after some advice

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  • f.o.d.
    f.o.d. Posts: 69 Forumite
    Good news. I wouldn't worry too much about the bath, a shower is perfectly adequate. Not sure what a wet room is, exactly.

    Just don't let lover-boy move in, or even stay the night, or he'll get his name on the tenancy and you'll be back to square one.
  • cherry123_2
    cherry123_2 Posts: 120 Forumite
    Hi everyone .... well ive done i now have a house of my own took kids up 2day after id got the keys and they were really chuffed to bits .. youngest even started de weeding the garden patio �� and making plans where he is going to store his scooters and bike x x eldest hasnt seen it yet but he will be fine xx
    £365.00 in 365 day challenge = £5.00/£365.00:rolleyes:
  • badmemory
    badmemory Posts: 7,626
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    cherry123 wrote: »
    took kids up 2day after id got the keys and they were really chuffed to bits

    I think this shows that you have made the right decision. Well done!
  • Teapot55
    Teapot55 Posts: 727
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    So pleased for you xx

    would've . . . could've . . . should've . . .


    A.A.A.S. (Associate of the Acronym Abolition Society)

    There's definitely no 'a' in 'definitely'.
  • Primrose
    Primrose Posts: 10,620
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    edited 24 June 2017 at 8:26PM
    Well done. Right decision !
    You haven't said what your partner's reaction has been to this.
    How he reacts will to a large extent show whether he,a going to get to grips and deal with his alcoholism or not.
    He will now realise that refusing to take responsibility for his issues and deal with has serious consequences. Either this will jolt him out of his rut, he will get help and try to turn his life around or he will get angry, try to blame everything on you and slip deeper down into his pit. That is his choice

    If he really does pull himself around I would think very seriously about ever giving up your new home and independence. You will not get a second housing choice if it all falls apart again and yiur children need long term stability,toy which this new home should give them. . Even if you're able to retain some kind of ongoing relationship and he reforms his habits, keep any contact on a separate homes basis.
  • Geoff1963
    Geoff1963 Posts: 1,088 Forumite
    I feel as if I've just read the story of a bird with a broken wing, taking to the sky again. Hearing of beaten private parking charges cheers me up, but this was much better.

    My suggestion to the OP, would be to treat her ex-partner as a new suitor ; to neither rake up old problems, nor give him too much trust. A good analogy is bankruptcy ; where you start again with zero, and have to earn a credit rating.
  • dogcat_2
    dogcat_2 Posts: 21,401
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    Good luck to you all in your new home!

    Just don't let your BF think that's it's also HIS home.....keep him off the tenancy, no keys, keep it as YOUR home...otherwise you're back to square one.
  • Jojo_the_Tightfisted
    Jojo_the_Tightfisted Posts: 27,228
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    edited 25 June 2017 at 10:28PM
    cherry123 wrote: »
    hi
    wonder if i can get some opinions and help. i am living with my partner and my 3 children aged 12 13 17 thing is my partner has a very bad alcohol problem and when he is drunk he is nasty and adbusive, up to now ive just brushed it under the carpet and tried to get on with things. about 2 weeks ago something clicked inside me and i havent spoken to him once unless i needed too. ive been looking for somewhere to live. thing is on monday we had a long talk and he said he had realised just how close to losing us he has come and said he will stop drinking and change and upto now he has. yesterday i got offered a council house of my own as i cant stay where i am as its in his name and im not sure he would sign it over. im now at a loss i want to believe him but the other half of me says he will let me down and ive been through all this already with my childrens dad who passed away from alcoholism. i am so confused x


    Take the house and go. And stay gone. You're single and don't owe him a thing.


    Otherwise it'll be a matter of days/weeks before it's all back to 'normal' because he's succeeded in making you stay/letting him in to mess up your kids' lives as well as yours.

    If he genuinely is the 1 in 10 that has at least a year's sobriety after intensive treatment (the success rate is miserable to say the least), maybe then there's a chance for him to not kill himself - but would you really want to tell your kids after their happiness that the person responsible for your recent times is coming back?


    ETA: he was abusive. That's not the drink - that's something that was in him all along.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.
    colinw wrote: »
    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll :D
  • chesky
    chesky Posts: 1,341
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    Take the house and go. And stay gone. You're single and don't owe him a thing.


    Otherwise it'll be a matter of days/weeks before it's all back to 'normal' because he's succeeded in making you stay/letting him in to mess up your kids' lives as well as yours.

    The OP has already taken the house, has the keys and is moving in. Did you only read the first post?
  • chesky wrote: »
    The OP has already taken the house, has the keys and is moving in. Did you only read the first post?


    Initially, yes :o - but I did go on to emphasise not letting him inveigle his way back in.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.
    colinw wrote: »
    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll :D
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