Victim blaming mentality

pickledonionspaceraider · 24 May 2016 at 11:04AM

Gavin83 wrote: »

I actually feel like your trying to provoke an argument, despite the theme of your topic and maybe I'm taking the bait, who knows.

In regards to your second paragraph I literally don't know what your suggesting but I never post to create an argument. I either give advice or debate on issues depending on the subject matter. My point was that you were at least hinting at that topic as an example and you clearly stated that people were being unreasonable to the OP, yet I saw no evidence of this.

There is a theme on this forum that if people disagree with the OP then they're being unfair on them. This is a forum, people have different opinions and the OP isn't always in the right. I have seen examples of people going way over the top on here but in 99% of cases there is nothing wrong with the content. I see way more OP's flying off the handle because people have disagreed with them which is entirely their right. I honestly feel like that's what has happened in that other topic. Naturally calling a poster hysterical is unreasonable (I didn't do this) but when they ask 'Am I being hyterical?' you can kind of understand.

In regards to the part I quoted, I never talk to people on this forum like rubbish. If I think someone is wrong I will pull them up on it and rightly so. If I don't agree with someones opinion I will say so and if they can't deal with that difference of opinion then maybe they shouldn't be posting at all. This forum would be a boring place if the OP posted a topic and the next 20 posts all said "Yes I agree!"

I also don't speak to people any different on this forum than I would in real life. It's your choice if you believe that. Maybe harsh is the wrong word on my part but I would certainly tell someone if I disagreed with them, as I would in real life. I think generally I'm a reasonable person and speak to people the same way I'd want to be spoken to. Even if I completely disagree with someone on here if they've asked a question I will attempt to answer it regardless.

Fair play. I

If I was trying to provoke an argument I would now go into a long and rambling post about why I believe you are wrong.

Guest101 · 24 May 2016 at 11:05AM

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

The thing that actually prompted my OP was in part due to a news website yesterday.

There was a news article about a poor guy who had a severe peanut allergy. He had ordered a take away and let them know he was peanut allergic and not to put any in his meal. Unfortunately his request was not adhered to, and he died later that night, on his own, on his bathroom floor

Many people were saying it was his own fault. I felt moved to tears of the nasty messages that were being typed ref this news article, because the guys family would have been able to read them

These people deliberately wanted to make the families pain worse. They just had to get their tuppence worth in.

1: It's clearly not his fault, and his family would know that
2: If people let the opinions of strangers affect their lives, then that says more about their own self-worth than any of the trolls
3: That has no relevance to this forum

pickledonionspaceraider · 24 May 2016 at 11:07AM

So you are not a compassion giver then?

Facts and practical advise are great and helpful - if that is what is given. There is a world of difference between facts and practical advise opposed to being unhelpful

The tiny mind comment, I do find folk who victim blame to be small minded yes. If you want to take ownership of that title that is up to you - but is not a title I would have bestowed upon you

Guest101 · 24 May 2016 at 11:16AM

In my opinion compassion is mostly relevant from people who matter. The rest has some, but limited benefit. It's not my style, but I can appreciate it is other peoples.

I don't think people in general are 'unhelpful', often it's just not what the OP wants to hear.

'Victim Blaming' is a set of buzz words, I find it is designed solely to illicit a strong reaction. There's a massive difference between actual 'victim blaming' - ie you deserved to get attacked

and offering practical advice: don't walk home alone, it puts you in danger.

People need to take some responsibility for their situations

Lily-Rose_3 · 24 May 2016 at 11:32AM

I agree with the OP that people get jumped on from a great height on here at times by a few people, (and you're right that the same names do crop up when ridiculing is afoot!)

But I also see more nice, kind posts than mean ones. Sometimes the OP does overreact, and whilst I did see someone calling the lady hysterical over someone hanging outside her house all day, I didn't see anyone on that thread being horrible.

But yes it's true that people do sometimes get harsh treatment on here from a few posters.

I do also think that people will say stuff to people on the internet that they would NEVER say to people in real life. And that the sharper and more sarcastic and rude someone is on here, the more timid they are in real life. Very very few people are like this in real life.

I have met probably half a dozen people like this in my adult life, who are are genuinely rude and sarcastic, and ridicule anyone and everyone who is a bit shy or sensitive or who gets hurt or offended or worried easily. There is one such woman in my neighbourhood. Every last person LOATHES this woman, and will go a mile out of their way to avoid her!

I don't think anyone should be accused of being a special snowflake either, purely because they don't want to be spoken to like they're a fool. No problem is trivial if it's upsetting someone. Whether it's that they have lost someone to a horrible illness, or whether they are upset that rain is forecast for their wedding day! If something is upsetting someone, then FGS have a little empathy!

I know this is a public message board, and if you post on it you have to accept a vast array of opinions and all that jazz, but it is possible to disagree without spiteful and mean put-downs.

As I said though, most people here are nice and pleasant, and perhaps it's just best to ignore the obnoxious posters, and just take the advice from the ones who are not posting purely to have a go.

And I find that when the subject is brought up about people ganging up or ridiculing people; the ones denying that it happens are often the ones that do it! The worrying thing is that they just can't see it.

Or maybe I'm just a tiny little over-sensitive special snowflake! :cool:

For the record, as I said, it's fine to disagree or say that someone is maybe over-reacting a bit, but the way some people speak to other people on here is a disgrace. Do they speak to people like that in real life? I doubt it VERY much!

Gavin83 · 24 May 2016 at 11:34AM

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

The thing that actually prompted my OP was in part due to a news website yesterday.

There was a news article about a poor guy who had a severe peanut allergy. He had ordered a take away and let them know he was peanut allergic and not to put any in his meal. Unfortunately his request was not adhered to, and he died later that night, on his own, on his bathroom floor

Many people were saying it was his own fault. I felt moved to tears of the nasty messages that were being typed ref this news article, because the guys family would have been able to read them

These people deliberately wanted to make the families pain worse. They just had to get their tuppence worth in.

Then obviously that isn't on. Of course there are nasty people on the internet, there always will be, just as there are in real life. I suspect the take away will get away with it though pointing to a 'this food may contain traces of nut' clause on their menu.

I know I'm going a bit off topic here but they should really invent some sort of testing kit for people who are allergic to nuts.

However I still believe this topic was at least in part inspired by that other topic.

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Fair play. I

If I was trying to provoke an argument I would now go into a long and rambling post about why I believe you are wrong.

Then why bother posting this topic at all? You clearly don't seem interested in debate. I wasn't rude to you, I posted some reasonable arguments and instead of addressing these you seem to just want to ignore my post instead. Surely the whole point of a forum is to a) get advice and b) debate matters with those people with differing opinions.

Please don't become one of those posters who post controversial topics and then ignore any further discussion. If you've an opinion on something (which is perfectly fine) you should at least be prepared to back it up.

antrobus · 24 May 2016 at 11:44AM

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

...Something I find concerning lately, is a victim blaming mentality. Not just here but in general on internet forums, and in real life....

Something I find concerning lately, not just here, but in general on internet forums, and in real life is the mentality of labelling someone as a 'victim' in order to disable debate.

Georgiegirl256 · 24 May 2016 at 11:54AM

Gavin83 wrote: »

Then obviously that isn't on. Of course there are nasty people on the internet, there always will be, just as there are in real life. I suspect the take away will get away with it though pointing to a 'this food may contain traces of nut' clause on their menu.
..

If it's the story I'm thinking about, the take away owner got jailed for 6 years. He told the guy that the powder used wasn't nut and was something else, but he'd substituted the powder with the nut one because it was cheaper I think.

zaffi · 24 May 2016 at 11:58AM

Gavin83 wrote: »

I suspect the take away will get away with it though pointing to a 'this food may contain traces of nut' clause on their menu.

He didn't, quite rightly has been jailed for 6 years

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-36360111

picklekin · 24 May 2016 at 12:09PM

I still read this forum, and I still reply to posts, but only very rarely will I dare make one. People are very quick to judge, they assume (the worst) rather than ask questions about your story (which you probably wrote in a muddled frame of mind), then if you try to explain yourself later after the accusations its apparently all to convenient and therefore made up.

I know some people post here for amusement and/or trolling, but most are probably confused/upset/desperate and should at least be treated with kindness. There is nothing wrong with trying to challenge peoples views, and yes it not always when the OP wants to hear, but surely putting this in a kind way instead of using emotive words like "hysterical" etc are far more likely to get through to an OP.

Victim blaming mentality

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