What a mess:-(

ema_o · 22 November 2012 at 12:10PM

Sending a big hug for what you are going through, not a great situation to be in & I like your attitude of sorting out what you can and letting your idiot of an OH make his own decisions. You do sound like you will be better off without him, although it is bound to be difficult.
When you mentioned about lodgers and the small room - is there any chance you could have the small room, and your 2 sons share? If you could have a couple of students sharing the other room that would be a good source of income. Even if you only did it for the short term..

FizzledOut · 22 November 2012 at 6:22PM

Go to Wikivorce.com and read through the forums. This isn't unusual behaviour in the least (am 10 months into someothing similar myself, posted on these forums too). Although I went shrieking banshee on my stbx (soon to be ex)'s arrse. Appalling behaviour - don't let him call the shots on this, look out for yourself and yours. Contact CSA and get some real figures, not just what he's googled.

loveasale · 23 November 2012 at 8:55AM

Morning!
Fizzled out , I read your 'diary' and my heart really felt for you, it must have been a harrowing time for you. How are you getting on now?
Yesterday kids went to MIL for tea , when I got back from work EX had already dropped them home, I asked them how nan/ grandad were? My youngest said he thought nan was rude as she didn't ask how I was , but did the ask how the cats were :mad:
I was upset, ( didn't show kids I was ) then I thought about it, my MIL lives on her nerves , if something goes wrong she has panic attacks and coughs so much until she vomits, the one way she copes with this is to bury her head in the sand and what she can't see or talk about wont hurt her!
I suppose I'll have to make the first move and contact her at some point?
I've always been so close to her

FizzledOut · 23 November 2012 at 2:52PM

Hi L - you ask how I'm getting on now? Poorly, I think is the answer. Never, ever imagined the guy I'd spent 27 years with was capable of such - unkindness, immaturity, selfishness. I'm still living in the familly home - on my own as our 23yo son has run off to the Far East for a few months - he told our elderly neighbours he was sick to death of the whole thing and wanted to get away ... My ma-in-law - she called me two weeks ago, first time I've spoken to her since February. We were very close too - what I didn't do for that woman! She's been horribly upset by it all; she knew very little back in February, only what her son had told her, that we weren't getting on - she later found out about the other woman he'd been messing around with. I know she misses me - she spoke to me more often than she spoke to her son anyway, we'd get together every couple of months for some sort of treat, play or exhibition. She said in last conversation, she was so upset, but didn't know what to say and couldn't bear to talk to me as it would upset her more. Our mutual friends are the same - the couple that called me every week haven't been in contact since June. Our closest friends!

My advice re your Ma-in-law. Maybe a short note in a pretty card, if you feel up to it. Along the lines of - I hope you are well, please do let me know if I can help in any way".

If I'm completely honest, I'm sure my Ma-in-law would rather have me in her life than her bloomin' son!

loveasale · 23 November 2012 at 8:26PM

Fizzled, I know what u mean about the MIL having u rather than son!
I'm sorry u are not getting on better than I had hoped, ( I hope and pray that one day soon ill wake up without the constant pain I feel every day)
I sometimes wish my EX was having an affair , that way I'd hate him easier!

loveasale · 24 November 2012 at 2:43PM

Oh dear! Indeed a bit of advice...
In the post today came a letter from son,s school giving notice of a detention he has to attend Tuesday for talking / messing around in class.:mad:
I'm not sure wether to tell EX, last time this happened he went MAD, took mobile , laptop and x-box off son for 2 weeks ( one week was half term ) he streamed and shouted at our son then eventually stormed out for a couple of hours!
So I'm not sure if I tell EX or not, I just can't put myself through the shouting and screaming , and also I think our kids have had a huge upheaval in their lives with Dad leaving last week that I don't want to put any upset or trouble their way for a bit until dust settles ?
My EX won't find out if I don't tell him, the kids are very often doing things after school and staying late, but if I do tell him I'm worried he will near have a mental breakdown! :eek:
I really don't feel happy hiding something from him, but sometimes it's for the best all round?

Brighton_belle · 24 November 2012 at 7:30PM

Make life easier for you and your children OP - just don't tell him. It's hardly a major crime your DS has committed, just usual kid stuff.

pinkshoes · 24 November 2012 at 8:02PM

I'd not tell him about the detention! It's hardly crime of the century. I'd also tell your son that you're not telling his dad, and remind him what happened last time. Perhaps also say that is he gets another detention, you'll have to tell dad, so best try keep his nose clean!

Keeping_Motivated · 24 November 2012 at 9:52PM

I wouldn't tell your ex because I think his reaction was extreme! how is that helping his son, taking everything away and screaming at him? does he ever talk to them, encourage them? If he expects them to behave then he needs to start leading by example as by the sounds of it he could be teaching them to shout and scream etc and I bet my bottom dollar if they behaved like he does he would punish them!!??

Obviously I could be totally wrong but between the lines you seems emotionally scared of him? Do you not feel strong around him or able to challenge him? For example if my husband behaved like that to our son for a detention I would challenge him out of sons earshot.

Hope you feel stronger soon, take care.

loveasale · 24 November 2012 at 10:29PM

Thank you all, I really don't think I will tell him.
KM - no not scared of him , but have had many disagreements with him over our kids, yes I'm all for having rules , but I feel he goes too far over silly things, god knows how he'd react in a real serious situation ! Hence us parting company. Shame , as he really does have a good side , but his anger and moods have taken over!

What a mess:-(

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