Ready to be debt free

Hi Dewdrop, he's still with me but it's a decision I'm agonising over. The long and short of it is that he's an older horse and has had a lot of issues during the 12 years I've owned him. Unfortunately we're at the point where his issues are predominantly wear and tear/age related.

I've taken his final retirement very hard and I know that I'm not going to find it easy. We end up doing the same walk for him to graze down the path every time I see him. If I'm honest I am not looking forward to a cold, wet winter of that and it'll only be followed by more of the same next year.

I'm a responsible owner and will absolutely not be passing him on be it to a charity or private home. My options are retirement livery elsewhere, stay as/where we are, or euthanasia. Retirement livery is hard because there's nothing suitable locally, it tends to be more expensive than I'm already paying, and I selfishly begrudge paying for him to be alive when I wouldn't get to see him. Part of me also believes that he wouldn't be happy without regular visits as we are extremely close and I know a lot of people would think that's a load of rubbish, but he's always liked one-on-one attention from a person.

Staying where we are... it's not what I want for his retirement truth be told, but he is happy enough and despite his issues he can get to/from the field, eat his food/hay, and get to/from the bridleway with me. He's OK, and we've been at the yard for a long time. Unfortunately the majority of horse owners can't keep their horses in what they consider to be the perfect set up due to what's available. I have to have him cared for due to my long commute, which restricts my options locally and IMO we're on the best yard in the area. If I won the lottery top of my list would be a house with land that I can adapt to meet his needs and then he wouldn't be going anywhere until he's ready.

That leaves euthanasia but as I just alluded to, I don't think he's ready to go. He's still himself, he definitely has good and bad days but the good outweigh the bad. I worry about him constantly (I don't know how to not-worry about him!) due to what we've been through, but he can and is coping. I've been extremely down and I think a large part of me is ready to say goodbye, but there's also a part of me that's screaming he's not ready, and how can I be without him?

I guess I feel like the right thing for me, isn't the right thing for him and that makes the decision extremely difficult. I'm trying hard not to thing about it, because for the past month it's been all consuming, but that's easier said than done. I have a lot going on right now and question whether it's the right time to make such a big decision when I'm maybe off kilter as it is; on the other hand I think as much as I will be heartbroken, I'll probably also feel relief and like a weight has been lifted off. That will be both in terms of the finances and just the worrying about this decision/his health generally.

I think that at some point the decision will just be made; whether by me or him, so I'm trying not to beat myself up but I still feel totally trapped and it's an awful sh*tty place to be.

50p to the emergency fund today from Save The Change. :rotfl:

I've also just spent another couple of hundred on committee expenses - and requested them back - but have had to take out most of the emergency fund to ensure I have enough in my account. Will put it back when the expenses are paid.

Had MBNA emailing me earlier going "we're going to start collecting your direct debit later in the month" whilst also saying "interest is calculated on a daily basis so you will pay more, if you make a payment later in the month". I can't help but wonder if that's why they've moved the payment date? The statement date is staying the same. Anyway my card is interest free so I don't care and haven't actually bothered to work out what it would cost me if that wasn't the case.

Otherwise a boring (i.e. good) day money wise!

I had to pull all my eBay listings again last night. It drives me mad that there's no option for private sellers to "go on holiday" with eBay - or in my case I'm working away. I considered bringing the listed items with me and leaving them in the car just in case but decided I didn't need the hassle.

It's pay day on Friday and I know there's a decent bonus coming my way so I'm looking forward to reducing the Barclaycard under £2k. I could also do with another pair of jeans (I'm not sure this particular pair is the sort you're only meant to wash 2-3 times a year) and a couple of thicker jumpers suitable for work. I'm also starting to think about Christmas presents but not sure what I'll buy anybody yet. There's an outlet village/shopping centre near where I'm working so if I get any downtime I can browse but I'll need to set a spending limit first.

Through the discount scheme at work, my intended wedding ring would be 25% off next week - I've been waiting for a decent offer on it for months. However as OH rightly pointed out, we aren't looking to get married until 2018 so there's plenty of time for the offer to come around again. It's less than £250 full price so not hugely expensive but money I don't need to spend. Good job I have him to keep me on track :A

Well the MBNA card just took a bashing - ordered some stuff for my committee thing to the tune of over £1000. I'm not adding it in to any totals because I'll be claiming it all back in the next couple of days when I receive the invoice.

I had wanted to buy a new Christmas tree this year because our artificial one - which belonged to my parents and is 15+ years old - was falling to bits last year, but it looks like we may "need" a new bed frame first. Mom is downsizing her bed and offered us her mattress. It means our current double bed can go in the spare room, but we'll need a king size frame for our "new" mattress plus some sheets. We have a gift card we got last Christmas which we can use for sheets and eventually we'll buy a bigger duvet too.

OH is like a hot water bottle so a bigger bed means I can get further away and not overheat :rotfl:

Thanks Purple. Staying away in hotels so much really made me notice how uncomfortable my bed (which is 13 years old, to be fair) had gotten. We bought a mattress topper (not an expensive one, but it's made a big difference) to tide us over as we didn't know how soon Mom's mattress would be ours. She offered us her bed frame too but it's a huge sleigh bed and I don't like it - would rather have a £350 jobby from Ikea. We can get 5% discount on Ikea too through that work thingy.


The MBNA card might have a rather high balance today but the Barclaycard is now under £2k! My target was to get the cards down to £2500 and £1500 by the end of the year. I know I've hit my target at work again for September, I don't know how large the bonus will be yet. What I'll probably do is focus on one card at a time.


I still have some big ticket items to sell which will help. I think I might struggle to pay off £1000 between now and the end of December purely from my salary especially if I'm forking out for half of a bed frame!