Do you think it's appropriate for a married man to buy a single woman gifts?

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  • euronorris
    euronorris Posts: 12,247 Forumite
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    It's super weird, and alarm bells would be ringing loudly after the last incident with the other woman. By this point, I'd be wondering if her allegations were in fact true!


    I get on really well with a male colleague. We joke around, but no more so, or any differently than I do with the female colleagues that I get on with. I don't buy him gifts though, and nor he for I. That would just be so weird! If I get something like school kids vouchers from sainsburys then I pass them onto him, as his kids nursery collects them, but that's it.


    Any treats in the office, I buy enough to share with everyone and send an email round to all to let them know they're in the kitchen. I would never just buy a treat for one person, and not the others as it looks like favouritism on my part. Even if one person in particular was upset, I'd still get enough to share with the whole office.
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  • pigpen
    pigpen Posts: 40,974 Forumite
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    My OH buys gifts for his single female friends.. He sleeps in my bed at night, he comes home to me (God knows why!) and it is me he has his life with.. why should I be concerned?

    At Christmas he sent £50 of chocolates/sweets to her..

    What's the difference?
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  • clint_S
    clint_S Posts: 366 Forumite
    Your friend Kay has a massive trust issue. My wife does exactly the same as Kay's partner even going out for "Curry Nights". Would it be any different if this single mother was a man or married?
  • Peter333
    Peter333 Posts: 2,035 Forumite
    euronorris wrote: »
    It's super weird, and alarm bells would be ringing loudly after the last incident with the other woman. By this point, I'd be wondering if her allegations were in fact true!

    I get on really well with a male colleague. We joke around, but no more so, or any differently than I do with the female colleagues that I get on with. I don't buy him gifts though, and nor he for I. That would just be so weird! If I get something like school kids vouchers from sainsburys then I pass them onto him, as his kids nursery collects them, but that's it.

    Any treats in the office, I buy enough to share with everyone and send an email round to all to let them know they're in the kitchen. I would never just buy a treat for one person, and not the others as it looks like favouritism on my part. Even if one person in particular was upset, I'd still get enough to share with the whole office.

    Agree with all of this. Turning this on its head, if I was a single man, and a married female colleague of mine was buying me gifts all the time, (only me and no-one else!) I would genuinely think she was interested in me! And I would also feel a bit uncomfortable.

    I would also feel a bit sorry for her husband and wonder what he thought of it. To be honest, if I had no interest in her, I would probably take her to one side and ask her to stop buying me stuff as it's making me a bit uncomfortable.

    As I said earlier though; I do suspect strongly that this woman is enjoying it. If she isn't, then why is she not telling him to stop? :huh:

    Occasional giving to a colleague is fine, like vouchers you don't need (like you said; ) but giving to the level this man is, with this woman is not fine IMO.
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  • ManofLeisure_2
    ManofLeisure_2 Posts: 528 Forumite
    If this chap has spent considerable time searching for a gift for this lady, then I suspect an emotional attachment, which I wouldn't consider appropriate. As a married man I have bought gifts for other women (single and married), but this would be nothing more than a box of chocs or a bunch of flowers, and usually given to say thank you or to celebrate a birthday etc. I think the chap is wrong to behave in the way he does and I feel sorry for any lady he becomes involved with.
  • Georgiegirl256
    Georgiegirl256 Posts: 7,005 Forumite
    edited 26 May 2016 at 6:53PM
    I think it is ok every now and again to say thank for something, but if that's the case, then it should apply to all his colleagues and not just the one woman. My boss used to buy me cigarettes or perfume off the duty free when he went away to thank me for covering the admin, but that was only very occassionally, and it would have only been strange if he had bought me things on a regular basis, and not treated the other women. It would have made me feel uncomfortable and I would have wondered why on earth he was doing so. Also, people talk, and I wouldn't have wanted to be the talk of the shop.

    The problem comes when it becomes a regular thing, such as going out for a cake and only buying one for the one person, and not for all the women in the office. It definitely smacks of favouritism and is definitely weird, and if I was the mans wife then I would not be happy in the slightest.

    Buying her something because her pet died....seriously? I think someone see this woman as more than a friend tbh, because that's not normal is it? Sounds like someone is taking more than a normal interest in one of his colleagues and has got an obsession with her.
  • Andypandyboy
    Andypandyboy Posts: 2,472 Forumite
    It is odd to take so much time shopping for a woman you are not emotionally involved with. Let's face it, most men struggle buying gifts for those they are attached to....

    At best it is open to being misconstrued, at worst, it suggests a deeper attachment than just colleagues, or a wish for one.
  • PasturesNew
    PasturesNew Posts: 70,698 Forumite
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    TLDR .... but, when on a special/50th/anniversary/romantic break he SHOULDN'T be speaking this woman's name, never mind taking time to buy her a gift! Not just her, anybody ....

    That's just not normal. Same with mobile phones. If an event/occasion is "special" then all attention should be solely on the participants and the occasion/location.... the rest of the world should be left at home.
  • onlyroz
    onlyroz Posts: 17,661 Forumite
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    The occasional gift isn't weird. Eg I once lent a male collegue some maps before he went on holiday and he brought me back a tshirt as a thank you. But repeated gifts for a particular person, and extended time spent searching for them, does seem a bit odd. It doesn't necessarily mean that anything is going on, but perhaps this man has developed a bit of an infatuation for this woman.
  • TBagpuss
    TBagpuss Posts: 11,199 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Name Dropper
    It seems a bit odd. I don't think that buying a gift for someone of the opposite sex, married or not is wrong or weird, but singling out one person, investing so much time and effort into it, is a bit different.

    Quite apart from the issue between him and his wife, it strikes me as something which is unprofessional (particularly if he is senior to Ann)
    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
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