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Comments
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ScorpiondeRooftrouser wrote: »We are not talking about someone who is a bit upset here. We are talking about somebody who says they are genuinely suicidal. Seriously thinking about killing themselves.
If they are not exaggerating then surely it beggars belief that their partner would not be willing to move if they thought it would alleviate this.
While a lot of the comments being made are appropriate to somebody who feels low about having moved house, they are not at all appropriate to someone who is suicidal. The first step should be doing something to ensure that in the short term they are safe and do not act on these impulses, whatever it takes.
I would disagree. If someone says I am suicidal, that does not mean you should do whatever they want.
They may not be in the right frame of mind and hence not be thinking rationally. A partner who does what ever the other wants because they use 'I am suicidal' is treading a very dangerous and unhealthy relationship.
The OP needs professional help, not strangers on the internet.
Other examples are give me x £ or I will commit suicide. See where this is going???
Perhaps is suffering some sort of acute adjustment disorder, either way they need professional help, not their partner to move straight away. Lets say he does, he loses his job, can't find another when he moves back, spiralling debt kicks in, partner leaves, tell me how is that any better for the op?"It is prudent when shopping for something important, not to limit yourself to Pound land/Estate Agents"
G_M/ Bowlhead99 RIP0 -
I know what your going through. I moved to the countryside 23 years ago and whilst I thought it was what I wanted at the home, I am know selling up to get back to civilization. I have a relative who wont even visit here because its too quiet! You wont get used to it ,Its the way we are wired.I cant say I have been that happy here ,.It has even influenced the holidays I take. I go to City Breaks now,ust for the buzz.
Hope you get back on track0 -
I would disagree. If someone says I am suicidal, that does not mean you should do whatever they want.
They may not be in the right frame of mind and hence not be thinking rationally. A partner who does what ever the other wants because they use 'I am suicidal' is treading a very dangerous and unhealthy relationship.
The OP needs professional help, not strangers on the internet.
Other examples are give me x £ or I will commit suicide. See where this is going???
Perhaps is suffering some sort of acute adjustment disorder, either way they need professional help, not their partner to move straight away. Lets say he does, he loses his job, can't find another when he moves back, spiralling debt kicks in, partner leaves, tell me how is that any better for the op?
You seem to have missed the part of the sentence that said "if they thought it would alleviate this", as that invalidates everything you have said.
I have spent most of this thread, including the post you quoted, trying to make the point that you expressed as though it was in disagreement with me. I really don't know what to say to you.0 -
While I'm sure your contribution is genuine and kindly meant, I'd suggest that your exile in the countryside, lasting 23 years, indicates your situation isn't exactly dire.I know what your going through. I moved to the countryside 23 years ago and whilst I thought it was what I wanted at the home, I am know selling up to get back to civilization.
Many people move to the country and fail to connect. I have barn conversions near me that are forever changing hands. Those folk are never seen in the village or at village events, so there's little chance that they'll make local contacts and friends. With the inconvenience of being at least 10 miles from a proper supermarket, let alone B&Q or trendy shops, they probably wake up one morning and think, "Why I am I here?"
Good question!
But that's not what the OP is experiencing. He suggests the move might only be temporary, yet still feels very upset and unwell.
I hope you succeed in getting back to "civilzation." Perhaps people define that word differently, as I find a low level of noise, crime, and materialism very pleasant and civilised, compared with my busy old life in the city. However, I still enjoyed that, in its time.
I'd also agree with another poster who said it takes some years to feel really at home with the change from city to country.0 -
Which probably says quite a bit about you, but not the place you live - especially after living there for so long.I am know selling up to get back to civilization.
Living in the countryside isn't for everybody, but it isn't inferior to living in a town/city - it is just different. A lot of countryside dwellers would regard their homeplace to be far more civilised than the average town or city. And I live in a town myself.
Yes, well.....I have a relative who wont even visit here because its too quiet!"In the future, everyone will be rich for 15 minutes"0 -
Which probably says quite a bit about you, but not the place you live - especially after living there for so long.
Living in the countryside isn't for everybody, but it isn't inferior to living in a town/city - it is just different. A lot of countryside dwellers would regard their homeplace to be far more civilised than the average town or city. And I live in a town myself.
A lot of countryside dwellers have a GIANT carbon footprint unless they live sustainability off the land, so not always as "civilised" as it might appear.0 -
A lot of countryside dwellers have a GIANT carbon footprint unless they live sustainability off the land, so not always as "civilised" as it might appear.
I guess it depends on what you see as 'civilised'.
My next door neighbour has been here for years, claims to like village life and living here but moans incessantly about lack of mains drainage and mains gas. Which she must have known about when she bought the house... she also doesn't like having to keep the stream maintained and complains about people hanging out washing and hedges/verges not being tidy.
I hated living in the city. It made me feel unwell - not to the extent the OP does, but I found it noisy, claustrophobic and dirty. I spent every weekend visiting family and friends in the country, and when I couldn't get away was depressed and unhappy. No suicidal thoughts but certainly stressed and weepy.
Moving resolved some issues, but as several people have pointed out, you need to get to the underlying problem as to WHY the location makes you so unhappy. It is unlikely to be the house/location alone, but these may have triggered something else. Moving won't make things perfect, and it won't make you a different person. However, a different environment may well make a huge difference.0 -
wantonnoodle wrote: »I would beg to differ. I had a subscription with Headspace.com for a few months while I was struggling with stress last year, and wouldn't hesitate to recommend it. The guy who does it (Andy I think) has a really relaxing voice, and is a practicing Buddhist monk.
There is a free "Take 10" series, and if you complete this and take out a subscription, there are specific mindfulness exercises for different scenarios.
Don't criticise it until you've tried it. There have been several times when I've had episodes of mild depression/anxiety (I'm a natural born worrier) and sometimes taking some time out to focus on me and the here and now, rather than everything around me has stopped me from progressing to the point of needing to see someone for professional help. I am fully aware that a lot of cases are a lot more serious and complex, however I feel that with mental health problems, it is well worth trying every option available to you, whether that be talking, reading or listening to/participating in guided meditations.
I really hope you find the help you need and find some inner peace soon.
I would suggest that you will find a deeper experience by learning some meditation techniques and then unplugging from phones/TV etc. and spending time in a place of nature while you do the mindfulness exercises. Guided meditation on CD`s/Apps or whatever is powerful but the stillness of nature is more powerful IMO.0 -
A lot of countryside dwellers have a GIANT carbon footprint unless they live sustainability off the land, so not always as "civilised" as it might appear.
I guess you're right.... if you judge the level of civilisation on size of carbon footprint. Though most people see a greater level of civilisation as equating to greater carbon footprint.
People living in the country tend to consider civilised as knowing who your neighbour's neighbour is, being able to trust people, not having problems like them parking in 'your spot', having community events, looking out for the elderly and vulnerable and noticing if their curtains haven't been drawn for a couple of days, the kids being able to walk to the shop on their own, calling the police if someone suspicious is in your neighbour's garden, being able to leave something in your garden without it being stolen, not constantly worrying if all your doors and windows are locked.
But everyone has their own opinions of course.
"In the future, everyone will be rich for 15 minutes"0 -
I guess you're right.... if you judge the level of civilisation on size of carbon footprint. Though most people see a greater level of civilisation as equating to greater carbon footprint......
There is a nice map here for people looking for a really civilised country to visit:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_carbon_dioxide_emissions_per_capita#/media/File:CO2_per_capita_per_country.png0
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