The Ultimate Incentive muddles along

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  • clearmydebts
    clearmydebts Posts: 6,485
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    Phew - that was an epic update. I don't know how you've both coped with all that and stayed together but it is a testament to what a strong couple you are. We lived with my Mam and Dad for 6 months when Evie was a newborn and Max was 18 months. It was incredibly tough but you have to do what you have to do. We tried to stay out of the house as much as we could too.

    Glad to hear Grace's health is well. Are you far down the autism diagnosis route? What makes you think she has SPD? Evie definitely has sensory issues (awful tantrums over seams in socks, wearing certain clothes). Not sure it is SPD but I'm keeping an eye on it as it doesn't impinge on the day to day stuff.
    Total (Aug 19):€58,567 Now:€26,947
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    MFD: March 2042/July 2034
  • Dinah93
    Dinah93 Posts: 11,463
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    First appointment for SPD/autism spectrum concerns is at the end of April. It was raised by her teacher, and then my mum (also a teacher) happened to be sent on a training afternoon about SPD and she came back and said it summed Grace up perfectly. She's not visually sensitive, but she can be retching or crying from a bad smell the rest of us don't even notice for another 30 seconds and even then it's so mild we wouldn't care, she can't cope with loud noises, covers her ears if in a crowd (even a quiet one for example if I chat with a group of friends) or differentiate a louder sound in a busy place (lots of fun if she's running away across the playground towards the road, every other child and parent turns around but her!), she thinks tights and trousers are punishment, if she has to wear them she'll push them as far up her legs as she can and sleeves up over her elbows, she'd prefer to wear nothing if possible, she gets very upset at casual touch (arms bumping on the desk, a child brushing past her hanging up a coat etc) but is fine with definite touch such as a hug, she gets very upset at things like the indentations left by knickers, she has a lot of nightmares which can also be associated, the only reason I think autism spectrum has been mentioned is SPD is often considered on the spectrum, and she has quite a lot of issues around routine, she was hysterical at the weekend as NIM had been planning to go get his new riding hat but in the end didn't, she was so upset because he'd said he'd do something and now wasn't, even though it in no way affected her! The world ends if her gymnastics is cancelled on a Monday, or her auntie doesn't come over after ballet on a Tuesday etc. She easily cries 10-20 times a day as she just gets overwhelmed. In our case it really is impacting day to day and I'm hoping there might be a therapy to help her manage her emotions when she feels overwhelmed.

    Not sure we're strong so much as stubborn, but right now I'm glad we're still hanging in there.
    Debt January 1st 2018 £96,999.81
    Debt September 20th 2022 £2991.68- 96.92% paid off
    Met NIM 23/06/2008
  • clearmydebts
    clearmydebts Posts: 6,485
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    Dinah93 wrote: »
    First appointment for SPD/autism spectrum concerns is at the end of April. It was raised by her teacher, and then my mum (also a teacher) happened to be sent on a training afternoon about SPD and she came back and said it summed Grace up perfectly. She's not visually sensitive, but she can be retching or crying from a bad smell the rest of us don't even notice for another 30 seconds and even then it's so mild we wouldn't care, she can't cope with loud noises, covers her ears if in a crowd (even a quiet one for example if I chat with a group of friends) or differentiate a louder sound in a busy place (lots of fun if she's running away across the playground towards the road, every other child and parent turns around but her!), she thinks tights and trousers are punishment, if she has to wear them she'll push them as far up her legs as she can and sleeves up over her elbows, she'd prefer to wear nothing if possible, she gets very upset at casual touch (arms bumping on the desk, a child brushing past her hanging up a coat etc) but is fine with definite touch such as a hug, she gets very upset at things like the indentations left by knickers, she has a lot of nightmares which can also be associated, the only reason I think autism spectrum has been mentioned is SPD is often considered on the spectrum, and she has quite a lot of issues around routine, she was hysterical at the weekend as NIM had been planning to go get his new riding hat but in the end didn't, she was so upset because he'd said he'd do something and now wasn't, even though it in no way affected her! The world ends if her gymnastics is cancelled on a Monday, or her auntie doesn't come over after ballet on a Tuesday etc. She easily cries 10-20 times a day as she just gets overwhelmed. In our case it really is impacting day to day and I'm hoping there might be a therapy to help her manage her emotions when she feels overwhelmed.

    Not sure we're strong so much as stubborn, but right now I'm glad we're still hanging in there.


    That's great that you've got the ball rolling anyway and that her teacher flagged it. Definitely wise to get it all checked out, especially if it is impacting on her day. I've worked in the disability sector for 20 years now and early intervention is so important.

    Evie absolutely hates tights as well. Most nights she will just wear knickers and a t-shirt to bed. She used to only wear boys underpants as she found them more comfy but is okay with knickers now as long as I fix them for her.
    Total (Aug 19):€58,567 Now:€26,947
    DFD:Nov 22/June 22
    Mortgage: €199,712
    MFD: March 2042/July 2034
  • Dinah93
    Dinah93 Posts: 11,463
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    Poorly Ben day yesterday so not much achieved, few designs (still do freelance design just not my etsy shop because I have no time for production) for dad (2hrs), booked the car into the garage, finally got hold of graces physio. Nims mood flipped from good to short and snappy on Saturday so we're nearly a week into what I think of as yellow days, hoping we go back to green soon. I've been trying to track his moods using a sort of traffic light system, see if I can see any event that sets off an episode, but also see if over time he's getting better or worse.

    Hair cut for me this morning, something I only manage twice a year. Then home try to get some free bets on for Cheltenham, finish my lesson plan for this afternoon then two classes to teach this evening. Book group after work then all staying at best friends house. Me and her are off on a mystery tour of all things tomorrow with 3 other friends, nim has been told so long as he takes the kids to their art class he can do whatever he fancies the rest of the weekend and mum will have the kids. Of course being given a rigid 'do this and this is the consequence', even if it's positive for him, means he's gone the opposite way and said he won't take them to their class and he'll just take them to our house all weekend (with no floors) and sleep there. I hate bpd so much it's like trying to reason with someone whose language you don't speak.
    Debt January 1st 2018 £96,999.81
    Debt September 20th 2022 £2991.68- 96.92% paid off
    Met NIM 23/06/2008
  • Cinny91
    Cinny91 Posts: 6,022
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    Good luck with the appointment with Grace, must be awful for her to get so upset over changes in plans like that among other things. Poor kid! Must be extremely difficult to have your mind function differently than most people.

    Hope you had a nice little get away!

    My car is at the garage today to have a tyre replaced (noticed a bulge on the sidewall on Saturday!) so just hoping that isn't a really big expense, because obviously it's unbudgeted! Having them look at a dent in the side of my car that's been there since August too. Was debating getting a "tis but a scratch" sticker to go above it but OH says this is a better use of our money. Psh.

    Had a lovely weekend though despite the rain. £4 spent on Saturday for parking to go on a Gruffalo trail, thinking of getting a annual pass for the parking as Sherwood Pines is really close and it will be perfect for over summer. We're also toying with the idea of English Heritage too so it just depends on the ££.
  • Where did the mystery tour take you Dinah?
    I bet npd is incredibly difficult for you, hope you're back to green days soon x

    hope the car repairs arent too painful Cinny.

    4 days until the wedding, weather forecast looking ok! I'm veering between estatic excitment, feeling fear like my heart had been plunging into cold water and sobbing at everything. practised our vows last night and I was a mess!

    Saving for a deposit: £11,621.15
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  • clearmydebts
    clearmydebts Posts: 6,485
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    Where did the mystery tour take you Dinah?
    I bet npd is incredibly difficult for you, hope you're back to green days soon x

    hope the car repairs arent too painful Cinny.

    4 days until the wedding, weather forecast looking ok! I'm veering between estatic excitment, feeling fear like my heart had been plunging into cold water and sobbing at everything. practised our vows last night and I was a mess!

    Oh wow Archers - how exciting for you!!! Keeping everything crossed for beautiful weather :)
    Total (Aug 19):€58,567 Now:€26,947
    DFD:Nov 22/June 22
    Mortgage: €199,712
    MFD: March 2042/July 2034
  • clearmydebts
    clearmydebts Posts: 6,485
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post I've been Money Tipped!
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    Dinah93 wrote: »
    Poorly Ben day yesterday so not much achieved, few designs (still do freelance design just not my etsy shop because I have no time for production) for dad (2hrs), booked the car into the garage, finally got hold of graces physio. Nims mood flipped from good to short and snappy on Saturday so we're nearly a week into what I think of as yellow days, hoping we go back to green soon. I've been trying to track his moods using a sort of traffic light system, see if I can see any event that sets off an episode, but also see if over time he's getting better or worse.

    Hair cut for me this morning, something I only manage twice a year. Then home try to get some free bets on for Cheltenham, finish my lesson plan for this afternoon then two classes to teach this evening. Book group after work then all staying at best friends house. Me and her are off on a mystery tour of all things tomorrow with 3 other friends, nim has been told so long as he takes the kids to their art class he can do whatever he fancies the rest of the weekend and mum will have the kids. Of course being given a rigid 'do this and this is the consequence', even if it's positive for him, means he's gone the opposite way and said he won't take them to their class and he'll just take them to our house all weekend (with no floors) and sleep there. I hate bpd so much it's like trying to reason with someone whose language you don't speak.

    How was the mystery tour? Hope you had a well deserved break away.

    Hoping for lots of green days soon
    Total (Aug 19):€58,567 Now:€26,947
    DFD:Nov 22/June 22
    Mortgage: €199,712
    MFD: March 2042/July 2034
  • Cinny91
    Cinny91 Posts: 6,022
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    I can't believe your wedding is so close, Archers! Always loved your style so I'm sure it's going to be beautiful :) Our vows were super basic because 1) we both hate the focus being on us so wanted them over quickly and 2) I was 7 months pregnant and very emotional (cried just thinking of X-Files during that beautiful phase) and I still got a little bleary eyed on the day. It's a big deal, kind of impossible to not get a bit emotional so just let it run over. Hope you two have a fantastic day!
  • ruby_eskimo
    ruby_eskimo Posts: 4,526
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    Can't believe all the drama with the house Dinah! Hope the insurance company can actually get someone to start some work soon, but like the idea of tying it into some possible improvements anyway. Glad to hear that things have been slightly easier with NIM since the diagnosis and hopefully Grace can get some support with her sensory issues as well.

    Hope you have a lovely wedding day Archers! I thought I would cry during ours but instead spent the entire ceremony wishing that DH would take his hand out of his pocket! Oh and laughing at one of the gardener's running past the window chasing after a duck! I'm sure you will have a lovely day :)

    Nothing much happening here - plodding on with decorating the house (still have so many boxes to unpack!) and DH took me to Disneyland Paris for my 30th birthday. I also got a birthday letter from a certain ginger haired, younger member of the royal family yesterday courtesy of my boss which was a nice surprise. Don't know what I did to deserve it but hey! Hope you're all keeping well.
    Emergency Fund - £7992.62 / £10,000 :: Total Mortgage OP - £34,692
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    Engaged 9th December 2010 :: Married 29th October 2015 :: Bought a House 13th January 2017
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