Weight getting me down

LostandAfraid · 16 April 2017 at 9:55PM

Sorry, not read all of the replies but personally I do not believe in dieting, I have spent the past 6 months in the care of an eating disorder team after 2 years of dieting and almost killed myself in that process.

Of course not everyone who diets will become disordered but many will become unhealthy and will believe that restricting intake unreasonably or baning certain foods is a good idea when it is not.

I started off with 3 stone to lose, I ended up losing over 5 and with a BMI of 15.5 at my worst, I was told a few days before Christmas that if I did not accept help I would be dead in 6 months and it all started with me innocently keying my stats into a dieting app and sticking to it.

I am not against weight loss in general but I am very cautious about how it is done, crash diets are a no go, counting calories is a miserable existence too, I have restored to BMI 20 and still can't let go off calorie counting, this is not a life.

I see several nurses who all have a relavent degree in these matters, they do not believe in diets or counting calories either, I should point out that my disordered mind believes I am actually obese at the moment and I am ashamed to more than a size 6 but because I know I am disordered I have had to learn to trust these people and let them lead the way.

I have asked many, many times how on earth to lose or maintain a healthy weight and the answer is always the same, do not restrict anything, learn about true portion sizes, be honest with yourself about your activity level, eat 3 meals a day and 2 snacks and your body will find it's own way to a healthy weight and yes you can have treats, you just need to cut down a little in advance if you know the event is happening or a little after if it wasn't planned.

You also cannot force your body to accept a weight lower than it wants to be, no it does not want to be 5 stone overweight but if you go too low or restrict yurself too much your body will kick your backside in so many ways.

For me it did so mentally by worsening existing mental health issues and then physically, my physical health has always been fine but even before I was anywhere near underweight my blood pressure was dropping frequently and I was constantly exhausted,hair falling out, teeth breaking (back ones thankfully!) and much more.

By all accounts I was simply dieting healthily and losing weight within a health range but my body did not like it one bit.

I also relate to the retrict then binge cycle, many, many restritive dieters suffer this, I know I have and I have an enormous amount of self control, you don't almost kill yourself without that but when I did allow myself to eat more I was shocked at how much I could actually eat, I have on more than one occassion eaten 10,000 calories in one day and spent a month eating about 4000 every single day, even now I can still eat my 15 stone husband under the table, it's horrible, scary and miserable.

I am glad I am physically healthy with my weight again but I am so damaged emotionally and live in constant fear of ending up heavier than when I started the diet game in the first place, under the disorder I am still simply human, I still lost a lot of unwanted weight and do not want to gain anymore back but I have been warned that if I diet again or restrict I will binge again.

Of course I challenged this 'nonsense' as I put it, I fasted for a day after binge which was easy with that much food in my system but the next day I was hit with a hunger I had never known, I frequently struggle with my appetite on a normal basis because of the MH problems but after any type of retriction I am so hungry I eat everything.

I am trying so hard to build a normal and healthy relationshi with food but honestly after this long I don't know what that is and now that I am no longer in physical danger the eating disorder team are slowly backing off so support is dwindling away.

OP the best advice I can give you is forget slimming world, calories and diets, I know you mention the NHS plan already but revisit that, it is the best way, what you really need is an appointment with a dietician who will set you a plan as an individual that will suit your needs.

Initially that may mean keeping some kind of food diary but it is temporary and just gets you in the habit of things, you will learn about portion size, hunger cues and how to eat the right amount for your needs, my nurses do not measure needs in calories either, sadly I do but they don't, they want to teach you how to see a serving and know it is healthy and the right amount.

You do need to be motivated to do it but I think the reason so many people lack it is because they forsee a life of salads, lean meats, low fat everything and skipping celebrations when in reality a healthy weight loss plan is not like that at all.

Good luck OP but please do it the healthy way and I agree about not seeing it as 5 stone, think about half a stone first and then go from there, Rome was not built in a day.

Anoneemoose · 16 April 2017 at 10:10PM

LostandAfraid wrote: »

Sorry, not read all of the replies but personally I do not believe in dieting, I have spent the past 6 months in the care of an eating disorder team after 2 years of dieting and almost killed myself in that process.

Of course not everyone who diets will become disordered but many will become unhealthy and will believe that restricting intake unreasonably or baning certain foods is a good idea when it is not.

I started off with 3 stone to lose, I ended up losing over 5 and with a BMI of 15.5 at my worst, I was told a few days before Christmas that if I did not accept help I would be dead in 6 months and it all started with me innocently keying my stats into a dieting app and sticking to it.

I am not against weight loss in general but I am very cautious about how it is done, crash diets are a no go, counting calories is a miserable existence too, I have restored to BMI 20 and still can't let go off calorie counting, this is not a life.

I see several nurses who all have a relavent degree in these matters, they do not believe in diets or counting calories either, I should point out that my disordered mind believes I am actually obese at the moment and I am ashamed to more than a size 6 but because I know I am disordered I have had to learn to trust these people and let them lead the way.

I have asked many, many times how on earth to lose or maintain a healthy weight and the answer is always the same, do not restrict anything, learn about true portion sizes, be honest with yourself about your activity level, eat 3 meals a day and 2 snacks and your body will find it's own way to a healthy weight and yes you can have treats, you just need to cut down a little in advance if you know the event is happening or a little after if it wasn't planned.

You also cannot force your body to accept a weight lower than it wants to be, no it does not want to be 5 stone overweight but if you go too low or restrict yurself too much your body will kick your backside in so many ways.

For me it did so mentally by worsening existing mental health issues and then physically, my physical health has always been fine but even before I was anywhere near underweight my blood pressure was dropping frequently and I was constantly exhausted,hair falling out, teeth breaking (back ones thankfully!) and much more.

By all accounts I was simply dieting healthily and losing weight within a health range but my body did not like it one bit.

I also relate to the retrict then binge cycle, many, many restritive dieters suffer this, I know I have and I have an enormous amount of self control, you don't almost kill yourself without that but when I did allow myself to eat more I was shocked at how much I could actually eat, I have on more than one occassion eaten 10,000 calories in one day and spent a month eating about 4000 every single day, even now I can still eat my 15 stone husband under the table, it's horrible, scary and miserable.

I am glad I am physically healthy with my weight again but I am so damaged emotionally and live in constant fear of ending up heavier than when I started the diet game in the first place, under the disorder I am still simply human, I still lost a lot of unwanted weight and do not want to gain anymore back but I have been warned that if I diet again or restrict I will binge again.

Of course I challenged this 'nonsense' as I put it, I fasted for a day after binge which was easy with that much food in my system but the next day I was hit with a hunger I had never known, I frequently struggle with my appetite on a normal basis because of the MH problems but after any type of retriction I am so hungry I eat everything.

I am trying so hard to build a normal and healthy relationshi with food but honestly after this long I don't know what that is and now that I am no longer in physical danger the eating disorder team are slowly backing off so support is dwindling away.

OP the best advice I can give you is forget slimming world, calories and diets, I know you mention the NHS plan already but revisit that, it is the best way, what you really need is an appointment with a dietician who will set you a plan as an individual that will suit your needs.

Initially that may mean keeping some kind of food diary but it is temporary and just gets you in the habit of things, you will learn about portion size, hunger cues and how to eat the right amount for your needs, my nurses do not measure needs in calories either, sadly I do but they don't, they want to teach you how to see a serving and know it is healthy and the right amount.

You do need to be motivated to do it but I think the reason so many people lack it is because they forsee a life of salads, lean meats, low fat everything and skipping celebrations when in reality a healthy weight loss plan is not like that at all.

Good luck OP but please do it the healthy way and I agree about not seeing it as 5 stone, think about half a stone first and then go from there, Rome was not built in a day.

I am sorry to hear you have an ED, I do, too. I hope you gain some peace from the mental (and of course, physical) hell soon.

I agree with pretty much all of your post, apart from the 3 meals and 2 snacks and 'portion sizes'...that in a way, is still giving yourself 'rules' to follow. The most gentle way go about changing your (not you personally, the general your) relationship with food is to follow an intuitive eating approach. Where you listen to your own body. Obviously, for someone with an ED, that can be difficult, or even impossible in the first instance, but for those who don't have EDs, it really does work. I also would say that generally dieting doesn't work, even in the slow and steady form, because any kind of rules or points, counting, calories etc, leads to restriction and restriction is most often what causes bingeing and disordered eating.

Aced2016 · 16 April 2017 at 10:14PM

It will work this time, because your end result is not to please other people, nor is it to be skinny.

It's about feeling better, healthier and getting your morale up. And reading a few of the comments with regards to the weight and health etc. One thing to point out is although someone is slim certainly doesn't mean they are the definition of healthy. I know slim people who smoke, drink lots of wine, use sunbed a constantly. People who eat rubbish, take steroids, tanning injections. I could go on all day, my point these people are not healthy, so I'm glad your going to stop worrying about other peoples opinions.

Good luck to you and keep us updated x

prosaver · 16 April 2017 at 10:27PM

keep it short and sweet.. my advice is free, no gibba gabba...
Habits is the key to weight loss..and gym buddies, and real friends for motivation.
Im a fat and i weigh 14 stone and im going to get to 12, i use to help weight watchers so I know everything (without sounding cocky)..
test me..

onlyroz · 17 April 2017 at 12:30AM

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

:eek:

I'm sorry, but I can't imagine living like that for any length of time. Life's far too short!

It's really not that onerous. Being aware of what you eat is important, and you can turn it all into a game. Want a biscuit? Jump on the step for 15 minutes and earn yourself one. Want to know if it's ok to have an extra drink today? Just check the stats and have one if you've got enough spare calories. Modern technology makes it so much simpler and more fun to keep track of what your body is doing (I particularly enjoy mapping my daily walks).

FBaby · 17 April 2017 at 6:37AM

The best thing that works for me is to give myself a threshold. Under X stones, too slim, over Y, too big, in between ok, preferably Z and I just go by that. I don't normally need to weight myself to know, but sometimes I do (once a week or every other week) and if I go one way or the other, I plan my food intake for the next couple of weeks to match.

At the moment, I've reached the end scale of too much, so for the next two weeks, I'm going to ditch bred and sweets. What usually happens is that I have to use willpower to fight the initial craving, so I do make sure to have none I like at home, and then it gets easier to the point when even if sat in front of me, I won't want it. When I am back to the weight I feel comfortable with, I might reintroduce some of it for pleasure until I again go overboard and start having too much of it, or my portions increase, and again, I will plan my meals in accordance.

As long as I make sure I don't go over my threshold, all this is manageable and it doesn't take too long to get back to where I want to be so it doesn't demand a lot of effort and I see the results quite quickly (well a couple of months or so usually).

Fireflyaway · 17 April 2017 at 9:27AM

So many people have issues with food, either eating too much or too little or not being happy with their weight. Maybe the availability of food has increased so fast the last couple of generations and our bodies / minds cant adjust. Either way its hard as we all still have to eat. Thanks Lostandafraid for sharing your story. There is certainly a lot of pressure around weight, I hope you feel better in time.
Thanks again everyone. I feel like ditching the scales and just eating better / being more active. I was pleased to lose 5 pounds in 2 weeks on NHS plan but after a weekend of being not so careful I put the whole lot back. Its so demoralising to feel OK but then see you have put on weight. I used to be able to lose weight easy but can't do it these days - maybe its age. I don't want to feel rubbish all day because of a number on the scales so they can go.

LostandAfraid · 17 April 2017 at 9:46AM

Anoneemoose wrote: »

I am sorry to hear you have an ED, I do, too. I hope you gain some peace from the mental (and of course, physical) hell soon.

I agree with pretty much all of your post, apart from the 3 meals and 2 snacks and 'portion sizes'...that in a way, is still giving yourself 'rules' to follow. The most gentle way go about changing your (not you personally, the general your) relationship with food is to follow an intuitive eating approach. Where you listen to your own body. Obviously, for someone with an ED, that can be difficult, or even impossible in the first instance, but for those who don't have EDs, it really does work. I also would say that generally dieting doesn't work, even in the slow and steady form, because any kind of rules or points, counting, calories etc, leads to restriction and restriction is most often what causes bingeing and disordered eating.

Thank you and I am sorry you also suffer from an eating disorder, they are pure hell.

I like your approach, someone without an ED would do very well with following intuitive eating it is something I wish I could do, I also see the sense in snacks and meals still being rules too.

My ED nurse is pretty harsh with me about these things when I see her now, which is not as often as before and honetly? I resent it!

I indulged yesterday, this morning I am not hungry at all, I do not want or need breakfast but if she had her way I would force myself to eat it and there is no balance in that life either, I am not going to eat it, I ate more than enough yesterday and I am quite sure that my body which is ow physically healthy again can cope without a slice of toast for one day, it's not about weight, it's that I am simply not hungry and it feels so unatural to force it.

I hate 'diets', they don't work effectively in the long term at all, before I became truly disordered or at least before I was diagnosed I had dieted to 7 stone which is a BMI of 18.5 for me, I started binging then, it was awful, I stopped binging by which time I was up to 7 stone 6 but immediately started dieting again resulting in the evental 15.5 BMI that almost killed me.

I am not comfortable at BMI 20 but am certaily healthier and it beats not being able to walk to the bathroom because I was so ill with low blood pressure and a body that was failing on me.

You are very right, I am not sure how ready I am for intuitive eating but on the whole it is where I believe most people should start and hopefully continue, there is no freedom in calories,weighing food or earning food with exercise and it can cause some serious problems, even if they are not serious it is miserable and that is coming from someone who was perfectly happy to weigh and measure every gram and ml of food and fluid consumed for 2 years, it really is no way to live, it wont work long term and the body is a smart machine too, if you try to outdo it then it will only let you get away with it for so long until you either get very ill, binge two tubs of Ben and Jerry's or both.

I also think it is good to have a weight 'range', no one is a set weight, we all fluctuate and it can be quite broad so when I say 'I want to be 7 stone 4' I don't think I'm being very realistic, I don't think my body does either, I was that weight at 16, I am now 40, I need to accept that I should not be aiming for a teenage girl's weight and that perhaps I am not in overshoot at the moment by being being 7 stone 8 or whatever the scale would say today if I got on it.

Anyway I have wittered on for long enough lol, good luck finding a happy place to be OP but do be careful in how you do it

Anoneemoose · 17 April 2017 at 9:51AM

Fireflyaway wrote: »

So many people have issues with food, either eating too much or too little or not being happy with their weight. Maybe the availability of food has increased so fast the last couple of generations and our bodies / minds cant adjust. Either way its hard as we all still have to eat. Thanks Lostandafraid for sharing your story. There is certainly a lot of pressure around weight, I hope you feel better in time.
Thanks again everyone. I feel like ditching the scales and just eating better / being more active. I was pleased to lose 5 pounds in 2 weeks on NHS plan but after a weekend of being not so careful I put the whole lot back. Its so demoralising to feel OK but then see you have put on weight. I used to be able to lose weight easy but can't do it these days - maybe its age. I don't want to feel rubbish all day because of a number on the scales so they can go.

Honestly, ditch the scales. Stop dieting. If you haven't looked at the website I linked to, I highly recommend it. Or you could look at books that tell you about Inuitive Eating. As I say, my weight has stabilised for the first time in 20 years!! I no longer have an array of different sized clothes in my wardrobe. I have 2 sizes (due to fluctuations in manufacturers, nothin else).

The more you have weight cycled, the more likely it is that your body's set point has increased, and it *may* not be possible to attain a certain lower weight again.

Calorie counting, dieting, restriction etc is not matural, not sustainable (for most), and is most certainly not fun.

Anoneemoose · 17 April 2017 at 10:10AM

LostandAfraid wrote: »

Thank you and I am sorry you also suffer from an eating disorder, they are pure hell.

I like your approach, someone without an ED would do very well with following intuitive eating it is something I wish I could do, I also see the sense in snacks and meals still being rules too.

My ED nurse is pretty harsh with me about these things when I see her now, which is not as often as before and honetly? I resent it!

I indulged yesterday, this morning I am not hungry at all, I do not want or need breakfast but if she had her way I would force myself to eat it and there is no balance in that life either, I am not going to eat it, I ate more than enough yesterday and I am quite sure that my body which is ow physically healthy again can cope without a slice of toast for one day, it's not about weight, it's that I am simply not hungry and it feels so unatural to force it.

I hate 'diets', they don't work effectively in the long term at all, before I became truly disordered or at least before I was diagnosed I had dieted to 7 stone which is a BMI of 18.5 for me, I started binging then, it was awful, I stopped binging by which time I was up to 7 stone 6 but immediately started dieting again resulting in the evental 15.5 BMI that almost killed me.

I am not comfortable at BMI 20 but am certaily healthier and it beats not being able to walk to the bathroom because I was so ill with low blood pressure and a body that was failing on me.

You are very right, I am not sure how ready I am for intuitive eating but on the whole it is where I believe most people should start and hopefully continue, there is no freedom in calories,weighing food or earning food with exercise and it can cause some serious problems, even if they are not serious it is miserable and that is coming from someone who was perfectly happy to weigh and measure every gram and ml of food and fluid consumed for 2 years, it really is no way to live, it wont work long term and the body is a smart machine too, if you try to outdo it then it will only let you get away with it for so long until you either get very ill, binge two tubs of Ben and Jerry's or both.

I also think it is good to have a weight 'range', no one is a set weight, we all fluctuate and it can be quite broad so when I say 'I want to be 7 stone 4' I don't think I'm being very realistic, I don't think my body does either, I was that weight at 16, I am now 40, I need to accept that I should not be aiming for a teenage girl's weight and that perhaps I am not in overshoot at the moment by being being 7 stone 8 or whatever the scale would say today if I got on it.

Anyway I have wittered on for long enough lol, good luck finding a happy place to be OP but do be careful in how you do it

Hi again and thank you. You sound like you are doing amazingly, even though I bet it doesn't feel like it at times. And I agree regarding it being too early for you and intuitive eating, because I imagine the most important goal for you for a while will be to build up your physical and mental strength. An of course, the signals that our bodies give us when hungry, full, craving etc are likely to be skewed as well - they certainly were with me when I first started recovering.

Mine was BED and bulimia, but I didn't get help from my GP, because at the time I asked for it, I didn't make myself sick, so I didn't fit their criteria. I paid to go privately and am pretty much ok now. For the most part!

I think the slimming industry has done more damage than it's supposed to have fixed. In fact, I believe it is downright dangerous. Even those that don't end up with full blown EDs, usually end up with at least disordered eating.

I regularly join in conversations about dieting on groups on FB, and this is something I often post about my history:

*Slim, fit, active, healthy childhood, NEVER dieted or was overweight.
* Had son at 19, didn't quite lose all the weight I had gained, so on advice from doctor, started SW.
*Lost weight with them, loved it, wouldn't hear a word against them. Even became a consultant (and had training at their fab head office, where the first sentence of the training manual said SW was a calorie controlled diet). Looking back, I can pinpoint that it was that moment that the magic of SW wore off, I gained weight (all I lost and more), but knowing no better, kept trying again and again.
*Rinse and repeat this diet/binge cycle for 20 years and pick up an eating disorder along the way, and you will have an idea of what SW is really about.

My main target is Slimming World, because it is their hell I lived in for most of the 2 decades I refer to. And because most people think it's healthy, when in fact, it's the opposite.

This is also something I posted in response to someone who had posted on something my friend had written:

As I said, I am not knocking you..or anyone who's aware of what healthy eating is. Or even anyone who's doing SW. And I do know what I am talking about..I did it on and off for 20 years and gained an eating disorder because of it. Ask K, I was never overweight or had an issue with food before SW. You are correct when you say that they tell you to eat fruit, veg and protein..but they also highly promote mullerlights (full of sweetener poison) hifi bars (highly processed and with more ingredients than you can shake a stick at), fat free versions of things (also highly processed and not filling, tasty or healthy), mushy pea curry, diet coke/fanta chicken, mug shots etc etc. The list goes on. It also encourages people to become obsessive about their 'syns', creating an unhealthy relationship with food. You can disagree with me all you want, that's your choice, of course, and as I say, I say none of this to belittle anything you've done. However, I can categorically say that SW caused me to go to hell and back because of its effect on my relationship with food. And you know what? Since stopping dieting, my weight has stayed the same (well, it's actually gone down slightly but I only know that as I had to get weighed at the hosp - I don't own scales now) . As I said above, I eat a wide variety of whole foods and proper treats (not low syn versions of them that leave you wanting more). I don't have a mental struggle every time I go to a restaurant over whether to eat what I want or what's 'on plan'..I remember the days of being torn and miserable, because if I chose what I really wanted, I never enjoyed it because it was too many syns and I was full of guilt, yet if I chose what was 'on plan', I didn't really enjoy it either because it was not what I wanted. You'll find that's the same for the majority of people who follow any diet. So, if you are one of the 5% who don't end up with disordered eating and who keep the weight off, then I will be genuinely glad for you, because I only put my neck on the line by saying this because I honestly don't want anyone to go through what I have.

Weight getting me down

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