Is this bullying or just plain rude?
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You go to work to earn a living. That's it.whiskydeltafoxtrot wrote: »I don't want to give too many details so i'll put it simply;
Is leaving someone out of things, ignoring their birthday, yet making a huge fuss of others birthdays, not adding them to Facebook, even though all other employees are 'friends' together on there, bullying or am i being over sensitive?
We all get on well- and laugh and joke together, yet they won't let me in their 'gang' and I'm starting to feel unhappy and left out.
I should add these aren't kids nor am I (all in late 40s/50s)
And if you aren't in the Facebook group, you are probably the one who doesn't get sacked for whatever it is that is stupidly said on Facebook.
Go to work. Be pleasant, Go home. Spend time with friends. Don't get the two things confused. There is no reason they should be the same thing, and it is often better when they aren't.0 -
I would never ever have my colleagues as friends on Facebook.0
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whiskydeltafoxtrot wrote: »Is leaving someone out of things, ignoring their birthday, yet making a huge fuss of others birthdays, not adding them to Facebook, even though all other employees are 'friends' together on there, bullying or am i being over sensitive?
We all get on well- and laugh and joke together, yet they won't let me in their 'gang' and I'm starting to feel unhappy and left out.Don't ever mix work and social media - recipe for disaster. You're better off out of that one.
I wouldn't mix work and social media either - but, if you don't like the atmosphere that the clique create at work, start looking for another job.
Some work cliques like to keep someone on the outside - it makes them feel superior and you have to be very thick-skinned for it not to get to you at times.0 -
I'd look at it as separate issues.
- they haven't included you on facebook - ignore this. It's like not inviting you to events outside work, cliquey but irrelevant to your work life.
- leaving your out of things. If they are leaving you out of the loop on work related things, then it is an issue and it would not be unreasonable for you to address it (e.g. "I notice that I am often not included on the group emails / invited to the meetings about [work issue]. I'm sure it is an oversight but can you make sure I am included in future?"). Then if it continues raise it with your line manager as an issue which is affecting your work.
- If the things that you are left out of are non-work related but do include absolutely everyone except you, then it is harder but I think it has the potential to become bullying. Again, I'd consider starting with an informal approach - e.g. "I noticed that there seems to be a celebration for everyone's birthdays but that I'm not invited to take part. Is there a birthday club you all donate to to fund hose celebration which I can join, or is there another reason?"
That way, it doesn't come across as petty or aggressive on your part, the implication is that they have overlooked you inadvertently. If you want to be involved, you can also chose to do so - for instance, if someone else's birthday is coming up, ask if there is a collection or card and sign / donate.
If you have one-to-one meetings with your line manager you could also bring it up with them - not in a 'they missed out my birthday' way but more 'I've noticed that I'm excluded from all of the social / birthday events .I'm concerned that I've upset people in some way or that they resent me for some reason. Do you know what's behind it , and can you suggest anything I can do to improve things, as it does make for an uncomfortable working environment"
I have to say that as an employer, if there was a single person being treated in this way I would be concerned, if it was a smaller clique which was very close and didn't involve people outside their clique (i.e. of they were 'excluding' more than one person) I would be less inclined to get involved unless their actions started to impact their, or others work.All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)0 -
I have colleagues in work who I'm also friends with and therefore spend a fair amount of time with outside of work. Similarly I have other colleagues who are the sort of people I wouldn't be friends with and therefore I don't spend any out of work time with them. It's not bullying, it's just life. Someone attempting to force me to be friends wth them is likely to build resentment more than anything else. I did have a situation like this at work with someone complaining they were left out of non work events. Unsurprisingly we're still not friends now.
As long as it isn't affecting your work and they treat you in a professional way in the office then I feel you have no complain.
Work social events are a little different, I wouldn't expect people to be left out of these but there is a clear line here.0 -
I added one of my colleagues who seems to have rejected my request. It does baffle me, since we have 18 mutual friends (so she does add other colleagues), and she talks to me at work and will approach me for help (I've been there longer and higher than her). Social media is a great way to question yourself and give you a complex.:(Mortgage started 2015: £150,000 2016: £130,000 2017: £116,000 2018: £105,000 2019: £88,000 2020: £69,000 2021: £51,195 2023: MORTGAGE FREE!0
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My colleagues at work keep inviting me to things and I keep refusing, because I don't want to spend my social time in their company. I don't like them enough.
Am I bullying them?0 -
I added one of my colleagues who seems to have rejected my request. It does baffle me, since we have 18 mutual friends (so she does add other colleagues), and she talks to me at work and will approach me for help (I've been there longer and higher than her). Social media is a great way to question yourself and give you a complex.:(
There's your answer. It's perfectly understandable and sensible not to want anyone in authority over you at work to see your Facebook.0 -
I used to be a harrassment contact at one of my previous jobs and being left out of everything does count as bullying. It can also make working really stressful and miserable. If you have a good system for complaining it's worth doing, otherwise it'll just make things worse.0
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