotion I can make use of?, if I am ordering on line can I use a cash back site? Are my groceries cheaper at Lidl? Do I need to buy a coffee on my way into work or do I just make one with a teaspoon of coffee from that jar on my desk. Should I buy a fizzy drink from the vending machine at £1.50 or shall I get the same thing from the pound shop where they are 2 for a £?
It all adds up you just need to make him realise where the money is draining away and where the leaks can be stopped.
Good luck

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how to talk to dh about budgeting

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