Sister has asked me to be her guarantor

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  • NeilCr
    NeilCr Posts: 4,430
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    Personally, I wouldn't do it.

    But, if I did, I'd be very clear about what I was signing up to

    I see quite a few "burnt" guarantors

    They tend to fall into three categories

    a) they just didn't believe that they would actually have to pay anything

    b) they didn't believe that "x" would ever do that to them

    c) they didn't understand that they were responsible for the whole shebang not just "x"'s part

    I think it's very hard to say no if asked, though. If my partner asked me to be a guarantor for one of her kids it would put me in a difficult position. Fortunately, she wouldn't. It's not something she would do herself, anyway. One reason would be that she would struggle to find the money if she was called upon - another is that, as others have posted, she has helped her children financially in other ways
  • Malthusian
    Malthusian Posts: 10,898
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    JReacher1 wrote: »
    I've started to feel there was something wrong with me as I am prepared to help my family out and not let them suffer!

    I am prepared to help my family out but like the OP I would do it in the form of an upfront gift (which they may choose to pay me back), not an open-ended liability.

    And I would only give them money I could afford to give.

    You don't "suffer" when one of your siblings chooses not to give you free money (or an open-ended liability; a liability has a value so it is the same thing), not unless you have an entitlement complex.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,578
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    JReacher1 wrote: »
    I'm glad I'm not the only person here who would be a guarantor to a family member!

    I've started to feel there was something wrong with me as I am prepared to help my family out and not let them suffer!
    It's a pity the OP's sister didn't think about future suffering when she spent the proceeds from the sale of her house.
  • JReacher1
    JReacher1 Posts: 4,652
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    It's a pity the OP's sister didn't think about future suffering when she spent the proceeds from the sale of her house.

    This sort of thing annoys me as well because

    1) It is a cheap dig against someone you know nothing about and has no relevance to the situaton.
    2) The OP didn't say what her sister had spent this money on. With no job she may have just used this money to live on for the last few years

    It seems the OP doesn't have a good relationship with her sister (why else would she post so many negative things about her online to a group of strangers) and in that scenario I agree with the rest of you that I wouldn't be a guarantor in this situation.

    I have made a mistake and because I have a close relationship with my siblings I imposed my own personal views on what I would be prepared to do for them.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,578
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    It has as much relevance as your relationship with your sister does.

    The OP may not have said what her sister spent the money on but when she posts this:
    VJsmum wrote: »
    When they separated previously, they sold their house and divided the profit. He bought another house, she spent her share......
    and this:
    VJsmum wrote: »
    I do love her dearly, but she has f**ked up big time this time (after many other eff ups in her time)
    and this:
    VJsmum wrote: »
    What a mess - what a silly silly woman.... :(
    it's unlikely to have been spent wisely.

    It's a big reason why the OP - and the majority of other posters - wouldn't be a guarantor in this situation.

    I can't see what help your posts have been (and it seems neither can the OP), going on about supporting family when you have just admitted in your last post that you wouldn't stand as guarantor.
    JReacher1 wrote: »
    It seems the OP doesn't have a good relationship with her sister (why else would she post so many negative things about her online to a group of strangers) and in that scenario I agree with the rest of you that I wouldn't be a guarantor in this situation.
    Although you appear to have done a 180 degree turn from this post:
    JReacher1 wrote: »
    To clarify the helpful replies are the ones who say you should do nothing to help your sister

    The none helpful (aggressive) replies are the ones basically from me who says that in your situation I would help her out as she would be my sister and needed my help.

    Hmmmm.
  • JReacher1
    JReacher1 Posts: 4,652
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    It has as much relevance as your relationship with your sister does.

    The OP may not have said what her sister spent the money on but when she posts this:

    and this:

    and this:

    it's unlikely to have been spent wisely.

    It's a big reason why the OP - and the majority of other posters - wouldn't be a guarantor in this situation.

    I can't see what help your posts have been (and it seems neither can the OP), going on about supporting family when you have just admitted in your last post that you wouldn't stand as guarantor.


    Although you appear to have done a 180 degree turn from this post:


    Hmmmm.

    Not a 180 degree turn at all. Family is very important to me and I would always help out my sister. Especially if I was in the situation the OP was in where I could help them. As I said in my post.

    The change now is that reading the OP's comments again and all the negative things she has posted to a group of strangers online (which you have kindly highlighted) it is obvious that the OP and her sister are not that close.

    Therefore to sum up if I was the OP, in her situation with the sister being my sister I would help.

    If I was the OP, in her situation with the situation being her sister then I wouldn't help as the OP has implied the sister is a bit of a wrongun.

    The problem I seem to have come up against here is that most of you posters seem to have bad relationships with your siblings. I have no idea what something like that is like so have difficulty putting myself in this position!
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,578
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    JReacher1 wrote: »
    Not a 180 degree turn at all. Family is very important to me and I would always help out my sister. Especially if I was in the situation the OP was in where I could help them. As I said in my post.

    The change now is that reading the OP's comments again and all the negative things she has posted to a group of strangers online (which you have kindly highlighted) it is obvious that the OP and her sister are not that close.

    Therefore to sum up if I was the OP, in her situation with the sister being my sister I would help.

    If I was the OP, in her situation with the situation being her sister then I wouldn't help as the OP has implied the sister is a bit of a wrongun.

    The problem I seem to have come up against here is that most of you posters seem to have bad relationships with your siblings. I have no idea what something like that is like so have difficulty putting myself in this position!
    Yes, I agree.

    If you don't have a bad relationship with one or more of your siblings it's impossible for you to empathise with the OP - and therefore give her relevant advice for her specific issue.

    FWIW, I don't think it's about how close you are. To me, it's how responsible they are, how likely are they to take the easy option and spend their money on whatever and leave you as the guarantor up the creek without the proverbial paddle picking up the debts.
  • barbiedoll
    barbiedoll Posts: 5,326
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    I don't see how you can equate not being a guarantor for a sibling, with having a "poor" relationship with them?

    I have a fantastic relationship with my brother and my sister, both of whom can be considered to be wealthier (in monetary terms at least) than me. I have never, and would never, ask either of them for money, unless I was literally standing in the street with nothing.

    And I certainly wouldn't have the cheek to ask if I'd already squandered a tidy sum from a house sale and then had a fling which resulted in the end of my marriage.

    And let's not forget, OP doesn't appear to have shedloads of spare cash just sitting around. She is supporting her children through their education and is saving for her retirement. If she comes back on here in 5 years time, with a hard luck tale of how she lent her retirement funds to her sister and hasn't seen a penny back, I can just guess your judgemental reaction!
    "I may be many things but not being indiscreet isn't one of them"
  • JReacher1
    JReacher1 Posts: 4,652
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    barbiedoll wrote: »
    I don't see how you can equate not being a guarantor for a sibling, with having a "poor" relationship with them?

    I have a fantastic relationship with my brother and my sister, both of whom can be considered to be wealthier (in monetary terms at least) than me. I have never, and would never, ask either of them for money, unless I was literally standing in the street with nothing.

    And I certainly wouldn't have the cheek to ask if I'd already squandered a tidy sum from a house sale and then had a fling which resulted in the end of my marriage.

    And let's not forget, OP doesn't appear to have shedloads of spare cash just sitting around. She is supporting her children through their education and is saving for her retirement. If she comes back on here in 5 years time, with a hard luck tale of how she lent her retirement funds to her sister and hasn't seen a penny back, I can just guess your judgemental reaction!

    You've answered your own question here....

    The reason why I think they have a poor relationship is based not so much on the guarantor thing but more on your 3rd paragraph where you have fed back all the bad things that this sister has done. You say you have a good relationship with your siblings so would you post online to a group of strangers all the bad things they have recently done? I certainly wouldn't!
  • barbiedoll
    barbiedoll Posts: 5,326
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    Well.....I don't know about that. I've posted some stuff about my sister (who is always late for everything, who keeps 2 cats in a too-small flat, who is quite good at dodging family responsibilities sometimes, etc) Doesn't mean that I don't love her, or have a good relationship with her. I'm sure she has plenty to moan about with regards to me! :rotfl:

    But...this is an anonymous forum. The whole point is to have a vent where you can be heard but not seen, surely?
    "I may be many things but not being indiscreet isn't one of them"
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