Renovations and Repayments II: New Year, New Start, New Diary.

AlexLK · 1 February 2018 at 8:44PM

Karmacat wrote: »

Beautifully put. My sister was a teacher for many years, at a very expensive private school, and knew that the children she found out were out late (blended families that weren't very blended, for example) were going to have trouble. And they did. I mention the expensive school because its not a "class" issue, its a childhood issue, that can strike anywhere.

That's my other reason for not liking things as they are. I don't think disturbed sleep is good for him.

PositiveBalance wrote: »

Fair points about Master LK's bedtime, Alex. Your parents seem very concerned about the type of school your son attends but less so about whether he is receptive to learning or not due to tiredness when he gets there.

I'm sure your parents will try to get you to visit after he has gone to bed or something else, but you're also a child in their eyes so you need your sleep as well!

(I feel a bit mean saying that but don't worry - all families have their problems, mine included!)

My parents don't even consider such things, PositiveBalance. When I do try to say my goodbyes and walk away I get the "you don't care about us" guilt trip. Think I just need to put up with that now, to be honest.

:rotfl: No need to feel mean, that's exactly how they see me.

edinburgher wrote: »

I refuse to let anyone interfere with DD's bedtime. We have had to turn down many invitations and reschedule events accordingly. We have made the odd exception for family parties or visiting friends where she will happily bunk down with her toddler pals for a few hours, but it's our choice. 20:00 sounds very disciplined - I struggle to get a 2-year-old down for then!

When we're here I'm very disciplined about it. If he's not asleep it's not the end of the world but he must be in his room and asleep for 9.00pm. I often have things to do and my wife doesn't want to be disturbed. If I don't have things to do I usually read to him for quite a while. I think that will likely stop soon, though as going through a phase of wanting a bit more independence.

AlexLK · 1 February 2018 at 8:50PM

Karmacat wrote: »

With the range of toddlers and small children I've known, I've found that once children go to school, there's a lot more discipline about bedtime, there has to be - a two year old can easily sleep or nap at any time, but a 5 or 6 year old will be strongly dissuaded from doing that

I went to school at the age of 4, as a favour to my mum as she had a new baby and I was desperate to go to school with my brother - I fell asleep into my dinner, just like you see nowadays with kittens on youtube

That's made me smile.

Very true re. greater flexibility pre-school. However, I've always been strict about it. Probably a fair bit of paranoia about the potential of him developing sleep problems has made me disciplined. Things have gradually got to where they are with my parents and their expectations of me visiting / staying / listening to them talk on the 'phone on a regular basis. It is annoying.

newgirly · 1 February 2018 at 9:49PM

I just don't know what to say, what do you mean you are told to stay for the night? Most people wouldn't put up with that as teenagers let alone as married adults with a child. Why don't you stand up to them Alex?

You are clearly capable of making the right decisions for your family but are still letting your parents undermine and dictate to you what suits them best. That's not in the best interests of you or more importantly your son.

Red-Squirrel_2 · 1 February 2018 at 11:22PM

Honestly Alex, your parents make me furious! They've done such a job on your self esteem that even though you're a man in your thirties with a wife and a young son you still do what you're told by them, even when its to the detriment of your own family!

You don't need an excuse not to stay, its not normal to stay over at your parent's/grandparent's/in-laws house multiple times during the week, especially in term time! You have your own home, that's where you and your son have your beds and where you sleep.

I'd remove all the toothbrushes, pyjamas, school uniform etc. asap.

Bluefire · 2 February 2018 at 1:31PM

It seems to me that a lot of this is to do with getting you to stay over. The conversations that drag on for hours, the guilt trips when you try to say goodbye, all the while knowing your reluctance to disturb your son's sleep & that there's school supplies in the house so there isn't that excuse to go.

It's no good Alex. The only people who seem to want things to be this way are your parents. Your wife isn't happy about being there. Your son doesn't particularly like your parents & is even quite scared of them. All things you've said before. Yet they're both forced to spend time there, your son in particular. As a child I can hardly recall spending more than a couple of hours on a visit with my grandparents unless it was a day trip somewhere, never mind entire evenings & overnights in the middle of a school week!

Aside from all that, these visits do you no good. The daily negativity is bound to affect your mood, your sleep, which as you know filters down to everything else, work, relationships, your entire life.

AlexLK wrote: »

Think I just need to put up with that now, to be honest.

You don't. Everyone here is telling you that you don't. You say things have gradually gotten this way, it's up to you to make sure that they gradually get back to the point at which things work for you & your family. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your son.

AlexLK · 2 February 2018 at 8:37PM

Thanks all.

Need to get my sleep back on track and manage my parents more effectively. They're going to Spain next week - think I'm looking forward to the break more than they are.

Strange day today working on a project my wife is also working on (I didn't know this). Get to the site meeting to be told we're waiting for a few people, Project Manager tells me I'll "like" the Engineer so I say "interesting chap, is he?" to be told the Engineer is a girl. Didn't think anything more of it until Mrs. K. shows up, PM does introductions and my wife says "we need no introductions". PM asks if we both know each other. :rotfl: Anyway, went for lunch with Mrs. K. after the meeting, so had a really good work day, apart from a few people saying a few crude things about my wife before we 'met'.

Need to work out some February goals, including a realistic saving goal for the month as I'd like to see £1,500 saved but not 100% sure it's doable.

beanielou · 2 February 2018 at 9:27PM

Small world and all that :rotfl:
Have a good weekend.

AlexLK · 3 February 2018 at 1:22AM

Tried going to bed at the same time as my wife but couldn't sleep.

Thanks, Beanie.

It was quite bizarre but nice to see she is well regarded. They have a laugh and a joke but every technical question was directed her way, everything implemented without any further consideration that she recommended. Probably sounds ridiculous but I spent the entire meeting in awe of their respect for her as it did concern me whether or not her clients had the same level of respect for her as her colleagues (she's the only female in her company and I should have guessed there was a fair chance of her turning up there are very few females doing the job in general, just didn't piece things together). Really proud of her as it couldn't have been as easy for her when she was starting out.

Anyhow, February goals...

Financial
Save /£1,500
Sell /£4,000
Food budget /£450

Life
Meat free days /10
Alcohol free days 2/28
Books /3
Sort my sleep habits out (again)

Work
Keep the computer organised
Keep learning
Journal

Karmacat · 3 February 2018 at 10:10AM

That's brilliant, Alex :j:j:j did your wife know that *you* were going to be there?

AlexLK · 4 February 2018 at 12:20AM

Apparently not, Karmacat.

Had a brilliant day with my wife, son and dog today. We've been out all day: walked a few miles, had a cafe lunch and spent time together. No parents, no 'phone calls, no visits.

Renovations and Repayments II: New Year, New Start, New Diary.

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