Money Moral Dilemma: Should I offer to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

Bevmacca · 20 August 2014 at 3:09PM

I've been a bridesmaid twice. The first time I had no say in what dress I wore and I didn't contribute towards it. The second time I was the only bridesmaid - I was asked to pay (which I did) but I chose my dress.
I recently got married, I had one bridesmaid and 2 flower girls, I wanted control over what they wore so I paid for everything.
I think honesty is the best policy. Explain your concerns and I'm sure you'll be able to come to some arrangement.

sugarbaby125 · 20 August 2014 at 3:42PM

My eldest daughter got married in April. She had 8 bridesmaids, 4 women and 4 young girls. A flower girl, a page boy and her teenage son as an usher. My daughter paid for everything for everyone. Expensive yes, but she never dreamed of asking anyone to contribute in any way. She also had a free bar all the way through the Wedding reception. My daughter simply felt that it was only right and proper that her and her fiance foot the bill for their entire wedding, apart from parental contributions.

Discuss this issue with your friend and come to an amicable compromise that keeps the both of you happy

ButterflyLC · 20 August 2014 at 4:05PM

I am getting married in May and I also have firm views on this. I fully believe that if you have been asked to be a Bridesmaid/Best Man/Flower Girl/Usher etc the bride and groom should foot the bill. It is bad etiquette and also a very rude to ask someone to be an important of your day, to help out where needed and to be a legal witness to then expect them to fork out for their outfits too. I am having two bridesmaids and I will be buying their dresses. I would be horrified if I were a bridesmaid and was expected to buy my dress.

My Sister in Law got married at short notice last year and my fiance (her brother) was the Best Man. He was never asked to buy his kilt, but told that as the couple were on a budget he was paying. We both agreed that this would be our contribution and we wouldn't be buying them a gift. If you think that's a bit rotten of us, then if the parents bought the cake as a gift then why couldn't I pay for the Best Man's kilt as a gift?

I would ask the bride outright, who gets to pick the dress. As it is usually the bride's responsibility to pay, then the dress picking can go either way when you have to pay for your own. Tread carefully though as weddings can cause any matter of rifts between friends and family. Good Luck x

Augustus_the_Strong · 20 August 2014 at 5:16PM

What's the point of speculating, what do forum users think, what they do in America, etc. Just ask the question!

penarthian · 20 August 2014 at 5:21PM

Ask the bride if she wants a contribution to the cost of the dress.
That way you will either be told yes please or no thank you . Depending on the answer the choice of dress is then negotiable.

Giddypip · 20 August 2014 at 6:59PM

A few years ago, I was one of 6 bridesmaids for a friend. She requested that we all make a contribution to the cost of dresses but preceded to pick a dress that although not hideous, none of us would wear again. I put my foot down and refused, I said I had no problem contributing towards a dress that I would get more than 1 wear out of but not for something that would either hang in my wardrobe for eternity or get sent to a charity shop.
In the end she chose a different dress that I would never pick myself and have never worn again, but as I did not pay anything towards the cost, I wore it with a smile.

Likestowrite · 20 August 2014 at 7:10PM

It maybe varies in different parts of the country or things have changed in recent years. I always thought it was tradition for bridesmaids to buy their own dresses and shoes. Before I read these replies I'd never heard of a bride/bride's family paying for the bridesmaids' dresses.

ptrichardson · 20 August 2014 at 7:31PM

I never understand this - if you are getting married, and you want someone else to be part of your close group and you want them to wear specific clothing (i.e. bridesmaids or groomsmen), then why on earth would you expect that person to pay.

If you can't afford to pay, then downscale the wedding and let them wear whatever they choose - i.e. colour coordinate, but not the exact same garment (so grey suit, purple tie / white dress)

Ruby_Roo · 20 August 2014 at 7:45PM

Some people have said words to the effect of "weddings can be expensive and if the bride and groom are on a budget I understand them asking attendants to pay". I don't really get this - if you can't afford to have them then either don't have them or cut costs elsewhere.

I'm paying for everything for my 3 bridesmaids - dresses, cover ups, shoes, hair, make up and hand bags. I even offered to pay for underwear if they need to buy a new bra due to the style of the dress because I don't want my asking them to be my bridesmaid to cost them anything! By the time I've sorted them and the best man and ushers, I won't have much change from £1400. I'm not rich by any stretch but we've budgeted for this because we want these people to be with us on our big day.

One of my bridesmaids has asked me to be a bridesmaid for her - the cost of getting to her wedding, staying a couple of days, buying a gift will easily be around £700 so if she also asks me to pay for my dress on top of that I'll be telling her to take a hike.

ajr77 · 20 August 2014 at 7:54PM

Hello I'm a newbie!

I asked my (one) bridesmaid to go halves on her dress and she agreed. I did specify a colour but that was it, and we went shopping together. I have not heard of the bride paying for bridesmaids dresses before, so now feel a bit guilty, but I do know she has worn the dress at least 2 occasions since.

Money Moral Dilemma: Should I offer to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

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