Bereft and Broken

Hi Swash - thank you for calling in! I can relate to feeling depressed/anxious for most of my adult life too. It is scary isn't it what we have to put up with it, but most of us fortunately do come out the other side. The biggie for me is DS - I could have lost him when he was younger so many, many times. I thought I had dealt with all the rubbish life could throw at me when I was suffering from depression and chronic fatigue in my 20's but motherhood is a different kettle of fish. Spending hours in relative's rooms while your baby has yet another life-saving operation really puts things in perspective. So I know that I will get through all this 'carp' that life is throwing at me now. And yes, I totally agree - there is always a way out of the dark days xx

Thistle-down - thank you for stopping by and I'm glad you enjoyed your break away (caught up on your diary!). I have the menopause to look forward to unfortunately. The Dr says I am in the early stages and to be honest I have to agree. At times I suddenly get the overwhelming urge to shout at someone (or punch them if it's the OH :rotfl:) And then it disappears as quickly as it came. Perhaps I should take up karate or something. Oh and the hot flushes have already started - now they're something else. I've never been on Prozac. I was on the same anti-depressant for 10 years that began with an 'S'. I'm not being cryptic here - I just can't remember what it was! But I felt so much better in myself when they finally took me off it. I'm now on Citalopram along with the anxiety tablets. They don't seem to be doing any harm.

Now EM - I do consider myself told off! You make me laugh - I shall carry the thought of being a 5 year old starting school around with me! Thank you for that - I am having a good day but that has topped it. I love it.

Yes Mum is able to travel actually although not always. She shattered her hip last year and now waddles like a penguin bless her (when she is able to waddle - some days are not so good). She can't drive but is willing to get on a train if she can. We don't have any room for her at the moment though - if she does stay, poor DS has to sleep on a lilo in our room while Mum has his room. It's my aim while I am off work (if I can) to clear the 'eBay' room as OH calls it. It's basically a junk filled box room but would accommodate a bed. A baby mural covering one whole wall (when I can find it) does serve as a reminder that it was once indeed used as a bedroom by DS and so can be one for Mother too in the future. She'll probably moan about the size but you know what? Right now I don't care. I really think the increased dose of anxiety pills may be working as I am beginning to enjoy a don't care attitude to some of the more annoying problems of life on a more frequent basis recently.

OH has found himself having to contribute a lot more recently. Pre LBM I regularly whacked stuff on credit cards, including food and petrol. And as such OH was unaware of any financial problem I may have had. Now, although I haven't told him about the debts I am making him aware that my money does not go quite as far as he once thought it did. He seems perplexed bless him by this change in my coffers but puts it down to me not having sold any items on eBay recently. He seems satisfied with his own explanation and has actually opened his wallet a little more than usual!

My lists are all over EM - phone, bits of paper, computer, tablet. In fact I need a list to remind me what lists I'm working from!

No new news to report today other than I have managed a little more eBay listing from the 'eBay' room. In uncovering stuff to sell I have unearthed a hopefully rare book (first edition Agatha Christie 1940)? Although the condition is questionable, I shall have to do a little research to find out what it may be worth. Oh and nearly forgot - a letter came to advise I paid PPI to the tune of just over £300 on my first ever loan back in the early 1990's. No idea if it's too late to try and claim it back but they sent me a claim form so worth a try).

xx