Relationship falling apart :(

245

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  • He puts more money into the joint account and therefore that buys your services as a cleaner? He goes off on Saturday morning and you don't hear from him or see him until some time on Sunday? You're his housekeeper not a life-partner. If you were a real life-partner he'd be putting more effort into being with you.

    You either need to have a rational conversation about what you'd like to happen or call a halt to it. Never mind about the money, you could take in a couple of lodgers.
  • jaqui59
    jaqui59 Posts: 393 Forumite
    Have things got a lot worse since you have taken on these other commitments?
    Some days I wake up Grumpy ... Other days I let him lie in.
  • He puts more money into the joint account and therefore that buys your services as a cleaner? He goes off on Saturday morning and you don't hear from him or see him until some time on Sunday? You're his housekeeper not a life-partner. If you were a real life-partner he'd be putting more effort into being with you.

    You either need to have a rational conversation about what you'd like to happen or call a halt to it. Never mind about the money, you could take in a couple of lodgers.

    But the OP is out all week...so surely she needs to put the effort in too?:o
    Slightly mad mummy to four kidlets aged 4 months,6,7 and 8 :D:D:D xx
  • Eh, for most young couples Saturday night is the one big night when they go out together. He goes out all day and night and he gets @rsey when she phones. If he wanted to catch up with his pals he's got plenty of evenings in the week to do that. I reckon he's up to no good.
  • Eh, for most young couples Saturday night is the one big night when they go out together. He goes out all day and night and he gets @rsey when she phones. If he wanted to catch up with his pals he's got plenty of evenings in the week to do that. I reckon he's up to no good.


    OR he could be being stubborn and deliberately being unavailable the one/two nights the OP is free? Who knows?
    Slightly mad mummy to four kidlets aged 4 months,6,7 and 8 :D:D:D xx
  • thanks for all your replies guys
    really helpful seeing differents points of view

    yes things have got worse since I've taken on my extra commitments...but all I want is for him to keep in contact with me on Saturday and help out around the house a bit more. I don't think this sounds too un-reasonable? However he doesn't seem to think so.
    I'm doing my training so that I will have a better income at the end of it which will be for both of us, as in my current job salary prospects aren't great.

    He did used to go out 2 evenings during the week, so it wasn't as much of an issue as we were both out during the week. However he has recently injured himself so can't go (he used to go training and to the gym, and for a couple of drinks afterwards) and is waiting for an operation.
    And on a Saturday he used to keep in touch and wouldn't always go out to the early hours....and I had more money so used to go out too

    Perhaps I am being unreasonable? Because I'm not getting to go out with my friends maybe I'm jealous because he still does?

    He isn't all bad. He does do nice things for me and gives me bits of money to buy magazines and stuff with. And he always buys my lunch for me.

    I just feel like I can't trust him as I feel like he doesn't respect the house as much as I do...but again that is my fault for letting him do that!!

    Oh dear i think i'm just stuck in a rut

    thank you all so much for reading and for your advice xxx
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 7,323
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    edited 13 November 2011 at 7:44AM
    Definitely time for a calm discussion. Its possible for two people in a relationship to get more and more distant with each other when u are both living as you are.

    Try and talk about what u both want out of the relationship.., see if there's a way u can both compromise and actively work towards a compromise. If things get tense, try and calm the situation down but keep it on the subject. Perhaps u could cut out Rainbows and he could cut down his going out to once every two weeks so u can actually spend some quality time together? And yes, I'd agree that its very unusual today for a man to not take part of the household duties as well. If he won't.., that would raise serious questions for me.., what would happen if you two should have children (believe u me, it only gets harder then lol).

    Money gifts he gives you shouldn't relieve him of responsibility for the household jobs.., honestly!

    I wish you all the best.

    But if it doesn't work.., the lodger idea is a good one.
  • Definitely time for a calm discussion. Its possible for two people in a relationship to get more and more distant with each other when u are both living as you are.

    It might be worth pointing out that initially u had a certain arrangement to make your relationship work.., but things have changed and it isn't working anymore.., for either of you most likely.

    Try and talk about what u both want out of the relationship.., see if there's a way u can both compromise and actively work towards a compromise. If things get tense, try and calm the situation down but keep it on the subject. Perhaps u could cut out Rainbows and he could cut down his going out to once every two weeks so u can actually spend some quality time together? And yes, I'd agree that its very unusual today for a man to not take part of the household duties as well. If he won't.., that would raise serious questions for me.., what would happen if you two should have children (believe u me, it only gets harder then lol).

    Money gifts he gives you shouldn't relieve him of responsibility for the household jobs.., honestly!
  • Carl31
    Carl31 Posts: 2,616
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    i really cant stand these types of relationships, where it boils down to money

    Its both your relationship, both your house, and theoretically a joint life, you have joint financials, therefore as far as i see it, its a joint responsibility across the board

    any man that holds his other half over a barrel due to money is pathetic in my opinion
  • did you declare the money from your parents as a loan to your mortgage company? if so, then a written agreement between you wont be so necessary.

    is the house held jointly? or tenants in common? or just your name?
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