Money Moral Dilemma: How much board should I charge?

I have a real problem with parents whose first reaction when their child starts earning money is to grab as much of it as possible under the guise of teaching them a 'lesson' - if they still need teaching lessons in their early 20s then that's your failing as a parent!

One of my friend's parents even tried justifying taking half of his wages saying they'd spent a fortune raising him from birth (as if it was his decision to be born and impose himself on them)!

They're only young once, so only charge them what it costs you. Let them enjoy having a bit of money (but encourage them to save some). They'll have plenty of time later on to discover the joys of mortgages, bills etc.

When I got my first job at 18, I had to pay my parents £100 a month out of a take home of £540. I really resented being treated as a lodger in my family home, but my parents explained that they were no longer getting child benefit which was around £80 a month, plus the cost of the food, electricity etc.

I realised my parents were being fair and kept quiet.

Oh my gosh £30 a week when working full time! I paid that whilst doing my A levels and I was earning about £75/week. I would be asking for £50 bare minimum , preferably much more! Pay up or ship out would be my thoughts!!

In my view the damage has already been done, paying for so many of her costs while at university. University is about learning, not just academic subjects, but learning how to grow up (although you do not need to go to grow up, and normally grow up faster if you work rather than go to university). She has had a cushy time at university, and now expects to get the same. I'd discuss a plan with her where she starts paying a small amount, maybe £20 as she wants, but then this increases every couple of months to start to reflect real costs. If she didn't agree, then start changing what she gets, no washing, no clean bed-sheets, no decent food, etc. If she still doesn't realise what real-life costs are, then she should start looking elsewhere. I'd also be expecting her to be saving a lot of the extra money towards a deposit for a house for herself, or towards real-world rent.

Gym membership should not have been much - I assume at university she has been going to the university gym where you pay by year / term, rather than a £30 a month yearly-contract one.

A.Jones wrote: »

Gym membership should not have been much - I assume at university she has been going to the university gym where you pay by year / term, rather than a £30 a month yearly-contract one.

I considered this too- although I note from the OP that the daughter was at university "part time", whatever that means!

Also, what did she do with the other part of her time- did she work?

MDE wrote: »

Some of this money is already committed though, the problem with gym and mobile contracts is you can't just cancel them, they have minimum terms and notice periods etc.

Do you remember when you first started working full time? Was there anything that you really desperately wanted to save up for with your first few months pay?

With the gym and mobile she will have to appreciate what her dad has been paying for. Anyway with gym at say £30 a month and phone contract at approx £30 she still has £155 a week which is more than a lot of people on MSE have that have families.

Yes I wanted a car so I went to the bank and got a loan and it was paid every month before luxuries.
If there is something she wants then perhaps it will take her longer to save for but you can't neglect your bills to buy what you want.

At 18 I moved out into a shared house then into a dingy flat, at one point I had 4 jobs and at 21 bought my own house - throughout I have done it all on my own & never asked or been offered a handout and have become very money savvy because of it.

I agree with your earlier post - some of the damage has already been done with dad paying for so much but that's why she should start taking responsibilty now. Being an adult is hard, managing your money is hard and saying no to things you can't afford is hard but let's face it she's hardly on the breadline is she.