Are you 100% open with your partner?

rich81
rich81 Posts: 15 Forumite
edited 18 October 2016 at 2:31PM in Debt-free wannabe
Being totally honest, does your partner/spouse know everything about your debt - full amounts etc, or do you keep it, or at least part of it to yourself?



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  • boliston
    boliston Posts: 3,012 Forumite
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    rich81 wrote: »
    Being totally honest, does your partner/spouse know everything about your debt - full amounts etc, or do you keep it, or at least part of it to yourself?

    Why would it be any business of your partner (or any other third party)?
  • rich81
    rich81 Posts: 15 Forumite
    boliston wrote: »
    Why would it be any business of your partner (or any other third party)?

    Hi

    I meant partner as in romantic partner/spouse etc as opposed to business partner
  • Sanctioned_Parts_List
    Sanctioned_Parts_List Posts: 491 Forumite
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    Yes, it affects her too, so why wouldn't I be?
  • Muttipops
    Muttipops Posts: 269 Forumite
    Anecdotally, reading on here for a few months, it would seem that many partners are not aware of the amount of debt their other half is in. Often this seems to be through embarassment at the inability of that person to handle their own debts or sometimes through fear as to what their partner might say. I have also seen it mentioned that people try to protect their partners from the awful truth.
    I am single, but when in a relationship am honest about my financial situation, because I cannot afford to spend lavishly and rather than be thought of as a tight wad, I explain my situation, obviously not the exact state of it, because that is my business, but the broarder picture.
  • my-user-name
    my-user-name Posts: 267 Forumite
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    A few years ago I stupidly got myself into debt and I didn't tell my partner,the debt lasted for around 4 years but I finally managed to pay everything and thank the Lord I am now debt free.
    Why didn't I tell him??embarrassment and feeling Id let myself down(and my partner too) for getting myself into such a mess.
    I look back to those awful days and one of the worst things, for me anyway was hearing letters come through the door,that feeling of dread and trying to get to the letters before he did was horrendous for me.
    I could never go through all that again but thinking about it I really should of told him,I shouldn't of kept it to myself.What would of been the worst he could of done??shout at me,be disappointed in me,leave me?? I was stupid keeping it to myself for such a long time.
    Strangely enough a week after I became debt free I told him,why I,ll never know! yes he was angry with me...but he was angry because I kept it all to myself.I promised him if things ever became bad again(and I pray they never will) he would be the first I would turn to...and I would.
  • boliston
    boliston Posts: 3,012 Forumite
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    Sanctioned_Parts_List wrote: »
    Yes, it affects her too, so why wouldn't I be?

    Unless the two partners are "financially linked" by having a joint account or a joint mortgage then there would be no problem for the partner without the adverse credit.
  • tori.k
    tori.k Posts: 3,592 Forumite
    boliston wrote: »
    Unless the two partners are "financially linked" by having a joint account or a joint mortgage then there would be no problem for the partner without the adverse credit.

    It think a lot of people would see it as morally corrupt, honesty and trust is an important value in any relationship.
  • sourcrates
    sourcrates Posts: 28,876 Ambassador
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    tori.k wrote: »
    It think a lot of people would see it as morally corrupt, honesty and trust is an important value in any relationship.

    Really ? You never met my ex wife did you ?

    Through sometimes painful past experiance, the less you tell the little woman the better, they don't "really" want to know, as long as the roofs over there head, and foods on the table, but then maybe my experiance isn't unique, maybe I just picked the wrong woman, or vice versa.

    I think honesty and trust must of been on holiday when I got together with my ex wife, I look at people now who post pictures and messages of undying love on social media, only to find, 6 months down the line, she's copped off with his best mate, is this really the person you want to share your most secret financial details with ???

    Maybe I'm getting old and cynical, or I might be the only sane one here, but my financial affairs, stay my financial affairs from now on, when your young and stupid, you want to share everything, when your older and wiser, and you've been through a divorce court or two, you realise that's a really bad idea !!

    But hell, don't listen to me, make your own mistakes !!
    I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Debt free wannabe, Credit file and ratings, and Bankruptcy and living with it boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.For free non-judgemental debt advice, contact either Stepchange, National Debtline, or CitizensAdviceBureaux.Link to SOA Calculator- https://www.stoozing.com/soa.php The "provit letter" is here-https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2607247/letter-when-you-know-nothing-about-about-the-debt-aka-prove-it-letter
  • boliston
    boliston Posts: 3,012 Forumite
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    tori.k wrote: »
    It think a lot of people would see it as morally corrupt, honesty and trust is an important value in any relationship.

    If I had a rotten credit score and did not tell my partner, in what way would she suffer?
  • Sanctioned_Parts_List
    Sanctioned_Parts_List Posts: 491 Forumite
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    edited 9 October 2016 at 12:31AM
    boliston wrote: »
    If I had a rotten credit score and did not tell my partner, in what way would she suffer?
    Because every pound you spend on debt interest is a pound you're not using to make your family safer.
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